There once was Princess the cat
Who found a big fat hairy rat
She brought it in to play
But mother said no way
And found her a very big metal bat
Sir Leonard Hutton famous for cricket
Idolized him yet we played in the snicket
His bat willow three springs and all
Ours a joke no umpire to call
Yet did dream of 'Lords' having took a wicket.
© Harry J Horsman 2015
Not all my hits are home runs,
many of them miss the bat;
specators respond with boos...
right there I expect to lose,
and getting angry, I toss my cap.
I knew a man with a sailors hat
Fat and chubby, smelled like a rat
kissed him out of stupidity,
now he's down on one knee,
Somebody give me a baseball bat!
I..don’t mean to waste your time,
But..boy dose me wife bloody whine.
Do this, do that,
The miserable old bat
I found peace when I pickled her in brine
She blocks out the sun it's as plain as that
A total eclipse with infinite fat
The darkness comes at noon
That's when we see her moon
Her mom has made me as blind as a bat
There once was a young fellow named Lizzie
The tough guys mockingly called him a sissy
So he carried a bat
And that ended that
No more teasing, he dated a sweet campus missy
© Jack Ellison 2015
I updated my new cellular phone
With "Bat Out of Hell" as its new ringtone
When it went off at mass
I let out a huge gasp
Then I pummeled my new phone with a stone
A young lady found a cat
Now she cannot take a nap
Each time her eyes shut
The cat would jump up
And whack her head with a bat
He's a kind of layed back Democrat
Watch the Republican attack with a bat.
I heard his lame comment
His mistress causes torment.
She's as fierce as a mangy pussycat!
The " Fraidy" bat flew high away
The "Fraidy"bat said he hated night more than day
I asked him why things were so,
He told me of the time he was molested by a moth named "Bo"
My ears were so violated by what I heard, I didn't know what to say
We toss our names into a hat
Luck of the draw, that’s where it’s at
No rhyme or reason
Must be the season
Just step on up and swing your bat
There once was an old cow in her stall
She was looked at by one and all
She was ugly and fat
That crazy old bat
I'm talking bout' my mother-in-law
The old women found a black cat
That changed into a large bat
Took her high up in the air
Then slung her by the hair
Into a machine that made her turn flat
Jack's wife looked in the mirror and asked
Does this dress make my ass look too fat?
To her chagrin
He said Yes with a grin
But at least you’re not blind like a bat
They teach, "Curiosity killed the cat"
Is there a good explanation for that?
In school don't ask questions
Don't dare make suggestions
Live your life just as blind as a bat.
The skeleton with a crazy hat,
Says,'I am rotten inside, Mr.Bat',
I have no heart,
I cannot fart,
But they say,'you are a sort of pack rat'.
One dark evening, Hat-less Hattie,
Took a walk with her cattie.
She didn’t see the thing fly down;
Bat attached itself to her crown;
Hat-less Hattie’s locks are now Matty!
Again Off the Bat
Again, another thought came off the bat;
Trump has truly become a spoiled brat;
What he wanted to him was always given;
Never desired poor behavior to be forgiven,
And both his body and lip sure seem so fat.
James Thesarious Hilarious Horn
Retired Soldier and Poet
Not the protein, dear Rico, the fat!
There’ll be no more wheat grass for Jack Sprat.
That unhappy vegan
Has gone Chrissy Teigen,
Is now off clubbing seals with a bat.
H/T to Wickless in Seattle by Rico Leffanta
The moon was as black as a cat
But I saw the tip of a witches hat
Black smoke came from her broom
There was a loud ka-boom
She fell from the sky with her bat
Like a bat out of hell or a cave
Left and Right always rant or else rave
Calm and reason have fled
Abandoned for dead
~ Hysteria's what audiences crave
Each October brings forth Halloween.
Kids love scary, weird props, unforeseen:
four-foot spider that crawls-
flying, mock bat appalls-
as does ground-breaker zombie on scene!
October 14, 2020
Contest: Halloween Inspired Limerick
Sponsor: Tania Kitchin
Fancy woman in a pink sequined hat
With a feathered boa fluffy and fat,
Putting on the ritz
For a guy named Fritz
Who made money with a ball and bat
The Stats show a Brooklyn Dodger
Scored RBIs with his todger
Then one day at bat
A Foul Ball went splat
And now he's Soprano Codger
RBI=Runs Batted In