She looks like death on a crippled spider
Hips like an elephant, maybe wider
My friends came over and saw
My ugly mother-in-law
Next time they come they want me to hide her
"I have a sweet spider," Bess said.
"Don't fear it; just pet it instead!"
But just then "sweet" spider
proceeded to bite 'er.
She stomped on it till it was dead!
For Carolyn and John's Limericks Contest:
"Are You Bugged?"
The woman who dreamt of a spider
Awoke to find it inside her
With a scream and a yell
she thought, " oh! what the hell"
Eight hands, oh my! what a provider
Once there was a dame called Rose Mary”the charter”
“Man with a monkey face, elastic arm” her character
Iron man, He Man, Superman,
Spider man, are great power men
Bloody patent this character, for trillion dollars sure!
There was once a granddaddy spider who
I was a-fixin' to stomp with my shoe
It made me think twice
That wouldn't be nice
He's a granddaddy and I are one too
Robert LHinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
A young, macho spider named Paul
Imagined himself ten feet tall.
At friend's warnings he sneezed--
Said he'd crawl where he pleased.
Now Paul's just a stain on the wall.
A spider will crawl on the floor
And often will stop at a door;
I think that he's waiting
And maybe debating
On whether he wants something more.
There is a spider on my wall,
I tried to squish it with a baseball;
But I only made it mad,
Oh man, this is bad,
Why am I afraid of something so small.
Now, wasn't it sad about Snyder,
The light hearted, fun loving spider?
He got a gnat in his eye,
While pursuing a fly,
And fell into a barrel of cider.
A boy had a spider called Bill
which gave his sister always a chill
one day a cat came into their house
but instead of catching a mouse
she had eaten up poor little Bill
For Jon's Limerick-Contest
A Drunken Spider
There once was a huge golden-silk spider.
Bobby Joe ran to sit down beside her.
He threw some sticks at her web.
Her frustrations did not ebb.
So, he sprayed on a liquor elixir.
© August 4, 2010
Halloween spider queen, I did attend
Wig, stockings, black dress, makeup, heels, suspend
Whistles and catcalls they came.
Mystical night all the same,
I had such fun, succeeding this pretend.
THE TRAP OF TAPESTRY
I wish that I was a crafty spider
Out of nothing weave my cobweb wider,
A honey bee you want to be
Trap of tapestry you won’t see,
I’ll catch you there if you’re a dream rider.
May 3, 2018.
A black spider got stuck in his lair,
stuck firmly by his sticky black hair.
He ate a sweet bug
that crawled on his rug;
now he cannot get out of his chair.
Copyright © 2006 By Caryl SMuzzey
Grown Miss Muffet put “tuffet” on display
family quickly denounced her as a stray
Muffet found bike rider
who called himself Spider
and, over curbs, he and she sped a-whey
May 12, 2023
for "Funny, Bawdy or Humorous Limerick" contest
by Tania Kitchin
Jesse Lasky met Boris Spasky
Musket musk-catty spider husky
Lasky's knight cooked Spasky's rook
Spasky's queen is spider's spook
Bishop stomped heyho where is Cash key ?
A Black-Widow spider may mate
With her tastiest dinner date
Her children may wonder
If she made a blunder
Though they cannot wait to test fate!
Whispers of soft breath sliced straight through
The strands of the spider webs glue
Halloween goblins hissed
Mocking spiders they kissed
Excited when the web caught dew
Maybe one hug for the one hundred bugs,
you ate in my window of bay
But now that you`ve eaten,
your life I`m deleting,
for your creep will soon crawl my way.
I saw a white witch, a rough rider
Down the path of a Blue moon slider
A night rider on her broom
She glided into the room
And crawled towards me like a spider.
Halloween Inspired Limerick
Lines 1,2, and 5- 9 syllables each
Lines 3 and 4- 7 syllables.
The brewery's apple provider
Saved the manageress from a spider
While having a snog
He fell in the grog
And spent the whole evening in cider
Do you remember the rhyme, Miss Muffet,
About the little girl that sat on a tuffet,
She didn't run away,
She decided to stay,
She sat on the spider and snuffed it!
Her rather quaint cottage in Gwent
Appeared to be quite Heaven-sent
Then down came a spider
That flip-flopped inside her
And hie high ballistic she went!
She said: 'I think that I shall never see
A thing as ugly as this bug on me
If I were a spider
I'd have to hide from her
But it's just a tarantula ~ Whooppee'
Each October brings forth Halloween.
Kids love scary, weird props, unforeseen:
four-foot spider that crawls-
flying, mock bat appalls-
as does ground-breaker zombie on scene!
October 14, 2020
Contest: Halloween Inspired Limerick
Sponsor: Tania Kitchin