A UFO went to land in Dakota
But the brakes didn't work one iota.
It didn't take long
to decide what was wrong
seems the space ship was made by Toyota!
She works in accounting at the factory,
loves counting numbers and her salary,
she has it made,
till she got weighed,
obviously hates counting calories.
The sea was unusually wavy,
When a cook in the Royal Navy,
With a roll of the ship,
Inundating his captain with gravy.
A vacuum cleaner should glide
And relief from messes provide
It is quite unlike
Harley Davidson's bike
Since the dirtbag's on the inside
Author's note: Someone told me this vapid joke at work today, so I framed it as above--enjoy!
What can two hydrogen; one oxygen be,
here’s a really good hint, it makes up the sea.
so now we should know,
water is H2O.
Now let us work this out; what is K9P?
Humble Olive Eloisa
Went one day to work in Pisa
She posed for awhile
Behind flashy smile
She stood in for Mona Lisa.
I had an affair with a maid
Accustomed to doing as bade
Now she is with child
The wife has gone wild,
"Thats not how a maid should be paid!"
There once was a proud Aries like me,
whose impatience kept from being free.
But all my pride inside
never had the chance to hide
the goal of winning confidently!
I worked for a cranky old boss
who came to work always quite cross.
Finally found out,
he developed gout,
when stocks took a capital loss
Copyright © 2011 By Caryl SMuzzey
Oh, honey, your lover’s a jerk;
I promise it really can’t work -
As he’s married, of course,
And he wouldn’t divorce -
I’d deck him* and wipe off his smirk.
* to punch someone hard and knock them to the ground
For Vicky’s Agony Aunt contest
LOVE and HATE it can often be said
in relationships, share the same bed
if you're really quite shrewd
you can work out her mood-
either lipstick or bruise on my head!
I'm retired but do I still have a life
Yes, sexual adviser I am to my wife
But if I say try this
It'll be totally bliss
If I desire I'll ask for your advice
Challenged to write on the back of a Joke!
He spends one more day in his bed.
To-do-lists run all ‘round his head.
Noon came and then passed,
he’s still on his ass.
A hard day of work, he most dreads!
“If man had created man, he’d be ashamed of his performance.” – Mark Twain
“One day, I’ll fin’lly align
This horrible, putrid design;
I’ll start at the crown,
And work my way down,”
Said the sheep at the end of the line.
Sometimes my work is the pits -
Teenagers popping their zits
With consummate art
They burp and they fart …
I still love my job to bits!
17th November 2015
There once was a gent named Springtime Ned
Who on that March morning sprang from his bed
In amazement and shock
He forgot to set his clock
Now with his boss on thin water he'll tread
lumberjacks fell on their knees
when our woods ran out of trees
no thought to give in
and after a spin
were soon modeling dickies.
A man without a job
Had scarce to fill his gob
Scanning the press did See
Much work in jeopardy..'
So his pack; on back did lob.
He'd take train to short supply
Where time; was stacked up high.'
As a man of Limerick town
He was never feeling down
For t'was surely worth the try!
Last week my computer was on the fritz.
The confounded thing was givin' me fits!
Trouble was a sick modem.
They jes' won't work without 'em!
Life sans a computer is jes' the pits!
Robert LHinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(c) 2015 All Rights Reserved
Boss lady on the go!
No rest for an obedient bro'
She puts him to work from dusk to dust
No mercy for a brother even with trust
The boss lady may need some lust.
A novice goose farmer named Sanders,
Once wrote for advice from Ann Landers.
He'd encountered a block
To increasing his flock:
He didn't know gooses from ganders.
A lady named Abigail Feanture
Received from her colleagues a censure.
She, being a vet,
A mischievous Doberman Pincer.
Hi Ho around and around we go
Where I work nothing is ever slow
Sometimes they will shout
Sometimes they will pout
What cometh next you never can know
Abigail Kirk lived in outback town Burke,
A hotel receptionist, she had a slight quirk,
Her rather long ponytail stretched to the floor,
After a few years it had grown much more,
She sold it to ten bald men and retired from work.
There once was a man from Dunkirk
Who always was late for his work.
This man was so lazy,
He drove his wife crazy.
She stabbed him awake with a dirk.
For Deborah Guzzi's limerick contest 9th place