Gone is the time to fear any omen
bubbling like a city of fine women
fate never assumes
as bad luck so fumes
the hour has come as life says amen.
An obsession with the ladies I'll surely admit
And the sweet sexy smell these sweeties emit
Love every one
Totally come undone
When you touch my parts, it flips my switch
© Jack Ellison 2015
There once was a man named Jude,
who liked to run in the nude.
Women blushed as he ran by,
while the men began to cry,
"Hey Jude! Put some clothes on, dude!"
Quote: "Man is the only animal that blushes or needs to."
For Andrea's Wit of Twain contest
Men measure life by the number of beers
Women measure life by the flow of tears
It is when the dad farts
His wife moans in her heart
Because her own children laugh and cheer
Edward J Ebbs - October 11, 2011
Before the "I do" she must choose
A man that does well in dance shoes
His psyche gives a clue
When employing step two
Ply him to the limit with booze
Women battling the bulge is no surprise
Being looked at on the beach; the ultimate prize
And when the battle they win
It causes a grin
To notice a different bulge in the men's levis.
Donald Trump opposes abortion
The President favors extortion
"We must keep them dumb
And under out thumb
To grope the greatest proportion"
Poor Santa came down with a very bad cold
Thought he might have to put Xmas on hold
But Mrs Clause drove the sleigh
Rudolph laughed all the way
"The best Xmas ever!" so we've been told
Women rock! lol
For Jerry's contest...
A little blue pill called Viagra
helps horny old men in Niagra.
So women beware,
anyone with a pair
is thinking of how he can shag ya.
Limerick: Once a born blind man was promised full sight
Once a born blind man was promised full sight
By an ophthalmologist fully tight
Two slits and dabs all told
Saw in wonderful world –
Beauty Contest: gouged his own eyes outright.
© TWignesan – Paris, 2015
There are so many gorgeous women in the world
How can we choose ONE, that puts us ALL in a whirl
Walk down the street
Many beauties we meet
Wind up with agastopia, my toes they do curl
© Jack Ellison 2015
“agastopia” - admiration of a part of someone's body
It’s not “I’ll do what I can”,
That defines for women, her man
Nor his strength
Nor hair length.
It’s the “you’s”.not me’s”.of his plan
A Woman is never "just a woman"
Helps man turn a house into a home
With sexual desires
To keep your hopes afire
Always will be Queen of your throne.
Penned June 1 2015
I’d like you to meet Muffin Man
And just so you all understand
His name comes from munchin’
And we ain’t talking luncheon
The women all say he sure can
Seeking redemption is seen as the reason for sweet adjectives
prone to behavioral constipation, refusing the laxatives
Sincere actions of love so pregnant
may also give images so poignant
emotions always cloud reasoning from seeing actual motives.
There once was a pris'ner named Randy
who lived up to his name real Dandy
The women he knew
could never be true
for they'd rather have candy than Randy
For Deborah Guzzi's Limerick contest
The woman who dreamt of a spider
Awoke to find it inside her
With a scream and a yell
she thought, " oh! what the hell"
Eight hands, oh my! what a provider
There once was a man on the beach
Hoping for women to meet
To try to look thin
He held his breath in
And passed out dead at their feet.
Most compulsives have never confessed
There are thoughts with which we're obsessed
Our inner vision
Views with great precision
The women our eyes have undressed
Dreamt last night I was king of a land
A paradise filled with gorgeous women and men
Couldn't ask for more
Decreed in an edict, all clothing was banned
Deprived pilgrim wives ruminated
On ways to get hubbies elated:
After Thanksgiving chow
Ogling men hollered “wow!”
As wet-shirted women they rated.
Tom Tom was the son of a piper
But here’s where the story gets riper
His dad, so they say
Could lay pipe night and day
Of his women, there wasn’t a griper
we reach for nothingness
these things we cannot caress
our days never return from their nights
a women never receives her rights
long lives we live in games of chess
To all the women that dumped me over the years
I got something to tell you that will shed tears
When I go down there
I don’t come up for air
Cause I learned to breathe through me ears
I wish that I was born a boy
I’d be blessed with a dangling toy
Women call it a willy
That name is so silly
It’s an item that brings ladies joy
Inspired by contest by Viv Wigley