A woman crying, was looking around.
It appears that she lost one hundred pound,
so I think it is fair
that I show her I care -
I gave her ten from the hundred I found.
Any pretty woman turned his head
He liked them all so it is said
Then one day to his surprise
They no longer caught his eye
His sexual desire totally died
There once was a woman named Linda
Who would keep a clean hacienda
Till four children she bore
And then bore she one more...
She now has a different agenda!
Cross eyed woman had a nasty fall
after running into a brick wall
she was hit over the head
with a big loaf of bread
while trying to play basketball
Copyright Cynthia Jones
She’s as dry as a woman can be
No longer wet from dribbling wee
She’s got 'Tom' in her pants
She can run, she can dance
No more leaks, she is now so carefree
30th March 2015
A randy old fella named Jack
Always went sleep on his back
His todger would rise
Right up to the skies
It’s only a woman he’d lack!
21st March 2016
I was concerned for my closest mate Gus,
He had problems he needs to discuss,
It’s a woman Gus said,
It’s the one that you wed...
I’ve heard she’s been cheating on us.
Jan's spouse said she's gilding the lilies
For treating herself to new frillies
All the neighbours got hot
When they saw what she bought
And that really gave Jan the willies!
Today, I got into a Polite Fight
Over the last Wonder Woman night-light
"Oh, its yours," I insisted,
She demurred, I resisted,
Until I gave in and let her be right!
I know a woman who pees
with every succulent sneeze
It gets on her hose
and also on those
things hanging down to her knees!
*Jan - I'll bet you've got a photo on file which would go with this
A woman named Polly wouldn't yield,
though grown men wanted to plow her field.
“Without a ring you will fail.
I've thrown big stones in your trail.
My field now has a chastity shield.”
Snow White took an unladylike bite
of a big red apple polished bright
she snoozed quite a while
he kissed her with guile
and they shared an afternoon delight
There was a woman who had a birthday
No age would she ever give away
Everyday she ate bran
Now regular on the can
A strong odor she did display.
There once was a woman named Tracy
Who wore clothes that were a bit racy
Till she got drunk in a club
And was mistaken for grub
By the wolves who thought her quite tasty!
She is a deliciously smart gal,
For each and everyone's her pal.
Be it in the brownie or cake,
Or the icy cold milk shake.
She sure can change everyone's morale!
A pretty Welsh girl in Caerphilly
Was invited to play ball with Willie
One kick to his ball
Caused Willie to fall
So she thought the game was quite silly!
An ancestor known as, "Miss Lottie"
Was a New York socialite "hottie"
To her lasting disgrace
She slapped Paul Revere's face
When he invited her to the p-ah-ty
I had a Head Nurse that was just born mean
The ugliest woman I'd ever seen
A voice like sharp ice
Never could be nice
She made old Nurse Ratchet seem like a queen
Here lies a woman of hedonist fame,
her Je ne sais quoi had no restrain.
Any man who proposed
found her not so disposed
and never could find her again!
My bigotry festered and grew
then out of control it just blew
but I just couldn't see
since you're different from me
surely I must be different from you
(A kneejerk reaction poem about the man who abused then
tore the Hijaab off a Muslim woman on a local train , last weekend)
Though her reign has had rarely a flaw,
England’s queen once or twice dropped her jaw.
She’s enjoyed a long life
As both mother and wife.
Not so much as a mother-in-law!
For the Long Live the Queen Contest of Judy Konos
The old woman in the shoe scandal
who had those kids, too much to handle
Now that they are full grown
and she is home alone,
she'll down-size to a sandal.
Limerick : Once a Tennis Woman named Sue Baule
Once a Tennis Woman named Sue Baule
Tried to avoid being called : « Screw Ball ! »
So she got her haïr cut
In the shape of a snout
Since at French Open gets dubbed : « Screwed Doll ! »
© TWignesan – Paris, 2013
A stunning woman, so beautiful and polite,
But causing concern, I'm thinking twice,
My girl puts my credit card to much use
Tantamount to severe financial abuse,
Although, I do enjoy her other vice.
Did you know that Chicken Little was not a man but a woman?
She wanted to always to feel like a part of someone's finest fan
Her fully rounded rump
Sure kept mighty frump
Now Chicken Little might think she's a figment of a con-man.
Written: July 15, 2015