Written by
Lin Lane
Categories:
rude,
This Is Wrong, But
Rude people who think only of themselves -
I would like to sit atop mantle shelves
Yes, I know that is wrong
but it's where they belong
when they act like those impish little elves
Written by
John Michaels
Categories:
funny, humorous, passion, rude,
If You Could Bottle It, It Would Sell - Bawdy Limerick
Mei-Ling was known to kiss and tell
Got worse when she wed Me Hung Well
With the power of thought
Set to give what he ought
And spent all night ringing her bell.
- - - - - - - - -
5 November 2018
Inspired by Jan Allison's limerick, "His gift it needed a lift".
Written by
Gary Smith
Categories:
humorous, rude,
Dude From Bude
There once was a fellow from Bude
Who loved to play golf in the nude,
Someone quipped "that thing,
Has a hell of swing,
He sure is one well equipped dude."
Entry for
Make Me Laugh Limerick Contest Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Tania Kitchin.
29/8/2019
Written by
Gary Smith
Categories:
funny, rude,
Unhappy Tommy Macguigan
Unhappy Tommy Macguigan
He wasn't blessed with a big'un
'Twas rather a shrimp
And usually limp,
Poor little thing, best kept hidden.
Written by
Rico Leffanta
Categories:
natural disasters,
Eve Line
When you walk around in the nude
The whole world will say you are rude
Some may hate you
Some may date you
But no one will say you're a prude!
Written by
Terry Flood
Categories:
rude,
Educational Tv
The kids put the program guide back on
Each station had way too much crap on
Then mum said hey kids
Watch one of dad’s vids
And soon Tim said Mum, what’s a strap on?
Written by
Jack Ellison
Categories:
humorous,
A Girl Fom Nantucket
There once was a young girl from Nantucket
Who's charms overflowed by the bucket
If you ever saw her nude
You'd try not to be rude
But you'd try to cover up your large nugget
You were expecting something else perhaps!!!
© Jack Ellison 2015
Written by
Jack Horne
Categories:
holiday,
Hotel Hellifornia
I went on vacation to Hell,
The hotel was hot, with a smell,
And The Devil was rude,
When I toyed with my food:
He cooked all the dinners as well.
For Carolyn’s Vacation contest
Written by
Warner Baxter
Categories:
funny, hilarious, humorous, jobs, rude, society, star,
Hedgehog - Adult
I ONCE MET A MAN IN PORN
WHO’S TOOL WAS BIGGER THAN CORN
NO TWITTER NOR BLOG
THEY CALLED HIM HEDGEHOG
HE HUFFED PUFFED AND BLEW HIS OWN HORN
Written by
Duke Beaufort
Categories:
holiday, humor, rude,
A Blessing For 2014
Will those who want rapture connect
To the one who could resurrect?
Be blessed with vision
Take in what's arisen
A member that’s hard and erect
Written by
James Fraser
Categories:
body, food, giggle, innocence, pollution, rude, senses,
My Missing Quilt
Oh my, I'm suffering from wind
I just wish my body would rescind
For my quilt I do probe
It's on top of my wardrobe
Out of reach and totally pinned
.
Inspired by Jan Allison's Poem 'The Real Gods of Wind'
Written by
George Aul
Categories:
humorous,
How Rude
I rode on my bicycle today,
I made a wrong turn - up a one-way,
while cars were coming down
I tried to turn around...
"Move it jacka**!" was all they could say!
Written by
Lindsay Laurie
Categories:
friend,
Jack Ellison
He’s convinced me he’s eighty years old,
and he must be with the stories he’s told,
many border on rude,
but none I’d call crude,
from the man with a heart of pure gold.
Written by
Janice Canerdy
Categories:
emotions, rude,
Ann's Rude Awakening
Ann thought her new beau was a keeper,
but Bob was a raunchy old peeper.
Bare ladies he ogled.
Ann’s mind was so boggled,
she called the cops: “Come get this creeper!”
October 13, 2016
Written by
Jan Allison
Categories:
beach, summer,
'miss-Behaving'
I’m sunbathing down on the beach
just tanning, I look quite a peach
I’m totally nude
Some find that so rude
It shocks all the kids that I teach!
Fiction poem
for Summer Laziness Poetry Contest
sponsored by
Mohan Chutani
06/02/20
Written by
Caryl Muzzey
Categories:
funny
Nudity At Work
I dreamed I went to work in the nude,
being slighted I thought was quite rude.
I was paid no mind,
to my stripped behind,
so I found a broke lawyer who sued.
Second Place Winner ~ "Compromising Dreams” Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: John Freeman
July 28, 2010
Written by
Robert Gorelick
Categories:
humor,
A Fine Host
I'm a fine host whose good heart is spacious
But some thoughts I let in are pugnacious
They're snotty and rude
Playing golf with my mood
It's a curse being giving and gracious
11/23/22
Written by
Jamie Pan
Categories:
funny,
There Was Once a Colossal Man
There was once a colossal man,
who enjoys cooking with a pan,
One day while he was preparing food
his friends were being rather rude
so he fried them in the pan.
06/02/17
Written by
Rico Leffanta
Categories:
funny, lust, relationship, rude, sensual, sexy, wife,
Tit 4 Tat
The Captain's new wife was "true blue"
Whilst he stayed The Wives Club main screw
But rather than pout
When the Captain was out
She serviced his troops two by two
Written by
Kevin Shaw
Categories:
africa, animal, fun, nonsense, rude, word play,
Aardvark Limerick
Aardvark Limerick
An Aardvark living in Timbuktu,
Raised his finger and said,” screw you”
Why so rude, I said back,
Lovely manners you do lack.
So, to reciprocate, I gave him two.
Limerick Contest
Line Gauthier
Written 19.10.17
Written by
John Michaels
Categories:
funny, humor, rude,
Family Jewels
Mark's bro' owned a pair of sports cars
Believed fine to ping the girls' bras
Unwise lad broke the rules
Swift kick to the jewels
Now can't see much but shooting stars
- - - - - - - - - -
15 November 2018
Written by
Jessica Amanda Salmonson
Categories:
animal, environment, nature, pain, rude, sad, water,
The Sad Story of Myrtle
There once was a turtle named Myrtle
Stuck in a plastic ring girdle
It altered her mass
Into an hourglass
Leaving her deformed and infertile.
Written by
Jan Allison
Categories:
humorous,
Hey Big Boy - Bawdy
Sue’s blind date’s a well endowed chap
She grinned when she perched on his lap
But he has a rude name
And it brings him such shame
Cruel parents had named him Jock Strap!
11/03/21
Written by
Jerry T Curtis
Categories:
funny, humor, humorous,
Connie, You Joke
I just made a new friend called Connie
Of course with the AKA Johnny
She sometimes seems rude
and often time lewd
But always His poems are scrawny
Written by
Roy Pett
Categories:
discrimination, rude,
Coffee Shop Bias
men used facilities at Starbucks
but staff took an offence at their looks
policemen were called out
arrested without doubt
now staff being referred to guide book.