My Tomcat drives me up the walls
On neighbourhood kitties he calls
Sired more than one kitten
With sex he is smitten
He’s gonna be losing his balls!
A Funny or Bawdy Limerick Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Tania Kitchin
There once was a hunter named Frawley
Who lived in a shack, outside Raleigh.
His dog, funny but true,
Would only hunt honeydew.
The dog was a true melon collie.
Ray Gridley has a possible diagnosis
Alas, rabbits do catch viral myxomatosis
Since Jan's is a famous banging bunny
Who stays far from field and ANY honey
Energizer Bunny will bang on till unconscious!
a hairy thing roamed our streets
chasing cats for sport and treats
till it roamed too far
and dog catcher car
grabbed harry and chained his feets.
Monkey see....monkey do...
Monkey took a poo poo...
Monkey pooed on my arm..
on my shirt...icky warm...
Monkey poo rings my alarm!
Monkey monkey...look at you!
Get this off...it's from your wah-zoo!!
Eep! eep! eep! said the monkey!
Then he squeezed his nose...
'cause it smelled funky!
never was a better treat
like smoked almonds and a beet
berry noodle fling
lemon ketchup wing
so say busy furry feet.
1221 Boiling Weather Drive
First customer gets a free beehive
With purchase ten bones or more
Food, drinks, desserts galore
Porcelain hitchhiker needs a ride
There is a Pug dog named Jackson
and college football is his game,
with no time to spare
he's up in his chair,
to watch his favorite team Notre Dame
These walls conceal an ugly war
Kitty litter raids my floor
This tidy home I'm sworn to keep
A rugged broom's a tiresome sweep
Three cats are such a chore
to market get a carrot
sneak it home never share it
this our spaniel does
every day because
his lady friends a ferret.
once a sheep dog named percy
licked a farmer quite slurply
then a homeless cow
with mimicked bowwow
licked them both without mercy.
Digital life discourages thinking,
Laptops encourage time sinking,
Is indulging a pet,
For PC’s are pet squirrels chewing nuts who are linking.
Rufus: Irish Rover Purebred and a Fortune 500 Pup ( As told by Rufus himself.)
Watch me snarl all the salesmen away,
ram the door, keep the mailmen at bay.
Each evening, I break
for a fresh T-bone steak.
The sun shines on my ass the WHOLE day.
I have an old dog named Sweet Pea
More wily than sweet, you’d agree
Who runs the house?
Not me or my spouse
No, our dog, Sweet Pea, the queen bee
* For our little girl, Sweet Pea, after 15 years with us, she is a part of the family.
There was a young man from China
Who couldn't think of anything finer
Than to smoke cigarettes - play with his pets
Eat out at an all night diner
Left sock, Right sock where have you gone,
little skooter kitty, up before the dawn,
Now my day has started,
my socks have all but parted,
little skooter took em'
to make his bed upon.
"Keys Please?" by Francine Roberts
There once was a very old, old dog
Who'd lay by the fire of cracklin' logs
Dreaming mighty dreams
Of years gone by schemes
As his legs moved chasing wild mean hogs
A young robin my cat once befriended
Till one day the relationship ended
I came home to find
That my cat changed her mind
For from her mouth a feather extended
Annie, our Golden, is a member of the family
Just like a daughter, it's really uncanny
After going out upon our return
Our love's enthusiastically reaffirmed
Her excitement explodes, our dearest sweet Annie
© Jack Ellison 2015
Written: by Tom Wright
I once had a Billy Goat, past tense,
That feeding made very little sense.
So I sold him of course,
And had little remorse,
For I couldn’t keep him in the fence
I don’t understand the world, or what it is giving
Should I open my eyes and be there and then living?
I asked my dog and as memory recalls
He kept gently but thoroughly licking his balls
A fellow got into a
Trying to teach his
dog some new tricks
His canine named
Refused to roll over
And seemed totally
blind to thrown
Peter purchased a cute 'micro pig'
Over time it grew ever so big!
It cannot be denied
That the seller had lied
If he’s caught he’ll end up in the brig!
Written by Gail DeBole
on March 7, 2020
Zeekie and Mildred were buds.
Neither thought the other a dud.
Friendship so true.
They each had a tattoo
As symbols of undying love.
There once was a dog by name of Tiger
She belonged to Kendricks who acquired her
Doris brushed her teeth each week
With Jr.'s tooth brush so meek
When he learned, said, "Why?"..(She)I did not want mine dirtied sir..
In honor of Brian Strand....