So here's a who's who is the Zoo,
Sue the snake petter, that's who,
She was hugged by the Boa Constrictor,
Who could eat her but only licked her,
And scared it out of her in the loo.
For Linda-Marie's Zany Zoo contest.
There once was a couple, called Adam and Eve
Who a little joke they did conceive
They told all, that as they walked
They met a snake that talked
But the plan backfired when it was believed.
There once was a king cobra called Lance,
Who heard music and went in a trance.
People thought he was asleep,
As his thoughts were so deep.
Then he reared up and lunged for their pants.
Jack Horne for Dr Ram's Music and Meditation
He dives into a liquor bottle, and
Zigzags like a snake on the sand.
A wife waits for her hero,
But who comes as a zero.
Obscenities ooze from his ‘stupor gland’.
(My limerick which was selected and published in Selected Poems Anthology 2013 by Pendle War Poetry, U K)
There once was a banker from Britain
Who sat on a snake and was bitten
But his assets were apprised
To have quadrupled in size
While attending nurses were smitten!
"Let's spread the word of the Lord!" they exclaimed
"Knocking on doors - surely none could be blamed!"
It's simply a matter of time
Up the walls we will climb
Our inevitable ire will thus be inflamed
There was a mongoose by a lake,
Who vowed, ‘No more cookies and cake.’
And he later confessed,
(If you haven’t all guessed):
‘…because it’s the year of the snake…’
For Gwendolen’s Limerick contest
After booking for a consul-tation,
The doctor prescribed medi-cation,
But when I stood on a rake,
Then stepped back on a snake;
That’s what cured my consti-pation.
For a week Jean was married to Jake,
Jean discovered that Jake was a snake,
At a shop now in town,
For sale a wedding gown,
With a note - worn once by mistake.
The Bull Snake crawled into my shed
used an old Sparrow nest for his bed
through the door then came I
and we met eye to eye,
I must not repeat what I said!
There once was a man name Adam
With Eve whom he always called Madam
They encountered a snake
And made a mistake
The Devil smiled for he knew he had ‘em
A slippery fellow named mandrake
From the zoo made a swift prison break
But a redback named Crunch
Had him for lunch
Down here our spiders eat snake.
AND,if you don’t believe me check out the photographs on my blog
Limerick contest May 8th 2010
Pa hankered cheeses of every kind.
Alas, it placed him in a painful bind!
"For fast relief", said his wife,
"Plumber's snakes should ease yer strife!"
"No thanks! I'll use Ex-Lax for my behind!"
Robert L Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
Three, two, one, it's the one o'clock jump
A brand new dance for you clumsy lumps
Get up there and shake
Twist around like a snake
To show us you can still wiggle your rump
© Jack Ellison 2015
Meet Brad the snake, he lived in woodlands.
He loved to make music in rock bands.
Singing so strong and loud,
Hissing, wiggling so proud.
Now how did he hold mike, without hands.
Sponsor Deborah Guzzi
Contest Name Limerick II The Amphilbrachinator!!!
I took my pet to the local pub,
Bar-keep called me a flamin' grub,
You can't bring a snake in here
It'll put people off their beer,
He chased poor Horace with a club.
In the jungle, Jim saw two eyes peer
Now a snake on it's own, he'd not fear
That was Jim's big mistake
It was two one-eyed snakes
That sunk both their fangs in his rear.
I wrote that poem 'the neighbors arrive'
In boast of strength we barely have
We slayed the black stinger
Forgot about the creepy hisser
Today we're homeless; a snake has arrive.
Politicians are skilled at squirms
which indubitably confirms
one cannot bake
a cake from snake
by opening a can of worms
Gladys offered her best belly dance
But the judges thought she'd have no chance
So she pouted her lips
Then swayed her snake hips
Which sent them all into a trance.
Herpetologist Christopher Blake
Made a perfectly dreadful mistake:
Turned his back upon Wanda,
An immense anaconda,
And became a quick snack for the snake.
Why you look at me with a snake eyed stare
The limericks is to entice laughter, I swear
Don’t take it to heart
You’ll be a miserable old fart
Warning, eating food and limericks, beware.
There was an old cow who said, "Moo!"
She wanted to live in a zoo!
She feared a long snake.
Who said she'd make a great steak!
Now what's a poor moo cow to do?
A man tossed a snake in a lake
to the bottom I thank, that It sank
and it sit there awhile
with a big fang smile
cause it needed a bath; for it stank!
There once was an old poet who gardened
Until she found something bad there hardened
A rattlesnake with raised fangs
Eye to eye combat with gangs
Snake go to the woods for you are pardoned