A UFO went to land in Dakota
But the brakes didn't work one iota.
It didn't take long
to decide what was wrong
seems the space ship was made by Toyota!
She works in accounting at the factory,
loves counting numbers and her salary,
she has it made,
till she got weighed,
obviously hates counting calories.
A vacuum cleaner should glide
And relief from messes provide
It is quite unlike
Harley Davidson's bike
Since the dirtbag's on the inside
Author's note: Someone told me this vapid joke at work today, so I framed it as above--enjoy!
The sea was unusually wavy,
When a cook in the Royal Navy,
With a roll of the ship,
Inundating his captain with gravy.
Humble Olive Eloisa
Went one day to work in Pisa
She posed for awhile
Behind flashy smile
She stood in for Mona Lisa.
What can two hydrogen; one oxygen be,
here’s a really good hint, it makes up the sea.
so now we should know,
water is H2O.
Now let us work this out; what is K9P?
I had an affair with a maid
Accustomed to doing as bade
Now she is with child
The wife has gone wild,
"Thats not how a maid should be paid!"
I worked for a cranky old boss
who came to work always quite cross.
Finally found out,
he developed gout,
when stocks took a capital loss
Copyright © 2011 By Caryl SMuzzey
There once was a proud Aries like me,
whose impatience kept from being free.
But all my pride inside
never had the chance to hide
the goal of winning confidently!
Oh, honey, your lover’s a jerk;
I promise it really can’t work -
As he’s married, of course,
And he wouldn’t divorce -
I’d deck him* and wipe off his smirk.
* to punch someone hard and knock them to the ground
For Vicky’s Agony Aunt contest
“One day, I’ll fin’lly align
This horrible, putrid design;
I’ll start at the crown,
And work my way down,”
Said the sheep at the end of the line.
Stevo milks de cows but O brudder
in de shed some begin to shudder.
With firm grip he pull
on both cow and bull,
O' but one doh work like de udder!
He spends one more day in his bed.
To-do-lists run all ‘round his head.
Noon came and then passed,
he’s still on his ass.
A hard day of work, he most dreads!
“If man had created man, he’d be ashamed of his performance.” – Mark Twain
I'm retired but do I still have a life
Yes, sexual adviser I am to my wife
But if I say try this
It'll be totally bliss
If I desire I'll ask for your advice
Challenged to write on the back of a Joke!
LOVE and HATE it can often be said
in relationships, share the same bed
if you're really quite shrewd
you can work out her mood-
either lipstick or bruise on my head!
There once was a gent named Springtime Ned
Who on that March morning sprang from his bed
In amazement and shock
He forgot to set his clock
Now with his boss on thin water he'll tread
Last week my computer was on the fritz.
The confounded thing was givin' me fits!
Trouble was a sick modem.
They jes' won't work without 'em!
Life sans a computer is jes' the pits!
Robert LHinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(c) 2015 All Rights Reserved
A novice goose farmer named Sanders,
Once wrote for advice from Ann Landers.
He'd encountered a block
To increasing his flock:
He didn't know gooses from ganders.
Hi Ho around and around we go
Where I work nothing is ever slow
Sometimes they will shout
Sometimes they will pout
What cometh next you never can know
Sometimes my work is the pits -
Teenagers popping their zits
With consummate art
They burp and they fart …
I still love my job to bits!
17th November 2015
A lumberjack fell on his knees
When the woods ran out of trees.
No thought to give in
And after a spin,
He was soon modeling dickies.
A lady named Abigail Feanture
Received from her colleagues a censure.
She, being a vet,
A mischievous Doberman Pincer.
National Enquirer’s the source
When a Tiger’s balls go off course
A scorecard obscene
Of links far from the green
That just might be cause for divorce
School work leads to thrilling careers
Say hooray hip hip--give three cheers!
A student's new skill
Brings success just until
The bill for the loan's in arrears!
Abigail Kirk lived in outback town Burke,
A hotel receptionist, she had a slight quirk,
Her rather long ponytail stretched to the floor,
After a few years it had grown much more,
She sold it to ten bald men and retired from work.