While a man was golfing in Fife
a funeral cortege was arife,
his head bowed in prayer
at this somber affair
to pay last respects to his wife!
Trump went to the golf course today
But nobody wanted to play
When someone yelled, "Fore!"
Trump thought they yelled, "Whore!"
And proudly stood in the ball's way
There once was a fellow from Bude
Who loved to play golf in the nude,
Someone quipped "that thing,
Has a hell of swing,
He sure is one well equipped dude."
Make Me Laugh Limerick Contest Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Tania Kitchin.
There was a man from faraway lands.
He held a golf club in his right hand.
He said this to me.
What is that I see?
No club in your mitt, or ball to hit.
-For Contest Golf Limerick
Was out playing golf just for fun
With Father O’Toole in the sun
When club from hand burst
Hit priest as he cursed
And I hit his first holy one
Hyperbole is a sports cast
Announcers have egos so vast
My ears must have rest
From this lambasting pest
Collection of morons amassed
Author's note: Is it getting worse, or is it just me?
You drove the ball high
It flew and touched the sky
I heard, “FORE!"
And ducked therefore
But the ball hit my thigh
Some of the things mom never knew happened;-)
Golfers ahead were really slow
because their dead balls just wouldn't go
we offered them beer,
later we found cheer--
they stepped aside to let it outflow.
I learned to golf the following way;
That after each stroke you shout, ‘foreplay!’
Then when you get up
You shoot for the cup,
And if asked give an instant replay.
For Craig's Golf Limerick contest
I tee for the green
a five iron - cheap - I'm in
a hole in one!
If money be a sin
Then the green is won
Whack that ball; don't hit a tree
Be conked out in the head you see!
And don't hit into the rough
Oh my gosh; that sure is tough!
Or maybe in "the zone" you'll be!
The Golf Practice
By Elton Camp
Sue hit the ball with a mighty swing
Didn’t know problems it would bring
Although Ms Sue had called out “Fore,”
It crashed through a window next door
The owner yelled at her, “Stupid thing.”
Legacy of Arnold Palmer
What a great golfer he had been
At or below par hitting ball in
Always something about Arnold Palmer
You played more steady and were calmer
On day in heaven will see him again.
Dick was a guy with a suave golf club
Who only used it to eat his grub
Sportsman he portrayed
Golf he should have played
For now he cannot fit in his tub
National Enquirer’s the source
When a Tiger’s balls go off course
A scorecard obscene
Of links far from the green
That just might be cause for divorce
In a bunker having his way
When a golf ball took his breath away
Got struck on the head
Minnie groaned and said
Mick is this what they call fore play
Penned April 5 2013
When playing desert golf I parch easy
Which then means I don’t get pars easy
So when I am done
I hide from the sun
And play eighteen whole games of Parcheesi
Into the ground the ball on tee I push
With a mighty swing the club went whoosh
This I will share
The ball still there
But my club did sail into the bush
Visited my 90 year old brother-in-law yesterday
Puts me to shame, good for at least another ten I'd say
Golf he still plays
Still a joker I'd say
To this amazing creature, a glass we raise
© Jack Ellison 2016
The was a young golfer whose mother
Constantly around him would flutter.
All over each green,
Her antics were seen,
Until he thumped her with his putter!
2 April 2013.
As poor Bob left to play the short nine
His nagging old wife began to whine
"Its golf or its me!"
"With that I agree!"
His lawyer told her just where to sign....
He Wears His Golf Cap Up High
His eyes throw comic arrows at his golf shot
Juggernaut after another, and a turkey trot
Double fidgets, a puppet swing
Slices and hooks on a string
Knees and feet wobble, his lessons went to pot
FUNNY LIMERICKS-Poetry Contest-DNP
wait a minute this isn’t baseball
I won't be able to hit that ball
bigger than marble
in hole it will fall
I'll swing in that hole the ball will fall
I'm a lonely golf ball lost in the wood,
hit by a golfer that's not very good.
Honestly I swear,
I don't think he cares.
Maybe taking a few lessons he should.
They all heard him say in Calcutta,
addressing the ball, with his putter,
"Before we begin,
I'd quite like to win,
so please, pop it in," he would mutter.
For Craig's 'Golf Limerick' Competition.