Her mom has a wart on her face that grows
How that thing got there nobody knows
I looked to my wife and said
"Poke it, I think that its dead"
She said, "Stop it!, that thing is her nose"
I saw mom and Santa having a chat
She told him he was much too fat
She then grabbed his behind
With eyes closed kissed him blind
Then they both fell on the mat
Holiday Themed Limerick
Sponsored by: Tania Kitchin
N/A for contest
A day at the zoo can be tough
As animals tend to play rough
So mom said, "Whoa!
Its time to go!"
When bull elephants did some stuff
You drove the ball high
It flew and touched the sky
I heard, “FORE!"
And ducked therefore
But the ball hit my thigh
Some of the things mom never knew happened;-)
Mom used to drink this wine for a tonic,
I had no idea she meant a colonic.
So I snuck some of this swill,
moved more than an EX LAX pill
cause the gas sounds were quite polyphonic!
Written 6/22/2011 for the ‘Bottle of Wine” contest
There once was a child with a rattle
Who liked to crawl around cattle.
Till its mom found out
And to her ex did shout,
You just lost your custody battle.
Hey Son, I wrote this to warn you
In your whole life, many girls are coming through
You might have only girl to love her much over
But you have to remember that do not hurt your mother
She is my only girl too...
Mom adores when I do the dishes
If I don't, I'll swim with the fishes
Then my mama will win
She'll never cook again
She'll eat sushi that is delicious
He looked so darned small at the plate
For the pitch he just couldn't wait
Got a high fast ball
He swung for the wall
You'r out! But to mom he did great!
For the Favorite Sport contest....
Hiding in mummy's tummy, kicking happily away
I'm kissing you warmly, clapping and singing in play
They say in a few weeks
I'll be able to kiss your new cheeks
I can't wait for the morning I'll lift you in a sway
I heard he gave her a rogering
Rogers mom said totally disgusting
No wonder she's disturbed
He actually gave her Rogers Ring
It's a picture of Lucas and me.
We're cuties you have to agree.
The love that we share
with our Mom "Randa Bear",
is in the smile on my face that you see.
Poet: Ralph Taylor 5/2/11
Contest: Brotherly Love
If you ever meet up with a soccer mom ninja
Watch you don't cross her or she'll chop your chinchilla
Vicious and surly
This dangerous girlie
Avoid her at all costs or call in the militia
Actions speak louder than words
A saying I thought was absurd
Till Mom showed the way
If I don’t obey
The paddle tells things went unheard
Mom, give me a bowl of Lucky Charms,
I'll grow as you raise my arms...
see a taller me,
or much sillier me.
Mom, get me more of those Lucky Charms!
My naive picture of Burlesque
Some lovely ladies junoesque
Slapstick humor risky
Dancers rather frisky.
Mom would consider it grotesque.
For Miranda's contest
won an hm
Think Mom dumb?
Fear makes numb!
Fink Cupid's arrow
Fly like sparrow
There once was a young lad named Oliver
His Mom told him, “Don't be a gobbler!”
She also said , “Son,
Ain't no prize to be won!”
The fuzz will be checking your swallometer
© Jack Ellison 2015
Sul-li-ee-van, yes mom
Where is my CD-ROM?
She once paws
I paced as the coffee brewed
To one spot Sully stayed glued
"Dad where is my mom?"
She was held in Guam
Because her pug nose was skewed
To be truly and deeply Confucian,
we don’t need a refined constitution.
Just obey mom and dad.
Choose the good — not the bad.
Serve the Emperor, S/shun revolution.
Patricia dawdled through the breakfast
Mom got angry, sent her to Belfast
There she learnt how to run
And how to eat a bun
And returned with the bread crumbs amassed
Which Pete was “for Pete's sake” uttered
When mom got flustered, she always muttered
This time honoured phrase
From back in the day
Riding buggies for two that were covered
© Jack Ellison 2015
She blocks out the sun it's as plain as that
A total eclipse with infinite fat
The darkness comes at noon
That's when we see her moon
Her mom has made me as blind as a bat
There once was a home with two daughters.
Mother was sleeping Two adorned her!
Her lipstick took a trip.
Doorbell rang; Mom ran…zip!
Hysterical! Lipstick-faced...caught her!
© Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen
February 27, 2010
Poetic form: Limerick