Limerick Poems About Sex | Sex Limerick Poems

MARY IN THE DAIRY

A curvaceous lady named Mary
Just loved having sex in the dairy
When smothered with whipped cream
Her beau would lick her clean…
His Calorie intake was scary!!!

14th June 2016

Has Anyone Seen My Pussy - Bawdy limerick

My Tomcat drives me up the walls
On neighbourhood kitties he calls
Sired more than one kitten
With sex he is smitten
He’s gonna be losing his balls!

A Funny or Bawdy Limerick Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Tania Kitchin
04/30/23

HERBIE RIDES AGAIN

Two autos both tried to have sex.
A pity they both were such wrecks!
With great apprehension,
One lost its suspension.
Old banger sex – oh so complex!


12~21~14
Contest: East Jesus
Sponsor: Roy Jerden
Checked using how many Syllables 8,8,6,6,8
~awarded 3rd place~

OLD BILL - BAWDY LIMERICK

A sex mad codger named Bill
Swallowed a Viagra pill
His todger did rise - 
You should see the size
It sure gave his wife a thrill

17th Feb 2015

FEELING HOT HOT HOT

He wanted it hot with lots of spice 
Not sugary sweet and tasting nice 
Oh big boy you're a looker  
We had sex on the cooker
I’m so pleased I took your advice

Jan Allison
17th September 2014

JUST A GIGOLO

A young gigolo called Timothy 
Gave sex for an exorbitant fee
But his passionate style
Sure made all ladies smile…
(I’m hoping that he’s got room for me!)

02~13~17

Love Versus Lust

Some folk are prone to love affairs
For sex rewards the one who dares
They are hot to trot
Because they forgot
Miracles don't happen in pairs!

SEX CHANGE

Folks know me as ‘poetry Jan’
But soupers I once was a man …
In a very long op
My male bits got the chop
And I altered my name from Stan!

HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY SOUPERS!!!!

1st April 2018

Sex Education For Kids

A day at the zoo can be tough
As animals tend to play rough
So mom said, "Whoa!
Its time to go!"
When bull elephants did some stuff

Woodrow is Lame

Woodrow's wife is the apple of his eye
But there's been no sex lately and here's why
She told him that he's lame
Every night it's the same
There are other options she wants to try

What a Subject

Two old codgers were talking about sex
And ones question popped up next
This Viagra have you tried
For me I can't decide
Mm, that's a hard one,what a subject 




.

Iguana

One day with her pet lizard, on a
warm beach lay the sex goddess Shawna.
One who ogled her bust
tried to claim he was just
enthralled by her lovely iguana!

For john freeman's Giggle 2 Contest

What A Way To Go

An old man bought her gems and he smiled,
Knowing where they would be in a while...
Sex with a young beauty,
Great legs, boobs and booty.
If he died, he'd be going in style.

Computer

I fell in love with a computer
Not for the sex, for it is neuter
It came without name
Oh my! What a shame!
I googled one and up came Luther.


-----------------------
Limerick Contest II
Sponsor: Jan Allison
Placed 1st
20th February, 2016  

The ''Dirty Old Man'' syndrome song

When traveling among the throng
His thoughts have too often gone wrong
Alluring effects
Of the opposite sex
Have the devil stomping his prong

Sex Change

We once knew a fella named Abel,
Who loved to jump razor wire cable,
One day he made a slip;
Heard a howl and a rip...
So now we address him as Mabel.

Sex Is The Question

Sex is not the answer..sex is the question
“Yes” is the answer..but it's only a suggestion
The choice is yours
Your illnesses it cures
The one thing that tweaks your tweaker without exception

LIGHT AND HOPE LIMERICK

Jim flicked off the bedroom wall LIGHT
With HOPE of a wild sex filled night
But the tone of his wife
Made him fear for his life
Guess she’s keeping her legs shut tight

L & H Contest – Sponsor Catie Lindsey
05~21~15

Worst(Worstest?) Limrick Evah

Heres a rilly lame limrick for ya-
Write hear I'll change the beet!
also I ain't bin usin end rime
An this old line is whey to long for a forth line.
Kin ya gess how many words was spellt rong?
hummm, is that fiv or sex lines I needs?

For P.D.'s "My Worst Poem Ever" Contest

Avoiding the IRS

There once was a woman  named Roxanne
Who had sex with many a fine man
She charged a big fee
And made them agree
To never disclose the business she ran


For Deb's contest...

Sex Change

There was a gigolo who swallowed a bee
It pained him from stomach to knee.
But with a shout and curse
He saw things get worse.
It buzzed him from a he to a she.

SHE LOVES IT OUTDOORS

A flighty young lady from Torbay
Got seen having sex in a doorway
She blushed bright scarlet red
Said I like it in bed
But this is just part of our foreplay!

12th April 2016

Woody Allen once pondered, “Is rough sex dirty?”
Replied “Only if it's done right”, his eyes quite blurry
Voice trembling and shaking
During this joyous undertaking
Apologized for his words which came out quite slurry

There once was a woman called Callie
Who loved having sex in the valley
Out in the fresh air
Her flesh she would bare
‘Twas better than in the back alley

03~30~17

To Valentines Day I am true
The joy of a score means...yahoo!
Sex is a pleasant
Heart holiday present
Now ruined since I’ve caught the flu