While a man was golfing in Fife
a funeral cortege was arife,
his head bowed in prayer
at this somber affair
to pay last respects to his wife!
There once was an Olympic swimmer
Who accidently ate Viagra for dinner
His Speedo grew tight
He was awarded that night
A gold medal as the pole-vault winner
If a golfer who’s clumsy and falls
Loses grip on the clubs that he hauls
He'd trip on a trap
With wood in his lap
And have problems in finding his balls!
for Craig Cornish's limerick contest
“I’m locked out of my sports car,” said Lee
to a cop while he stood helplessly.
“Man, your ragtop is DOWN,”
said the cop with a frown.
“Just reach in there and pull out your key!”
July 2, 2019 for
Tania Kitchin's Humorous Limerick Poetry Contest
Syllables per line: 9/9/6/6/9
Tom's facemask sports a charming smile
For Cheerios - that's British style
But Putin's staff
Can't help but laugh
Tom's munching Marmite all the while!
Determined to see Wimble done
She turned on her TV for fun
Thump Thump "Fault!"
Ilene's air conditioner won!
There was a man from faraway lands.
He held a golf club in his right hand.
He said this to me.
What is that I see?
No club in your mitt, or ball to hit.
-For Contest Golf Limerick
the stands are full, one man kicks the ball
fifteen men pursue, it becomes a maul
referee blow his whistle
concluding the tussle
a try is scored over goal line he crawl
Contest: My Favorite Sport
Was out playing golf just for fun
With Father O’Toole in the sun
When club from hand burst
Hit priest as he cursed
And I hit his first holy one
There was a time when I stood tall
Especially in college, playing NCAA Volleyball.
Oh, the trips we went on to the various meets
Winning and losing in those much vaunted heats.
We weren't great then, now I can't jump at all.
All emotions and hopes exchanging through a common fax
singing songs of victory and toasting a beer to relax
priding on a rich history
moving in one chemistry
mock us when we lose and face the inevitable axe.
Most balls people pitch, roll, or fling.
They kick them or strike them with zing.
But for lazy old me
I like tirelessly
to stand, flick my wrist and go “ping!”
For Joseph Soper's the Sports Shorts Poetry Contest
Under the lights on Friday night.
High school football starting to ignite.
Merciless to everyone.
This is war, not for fun.
Winning state is a beautiful sight.
Hyperbole is a sports cast
Announcers have egos so vast
My ears must have rest
From this lambasting pest
Collection of morons amassed
Author's note: Is it getting worse, or is it just me?
Have you been to a race with a horse?
There are many who like them, of course.
Who wins? We don’t know.
We can win, place, or show.
Any nearby racetrack is the source.
Tiger was a young golfer quite good
But didn't shoot as straight as he should
He'd stray out of bounds
While making his rounds
Because he couldn't master his wood.
The slice of the skates creates
An atmosphere of greats
They fly on the ice
Not the least bit of nice
A game of ego awaits.
Golfers ahead were really slow
because their dead balls just wouldn't go
we offered them beer,
later we found cheer--
they stepped aside to let it outflow.
We're angry! What sports fan can blame us?
There hasn't been one loss for Jameis
But off-the-field ruckus
Makes sportscasters muck us
Once famous, now Jameis just shames us
*Written about former FSU quarterback Jameis Winston's run ins with the law.
I learned to golf the following way;
That after each stroke you shout, ‘foreplay!’
Then when you get up
You shoot for the cup,
And if asked give an instant replay.
For Craig's Golf Limerick contest
A pretty Welsh girl in Caerphilly
Was invited to play ball with Willie
One kick to his ball
Caused Willie to fall
So she thought the game was quite silly!
The little boy said to his father,
I wish I could drive the ball farther.
He said to his son,
By time we are done,
Your ball will "lie" just past the others.
Coach Belichick must have stumbled
New England gets the Jet’s jumbled
Game signals to read
All exposed—was this deed
An interception play fumbled?
In our heads the season was far from over
so we played a game in late September.
He said, "before the sun sets
can we not take a rest?"
"But we already are, this is baseball remember?"
What thing seems to make men King Kong?
It lies under Michael Phelps’ thong
With each stroke of grace
See a free style freebase
That huge bulging spot is a bong