While campaigning among South American civilians
he got news of the death of three Brazilians
He said he was vexed
then he asked quite perplexed
just how many is a brazillion?
Let's eat Grandma..OR let's eat, Grandma
Punctuation saves lives because of a comma
So very small
But stands so tall
The difference of life and death for Mom's Momma
Nearly Dearly and Still Sincerely
Was almost sudden true love nearly,
Yet still to death did love her dearly,
Then in a grove,
Found treasure trove,
Simply, apparently and so sincerely.
Our friendship here had only just started
then you left me alone, broken hearted
you're gone but not forgotten
now life it seems so rotten
ever since the sad day you departed.
We miss you, Chan :)
This was my sadder take on the "poet who broke my heart" contest theme.
There was once a chap of a zoological crew
And he got always plenty to do
One day he was prey
Nothing else more to say
So ended the fellow's life in the zoo
As the might-have-beens get smaller
And the what-the-hecks get taller
Life gets sweeter.
What a beater,
Death looms, but ya wanna stall'er
“I'll follow you to the ends of the earth” is a very old line
But recently, they've discovered earth is round, will take a long time
Sounds good on paper
But methinks this caper
Could mean death crossing by dinghy the ocean brine
A pandemic common occurrence:
Losing one's job and health insurance!
The hospital count*
Continues to mount
Morticians wonder who is the dunce?
* People without an income nor
health insurance die at home or in the
street, not in hospitals!
At my breakfast table, a ghost
Has just opened all of my post
What’s his caper
That’s my paper
He’s now got his teeth in my toast
One of the best inscriptions, ”I Told You I Was Sick”
Another was “I Was Hoping For A Pyramid” I pooped a brick
Even in death humor lasts
When the die has been cast
“Once I wasn't, then I was, now I ain't again”, that one clicked
Smaltz loved limburger cheese with passion
A fact that turned co-workers’ noses ashen.
The stench made ill all near his breath
Notes on his locker hinted at death.
Smaltz now finds cheddar fragrantly in fashion.
It's Anzac Day today
Or lads were sent away
To fight a war
And what the hell for
Because they had to pay
There was an old lady from Ireland
Who was frightened to death by a brass band
We watched with dismay
As without delay
They buried her corpse in the band stand
Contest : Slapstick Limerick Contest
You perfected your lies to an art.
You succeeded in breaking my heart.
I shed not one tear,
for the hour is near,
when arsenic will keep us apart.
Is it sweet or salty or sour?
Brimming with happiness or always dour?
Prancing, living with gaiety
Or waiting for a guillotine
Now standing forever to scour?
Written on May 17, 2012
Updated on April 17, 2017
MrPhiburn, a man who had tried
To live not by the truth, but all lies
No surprise where he went
For him, eternity was spent
Wearing pants that were
Very well fried.
Inspired by: “Liar, liar pants on fire”
When Lizzie (Borden) saw what she's done
Thought to herself that was so much fun
So she whack them again
And again and again
Then laughed aloud at what she's done!
Dorian Petersen Potter
It's goodbye to mad Frankie Fraser
The East Ends gangster appraiser
So loyal to the Kray's
To his very last day
One the Sixties ultimate erasures
He made her life a living hell.
Her heart immune to the death knell
She breaks down and cries
Tears spring from her eyes
Her acting days now serve her well.
Contest: Open Poetry
Sponsor: Charlotte Puddifoot
11th July, 2015
Health plans are many, take your pick
You'll need one when you get sick
give longevity a chance
cheat death of circumstance
and give your heart more time to tick.
There once was a man that was lackluster
Who's life was one giant cluster
Writes a suicide note
He slits his throat
Blank stares are all his family can muster
There once was a guy who was crazy
Took bath salts to make him not lazy
Bad trip to say the least
Human flesh was a feast
Dead carcass was pushin' up daises
In the beginning, when man became-
Murder and death seemed a fun game.
This was not what God meant
When giving us consent-
To our own choice, only man is to blame.
She looks like death on a crippled spider
Hips like an elephant, maybe wider
My friends came over and saw
My ugly mother-in-law
Next time they come they want me to hide her
This Limerick on my Tombstone I wish to be read
Include my Name, Birth and Death dates I said
Now it's time to reminisce
Cause if you're reading this
Then it's quite obvious I must be dead!
Ralph Taylor - RIP (Really Into Poetry)