Limerick Poems About Woman | Woman Limerick Poems
Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: betrayal, body, humorous,


At the footbridge Sue was meeting her beau (He was married to a woman called Flo) Sue soon found out his deception She dismembered his erection For his love life it was a massive blow To the hospital fled poor Rodger For an op to repair his todger Now fixed, it's SO big Rodger grunts like a pig in porn films as Rodger the lodger Inspired by but not for contest BY JAN ALLISON 7~18~16 He promised Flo he never would leave her And she would be his only receiver But she caught him with Sue And his chances were through Gnawing off wood when he neared her beaver WRITTEN BY TIM SMITH Sue castrated that cheating deceiver With one whack of her meat cleaver she pulled a Lorena Bobbit turned Rodger into a Hobbit Sue's now known as an "overachiever" WRITTEN BY MARTI SUTHERLAND Across the table sits sweet Amee Once A Roger, before he became a she The master of infidelity So many personalities Before and after he became an amputee.. WRITTEN BY SKAT A He was known as a terrible stoner With a huge un-deflatable boner It now sits in a jar At the end of the bar A reminder to all of its owner... WRITTEN BY JOHN LAWLESS It’s become a tourist attraction As a symbol of female subtraction Grannies sneak in for a peek Everyday of the week Dreaming of former of love action. WRITTEN BY MARK WOODS Oh how sad that pork missile should be unemployed but for all there to see if science, in a jiffy can rejuvenate stiffys then the first in the queue would be me! WRITTEN BY VIV WIGLEY Flo wanted to give Sue a high five For slicing Rodger with all his jive A two timing fool Who broke every rule Now lil Rodger don't work in overdrive WRITTEN BY ALEXIS Y Rodger's story has been immortalized For having his thingy circumcised It's on display in a bar Now hanging in a jar While it's slowing becoming crystalized WRITTEN BY MARTI SUTHERLAND As she ponders on what to eat Hopefully, it won’t be red meat For there on the log Is Rodger's hot dog So she gets excited and jumps off her feet WRITTEN BY WINGED WARRIOR There's a lesson I really must blurt To all those blokes out chasing some 'skirt' When you're on heat Don't share your meat 'Cause your todger might really get hurt! WRITTEN BY MARK WOODS Poor forgotten noteworthy Sue Looking so gloomy she blew At the pickled todger once belonging to Rodger kissing good times its last adieu WRITTEN BY EVE ROPER As "Rodger" snaked out of the door It went past a room on tenth floor. A woman therein Said "Come right on in." she kept screaming, "More, I want more! WRITTEN BY ANDREA DIETRICH After Sue chopped his tally-whacker Poor Rodger became quite the slacker He tried to bring his pecker forth Never again to be pointing north Now when he pees he sits on the crapper. He stopped at the house, the red-light was on Knocked on the door, the girls were all gone Stuck with his sawed-off boner Tonight He's going to be a loner Damn, why did the girls all have to be gone? BOTH POEMS WRITTEN BY JAMES ANDERSEN A group of limericks quite clever Began with one simple sever Of engorged penis which is, (between us), I think, a spicy endeavor WRITTEN BY H PENELOPE SWIFTLOCK There was perfection in his pecker, as a porn star he was a wrecker, but to his wife he was unfair, so she severed what was down there, now his only job is director. WRITTEN BY CASARAH NANCE Poor Rodger thought he was being slick when he carved out a handcrafted prick he rubbed his new attire his precious toy caught fire Now he is left with an ashen stick WRITTEN BY TEPPO GREN An ashen stick means man minus prick. Poor Rodger, now a eunuch, without a fix He decided to become a transgender Then off he went on a bender Woke up married to a man from Bertrix WRITTEN BY JEAN MURRAY Rodger's new love was a prudish fox but for brains she had a head of rocks he splinted up his willy popsicle sticks look silly he said it was new and still in the box! WRITTEN BY SONNY ROPER (EVE'S HUBBY) To be fair "At the Footbridge" Now to be completely fair And to stop every persons stare Rodger was not actually circumcised As he was a player, so don’t be surprised This was from wear and tear and his willingness to share WRITTEN BY MARK PAUL VAN DER MERWE Now Rodger mostly stays home for lack of a viable bone He reaches by habit down for his rabbit: he's got Phantom Willy Syndrome! WRITTEN BY DALE GREGORY COZART Rodger was a good friend of Eye Had a real hankering for cherry pie Tasted every chance he got And it would hit the spot Until his crazy wife made him cry WRITTEN ON 14TH JUNE BY EYE TRUTH TELLER Roger pretends that he's a sexy stud But when the ladies find out he's a dud they all laugh in his face anatomically a disgrace His manhood is referred to as "The Bud" WRITTEN ON 15TH JUNE BY LIN LANE Rodger thought his op was a success When he found he had more and not less But the surgeon's blind stunt Sewed it on back to front Well, he certainly lacks some finesse! WRITTEN ON 15TH JUNE BY RAY GRIDLEY As he crossed the footbridge, Georgie saw a duck Quite unique and raucous, it could quack AND cluck! (And did so incessantly) "Hey! Hey! It's all about me!" It loudly proclaimed, with much aplomb and pluck WRITTEN BY LIM'RIK FLATS
I also wrote another poem but this one did not turn into a collaboration - if you read it you will see that it is quite different to my usual style

Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: humor,

Justice - A Parable

A woman gave birth to a son
named Justice; he had little fun.
If he wanted to play,
his mama would say,
“But only when Justice is done!”

Poor Justice, from morning till night,
tried hard to do everything right.
By the end of the day,
he still could not play,
for his time to do chores was so tight!

His life was a crime with no play!
We all know that crime doesn’t pay.
But were I in his shoes,
having paid all my dues,
I think I might just run away.

Well, sure enough, Justice did flee
and ended up in Tennessee.
With no place to belong,
he felt sad till along
came a girl who smiled tenderly.

Looking ragged, he asked (with some shame)
if the young girl would tell him her name.
“Can you guess?” said the Miss.
“Here’s a clueIt is this
Those who have me don’t take all the blame.”

The young man did not have a clue
what her name was; it was all new.
He’d never hear of
- yet soon grew to love -
this girl  and her charming name too.

Today Justice likes more his life
because this girl lessens his strife.
He learned her name well
when in love he fell
and Mercy he took for a wife!

For the Story Poem Contest Poetry Contest of Carol Eastman

Poem Details | by Dale Gregory Cozart |
Categories: candy, humor,

Ode to Chocolate-COLLABORATION

To chocolate I pay my respects
Some folks say its better than sex
whether milk dark or white
Ev’ry bar I must bite
or I'll get a lack of choccy complex

I NEED chocolate it’s an unwritten rule
I'm a woman not a blithering fool
Give me a constant supply
On days that end with a Y
when choc’s smeared round my mouth it looks cool


Most women love something that’s sweet
And chocolate it cannot be beat
Deny them and they’ll pout
Choc is all they think about
Many men think it's all that they'll eat.


She lustingly said to bring some to her room
off went my trousers in a vertical zoom
I gazed in her eyes
but to my surprise
I gave her the chocolate she gave me a broom


Give me the chocolate and forget the sex
But please don't send it through Fed Ex
It'll melt in the summer
And that's a real bummer
Now that's a problem to vex and perplex


Chocolates make me feel great
I forget the part about weight
If I was a tad thinner
Would think chocolate ideal for dinner
Will settle for sex after eight


Chocolate is all that she wishes
She loves anything that Swiss is
I brought her a box
She quick changed the locks
Guess I’ll just go sleep with the Mrs.


One woman with sweet loving lips
ate nothing but dark chocolate chips.
Her husband's retort?
"To enter her port
is like docking between two battleships!"


Poem Details | by DARREN WATSON |
Categories: funny, mum, , cute,

Trying something new

Trying something new , If you think you see something or someone you recognise
It is purely coincidental.

I met a romantic queen
and made love to her in a dream 
Her mum said Put him down 
Drive him out of town 
You've no idea where he's been 

I have a friend named A.D.
I adore all of her poetry
Her writing puts me to shame
but when she mentions my name
I feel like she's flirting with me.

A beautiful lady named Nette 
Said she wouldn't be kissed for a bet 
but a gentleman I aint
If I kissed her she'd faint
and she'd be forever in my debt.

Our very good friend Tim
Swore a beautiful woman was stalking him
but since he's been missing 
He's discovered French kissing
Now our chances of finding him are slim.

I know a young lady named SKAT
When she makes love, She purrs like a cat
She is such a cute kitten 
I admit I am smitten
and I wouldn't mind hearing that.

We have a beautiful friend named F.J.
I asked what she knew about kissing one day
I could tell from her wink
She knows more than we think
and a lot more than she's willing to say.

I'll work on it

Poem Details | by Dale Gregory Cozart |
Categories: drink, humor, word play,

A Man from Duluth

There once was a man from Duluth
whose habit was spinning the truth.
He had told the same tale
(every day without fail;
'twas getting quite long in the tooth).

He sat down to drink in a booth
then ordered a double vermouth.
He said a tornado
shaped like a potato
had taken his poor wife named, Ruth!

The men in the bar yelled, “Forsooth!”
But one woman thought it was truth
(the gal was a newbie
who'd just smoked a doobie)
and sent more vermouth to the booth.

“The first time I ever saw Ruth,”
he said, toasting her with vermouth,
(Though usually crisp
when he drank he'd a lisp),
“wath back in my youth in Duluth.

“She'd one perpendicular tooth.
When she withled came her pet gooth.
It wath love at firth thight
and we wedded that night
with her gooth on top of a mooth!”

“We honeymooned outthide Duluth
in a cabooth, just me and Ruth.”
He then heaved a big sigh
(he was getting quite high)
“And of courthe the mooth and her gooth.”

He took a big swig of vermouth
and said that they never found Ruth.
“Just an arm at the mall
and her foot on a wall,
pluth one thingle tooth in Duluth.”

He wept as he pined for his youth,
so the gal ordered up more vermouth.
Then the telephone rang
and the bartender sang,
“It's Ruth, your ex-wife in Duluth.

It's I telling you the sad truth
about her and 'who goothed the mooth'!
Now she wants a good check
that won't bounce, you old wreck,
like the last at Bank of Duluth!”

The new gal cried, “Cad, You're uncouth!
You gave your eyetooth it was truth
of poor Ruth and her gooth,
the cabooth and the mooth
in Duluth, and all for vermouth!”

The man said, “The truth in Duluth
and why I keep hitting the juithe
ith that Ruth and the mooth,
the cabooth and her gooth
were a nooth I had to cut looth!”

The new gal cried, “There weren't no gooth,
nor mooth or cabooth in Duluth!
There was just poor old Ruth
and some nooth that was looth,
plus a drunk who soaked up the juithe!”

The man from Duluth knew the truth,
“Thereth no more vermouthWhath the uthe?”
So he crept out the back,
but the rest knew the tack:
he'd be back next day for vermouth!

Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: funnywords, , cute,

The Fisher of Men

On the beach strolled a woman - ambitious!
She spied a man fishing - delicious!
“Ohhhh, your arms are so strong
and your rod is so long
I bet you catch hundreds of fishes!”

The fisherman looked with surprise
at this beautiful girl with blue eyes.
With words loved by men
she kept reeling him in,
for she always could spot a good prize!

Flirting words and a magical look
were her bait, and that’s all that it took!
The cute gal got her wish,
and if all men were fish,
all the best ones would be on her hook!

Poem Details | by Timothy Brumley |
Categories: family, funny, mother

A Clean Hacienda

There once was a woman named Linda

Who would keep a clean hacienda

     Till four children she bore

     And then bore she one more...

She now has a different agenda!

                            Timothy IBrumley

Poem Details | by Teppo Gren |
Categories: change, humor, woman,



I once knew a woman named Carrie
She was the kind of girl I’d marry
Touched the gun in her pocket
I shot off like a rocket
She had changed herself to be Larry

T.J Grén
2nd June, 2016

Poem Details | by Cynthia Jones |
Categories: humor, imagery, inspiration, poetry,

Cross-Eyed Woman -Limerick-

Cross eyed woman had a nasty fall after running into a brick wall she was hit over the head with a big loaf of bread while trying to play basketball Copyright Cynthia Jones Sept.23/2004

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous,


I once knew a woman called Terri Who always was sipping the sherry She got steaming drunk And fell off her bunk The medics described her as ‘merry’ WRITTEN BY JAN ALLISON 20th October 2016 Still in her old knickers grinning Until the room started spinning Feeling not all right Spent from a great night Her troubles were just beginning WRITTEN BY TIM SMITH I heard she was also stacked Whenever she got racked On the top bunk who woulda thunk Sippin' sherry would get her untracked. WRITTEN BY JOHN WULF LIM'RIK FLATS So there she was a-reelin' Had the ER patients squealin’ Doc was quite put out! But never did shout Shot her more sherry, now she’s dreamin’ WRITTEN BY SAN WOO Her night on the tiles was made more so by a bottle or two Oloroso fell off her bunk ladder the poor girl she was bladdered and added a bruise to her Torso WRITTEN BY VIV WIGLEY Now Terri was off on a spree, the truth is she barely could see. She reached for the door, fell flat on the floor and screamed like an Irish banshee. WRITTEN BY KEITH LOGAN Terri swore she'd never get drunk again Until she met a handsome guy named Glen he shot her a wink and bought her a drink She's addicted to alcohol and men! WRITTEN BY LIN LANE Terri was known for being the town drunk Who would listen to heavy metal and punk She played it real loud And drew a big crowd But they didn't come close due to her pet skunk WRITTEN BY ALEXIS Y Once I got drunk drinking all that Sherry With the voluptuous pretty Mary They found us both on the floor Just three yards away the door Her relatives said I had to marry WRITTEN BY DEMETRIOS TRIFIATIS This Terri gets quite inebriated If all these tales can be authenticated She gets drunk, listens to punk Sips Old Monk with her pet skunk Until she becomes quite nauseated WRITTEN BY TREY HAMNER Terri came India for few week Few days after she got seek No wine" team move her nice She takes pills with their advice Now Terry shines smart with red round cheek WRITTEN BY MANMATH DALEI The booze ran through Terri but she kept peeing as fast as can be The money ran out, She started to shout: "From now on I drink herbal tea!" WRITTEN BY DARREN WHITE

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous,


She’s as dry as a woman can be No longer wet from dribbling wee She’s got 'Tom' in her pants She can run, she can dance No more leaks, she is now so carefree 30th March 2015

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, humorous,


A randy old fella named Jack Always went sleep on his back His todger would rise Right up to the skies It’s only a woman he’d lack! 21st March 2016

Poem Details | by Sara Kendrick |
Categories: funny, imagination, introspection, life,

Just Desserts For Unfaithful

  Any pretty woman turned his head
  He liked them all so it is said
  Then one day to his surprise
  They no longer caught his eye
   His sexual desire totally died

Poem Details | by Lindsay Laurie |
Categories: humor,


I was concerned for my closest mate Gus,
He had problems he needs to discuss,
It’s a woman Gus said,
It’s the one that you wed...
I’ve heard she’s been cheating on us.

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: chocolate, humorous,


To chocolate I pay my respects Some folks say its better than sex whether milk dark or white Ev’ry bar I must bite or I'll get a lack of choccy complex I NEED chocolate it’s an unwritten rule I'm a woman not a blithering fool Give me a constant supply On days that end with a Y when choc’s smeared round my mouth it looks cool Most women love something that’s sweet And chocolate it cannot be beat Deny them and they’ll pout Choc is all they think about Many men think it's all that they'll eat. Collaboration with Dale Gregory Cozart *** Dale posted the poem yesterday and it turned into a collaboration - please feel free to add your poem to his page *** 07-26-17

Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: humor,

Groundhog Day

Deemed significant culturally,
a fantastic and old comedy
is this film I love,
which is the tale of
a weatherman played by Bill Murray.

This weatherman Phil has been sent
to cover the groundhog event.
He’s so hard to please,
and that’s because he’s
an arrogant cynical gent.

There’s a blizzard and Phil’s forced to stay
in Punxsutawney for one more day.
He awakesSomething’s wrong!
“I Got You Babe,” the song
by his bedside is what he hears play.

It’s the same song from the day before
when he woke up at sixOut the door,
he goes onto the street.
Things repeat and repeat.
This is something that he can’t ignore.

In a time loop he’s stuck! Each time when
he is hearing “I Got You Babe,” then
that man, once so vain,
begins going insane.
Groundhog Day comes again and again!

When he understands that there won’t be
any punishment whenever he
does anything wrong,
it isn’t for long
before Phil behaves most crazily.

He drives reckless and binges on beer.
Since tomorrow will never grow near,
he drives right off a cliff!
He would not do that if
there were hope, so he’s lost all his fear.

There’s a woman that Phil’s come to know,
and he talks to her every day, so
he can learn more and more
how to make her adore
him! His feelings for her start to grow.

With his efforts to win Rita’s heart,
Phil begins to appreciate art.
He learns French and to play
the piano! Each day
in the townspeople’s lives he takes part.

Seven years come and goBy year eight,
Phil has changedBut will this change his fate?
Knowing everyone’s needs,
he is doing good deeds,
and in Rita’s eyes, Phil’s looking great!

It’s his last Groundhog Day when Phil learns
his life’s lessonThis time his world turns!
Through the great power of
unconditional love
and his good works, a NEW day Phil earns!

“I Got You , Babe” plays next to his head.
But it’s NOT Groundhog’s Day, for instead,
Phil wakens to see
true love won! Rita’s with him in bed!

March 27, 2018 for the FAVORITE COMEDY MOVIE Contest of Alexis Y

Poem Details | by Janis Thompson |
Categories: funny,

Lady Eloise from Boomerang

A funny movie named Boomerang,
had Eddie, Eartha and quite a gang.
Eartha Kitt was Old Lady Eloise,
namesake for scents and the likes of these.
As an elder owner, her body sang.

Eddie Murphy aimed for the top.
Old Lady Eloise was hot.
He cringed to her love notions
to get a big promotion
but the company exec she was not.

The next day he met the real boss.
All was not a complete loss.
She was a woman fine
that took his total mine
and the job at the top was the cost.

He approached and gave her a line.
She knew who he was all the time.
She gave him some talk
as to their office they walked.
For Eddie, this play was sublime.

Right then appeared Lady Eloise.
Who whispered, “I have no panties.”
While Eddie Murphy turned red
the exec winked and said,
“She’s the one not to displease.”

Sponsored by: Alexis Y.
1st place

Poem Details | by lim'rik flats |
Categories: nonsense,

For Jan - not contest

I know a woman who pees
with every succulent sneeze
It gets on her hose
and also on those
things hanging down to her knees! 

*Jan - I'll bet you've got a photo on file which would go with this

Poem Details | by Michelle Faulkner |
Categories: funny, humor, nonsense, silly,

Polite Fight

Today, I got into a Polite Fight
Over the last Wonder Woman night-light
"Oh, its yours," I insisted,
She demurred, I resisted,
Until I gave in and let her be right!


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: beach, body, clothes, humorous,


I espied a large woman called Evie (She was wearing her husband’s mankini) Though her skin was quite pale She looked like a beached whale It’s a pity his outfit’s so weenie Of her figure Evie is proud but Evie is so well endowed ‘Twas a bright a sunny day with huge boobs on display This outfit it drew quite a crowd An onlooker passed her a towel Saying cover those boobies they’re foul Please don’t wear a mankini - Wear a woman’s bikini Evie blushed red and gave him a scowl 3/28/18

Poem Details | by Dale Gregory Cozart |
Categories: humor,

Polly No Wanna

A woman named Polly wouldn't yield, though grown men wanted to plow her field. “Without a ring you will fail. I've thrown big stones in your trail. My field now has a chastity shield.”

Poem Details | by Phyllis Babcock |
Categories: birthday, humor,

Age Humor

There was a woman who had a birthday
No age would she ever give away
Everyday she ate bran
Now regular on the can
A strong odor she did display.


Poem Details | by Timothy Brumley |
Categories: animals, funny, social

A Club Sandwich

There once was a woman named Tracy

Who wore clothes that were a bit racy

     Till she got drunk in a club

     And was mistaken for grub

By the wolves who thought her quite tasty!

                               Timothy IBrumley

Poem Details | by Thvia Shetley |
Categories: funny,

Epitaph of a run-away bride

Here lies a woman of hedonist fame,
her Je ne sais quoi had no restrain.
Any man who proposed
found her not so disposed
and never could find her again!


Poem Details | by T Wignesan |
Categories: humor,

Limerick: Once a Tennis Woman named Sue Baule

Limerick : Once a Tennis Woman named Sue Baule

Once a Tennis Woman named Sue Baule
Tried to avoid being called : « Screw Ball ! »
So she got her haïr cut
In the shape of a snout
Since at French Open gets dubbed : « Screwed Doll ! »  

© TWignesan – Paris,  2013

Poem Details | by Barbara Gorelick |
Categories: funny,

Get Well Soon

I had a Head Nurse that was just born mean The ugliest woman I'd ever seen A voice like sharp ice Never could be nice She made old Nurse Ratchet seem like a queen

Poem Details | by John Smith |
Categories: mother,

There was an Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe

The old woman in the shoe scandal 
who had those kids, too much to handle 
Now that they are full grown
and she is home alone, 
she'll down-size to a sandal.

Poem Details | by tom bell |
Categories: adventure, funny, husband, love,

State Fair

There once was a woman named Shar,
Who went to her local State Fair,
Her husband came too,
Can't say no to you,
And they were quickly thrown out of there

Poem Details | by Jack Clark |
Categories: funny, funny love, humor,

True Love

Her hair as red as a flame
Her lips were colored the same
… That Irish Lass
… So full of sass
He’s wonderin’ if she’d take his name?

Her to him: “You’ve got a crust!
With courtin’ and dowry a must …
… in wooin’ I’ll naught
… ever be caught
Afore me name I’d adjust!”

“Oh, wee lassie, please see:
‘T is you - the woman for me
… I’ve 10,000 wells
… of oil I sells
Marry me”, he said on one knee.

“Oh! My!  I see you’re sincere
My name change … it’s drawing near
… ‘bout that oil …
… can’t let it spoil!
Now … what’s my new last name, me dear?

Poem Details | by Gail DeBole |
Categories: fantasy, funny, imagination,

Portrait of Esther and Mike

Started writing: 1996
Finished writing: March 2012
Note: Inspired by my friend Mike

There once was a woman named Esther
Whose feelings were known to quite fester
Unless her lawn-mowing guy
Cut her lawn down to size
So her lawn and spirit were not mess-ters.

As long as Mike was her lawn-mowing man,
Sweet Esther was his biggest fan.
But once Mike could not mow
Her lawn and dismay did grow
Cutting down her lawn-mowing plan.

Some say that her lawn grew so high
That her lawn grew right over the sky.
Grew over airplanes that zoomed,
Birds, and hot air balloons,
'Til the man in the moon was green-eyed!

Note: Part of the Portrait Collection

Poem Details | by Kim Merryman |
Categories: family,

Dan's Clan

There once was a young man named Dan,
Who married a woman named Anne.
Three kids plus one more,
Males a total of four,
Now it's Dan and Anne and their clan.

(written in honor of my son Daniel and family)

Poem Details | by Viv Wigley |
Categories: abuse, religion,


My bigotry festered and grew
then out of control it just blew
but I just couldn't see
since you're different from me
surely I must be different from you

(A kneejerk reaction poem about the man who abused then
tore the Hijaab off a Muslim woman on a local train , last weekend)

Poem Details | by Deb Wilson |
Categories: funny love, husband,

Who You Callin' Fattie-A Limerick

There was an old woman called Hattie
whose hubby's name for her was fattie.
So she cooked his goose
hung him from a noose
then buried him in a cow pattie!

Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: funny,

Dear Depressed

Dear Depressed, you’re the cuckoo who flew
From the cuckoo’s nestGo get a clue!
You are  too hot to trot
For a guy who has got
Not a semblance of interest in you.

He won’t call you back? Here’s the buzz:
He does NOT pick his phone up because
well, for one thing, you see,
you act more desperately
than a crack head who wants a fix does!

And that woman who answers his phone,
and she tells you to leave them alone -
It’s his sister, you say??
You are queen for the day.
Go sit on the idiot throne!

You’ve got kids from different guys.
Better think before spreading your thighs.
You feel nauseous and sick?
Well, I think that some dick
has got you again with his lies.

I would offer advice, but I can’t,
for all I can do now is rant!
Just be thankful you’ll get 
A more sizeable check
from the welfareLove, Agony Aunt.

A response poem to the letter written to
Agony Aunt (see the contest pages)

Poem Details | by Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen |
Categories: happiness, hope, husband, lovelonely,

A Happily Ever After Marriage

There once was a poet extraordinaire,
Who composed sweet poetry with great care
She wanted to find true love.
So, she prayed to God above.
He swiftly answered, “Sweetheart, you must forbear.”

Forbearance was her lonely heart’s nightmare.
She was a passionate woman with flare.
Singing in a high octave.
Counting petals of foxglove.
She drank martinis alone in her lair.

A brilliant mind with hope and a prayer,
Resting her head on a lonely armchair.
Praising spirits up above,
She heard Ron’s voice, cute white dove.
Alas, she found him…marriage…love so fair.

(Linda-Marie, I used your profile picture for inspiration for this contest entry.)

© March 31, 2011
Dane Smith-Johnsen

Poem Details | by Lindsay Laurie |
Categories: humor,

Denominated Dog

Old Danny who lived on the outskirts of town
in a shack made of iron and very run down,
was tarnished poor sod,
by one man of God,
who when speaking to Danny always put on a frown

The Parish Priest had what I’d say was a lust,
for he’d tell his congregation that it is a must,
to be generous with offer,
for the church coffer,
and one look at Danny, said he don’t own a crust.

Danny poor soul met the Priest and he cried
while he carried his dog, who once ran by his side,
and now dead as a dodo,
Danny wants to know,
if the Priest could say mass for his old mate who died 

“Good heavens my son!” the Priest looked upon Dan,
“This church only holds service, for woman and man,
but for beasts you may try,
when ever they die,
the new church up the road for an animal plan.”

Dan said, “Thank you father, you’ve been a good scout.
You helping my dog will help its soul no doubt…
for the service they make,
do you think they’ll take,
five thousand dollars, so to help their church out?”

The Priest cleared his throat and his eyes they extend,
then he said, “Wait a minute! Some rules I can bend,
bring your dog and I’ll pray,
for you neglected to say,
that your dog was a Catholic my friend!”

Poem Details | by Dorian Petersen Potter |
Categories: funny, humorous,



There once was a woman named Camilla, She wanted a castle but not a villa, So she got a prince, But he started to wince, When she started to look more like Godzilla.
Poetry contest: monsters and Marvels Date: 10.08.14 Sponsor: Debbie Guzzi

Poem Details | by S.Jagathsimhan Nair |
Categories: women,

The poem in the mind-2

The poem in the mind

There is  only  enough space in my mind
For just a poem and there you I find
Can’t think of another thing
My mind singing what you sing
To all else except you I’m rather blind.

I know you are an involved mom of six
And what toll it takes bringing up those chicks
On your spirit and body
Your life was never gaudy
But the essence of such a  gracious mix.

Adorable are your traits which are rare
Attributes, six, are your  children so fair
They are love, care and beauty
Passion, power and frailty
Here’s  the perfect woman beyond compare.

@ 23 feb 13

S.Jagathsimhan Nair

Entry for PD's contest on 5 mar 13

Poem Details | by kasim ishmael |
Categories: friendship, life, love, home,


I had a great job
I had a pretty girl
I was moving up 
Slowly in this world

Had a good position
In the factory
And was working 
For a very good salary

Then comes the war
And things got tough
They close the factory
And at home it got rough

I thought that her love
Was my umbrella 
And when there’s bad weather 
In her arms I would shelter

And umbrella can do a lot
When you are in the rain
It can keep you dry
Until the sun comes out again

For me it seems like hard times
Had just began to pour 
And my pretty umbrella 
Had holes I never seen before

The fancy dinners we had
Now become burger king
And I guess she never love me
Just the gifts I would bring

And I brought home a pizza
And she didn’t take a slice
And when I try to hug her
Her arms were cold as ice

One day she went out
And she never came back
And when I look in the closet
She took every last rack

But what can I do
Sure I’m not the only one
Who lost their job?
And their woman was gone

Always know I had an umbrella
Now I don’t know what to say
When comes the rain
She just up an flew away

But I know the time will change
And so will the weather
And one day there will be some one
Who wants me to be their umbrella?

Poem Details | by Theresa CW |
Categories: fun, humor,

Fruit Loops

Fruit Loops

There’s a wild woman who lives in Kamloops
She wants to have excessive wild sex groups
Folks say she doesn’t knows
She looks might dirty gross
She’s not even erotic like fruit loops.

Written: 6/11/15
Theresa Marie

Poem Details | by Sue Mason |
Categories: fantasy

Steppin' Out

There once was a man of Benares
who often danced with fairies
they taught him many steps
so he would be as adept
as a woman he one day marries.

Then an elf in a green wig
appeared out of nowhere, real big
scaring the man so he stumbled
his feet growing ever more jumbled
watching the elf begin a jig.

The fairies did twitter and squeal
while the elf continued to reel
and the man of Benares
stood shocked and embarrassed
and didn't know what to feel.

So he wandered of by himself
leaving the fairies and elf
and went looking for a wife
who'd never danced in her life
and kept his steps on a shelf.

Poem Details | by Barbara Gorelick |
Categories: funny

Avoiding the IRS

There once was a woman  named Roxanne
Who had sex with many a fine man
She charged a big fee
And made them agree
To never disclose the business she ran

For Deb's contest...

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous, political, satire,


Some folks will be down in the dumps Hillary lost … Donald came up trumps Britain made their exit They voted for Brexit I have a question …are we all chumps? JAN ALLISON 11~09~16 I think we're all sick of the status quo They get rich and to us a bone they throw Our vote reflects Too much neglect So let's cover our ears and enjoy the show WRITTEN BY TIM SMITH Nothing can kill an erection Quiet like a Presidential Election I limped to my room Feeling the doom But woke Okay with the national selection. WRITTEN BY JAMES ANDERSEN DUCK WINS! SALAMANDER CONCEDES! It was a pretty heady do’in But duck was good at poo’in Plus loud quacks And nasty attacks Political skills for a shoo in WRITTEN BY LIM'RICK FLATS Trump defeated Hillary Clinton in spades She conceded, his hand was well played No more bickering Nor cat fighting America has voted, the choice was made WRITTEN BY ALEXIS Y The vitriol flowed, the venom spewed The gamut was run from nasty to rude They covered their flaws By flapping their jaws At least neither showed up in the nude WRITTEN BY JOHN LAWLESS That smirking skunk likes to blow his TRUMPet And treat all women like they are strumpets Oh for goodness sake He's an evil snake If there's a woman he says, "I'll hump it!" WRITTEN BY MARTI SUTHERLAND Two taxpayers in Thomaston Checked the donate a dollar box~ done Many months now have been wooed By two candidates pursued Can't believe the smug smile cause he won WRITTEN BY SARA KENDRICK Lay in bed, watched TV, gripped in fear As results on the screen all appeared Thought 'Clinton', what a chump Since I've woke woke with a trump' She said 'yes, I can smell it from here' WRITTEN BY VIV WIGLEY All the white beer bellied rednecks are stump Those are out of work that voted for Trump Up in arms not with humor Because there is a rumor going around his cite taking a dump Import a hundred- thousand to perk Mexican immigrants smirk To build his high brick wall, The unmitigated gall cheap economics and people to work WRITTEN BY SONNY AND EVE ROPER There was a candidate whose name was Trump In the white house wanted to set up camp With any chance that he found Convinced everyone around Thus people voted for the dirty tramp! WRITTEN BY DEMETRIOS TRIFIATIS The trumpet has now been blown The king ascends to his throne But who will pay the bail When Hillary's in jail We've entered the twilight zone WRITTEN BY JOSEPH MAY There once was a rich billionaire Who took away the poors healthcare Breeds hatred for Islam He's a walking time bomb The guys america's worse nightmare WRITTEN BY STEPHEN PENNELL

Poem Details | by Virginia Mitchell |
Categories: funny,

There once was a woman from Japan

There once was a woman from Japan
She went by the name of Faye-Lynn
A ninja with beauty
To kill was her duty
Her weapon was seduction of man

Poem Details | by April Mitchell |
Categories: funny, humorous,


there was once a woman of france
who could put any man in a trance
she'd spin them and twirl them
fill their whiskey to the brim
well drunk they'd fall like a blob
then awake to find they were rob

Poem Details | by john williams |
Categories: funny, love,

Love Made In Surgerey

A handsome Greek with able physique
Met a middle-aged woman called Monique,
They were both emerging from a fixing clinique
Experts in plastic surgery technique,
Now they both don't look so antique.

Poem Details | by Dorian Petersen Potter |
Categories: funny, humorous, silly,

Silly Woman

There was a silly woman from Detroit Who at everything was adroit She couldn't ev'n boil an egg She just kept them in a keg And then she threw them like a quoit. Dorian Petersen Potter aka ladydp2000 copyright@2014 10.21.2014

Poem Details | by POET. UNDERTAKER |
Categories: humor,

Extreme idiot

Once there was a woman called Curry Mean “the Queen”
Her persuasive dialog “you shut upI mean what I mean”
“It’s really mean to find the mean
 of the extremes queen and Dean”
bloody “extreme idiot” is no fair word to accuse Curry Mean!

////”Curry Mean” is Sea fish to cook//////

Poem Details | by Shani Fassbender |
Categories: funny, people,

P D How Foxxy is She

There is a poet so foxy and sly
She needs no introduction and that’s why
Her pen is very quick
Almost as fast as her click
See her creativity and words fly

Watch out for the beauty in auburn hair
Things in her path she hasn’t a care
Stay out of her way
On any given day
Or you’ll be the next one caught in her snare

Hurt you she won’t for she wants you alive
Into your mind she’ll sneak and connive
She will drive you mad
Which will make her glad
Getting under your skin where she’ll thrive

This foxy lady is swift and shrewd
Always on the prowl and never subdued
She’ll catch you unawares
Without putting on airs
Your fate determined one might conclude

Wrapped around her little finger you’ll be
No other woman your eyes shall see
Artful and wily
She caught you so slyly
An unbroken heart there’s no guarantee

Let her think since she’s caught you by surprise
That she’s the only one who got the prize
Yet she did you the favor
You’ll be the one to save her
Since you are the real fox in disguise

For the Contest: P.D.'s Inner Animal

Poem Details | by Kate sparks |
Categories: fun, funny, giggle, hair,

a young man named barry

A hirsute young man named Barry
who's beard and mustache were quite scarry
cut off his hair
when presented a dare
from a woman he wanted to marry!