Santa came home with a reindeer
And Mrs Claus said with a sneer
‘Did you have to bring
That horny old thing?’
Rudolph said, ‘Madam, he lives here.’
13 December 2021
For: I Need A Good Laugh: Xmas Limerick Contest
Sponsor: Andrea Dietrich
When she gives a cough or a sneeze
Some wee trickles down past her knees
Her knickers are damp
She smells like a tramp
Dashing home so nobody sees
TITLE INSPIRED FROM A COMMENT BY ARTHUR VASO
28th March 2015
There once was a friend of mine,
Who was famed for making wine.
Her visits were great,
As she brought a crate -
But I lost a week each time.
For Francine's Bottle of Wine contest, written 17th June
When at home its often fast food I crave,
might even be leftovers that I saved,
always in a race,
open and shut case,
thank God for my nuke everything microwave!
Our flag makes us proud no matter where we roam
Proud as beavers about this great land called home
A maple leaf is our symbol
An image so simple
Yet so meaningful in the hearts of all us gnomes
Said Seamus to his wife, with a wink
Since I cannae go out for a drink
I'm sure me and you
Can find something to do
Let me hug you, while both of us think
Last night in a forest, poor Dan
got bit by some creatureHe ran
to the safety of home,
but as I write this poem,
he's changing! Beware the wolfman!
For Richard Lamoureux's Warning Poetry Contest
There are people that imagine it never gets warm
Way up in Canada where cold weather's the norm
In July we unzip our fur-lined parkas
While carving away on a newly killed carcass
Then on to our dog sled through an another snowy storm
A pandemic common occurrence:
Losing one's job and health insurance!
The hospital count*
Continues to mount
Morticians wonder who is the dunce?
* People without an income nor
health insurance die at home or in the
street, not in hospitals!
A street meter thief, Peter Jeter
Would saw off the head of one meter,
Take it home in his sack,
Keep the coins, bring it back,
Which was pointless by that time, of course, having
completely destroyed the meter.
Written 27 Feb 2022
Persuade To Have Beautiful Home Made
What we wanted to do was persuade,
To have beautiful home being made;
In succulent shade near a pretty glade.
Once was a gal who felt so alone
Tornato came up rooted farms home
Landed on wicked witch
Munchkins came out of ditch
Gave dog lollypops instead of bone
A glass of milk is something I fear
Please do not pour me a glass my dear
You'll be mad as a skunk
When I'm coming home drunk
But to tell you the truth I like beer.
A fisherman sat with line all lank
perched on crooked stool that soon sank
backside now all mud covered
his face an embarrassed red
off home he went with his pants all dank.
contest: limericks clean and clever
There was an electrician from Nashes
Who worked in darts and dashes.
One day especially rushed
Against 240 volts he brushed.
Now Nashes is home to his ashes.
The old woman in the shoe scandal
who had those kids, too much to handle
Now that they are full grown
and she is home alone,
she'll down-size to a sandal.
There was a black beetle named May
Who lived with a frog in some hay
Together they would roam
Adventures far from home
Singing yippe-Ki-yay all day
O' me favorite sport must be drinkin.'
That's the way that God made me I'm thinkin.'
For it seems without fail,
If I start quaffin' ale,
That the landlord will send me home stinkin.'
A hungover farmer went one day
To a blacksmith's shop to buy some hay.
Well dear reader this isn't funny
For you see he had no money,
And so went home less vertebrae.
It's two thirty, there's a knock at my door
Hey, it's my neighbour, what's he here for
"it's so plucky of you!"
Playing my Bagpipes the noo
If I wasn't, then what are you here for
A musician resting in a spar,
Was playing his electric guitar,
An almighty spark
Plunged his home into dark,
He was left with a musical scar.
Each morning without fail,
I see my little,brown-shelled snail,
Plodding along with his home on his back,
Leaving a long, tiny, silver track,
I think he likes blazing a trail.
Not all my hits are home runs,
many of them miss the bat;
specators respond with boos...
right there I expect to lose,
and getting angry, I toss my cap.
With precision we carved out the sand
here at home, down on your cursed land
We defy you to try
You will surely failWhy?
We used nothing that looks like your hand.
My little one is going to school
The joy on his face and mine is so cool
His first day is monday
I hope he will be okay
While I'm at home acting a fool