You are scissors, and all you can do
is to cut all those paper hearts through.
But I’ve hardened my heart
and before you can start
to destroy me, I’m going to SMASH you!
(Gosh, PD, they won't even permit the ~sign in the title!)
A sexy young lady from Dover
Was ready to get her leg over
A quick roll in the hay
Any time night or day
Her boyfriend admits he's in clover
checked with how many syllables 8 8 6 6 8
Contest: Spring forward - Debbie Guzzi
~awarded 6th place~
Meg has two old battered beer keg legs
that don't look to hold much more than dregs
But when Greg comes along
she begs; "Please, please, belong
to me I still gotta lotta eggs.”
*Written at Elizabeth Wesley's request.
A mermaid who was German
Made out with her boyfriend Herman
When they got past kissing
She found something missing
No wonder : he was a merman
There once was a serious Missy,
who took a fit a bit like a hissy.
When the man she was dating
took his clothes off while bathing.
Left her completely in a tizzy.
My eager man bought me a wee thong
which I put on to best get along
but rubbing bugging attacks
soon whacked my fore and aft crack.
My pinged pong found his dingdonged thong wrong.
August 7, 2019
I was with my girlfriend at dinner
With each bite she took, she got thinner
Until she was just skin and bone
I blinked twice and I was alone
I then woke up, lying next to her
~69~ /zodiac sign/
There once was a hermit crab named Nate
Who enjoyed the solitude of his hate
Meeting a lovely lady
A sexy Texan, name P.D.
Finding true hate, trying to online date
(Zodiac Sign Contest)
Giggling Girty became quite shirty
When her boyfriend was acting flirty,
With a handful of mud
Delivered with an awful thud
Her boyfriend is now dizzy and dirty.
In her skirt, she swang high in the air.
Said her boyfriend: “I see underwear!”
Sally just shook her head
and then laughingly said:
"But I’ve got nothing on me down there!"
Written June 21, 2014
For the Bawdy Limericks II Poetry Contest of Roy Jerden
The spring in my pants was so dandy.
She wanted to suck it like candy.
When she closed her eyes.
I gave my surprise.
Never saw a girl quite that handy!
For Francine Roberts "Wow me in 5 lines" contest
The homophobic banker he was penned
That careless fool was found to misspend
He thought prison would be cake
Until he met fat old Jake
Now he has got a hairy boyfriend!
I knew of a guy called Dickey
Whose life became rather tricky
When he kissed the girls
They left pretty burls
Never showing us his hidden hickeys
There once was a blonde bar room shooter,
Who would travel around town on a scooter?
She was real slick,
At chalking a stick,
But she couldn’t best her boyfriend “Cooter”.
Blinded and saving the love talk in the dark
In a sensuous connection came a spark
An active mind bee-lined for a kiss
Shilly-shally bemused as lass remarks
Lips to nose in a clear view face, turns dark.
Last night you texted, "Honey, it’s the end"
But I will not cry…my heart will soon mend
‘Cuz I’ve got so many calls
Unlike you, from guys with balls
And tonight, those balls are of your best friend
I am not lonely anymore
LAX - my neighbor next door
TSA is boyfriend
Daily travels pretend
Mile High Club is now on the floor...
Inspired by Carolyn's Blog on TSA Humor :)
Love lived in the hearts of Him and Her,
But distance shrouded fear over Her
And to punish Her reluctance
He gave another girl a chance
And she brought triplets nine months later.
This Valentine's Day I shall send
To my boyfriend so not to offend.
Even though I am fond,
If he does not respond,
No worriesHe's got a best friend.
On Mars it's a man you will see.
On Venus a lady will be.
But what's so amazing,
Will make all your heads ring.
They both get together with glee!
A man found himself in a pickle
When his girlfriend found he was fickle
He said "won't you stay"
She said "there's no way"
As she took his head off with a sickle.
Josette Key 2010
Just out of college, we would yearn for a touch
Sleeping together cuddled on the couch
Those were the days!
Of pre-wedding bouquets
Now I am told to go sleep alone on the couch
There once was a girl in my class.
One day I tried to make a pass.
My cheek still sting,
My ears still ring,
Yet married to me; Alas!
Rough desperate cowgirl Etta,
Really should have known better,
When she finally got a boyfriend
She quickly branded his rear end,
He surely did live to regret her.
Met a guy who seemed perfect to me
For a period in time my heart could not see
He talked although his true feelings were not told
Every word of his turned into one that was cold
My heart could not take it so I set him free