A curvaceous lady named Mary
Just loved having sex in the dairy
When smothered with whipped cream
Her beau would lick her clean…
His Calorie intake was scary!!!
14th June 2016
My Tomcat drives me up the walls
On neighbourhood kitties he calls
Sired more than one kitten
With sex he is smitten
He’s gonna be losing his balls!
A Funny or Bawdy Limerick Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Tania Kitchin
Two autos both tried to have sex.
A pity they both were such wrecks!
With great apprehension,
One lost its suspension.
Old banger sex – oh so complex!
Contest: East Jesus
Sponsor: Roy Jerden
Checked using how many Syllables 8,8,6,6,8
~awarded 3rd place~
A sex mad codger named Bill
Swallowed a Viagra pill
His todger did rise -
You should see the size
It sure gave his wife a thrill
17th Feb 2015
He wanted it hot with lots of spice
Not sugary sweet and tasting nice
Oh big boy you're a looker
We had sex on the cooker
I’m so pleased I took your advice
17th September 2014
A young gigolo called Timothy
Gave sex for an exorbitant fee
But his passionate style
Sure made all ladies smile…
(I’m hoping that he’s got room for me!)
Some folk are prone to love affairs
For sex rewards the one who dares
They are hot to trot
Because they forgot
Miracles don't happen in pairs!
Folks know me as ‘poetry Jan’
But soupers I once was a man …
In a very long op
My male bits got the chop
And I altered my name from Stan!
HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY SOUPERS!!!!
1st April 2018
A day at the zoo can be tough
As animals tend to play rough
So mom said, "Whoa!
Its time to go!"
When bull elephants did some stuff
Woodrow's wife is the apple of his eye
But there's been no sex lately and here's why
She told him that he's lame
Every night it's the same
There are other options she wants to try
Two old codgers were talking about sex
And ones question popped up next
This Viagra have you tried
For me I can't decide
Mm, that's a hard one,what a subject
One day with her pet lizard, on a
warm beach lay the sex goddess Shawna.
One who ogled her bust
tried to claim he was just
enthralled by her lovely iguana!
For john freeman's Giggle 2 Contest
An old man bought her gems and he smiled,
Knowing where they would be in a while...
Sex with a young beauty,
Great legs, boobs and booty.
If he died, he'd be going in style.
I fell in love with a computer
Not for the sex, for it is neuter
It came without name
Oh my! What a shame!
I googled one and up came Luther.
Limerick Contest II
Sponsor: Jan Allison
20th February, 2016
When traveling among the throng
His thoughts have too often gone wrong
Of the opposite sex
Have the devil stomping his prong
We once knew a fella named Abel,
Who loved to jump razor wire cable,
One day he made a slip;
Heard a howl and a rip...
So now we address him as Mabel.
Sex is not the answer..sex is the question
“Yes” is the answer..but it's only a suggestion
The choice is yours
Your illnesses it cures
The one thing that tweaks your tweaker without exception
Jim flicked off the bedroom wall LIGHT
With HOPE of a wild sex filled night
But the tone of his wife
Made him fear for his life
Guess she’s keeping her legs shut tight
L & H Contest – Sponsor Catie Lindsey
Heres a rilly lame limrick for ya-
Write hear I'll change the beet!
also I ain't bin usin end rime
An this old line is whey to long for a forth line.
Kin ya gess how many words was spellt rong?
hummm, is that fiv or sex lines I needs?
For P.D.'s "My Worst Poem Ever" Contest
There once was a woman named Roxanne
Who had sex with many a fine man
She charged a big fee
And made them agree
To never disclose the business she ran
For Deb's contest...
There was a gigolo who swallowed a bee
It pained him from stomach to knee.
But with a shout and curse
He saw things get worse.
It buzzed him from a he to a she.
A flighty young lady from Torbay
Got seen having sex in a doorway
She blushed bright scarlet red
Said I like it in bed
But this is just part of our foreplay!
12th April 2016
Woody Allen once pondered, “Is rough sex dirty?”
Replied “Only if it's done right”, his eyes quite blurry
Voice trembling and shaking
During this joyous undertaking
Apologized for his words which came out quite slurry
There once was a woman called Callie
Who loved having sex in the valley
Out in the fresh air
Her flesh she would bare
‘Twas better than in the back alley
To Valentines Day I am true
The joy of a score means...yahoo!
Sex is a pleasant
Heart holiday present
Now ruined since I’ve caught the flu