There once was a woman named Linda
Who would keep a clean hacienda
Till four children she bore
And then bore she one more...
She now has a different agenda!
Cross eyed woman had a nasty fall
after running into a brick wall
she was hit over the head
with a big loaf of bread
while trying to play basketball
Copyright Cynthia Jones
A GUN IN HER POCKET
I once knew a woman named Carrie
She was the kind of girl I’d marry
Touched the gun in her pocket
I shot off like a rocket
She had changed herself to be Larry
2nd June, 2016
She’s as dry as a woman can be
No longer wet from dribbling wee
She’s got 'Tom' in her pants
She can run, she can dance
No more leaks, she is now so carefree
30th March 2015
A randy old fella named Jack
Always went sleep on his back
His todger would rise
Right up to the skies
It’s only a woman he’d lack!
21st March 2016
Any pretty woman turned his head
He liked them all so it is said
Then one day to his surprise
They no longer caught his eye
His sexual desire totally died
I was concerned for my closest mate Gus,
He had problems he needs to discuss,
It’s a woman Gus said,
It’s the one that you wed...
I’ve heard she’s been cheating on us.
I know a woman who pees
with every succulent sneeze
It gets on her hose
and also on those
things hanging down to her knees!
*Jan - I'll bet you've got a photo on file which would go with this
Today, I got into a Polite Fight
Over the last Wonder Woman night-light
"Oh, its yours," I insisted,
She demurred, I resisted,
Until I gave in and let her be right!
Jan's spouse said she's gilding the lilies
For treating herself to new frillies
All the neighbours got hot
When they saw what she bought
And that really gave Jan the willies!
A woman named Polly wouldn't yield,
though grown men wanted to plow her field.
“Without a ring you will fail.
I've thrown big stones in your trail.
My field now has a chastity shield.”
I'll never forget Midnight Mass
No incense - just Jan's chocolate gas
She knelt down to pray
And blew me away
We all went to Heaven First-Class
In The Isle Of Man Marathon race
Jan decided to pick up the pace
She farted ahead
Two laggards dropped dead
But the Coroner ruled it was Mace
There was a woman who had a birthday
No age would she ever give away
Everyday she ate bran
Now regular on the can
A strong odor she did display.
There once was a woman named Tracy
Who wore clothes that were a bit racy
Till she got drunk in a club
And was mistaken for grub
By the wolves who thought her quite tasty!
She is a deliciously smart gal,
For each and everyone's her pal.
Be it in the brownie or cake,
Or the icy cold milk shake.
She sure can change everyone's morale!
Though her reign has had rarely a flaw,
England’s queen once or twice dropped her jaw.
She’s enjoyed a long life
As both mother and wife.
Not so much as a mother-in-law!
For the Long Live the Queen Contest of Judy Konos
Here lies a woman of hedonist fame,
her Je ne sais quoi had no restrain.
Any man who proposed
found her not so disposed
and never could find her again!
Limerick : Once a Tennis Woman named Sue Baule
Once a Tennis Woman named Sue Baule
Tried to avoid being called : « Screw Ball ! »
So she got her haïr cut
In the shape of a snout
Since at French Open gets dubbed : « Screwed Doll ! »
© TWignesan – Paris, 2013
I had a Head Nurse that was just born mean
The ugliest woman I'd ever seen
A voice like sharp ice
Never could be nice
She made old Nurse Ratchet seem like a queen
The old woman in the shoe scandal
who had those kids, too much to handle
Now that they are full grown
and she is home alone,
she'll down-size to a sandal.
Did you know that Chicken Little was not a man but a woman?
She wanted to always to feel like a part of someone's finest fan
Her fully rounded rump
Sure kept mighty frump
Now Chicken Little might think she's a figment of a con-man.
Written: July 15, 2015
There once was a woman named Shar,
Who went to her local State Fair,
Her husband came too,
Can't say no to you,
And they were quickly thrown out of there
A stunning woman, so beautiful and polite,
But causing concern, I'm thinking twice,
My girl puts my credit card to much use
Tantamount to severe financial abuse,
Although, I do enjoy her other vice.
YOU SWEET THANG YOU
I know a young lady so sweet
She swept me off my feet
Just one look was all it took
And wouldn't you know she's a really good cook
So now I have plenty to eat