Santa came home with a reindeer
And Mrs Claus said with a sneer
‘Did you have to bring
That horny old thing?’
Rudolph said, ‘Madam, he lives here.’
13 December 2021
For: I Need A Good Laugh: Xmas Limerick Contest
Sponsor: Andrea Dietrich
You got a duff gift from your ‘mate’
Too large, in a colour you hate
It simply won’t fit
You’ll never wear it
No nookie mate now you can wait!
A Quintain Christmas - Andrea Dietrich
~awarded 3rd place~
Santa’s little helper felt poorly sick
Couldn’t deliver presents for Saint Nick
His red nose was gleaming
Blue eyes they were streaming
I hope that Santa will give him some Vick
24th December 2014
Upon this very merry Christmas night,
MrsClaus has reason to be uptight,
Not Rudolph’s nose that’s red,
But MrClaus’s instead,
He rides slopes in sleigh with Miss Fanny Bright!
For Christmas Contest
Sponsored by Francine Roberts
Santa's red cap is turning blue
his nose running with Christmas flu
and the Doctor's advice
was "it will be nice,
wrap the gifts with natural glue."
I saw mom and Santa having a chat
She told him he was much too fat
She then grabbed his behind
With eyes closed kissed him blind
Then they both fell on the mat
Holiday Themed Limerick
Sponsored by: Tania Kitchin
N/A for contest
All I want is a Christmas lover
A present that is like no other
His wife gave permission
Under one condition
Just give Santa time to recover
November 19, 2019
Contest ~ Holiday Themed Limerick
Sponsor ~ Tania Kitchin
Count ~ 9, 9, 6, 6, 9
Santa showed signs of the virus
a test was less than desirous
swabs rammed up his nose!
he kept his eyes closed
daydreaming of Miley Cyrus
Poor Rudolph one night hurt his hoof
by landing on somebody’s roof.
I got a good look!
A photo I took,
but lost it! Dang, there goes my proof.
Santa Claus is busy in a Mall
But he will need YOUR help after all
To help meet his goal
Send one lump of coal
So Donald Trump can build his own wall
*SOS= "Save Our Sleigh"
Church Had Us Over Barrel
Church really had us over barrel,
Heard choir sing Christmas carol;
Ended up in danger and imperil.
Imperil means to bring into peril
At Christmas I contracted the flu
From taking the kids to the zoo
The hippos were a wheezing
Ten monkeys were sneezing
Now my temperature’s a hundred and two!
Hic, oh my! hic am drunk again,
My head is spinning with pain.
T-was the demon drink
Caught me on the blink.
Somehow ended up in Spain.
contest A Quintain Christmas
phrase Happy New Year
If no diamonds Ill try not to pout
For that’s not what Christmas is all about
Ill take Zirconium
Though its a Phonyium
But in the bedroom there could be a drought
Just kidding of course...
A Grinch in a hamlet of Whovilles
Stole credit cards, ringing up big bills
Without checking price tags
He murmured, “Bah, Scumbags”
For this is how grinches get their thrills!
*January 3, 2015
Christmas finds reindeer landing on rooftops
Santa’s kindly added some extra stops
His sleigh filled with travelers
Scared of TSA handlers
Scoff as coal through government chimneys drops
*For Francine’s Christmas contest
Holiday goodies, hung round the tree
They are the best you must agree
So did the dog then guess what
Up they all came, steaming hot
Next time just baubles and lights you'll see
At Christmas as always I ate
So much that I put on some weight
New year I must try
To stay off the pie
And next year, well I just can't wait.
A flying reindeer drank much beer
Wanting to be full of Christmas cheer,
When the man in the red suit pulled his rein
He wobbled in the sky with such disdain
He filled poor Santa with fear.
Poor Santa came down with a very bad cold
Thought he might have to put Xmas on hold
But Mrs Clause drove the sleigh
Rudolph laughed all the way
"The best Xmas ever!" so we've been told
Women rock! lol
For Jerry's contest...
On his annual flight about the earth,
Santa continues to expand his girth!
'Tis due to cookies and milk,
And other treats of that ilk,
That he samples from Botswana to Perth!
Robert LHinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(c) All Rights Reserved
When that jolly red man with a sack
brings your wishes to you off the rack,
no late Christmas night
for first frosty light,
warm the car up and take it all back.
Looks like we could have a green Christmas this year
Which is great as long as it snows on that day, d'ya hear
Just that special day
Then melt all away
Let's not go overboard, can't wait for spring to appear
© Jack Ellison 2015
GOD: the goodness of determination,
a standard for better living creation.
to differentiate a civil or wild nation,
for smoothness a better flow no tension,
only patience, belief, trust asks to confirm.
Santa’s Little Helper
At the end of the ride on his sled
with Mrs clause naked in bed
he sought the ice melter
of his little helper
to arouse his surprise from the dead.
submitted to A Quaintain Christmas
sponsor – Andrea Dietrich