There once was a woman named Linda
Who would keep a clean hacienda
Till four children she bore
And then bore she one more...
She now has a different agenda!
The scissors are beaten by the rock
Man made steel has been left in shock
Now the rock has been beat
By a flimsy light sheet
The winning paper is where our words talk
In flagranti with an unknown lover
Sprang apart from underneath the cover
How his wife she did shout
Now his secret was out -
His hidden lover was her own mother!
4th March 2015
There is my sweet Aunt Mabel
sitting across the table
ever since her divorce
she eats like a horse
so we put her up in a stable
Got married, my surname’s now Cotton,
Our baby’s name can’t be forgotten,
We called her ‘ Polly Esther’
(I’m considered a jester)
My family thought we were rotten!
My family is temperamental..half temper..half mental
Some days both apply, but I try not to be judgemental
We should all try to get along
But at times relief's prolonged
When the pot boils over, temper and mental are coincidental
Men measure life by the number of beers
Women measure life by the flow of tears
It is when the dad farts
His wife moans in her heart
Because her own children laugh and cheer
Edward J Ebbs - October 11, 2011
My drunken old aunty’s in jail,
She murdered a man for his ale,
And although she is bad,
I suppose she is mad
She isn’t allowed out on bail.
For Judy’s Relatives contest
Never ever had a family doctor for most of my life
But since becoming an old fart, now I never ever think twice
A pain in my lower regions
Or my neck or some unknown adhesions
Off I toddle, don't rely on the roll of the dice
© Jack Ellison 2015
There once was a girl by the name Joy
who got joy whenever she'd annoy
Her poor little brother
she swapped for another
Now; him, too, she would love to destroy.
There once was a young man named Dan,
Who married a woman named Anne.
Three kids plus one more,
Males a total of four,
Now it's Dan and Anne and their clan.
(written in honor of my son Daniel and family)
The Easter egg hunt was a blast,
With everyone running quite fast
Confetti in our hair
Not to mention underwear
Let's hope that dye isn't cast.
There once was a man that was lackluster
Who's life was one giant cluster
Writes a suicide note
He slits his throat
Blank stares are all his family can muster
I wish I could be a fly on the wall,
When my poor old mother gets the phone call,
“He’s here at the bar
Quick bring us your car,
Your husband just got in a brawl”
Donald Trump opposes abortion
The President favors extortion
"We must keep them dumb
And under out thumb
To grope the greatest proportion"
My favorite shoes in the closet they sit.
I've never worn 'em not even a bit.
Cuz before I was born,
By my Dad they were worn,
I'll not wear them 'til I'm sure they'll fit.
Just for SKAT's contest
I woke up in rapture, when she started to sing.
Naughty whispers in my ears, “Someone’s coming”
My ecstatic view;
A child is due!
Then she continues, “My mother’s visiting”
Mothers are the best
They are like a test
They are very loving
They like a flower budding
The treat us like a fest.
Hiding in mummy's tummy, kicking happily away
I'm kissing you warmly, clapping and singing in play
They say in a few weeks
I'll be able to kiss your new cheeks
I can't wait for the morning I'll lift you in a sway
rip me open, inside out
straddler feeling, he came out
drag me along, make me bleed
fake your love, I don't feed
screams for help , I, the silent grout
There once was a T-Rex named Thor
Who found he couldn't reach for
His family jewels
So improvised "tools" -
That's why all the dinos are saur!
If you judge by the
size of it's feet, the T-Rex
for "Show Me the Funny" contest
We never thought she'd find the right man
Find a more fickle bride if you can..
Poor man hasn't a chance
She's in charge of romance
He stepped into the fire from the pan
Written in haste for the
"Cousins Wedding" contest...
It's a picture of Lucas and me.
We're cuties you have to agree.
The love that we share
with our Mom "Randa Bear",
is in the smile on my face that you see.
Poet: Ralph Taylor 5/2/11
Contest: Brotherly Love
Rich white-collar crooks wearing suits,
street walkers, and rowdy old coots,
bank robbers, dope dealers,
bootleggers, fake healers--
I found while pursuing my roots!
July 15, 2018, entered in Carolyn Devonshire's Limerick contest
I have an old dog named Sweet Pea
More wily than sweet, you’d agree
Who runs the house?
Not me or my spouse
No, our dog, Sweet Pea, the queen bee
* For our little girl, Sweet Pea, after 15 years with us, she is a part of the family.