They said how she ate was absurd;
A "Fatso", they called her she heard,
And ever since then
That poor, baby wren
Just pecked at her food like a bird.
Contest: Any Animal or Creature Limerick
In Aussie-land dwell the marsupials
By night they paint the town connubial
They make them a joey
Named Zoey or Chloe
Neighbors jump for joy indubitable
MrsCat, I'm bringing back your kitten
I'm completely done with baby sittin'
She cried all day
Not worth the pay
And , so sorry, we couldn't find her mitten
For the "Tell Me About It " contest
My unfortunate uncle named Rick
Was endowed with a very small wick
But he was still quite able
To impregnate aunt Mable
Who gave birth to a son they called Dick
2nd April 2017
Got married, my surname’s now Cotton,
Our baby’s name can’t be forgotten,
We called her ‘ Polly Esther’
(I’m considered a jester)
My family thought we were rotten!
Hill, By and Blow - the three Billies brothers
Were constantly fighting each other
Hill was the oldest
Blow was the boldest
By was the baby by another mother
May 5, 2018
Hillbillies, Bybillies and Blowbillies Contest, by Caren Krutsinger
Prince Harry and wife's new son is named Arch
He was born in May instead of in March
He looks kind of cute
In his new white suit
I guess Meghan went easy on the starch
Confessed to creator Geppetto
"Got a fetish, I think you should know
Often I fiddle
‘Round with my middle
Take a look-see how THAT baby grows!"
Sumitted for: Roy Jerden's contest
The vicar surveyed her wide girth
Was scared that in church she’d give birth
He raised his eyebrows
Then rushed through their vows..
He wasn’t adept at childbirth!
Inspired by the poem ‘Decision Needed’ by Maurice Rigoler
13TH April 2016
Once a child with a rattle
Enjoyed crawling around cattle.
Till its mother found out
And to her ex did shout,
Just lost your custody battle.
Hey Son, I wrote this to warn you
In your whole life, many girls are coming through
You might have only girl to love her much over
But you have to remember that do not hurt your mother
She is my only girl too...
A gravid young lady named Prue
Was bursting to go to the loo
She crossed her legs tight
With all of her might
It’s what pregnant ladies go through!
21st June 2016
Hiding in mummy's tummy, kicking happily away
I'm kissing you warmly, clapping and singing in play
They say in a few weeks
I'll be able to kiss your new cheeks
I can't wait for the morning I'll lift you in a sway
‘Damn Liar’! said Hillary to Bill
You told me ‘that girl’ was on the pill
Now she’s got a tum
As big as they come
You're the daddy, now ain’t that a thrill!
22nd May 2015
Got referred to a female Urologist
After which I needed a Psychologist
"I'm a licensed physician
Now resume your position!"
Next appointment? Her sister Proctologist
There once was a dream in my sleep
I was out in the fields with my sheep
I wanted to pee
Let it out with glee
I woke up with in a puddle in my keep.
Your sheer arrogance makes me giggle
Your butt does the cutest wiggle
I really hope you like me
I want to call you baby
Or maybe my little piggle.
CEO Andrew Sykes took a social crash dive
he asked a clerk when her baby would arrive.
"I'm not pregnant!" she exclaimed
her face was red and inflamed.
'Tis a miracle he fled her presence alive.
A baby, pious, was born by aide
He named it Gaias, and felt like a jade
While he cried,
Cause mommy died.
His wife hired yet another maid
Eve, dear Eve, you are such a sweet lady
My heart skips a beat when you write me, oh baby!
I tingle and squirm
And mess up my perm
My thoughts could be considered a wee bit shady!
© Jack Ellison 2015
If I had a shiny new nickel
I'd buy me another dill pickle
My wife thinks she knocked me up
Made me go pee in a cup
But pickle juice came out in a trickle
As this poem was being written,
A small boy appeared to be smitten.
He loved his baby brother,
But then he asked his mother,
‘Please can we swap him for a kitten?’
24th April 2011
A baby that screams on a plane,
Whether tired, unfed or in pain,
Must be calmed at all costs
For when patience exhausts
All the passengers will go insane.
Youngin Greg found an egg
Struck it with his mummy's peg,
Only taking one baby stroke
Out came the gooey yolk
Running down his leg.
It's the happiest time of the year round the world
Moms reading to kids on the couch they're all curled
Bout the very first Christmas
Bout baby Jesus what blissfulness
As the banner of love and freedom is unfurled
© Jack Ellison 2015