Written by
Viv Wigley
Categories:
garden, humor, spring,
Gardening Time, Everybody
Now that spring has arrived on the scene
to get out in the garden I'm keen
can't let one more day pass
without cutting the grass
since the light through my window is green!
Written by
Jan Allison
Categories:
humorous,
Bawdy Limerick Ii
Her lady garden needed a mowing
His love juices were readily flowing
He made it his mission
To get in position
Now his seed he is happily sowing
Written for Roy Jerden's bawdy Limerick II Contest
19th June 2014
Written by
Richard Breese
Categories:
abuse, anti bullying, flower, funny, garden, hurt, summer,
sting bee
i knew a bee that could sing
it worked for a queen and king
but they preferred honey
and paid it no money
now it sings backup for sting.
Written by
Lindsay Laurie
Categories:
humor,
Gluttony
Two garden snails met by the way,
and one of them had this to say;
“Last night I did manage,
to eat half a cabbage,
now I feel a mite ‘sluggish’ today”.
Written by
Jan Allison
Categories:
garden, humorous,
A Trail of Destruction
A snail has thousands of teeth
No wonder it is such a thief
It gobbles my plants
You should hear my rants
Slug pellets will give some relief!
I discovered from a quiz question that some species of snail can have over 25,000 teeth!
02~05~17
Written by
Deb Wilson
Categories:
funny, garden, sexy,
The Cougar With the Green Thumb
There once was a cougar named Rose
who kept the young men on their toes.
Working in her garden
they'd say "beg your pardon
I'll bet you could use a good hose!"
for Bawdy Limericks Two contest
sponsored by Roy Jerden
Written by
Lindsay Laurie
Categories:
humor,
Protein Surprise
A salad roll sits upon my plate,
All garden fresh and there to be ate;
I didn’t taste a bug
But saw half a slug...
My observation has come too late.
Written by
Donald J Bennett
Categories:
humor,
A Rabbit's Luck
There was a rabbit in Tennessee
His offspring numbering forty three
His manners much less than polite
Caught in a garden without an invite
Now he's on a plate you see; served as rabbit fricassee
Written by
James Fraser
Categories:
beautiful, beauty, creation, flower, garden, love, rose,
To Grace a Pink Rose
It's my desire to grace a Pink Rose
Scented attraction, attracts my nose
Gardener man in me sees
Scents sensed so wonderfully
Natures stem to the Rose grows
<*>
Written by
Charles Henderson
Categories:
religion
God's Redemption
We saw in the garden the seed
Planted by man’s first evil deed
God sent his own son
To be the right one
To absorb sin so man be freed
© Jun 21 2010 for John’s “Human foible” contest
Written by
David Fisher
Categories:
humorous,
Tommy Totem
There was a farm hand named Tommy Totem
Who went out to the garden and hoe’d ‘em
But that implement
Was useless since bent
So he used the tool next to his scrotum
For Bawdy Limerick two contest
July 1, 2014
Written by
Jimmy Mccurdie
Categories:
absence, allah, angel, art, bible, brother, cat,
Nuts
There wad a young man who was nuts
And always lived in garden huts
He screamed at night
And we all got a fright
But I blame all those welfare cuts
Written by
Joyce Johnson
Categories:
funny,
Color Blind
My darling man is quite the catch
Except when his two socks don't match.
I have known him to
Wear black with bright blue
Or colors like a garden patch.
won 5th
Written by
Mark Martin
Categories:
celebration, fun, funny, humor, humorous, ireland,
Outdoor Decor Limerick
There once was an entrepreneur
An Irish born rank amateur
He made garden chairs
Outdoor tables I swear
His name was Paddy O'Furniture
Written 14th March 2017
Entry to "luck of the Irish limerick" contest
Notes: happy St Patrick's day to all my fellow Irish men and women
Written by
Neill Mockett
Categories:
animals, children, funny,
Lily the Frog
Leaping off a garden fence
There is a frog called Lily
She has very little sense
There isn’t one more silly
Leaping up without a care
Lily reaches for the sky
Hear that silly frog declare
Like a bird see how I fly!
Written by
James Fraser
Categories:
garden, nature, pain, silly,
Dicks Prick
There once was a gardener called Dick
Whilst in his garden he thought he was slick
When in the shrubs he poses
He's so stupid, their Roses
And now he's starting to feel a slight prick
.
Written by
Jim Slaughter
Categories:
humor,
Limerick In a Light Shade of Blue
We met in a sweet garden bower,
I and that shy, blushing flower.
My excitement enlarged
When she told me she charged
For the day and not by the hour.
Entered in Andrea Dietrich's
Put Your Best Limerick Forward contest
Feb26, 2003
1st Place
Thank you, Andrea
Written by
Lim'Rik Flats
Categories:
nonsense,
Vegetales
Celery didn’t have the biggest stalk in the bunch,
but Broccoli was jealous, Celery had a hunch.
The garden of eatin’
allows no competin’
Although green with envy, they got together for lunch
Written by
Neill Mockett
Categories:
animals, children, funny,
Blackbird Fred
There is one in the garden soon fed
He is always the first from his bed
Haven’t you heard ?
It’s the early bird
Catches the worm - Blackbird Fred
Written by
Kevin Shaw
Categories:
fun, garden, nonsense, silly, word play,
Roman Gnome
Roman Gnome
There once was an Emperor of Rome
Who invented the first garden Gnome
He thought it looked cute
In its Christian suit
Mascot to the Coliseum of Rome
Written by
Rico Leffanta
Categories:
anger, conflict, international, travel,
Road Rage
We know all roads lead to Rome
So you drive a posh Motor Home
For goodness sake
Elate your mate
And lose that damn garden gnome!
Written by
James Study
Categories:
farm, fun, garden, nonsense, silly,
The What
The young generation had no match
For the term I used they could not catch
The look on there face
Like stare into space
When I said I'll be in my truck patch
Written by
Cheryl Hoffman
Categories:
hair, humor,
Laughter Is the Best Medicine Contest
HAIR GARDEN~
My mans looks like a MrClean,
think's being bald makes him obscene,
tried a hair tonic,
dome he applied it,
now's got Chia hair that is garden green.
10-13-16
Written by
Lindsay Laurie
Categories:
humor,
Wife's Request
Ed’s suicide attempts have to harden.
So Ed said to his wife “beg your pardon,
can you give me a cup
to fill up with ‘roundup”.
“Just don’t have your last pee on my garden!”
Written by
James Horn
Categories:
allegory, analogy,
A Barden Garden
a Barden garden
of poetry we will love
more than anything