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Limerick Poems
Poem Details | by J. Summers |
Categories: humorous, ireland,

Green Beer

An Irishman from out in Dubuque
Drank green beer till he started to puke.
He came home all plastered,
His wife said you bastard,
Sobriety for you is a fluke.

L. Milton Hankins Limerick contest

Poem Details | by John lawless |
Categories: drink, ireland,

Guinness Finesse - 2

His drink the black beauty foaming and thick
toasting St Patrick until he gets sick
then off to the loo
he knows what to do
cuz ya can't teach an old dog a new trick


Poem Details | by Rico Leffanta |
Categories: word play,

In the Cards

I was moved by the crack of Dawn
And could see she had nothing on
A little peek
A little sneak
A Straight Flush beats carrying-on!

Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: addiction,

The Happiest Fat Guy

A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand That's the kind of diet this old guy has planned Probably won't lose But with no taboos I'll be the happiest fat guy who continues to expand

Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: giggle,

Bad Words

Never test the water with BOTH feet To feel the temperature or if it's too deep One foot at a time For testing the brine If it's over your head, bad words you'll bleep

Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: depression,

Like A Machine Gun

That moment when you think it'll be a silent fart And it comes out like a machine gun gives your heart a start Knocking down strangers Not realizing the danger Turning their hair white and creating a new part

Poem Details | by Linda Fowler |
Categories: celebration, fun, funny, giggle, humor, humorous,

Stupor Snore

Saint Patrick slept in stupor self-imposed
in the back of the pub with the door closed
	they sang out for him
	to silence the din
but he snuggly snored on indisposed

LIMERICKS in honor of St. Patrick's Day Poetry Contest 
Sponsored by: L MILTON HANKINS

Poem Details | by L MILTON HANKINS |
Categories: humorous, tribute,


Once there was a young lad from Aberdeen 
Whose knees were the knobbiest ever seen. 
	He bought himself a kilt, 
	Wore the kilt without guilt 
He kept his bony knees kilt-worthy clean.

Poem Details | by Rico Leffanta |
Categories: giggle,

Saint David Day

It is strange the Church did not care
The statue of David is bare
For women to see
A Saint he could be
With so little that he could share!

Poem Details | by Justin Abdool |
Categories: beach, body, desire, hope, horror, sun, sunshine,

The Indoor Host

There once lived an indoor host
Who was ashen as a ghost

So he had this plan
To get a nice tan

But the sun burnt him like toast!

Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: children,


You're only young once, but can always be immature As long as you live, trust me, I know this to be fact for sure I'm a prime example A perfect sample Of immaturity, you can surely be assured

Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: cry,

Kamikaze Pilots

One of the mysteries in the history of man Kamikaze pilots wearing helmets, I don't understand To live and to die For the Emperor, they cry Unimaginable to us but for the glory of Japan

Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: peace,

A Worldwide Peace Jamboree

The world is corrupt, why can't we see Our time here is limited, tolerance is the key Too many have have died Need to live side by side Let's all join a worldwide peace jamboree

Poem Details | by Caren Krutsinger |
Categories: fun,

Photos with Boob Flashers

Crazy and sixty, Sam jazzed up his tone.
It’s Fat Tuesday, yet he is all alone.
Hat with feathers
Plaid not leathers 
Boob flashers captured him on their I-phones.

Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: humor,

You Don't know Jack

When King Lion met Jack Kangaroo,
quite a struggle ensued at the zoo.
Leo tried to attack,
but Jack fired then right back:
"Are you crazy, Cat? I know Kung Fu!"

Submitted March 1, 2021
for L Milton Hankins' Limericks In Honor Of St. Patrick's Day Poetry Contest

Poem Details | by Gershon Wolf |
Categories: celebrity, kiss, new york,

Andrew and Mario

Cuomos goose up New York's scenario
Today Andrew; yesterday, Mario --
  They think they're ladies' men
  Each one a 'real gem' --
Andrew's the unlucky lothario

Poem Details | by Janice Canerdy |
Categories: drink, holiday,

Green Masks for a Safe Holiday

A brew-loving guy from Kilkenny
is mad! His wife spent their last penny--
on green beer in a cask?
No! For each, a green mask.
Oh, that thirsty, masked guy from Kilkenny!

February 28, 2021
Contest Title: Limericks in Honor of St. Patrick's Day

Poem Details | by Wren Rushing |
Categories: political,

The Gold Standard

The king of New York known as Andy,
the media once thought he was dandy.
He fell in a slump, 
blamed it on Trump.
Seems that excuse comes in quite handy.


Poem Details | by Daisy Ward |
Categories: fun, humorous,


Her computer had a spy bug
So, she pulled it from the wall plug
She disassembled it quick
Then used a new trick
Giving the system a debug tug

Poem Details | by Daisy Ward |
Categories: fun, humorous,


The man’s rent was overdue
Causing his face to turn blue
He got fake money and paid
Then was caught in a raid
Now, serving time and making brew

Poem Details | by Daisy Ward |
Categories: fun, humorous,


The girl spilled a box of salt
Then had a terrible thought
The spill meant bad luck
Suddenly, she was struck
By a truck carrying a large bank vault

Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: anxiety,

Send Me Out To Pasture

Pushed the wrong button, lost a bunch of stuff Unable to recover, disappeared in a puff Stuff, quite unique Such havoc I wreak Send me out to pasture, this geezer has had enough

Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: fun,

Ye Ole Heart

f you wait long enough, things will surely start clicking Your elbows, your knees and your eyes will start flicking You'll bump into doors Trip on things on the floor But everything's okay as long as ye ole heart keeps on ticking

Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: silly,

Ten Hours Sleep

We all need at least ten hours sleep To wake up all bouncy with a cheep cheep cheep Ready for the day Ready to sashay Like a ballet dancer through the air I'll leap

Poem Details | by Rico Leffanta |
Categories: giggle,

Mary Wanna

Cannabis sativa decreed
But people like to call it, "weed"
It smokes so hot
Some call it "pot"
And I know where your dog just peed

Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: anxiety,

Thick As A Brick

What is a limerick... this is a limerick! Don't understand, is this some kind of a trick? I'll repeat it slower Perhaps when you're sober Sometimes you can be as thick as a brick!

Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: fun,

A Pair Of Boobies

Think there's a bunch of dudes walking round Traveled from space, their ship never found Saw a picture of Charlize Got trembling knees Uttered, “khsxlauihlhqwxzcbbsqgwydwiujcnjbx” (Loosely translated; A nice pair of boobies abound)

Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: fun,

Scream Like A Banshee

What makes us male guys go totally loopy Eyeballing young females with a cute little booty There ain't nuttin' finer Makes us growl like a tiger Or scream like a banshee while ogling these cuties

Poem Details | by Kai Michael Neumann |
Categories: culture,

Sharp Response

Cupid thought she was rather blunt

when he surveyed her bottom and front

she defiled with a razor

after wielding a taser

incised his stupid macho affront

27th February 2021

Poem Details | by Rico Leffanta |
Categories: dog,

Cry Key

When Lady Gaga's French bulldogs
Stoked half-a-million squealing hogs
The canine corps
Knocked on her door
With countless tails like pollywogs . . . .

Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: cheer up,

Accused Of Being A Flirt

Been accused of being a flirt, that's not my style When I compliment a waitress along with a smile No harm, no foul I'm not on the prowl Just trying to brighten this fillies' day for a while

Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: friendship,

A Sea Of Heartfelt Emotions

Have I told you lately the fun I'm having In this sea of heartfelt emotions I'm splashing What would I do Without all of you My world would be empty and devoid of laughing

Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: love,

Love's Aroma

Must keep writing, got much to relive It's easy just to say, “got no more to give!” As long as I'm sniffing Love's aroma I'm wishing If I ramble on incoherently, please do forgive

Poem Details | by Justin Abdool |
Categories: anxiety, boat, courage, fear, funny, sea, voyage,

The Sunken Ship

There once stood a ship explored
Sunk at sea but was restored

But people were scared
And nobody dared

When they would say, "all aboard!"

Poem Details | by Justin Abdool |
Categories: animal, bird, drink, fear, food, funny, horror,

The Man Who Ate Duck

There once was a man named Buck
Who ate a morsel of duck

He started to cough
Then took a huge quaff

Cause his wife forgot to pluck!

All Limericks