As soon as we got to the county fair
The country odor got through my nose hair
Coz above some milk pails
We encountered cow tails
Which filled our senses with their dairy-air
That he planned his funeral is factual
And being a prankster quite actual
He prerecorded his voice
So when we kneeled on the joist
He said, "Hi there! Don't I look natural."
A UFO went to land in Dakota
But the brakes didn't work one iota.
It didn't take long
to decide what was wrong
seems the space ship was made by Toyota!
They said how she ate was absurd;
A "Fatso", they called her she heard,
And ever since then
That poor, baby wren
Just pecked at her food like a bird.
Contest: Any Animal or Creature Limerick
A struggle ensued at the zoo
when King Lion met Jack Kangaroo.
Leo tried to attack,
but Jack fired right back:
"Are you crazy, Cat? I know Kung Fu!"
For Geraldine Taylor's The Creative Collective Anthology Series - Comic Version
Forget to brush; must maintain that gleam
Run to sink, grab a tube, no light stream
Such an odd taste in my mouth
Quickly I must spit it out
Oh, dear Lord, it’s Dad’s hemorrhoid cream!
(Sadly, a true story)
While campaigning among South American civilians
he got news of the death of three Brazilians
He said he was vexed
then he asked quite perplexed
just how many is a brazillion?
On this tropical beach, one hot summer day
Jim the Trim came, his bod to display
Been workin’ out day and night
Made the girls' eyes burn bright
Next, he's running from muscles that sashay
KIM PATRICE NUNEZ
10 April 2015
An outdoor wedding, no sign of rain
The bride’s gown had a 10-foot train
Crossing the lawn to her bequeathed
Fido snatched the train in his teeth
And Pop watched eight grand go down the drain
My Tomcat drives me up the walls
On neighbourhood kitties he calls
Sired more than one kitten
With sex he is smitten
He’s gonna be losing his balls!
A Funny or Bawdy Limerick Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Tania Kitchin
Butterflies have the quietest wings
Defying the weight of their flutterings
Your red face has shown
What you did not want known
Your fight to keep them from escaping
Writing Challenge, October - Butterfly -
Sponsor, Dear heart - Wiishkobi Ode
There is a very cunning ham named Tom
Pens side-splitting limericks with aplomb
When Soupers are down
Tom removes their frowns
And their funny bones explode like a bomb
We love you, Tom!
While a man was golfing in Fife
a funeral cortege was arife,
his head bowed in prayer
at this somber affair
to pay last respects to his wife!
Sweet and Sour hectic sign
Love me, trust me, the stars align
Balance of truth and dare
Good and Evil, full of care
Blind when it comes to blood line
Pythagoras once fell off a ladder
And landed on a venomous adder
This adder couldn't add
Calculus made it sad
Algebra and theorems made it madder.
there once was an old witch whose pies
were unique in flavor and size
she delighted her covens
when she opened her ovens
with dozens of old crusty guys.
Her Soup name we know as PD
Her REAL name is Linda you see
And Irma as well
Trevino! I yell
From my rooftop...Can’t hear me? (Poor me)
For a very special and loyal friend...
Have I jealousy of my dear mate?
I don’t think I have any, but wait!
I sure wish I could pee
in the wood near a tree
like my husband does, standing up straight!
For Line Gauthier's Funny Limerick Contest
Their once was a girl in love
She knew he was sent from above
They danced, they sing they did everthing
But then he deflated in the tub
When the Doctors exam was through
he said I got good news and bad news its true
You've chosen the worst
to hear about first
they're gonna name this disease after you!
Run, jump, scream, duck, dodge and leap
Try to stay on your running feet
Honey in the hive
The bees are alive
Run, jump, scream, don't fall and leap!
There once was a ninja named Dwight
who sneaked in my bedroom one night.
Bumping into my bed,
when he saw me, he said,
"I'd do better in here with some light!"
For the 'ALL YOURS (Jun 19)' Poetry Contest of Brian Strand
Any pretty woman turned his head
He liked them all so it is said
Then one day to his surprise
They no longer caught his eye
His sexual desire totally died
There once was a raven haired Shrink
who had orange Juice Tequilas to drink
while her scarlet souled Beau
sucked her tinted red Toe
and she paled when he tickled her Pink.
At the computer sits Dickie McDuff
Searching a password that isn't too tough
With a cocky demeanor
He types in 'mywiener'
And the computer says "Not long enough!"