Limerick Poems About Wives | Wife Limerick Poems
Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: betrayal, body, humorous,

AT THE FOOTBRIDGE - LIMERICK COLLABORATION

At the footbridge Sue was meeting her beau (He was married to a woman called Flo) Sue soon found out his deception She dismembered his erection For his love life it was a massive blow To the hospital fled poor Rodger For an op to repair his todger Now fixed, it's SO big Rodger grunts like a pig in porn films as Rodger the lodger Inspired by but not for contest BY JAN ALLISON 7~18~16 He promised Flo he never would leave her And she would be his only receiver But she caught him with Sue And his chances were through Gnawing off wood when he neared her beaver WRITTEN BY TIM SMITH Sue castrated that cheating deceiver With one whack of her meat cleaver she pulled a Lorena Bobbit turned Rodger into a Hobbit Sue's now known as an "overachiever" WRITTEN BY MARTI SUTHERLAND Across the table sits sweet Amee Once A Roger, before he became a she The master of infidelity So many personalities Before and after he became an amputee.. WRITTEN BY SKAT A He was known as a terrible stoner With a huge un-deflatable boner It now sits in a jar At the end of the bar A reminder to all of its owner... WRITTEN BY JOHN LAWLESS It’s become a tourist attraction As a symbol of female subtraction Grannies sneak in for a peek Everyday of the week Dreaming of former of love action. WRITTEN BY MARK WOODS Oh how sad that pork missile should be unemployed but for all there to see if science, in a jiffy can rejuvenate stiffys then the first in the queue would be me! WRITTEN BY VIV WIGLEY Flo wanted to give Sue a high five For slicing Rodger with all his jive A two timing fool Who broke every rule Now lil Rodger don't work in overdrive WRITTEN BY ALEXIS Y Rodger's story has been immortalized For having his thingy circumcised It's on display in a bar Now hanging in a jar While it's slowing becoming crystalized WRITTEN BY MARTI SUTHERLAND As she ponders on what to eat Hopefully, it won’t be red meat For there on the log Is Rodger's hot dog So she gets excited and jumps off her feet WRITTEN BY WINGED WARRIOR There's a lesson I really must blurt To all those blokes out chasing some 'skirt' When you're on heat Don't share your meat 'Cause your todger might really get hurt! WRITTEN BY MARK WOODS Poor forgotten noteworthy Sue Looking so gloomy she blew At the pickled todger once belonging to Rodger kissing good times its last adieu WRITTEN BY EVE ROPER As "Roger" snaked out of the door It went past a room on tenth floor. A woman therein Said "Come right on in." she kept screaming, "More, I want more! WRITTEN BY ANDREA DIETRICH After Sue chopped his tally-whacker Poor Roger became quite the slacker He tried to bring his pecker forth Never again to be pointing north Now when he pees he sits on the crapper. He stopped at the house, the red-light was on Knocked on the door, the girls were all gone Stuck with his sawed-off boner Tonight He's going to be a loner Damn, why did the girls all have to be gone? BOTH POEMS WRITTEN BY JAMES ANDERSEN A group of limericks quite clever Began with one simple sever Of engorged penis which is, (between us), I think, a spicy endeavor WRITTEN BY H PENELOPE SWIFTLOCK There was perfection in his pecker, as a porn star he was a wrecker, but to his wife he was unfair, so she severed what was down there, now his only job is director. WRITTEN BY CASARAH NANCE Poor Roger thought he was being slick when he carved out a handcrafted prick he rubbed his new attire his precious toy caught fire Now he is left with an ashen stick WRITTEN BY TEPPO GREN An ashen stick means man minus prick. Poor Roger, now a eunuch, without a fix He decided to become a transgender Then off he went on a bender Woke up married to a man from Bertrix WRITTEN BY JEAN MURRAY Rodgers new love was a prudish fox but for brains she had a head of rocks he splinted up his willy popsicle sticks look silly he said it was new and still in the box! WRITTEN BY SONNY ROPER (EVE'S HUBBY) To be fair "At the Footbridge" Now to be completely fair And to stop every persons stare Rodger was not actually circumcised As he was a player, so don’t be surprised This was from wear and tear and his willingness to share WRITTEN BY MARK PAUL VAN DER MERWE


Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: adventure, wife,

A Desperate Housewife - in limerick form

A desperate housewife I knew
had such mundane housework to do.
Being so tired of it,
she decided to quit.
Then off to Las Vegas she flew.

Having always been such a lithe girl,
she thought “I’ll give dancing a whirl!”
Her audition went well.
From a large oyster shell
She emerged, so they all dubbed her Pearl.

Her skin, soft and fair, shone like dew
as she smiled with eyes crystal blue.
All the men threw her money
as her voice, sweet as honey,
called out, “Let me entertain you!”

As Pearl danced each night, looking pretty,
Her husband, back in her home city,
was fit to be tied,
thinking maybe she’d died!
Poor fool didn’t have a clue, did he!

Unbeknownst to sweet Pearl, her “dear” spouse
had been sneaking off as she’d played house.
To conventions he’d said
he was goingInstead,
he’d been gambling in Vegas, that louse!

Off to strip clubs he’d gone every chance
that he gotHow he loved to see dance
naked women all sizes 
in sexy disguises
while his wife at home longed for romance.

Now the tables were very much turned.
And her husband was feeling quite spurned.
He would sleep restlessly
thinking where could she be!!
But her whereabouts he never learned.

No longer could he run away
on a whimHe still had bills to pay.
That cleaning and cooking
meant no time for looking
at girls! He had less time to play.

In Vegas, his wife had come far.
In fact, she was a superstar.
Wearing naught but a fan,
she’d entice every man,
then drive home in a pearl-colored car!

Her spouse lost his jobThe years fled.
His wife he then had declared dead.
But with no job in sight,
he’d stay home each night,
with loneliness causing him dread.

Do you think this guy ever has let
his conscience feel any regret
that his wife did so much
while he gambled and such?
Has he learned anything at all yet?

Did he marry and get a new bride?
Did Pearl go and change her sweet ride
to a sleek red Corvette,
and did SHE marry yet?
I leave it to YOU to decide!


Written June 2016 for the Desperate Housewife Contest of PD


Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: celebrity, funny,

Beatle Mania

Beatlemania (The Fab Four As Lovers) Once a choir boy, John turned to romance, Fell for Yoko almost at first glance. In full public view In bed with her too - Showed the world how to “give peace a chance.” Quiet George played much more than guitar. Lost his wife to another rock star. Layla left him because Of how hung up he was On the music he made with his sitar! Ringo acted in “Caveman” and met His wife Barb (once a Bond girl) on set. Though the film of this drummer Was dumber than dumber, Wise in love, he’s not left his Barb yet! A heart breaker, Paul left Wife "One" For Linda, and made her a vegan! On their farm smoking pot, They made money (a LOT)! He’s a genius whose life sure seems fun! written Oct13, 2013 for the BeatleMania Contest of Rhonda Johnson-Saunders


Poem Details | by James Rasmusson |
Categories: funny

Seven Dwarfs

~Seven Dwarfs~  (limerick sequence)*

There once was a dwarf named Doc,
Who saw patients around the clock.
He hadn’t gone to medical school,
Yet his patients he could easily fool,
For his meds were always chalk.

There once was a dwarf named Sleepy,
Whose wife was extremely weepy.
She wanted to travel
But couldn’t unravel
His hair from the bed canopy.

There once was a dwarf named Happy,
Who ate only fudge and taffy.
His tummy got big.
He looked like a pig.
So he switched to chocolate frappé.

There once was a dwarf named Bashful,
Who’s wallet was always cash full.
Too timid to spend
For fear he’d offend
The peons whose homes were trash full.

There once was a dwarf named Dopey,
Who’s mind was mightily mopey.
His speech was so slow
His belle didn’t know
That he wanted to elopey.

There once was a dwarf named Grumpy,
Who became a little rumpy.
He ran ten miles a day,
But much to his dismay,
His butt just became real lumpy.

There once was a dwarf named Sneezy,
Whose allergies made him wheezey.
He wanted to play the romantic lead,
But instead did the voice of a dying steed,
In a film by Martin Scorsese.

*the real ending to "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs"


Poem Details | by Carolyn Devonshire |
Categories: funnyme, me, space,

Guessing Games

From the moment we met, he played a game
Started out telling me to guess his name
     And when I asked, “Don?”
     He responded, “Right on!”
This lucky guess led to more of the same

“What do you think I do for a living?”
I hesitated, had some misgivings
     “Steer the space shuttle?”
     Got no rebuttal
So on this roll, I felt I was winning

“Bet you a kiss you don’t know where I live”
My mind was draining faster than a sieve
     “A beachfront villa?”
     (The truth would kill ya)
So many guessing games I now relive

After dating three months, his wife found out
Burst into our love nest, called him a lout
     Eight kids behind her
     All hungry they were
Don Juan he was, but surely no space scout

If you meet a man and he asks you to guess
Take it from me and avoid this distress
     He may be akin
     To Rumpelstiltskin
The anger later is hard to suppress

Now I’ve learned to turn the tables on men
Asking them to “guess” again and again
     My private life hid
     Won’t remove the lid
And I’ve convinced some that MY name’s John Glenn


*Entry for Tracy's "Make Me Giggle" contest


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous,

OLD BILL - BAWDY LIMERICK

A sex mad codger named Bill Swallowed a Viagra pill His todger did rise - You should see the size It sure gave his wife a thrill 17th Feb 2015


Poem Details | by Paul Schneiter |
Categories: humor,

Blues News

There was a miserable husband of McNigh
Who had a tendency to frequently cry.
His wife filed for divorce
Causing him no remorse.
Now he’s happy as a drunk drinking rye.


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, break up, humorous,

HE EXPLODED LIKE A PRESSURE COOKER

THE IDIOM I MADE UP IS - HE EXPLODED LIKE A PRESSURE COOKER My son has returned to our home He’s mouthy and just loves to moan Now nothing is right We constantly fight He’s like a dog missing its bone! His wife was once such a good looker Her red lips she just loved to pucker After botox and filler She looked like a gorilla.. He exploded like a pressure cooker! The tension between us is rife I’m his mum and not his ex wife But his reaction is mean Shouting, letting off steam She left him because of this strife! Create an idiom contest Sponsored by Jesse Day TOTAL FICTION WRITE! 07~28~16


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous,

KEEP IT IN THE FAMILY

In flagranti with an unknown lover Sprang apart from underneath the cover How his wife she did shout Now his secret was out - His hidden lover was her own mother! 4th March 2015


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous, marriage, relationship, technology,

HE DIDN'T GET THE MESSAGE - COLLABORATION

There once was a fellow named Ted Who recently in church got wed His wife was in the mood Laying there in the nude… He was texting his friends instead! He was sending text after text His new wife was feeling quite vexed 'I'm after your bone - now get off your phone... Or I'll leave if I'm under sexed! A collaboration with Jospeh May Both Poems inspired by 'And Nothing Else Matters' By Andrea Dietrich 1st May 2016


Poem Details | by Anisha Dutta |
Categories: anniversary, wedding,

Wedding Anniversary


                           Wedding Anniversary

        On fiftieth Wedding Anniversary
     Couple booked a lovely suite in hurry.
               Full Moon is seen to glow
               through the nice wide window.
      Couple fought a lot making wife angry.

     Upset husband called Hotel Manager
    ‘Come soon, sharp, prompt, I need help my brother.
                  My wife wants to throw 
                  herself through window.
           She is furious on my behaviour.’

      Polite Manager told ‘Even it turns fatal,
     I cannot interfere, matter is marital.
                Try to solve yourself
                  I can never help.
     Hotel will just watch staying impartial'.

     Husband shouted ‘Sole responsibility
      must go instant to Hotel Authority.
               Cute maintenance problem,
                   not marital, I claim.
       Open the stuck window, it is priority

  03/13/16

      Let's Have Some FUN Contest      Third Place
  
     Sponsor Casarah Nance


Poem Details | by RALPH TAYLOR |
Categories: funny

Flaw or Flawless That Is The Question

              FLAWS

I once stopped to pause

and think of my flaws

     But I already knew

     That I had very few

So I gave myself a round of applause!



          FLAWLESS

I got no chance to be Flawless it's true

My wife says my Flaws are but two

     I asked "What are they my Dear?"

     Then she said loud and clear

"All that you say and all that you do!"

      


Poem Details | by Jason Talbott |
Categories: holiday, mother, son

Momerick

There once was a lady named "Mom"
Who had a hard time keeping calm.
But she knows how to sew
And garden and mow
And she's a farmer on facebook.com

She's a grandma to Mel and Harmony
She's a young wife for "Gramps" who's 70! 
She calms the waters
Of her four lovely daughters
And best of all she puts up with me.


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, humorous, lust, political,

RONALD LIKES A NICE BIT OF RUMP

A politician called Ronald Dump Loves to pat pretty girls on the rump At a peachy pert tush All his brains turn to mush His wife floors him – you should see the lump! Fictional write for fun 7th June 2016


Poem Details | by Larry Belt |
Categories: funny

Eyegasses

I lost my wife among the masses
She said I was blind and needed glasses
I searched the inbetweens
Remembered I fed her beans
Then closed my eyes and followed the gasses


Poem Details | by Larry Belt |
Categories: funny

Poke It!!!

Her mom has a wart on her face that grows
How that thing got there nobody knows
I looked to my wife and said
"Poke it, I think that its dead"
She said, "Stop it!, that thing is her nose"


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: birthday, friendship, humorous,

I 'EAR' DANIEL TURNER HAS A BIRTHDAY TODAY

A most charming poet named Dan Writes poems whenever he can He is sixty today So I’m writing to say Happy birthday from your friend Jan xxxxxxx An unfortunate poet named Daniel His huge ears made him look like a spaniel They dangled down so low Past his knees to his toe The plastic surgeon re-wrote the manual! The surgeon who was in charge He had never seen ears so large With a nip and a tuck Daniel was in good luck Dashing home to show his wife Marge POEMS POSTED WITH PERMISSION OF DANIEL TURNER 13th August 2016


Poem Details | by Joseph May |
Categories: fun,

He Didn't Get the Message- Collaboration

 There once was a fellow named Ted
 Who recently in church got wed
 His wife was in the mood
  Laying there in the nude
 But he was texting friends instead!

 He was sending text after text
  His new wife was feeling quite vexed
  'I'm after your bone - 
  now get off your phone...
  Or I'll leave if I'm under sexed!
              ----
A collaboration with Jan Allison.

Both Poems inspired by 'And Nothing Else Matters' By Andrea Dietrich
1st May 2016









 


Poem Details | by Edward Ebbs |
Categories: family, funny, life,

Beers and Tears

Men measure life by the number of beers
Women measure life by the flow of tears
It is when the dad farts
His wife moans in her heart
Because her own children laugh and cheer

Edward J Ebbs - October 11, 2011
Limerick Contest 


Poem Details | by Sara Kendrick |
Categories: funny, happiness, health

Honey Bun

There was once a man from Thomaston
He called his wife honey bun
His knee joint went out
In pain he did shout
Viagra's  no longer number one


Poem Details | by James Fraser |
Categories: anxiety, car, grief, humor,

My Wife went Shopping Yesterday

My wife went shopping yesterday Posted missing what do the police say Her weight color and eyes Please tell me he cries I need to know for the missing's display Hey dude can you help me a little more I know the more you tell hurts you sore Was she slim was she fat As a matter of fact For this loss I'm feeling you adore What kind of car was she in when she went Did you own or was it a rent C'mon, don't be a schmuck She stole my lovely truck Charge her for this felony dissent Hey dude, we apologise for this run of luck Describe her, for your so out of luck "Brand new Stealth Black 2015 Ford F150 Raptor 4x4 with eco-boost 5.4L V8 engine special ordered with manual transmissionBlack ARC bullbar with winch and LED driving lights. Rock sliders and snorkelIt has custom matching black canopy over the truck bed. Hayman Reece towing packageI added a 4" lift kit with stealth black special alloy wheels and 3.5" off-road Mickey ThompsonsCustom leather seats and RM Williams floor matsDVD with HEMA navigation system, 21 channel CB Radio, six cup holders and four power outlets. She even scratched the door, as he fills up,,,, Don't worry buddy, we'll soon find your truck . Another request to Limerick another Joke. A little different from the norm, but who gives a truck ;-)


Poem Details | by Ken Duddle |
Categories: food, funny,

No Farting Allowed

There was a man named Fred Who liked eating baked beans in bed One day when he farted He and his wife parted 'Well it's quicker than divorce' Said Fred.


Poem Details | by Katherine Stella |
Categories: adventure, childhood, dedication, fantasy,

The Monster Mash

<                              dancing to the hit song monster mash
                                frankenstein and werewolf got real smashed
                                took the witches culdeen
                                and boiled up mummys spleen
                                Quasimodo joined in on the bash


                                witches brew of brains spleens gizzards hearts
                                illuminates party from it's start
                                Dracula and zombies
                                lurking for free bodies
                                poor old frankie's wife just fell apart 



                               the bewitching dance came to its end
                               when bats flew in frenzy around den 
                               on this all hallows eve
                               trickery was up sleeve
                               sent my 3 black cats in to defend


Poem Details | by Erin Soares-Anselmi |
Categories: light, marriage,

Pride and Arrogance's Wedding

Pride & Arrogance’s Wedding

Pride was looking for a partner to share his life.
He found Arrogance and asked her to be his wife.

 This would be the grandest affair no one could beat.
Anybody who was somebody would fill the seats.

Sarcasm would be the maid of honor Arrogance’s best friend
While Pride’s buddy Boastful would do the honors of stepping in.

Pompous, Pretentious, and Presumptuous found their places
While Vanity and Bossy were screaming in each other’s faces

Smug walked by with Snotty his wife of many years
As Arrogance’s mother Egotist tried not to shed a tear.

As Arrogance came in the room all stopped and stared
To witness true love Pride and Arrogance shared.

Pride took Arrogance by the hand to the alter
Looking stiff and stoic like the rock of Gibraltar 

The wedding was beautiful but just a little odd
But everybody knew they were like two peas in a pod

 They now live in a town called Imso Crass
While Arrogance works hard Pride sits on his ass

Arrogance, if she only knew her fate with Pride
She would have never agreed to be by his side.

But now there’s a baby whom she must take care.
Little chaos born on her birthday they now share.

Erin Soares-Anselmi
01/06/14


Poem Details | by Lindsay Laurie |
Categories: humor,

Call the Midwife

T’was her ninth month and early summer,
My wife said she’d heard nothing dumber,
After she had spoken,
Her water had broken...
And me ringing up for a plumber.


Poem Details | by Keith Trestrail |
Categories: funny, humorous, marriage,

I Just Can't Win

My wife she says that at housework I suck,
she yelled "pick up a broom you idle schmuck!"
  But babe, cleanin and dustin 
  crimps my drinkin and lustin,
but she said "no dustin, no lustin!"...WTF!



               September 2014






Poem Details | by Duke Beaufort |
Categories: allegory, food, funny, people,

Eating out

Loud speech in restaurants is crude
Why are the obnoxious so rude?
Their noise should be banned
This is not a food stand
But a place we pay for the mood

Author's note:  My wife and I went out for dinner with friends last night That was the inspiration for the limerick above However, this is also an allegory for what is wrong in today's world There is a critical shortage of consideration for others.


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, for him, humorous,

HE'S BENT

I feel terribly sorry for Rodger He developed a kink in his todger It looked such a sight when bent to the right that his poor wife ran off with the lodger! Submitted to Any poem (not for contest) Sponsored by Broken Wings 1st January 2016


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous,

WET DREAMS - FOR CONTEST

An incontinent man from Thottle Slept with his hot water bottle It burst in the night His wife got a fright She said next time do use your pottle 05~03~15 Quotation used:- Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwardsBenjamin Franklin Contest: Dumb and Dumber Quotes - Sponsor John Freeman


Poem Details | by Katherine Stella |
Categories: adventure, fantasy, funny, imagination,

Deal Or No Deal

<                             Once was a gal shopped all garage sales
                               Nuts ~ bolts ~ screws ~  all found in one big pail
                               Husband said had nice rack
                               Wife turns ~ gives him...good smack
                               Loaded - buckshot - and - boy - did - he..wail 



Written by
Katherine Stella 
9/8/2012                              
                             
Entry For
Skat's
A Poets Garage Sale
GL ALL


Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: spring,

Why Sammy Loves Spring

In the spring, Sammy loves planting trees. With his son, he flies kites in the breeze. But his favorite thing Is at night performing With his wife like the birds and the bees! For the Spring Forward Poetry Contest of Debbie Guzzi


Poem Details | by John W Fenn |
Categories: daughter, funny, wife

Cockney

A cockney from over the water
Had a wife and a tasty young daughter
They would lead him a dance
And he stood not a chance
Cos they both never did what they oughta


Poem Details | by Barbara Gorelick |
Categories: easter, funny, easter,

Easter Bunny's Demise


The Easter Rabbit had a spat with his wife
She said  the dumb eggs were ruining her life
Laying eggs is so boring
Then there's your snoring
He met his demise with her carving knife...

NOTE:..apparently she borrowed the knife from
the farmer's wife ,who had been having trouble
with some blind mice.



For the "Clue" contest
2/28/13


Poem Details | by James Fraser |
Categories: fun, humor, husband, loss,

Prepare for the Worst

That's a week the wife has been missing For years I've so longed this hoping Prepare for the worst the Police said Panic thoughts in my head The Charity shop was not my so wishing


Poem Details | by Paul Schneiter |
Categories: humor,

Lennie and Half Acre

Lennie was a Hen-pecked pastry baker
Who told His wife He might forsake Her.
She nagged and was grossly obese.
He wanted it to quickly cease.
Whereupon He frosted Her Half-acre.


Poem Details | by Tom Wright |
Categories: funny,

An Electric Rub Board

An Electric Rub Board? By Tom Wright There was a young man named Joe Greene, Who promised his wife a new washing machine. It was called a Rub Board, And had no electric cord, Now Joe needs a transplanted spleen.


Poem Details | by Janice Canerdy |
Categories: age, grandparents, humor,

Grandma and Grandpa Did WHAT


 

Old Gabby got caught skinny-dippin'.
His wife said he needed a whippin'.
They shared some strong whisky,
got naked and frisky.
Then into the pond both went slippin'.

The limerick has five lines, commonly written in anapestic meterThe rhyme scheme is AABBA: Lines 1, 2, and 5  have 7-10 syllables eachLines 3 and 4  have 5-7 syllables eachLines 1, 2, and 5 should be longer than lines 3 and 4, though the definition seems to allow five seven-syllable linesLimericks are usually humorous and  often off-color.

I enjoy writing limericks because  (1) I love humorous, concise, rhymed, metered poetry, and (2) the limerick form is challenging, requiring me to think strategically, choose my words carefully, play with words, and be exact.


December 8, 2015
Janice Canerdy

for the contest, Poetry Writing #1, Sponsor Broken Wings


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, humorous,

HE'S BENT - UPDATED - COLLABORATION WITH ROB BETTRIDGE

I feel terribly sorry for Rodger He developed a kink in his todger It looked such a sight when bent to the right that his poor wife ran off with the lodger! When his wife ran away from poor Rodger Because of the shape of his todger He cried and he moped When she upped and eloped In the dead of the night with the Lodger But why feel so sorry for Rodger? Who developed a kink in his todger There are many that will (Who just for the thrill) Put a Smile on the face of that Codger He is proud that he's now in demand By those that admire his new stand If kinky it seems If only in dreams To be diddled by Rodger's bent gland Now Rodger's a Porn Star, of late Busy making the most of his fate Though by straining too much It has worn down a touch To the point of appearing quite straight Impressed by events from afar Of her Ex who became a Porn Star She planned for a tryst Twixt the hubby she missed And the lodger...'Ménage à trois' In the sack with Rodger and lodger She did not expect them to dodge her When they started to play (To her utter dismay) The lodger proved More bent than Rodger When faced with their naughty nature Which was something she just couldn't savour Having quite lost her mind She struck from behind At the roots of their sordid behaviour She didn't hold back from the guys Extracting their blood and their cries Antics nipped in the Bud Not surprised that she would Kick them out with raw fear in their eyes Poor Rodger could no longer perform He became so sad and forlorn He saw his GP For a costly fee Could his todger be put back to norm? His doc said he would operate Get his todger to an upright state to Rodger’s surprise his todger could rise now he needs to recuperate So having been kicked into touch They are walking with help from a crutch Both Rodger and lodger Keep trying to dodge her As She has become a Dom Butch She wears Fetish outfits so shocking And Schools her pet subs with cruel mocking When she's bound them with chain The screams from their pain Sees their lashes increase without stopping Rodger and lodger; Now Cuckolds Enslaved by their Bonds and Blindfolds Feel the bite of her Crop But don't wish her to stop The control over them that she holds (The Moral) Be careful of what you may wish for There could be surprises in store Wishing all that you might It could still be your plight To get what you wished for - And More! Collaboration with Rob Bettridge


Poem Details | by Lindsay Laurie |
Categories: nonsense,

Panic

I feel sorry for my good mate Billy,
Who chewed on the hottest of chilly.
His mouth copped the blast,
Now with body parts caste...
His wife frantically searches for Willy.


Poem Details | by RAJAT KANTI CHAKRABARTY |
Categories: fun, nonsense,

The crow took a crowbar

                 The crow took a crowbar, a dog a doggerel rhythm
         Both played their great innings, hoho,  they had that freedom
                                     Crow’s wife a cold fish
                                       Dog was so wolfish
             He made lunch a rough fish and all gained subtle treedom.


                                                "lxlxlxlxlxlxl"
                                                 '


Poem Details | by Sara Kendrick |
Categories: funny, sin, work,

A Halo

There was once was a lady from town
Who wore a halo like a crown
Told her daughter-in-law
Dresses should wear like squaw
Wore one to work and naked frowned

The loom grabbed her dress and wham bam
Naked from the waist down~life in jam
Supervisor gave coat
Took her home and I quote
"I put my blue jeans on grand slam"

My mother was a very stern believer that women should wear dresses..
My brother married late in life and his wife worked in the weaving department..
She did a job called filling batteries..She had to walk between the looms to do
her job..They had suggested to the women that they should wear tight fitting 
pants or blue jeans..To please my mother she made her a new dress and wore 
it to work..First thing, it got caught..It ripped it and her slip off..She was left 
standing naked.

  

Sponsor: Black Eyed Susan
Contest: Any New Limerick


Poem Details | by Viv Wigley |
Categories: humor, space,

subject Mars for comp

For competition 'subject- Mars', sponsored by Joe Maverick


As I sit with my bucket and spade
looking at the sand castle I've made
no rain comes from the sky
no black clouds passing by
well at least it won't biodegrade.

The wife lies close by she looks cute
sun lotion rubbed on her space suit
she's started to wail
that she can't do her nails
it takes two hours to take off her boots.

Since I bought one, two minutes have passed
but my ice cream is melting so fast
I should have been wiser
it's covered my visor
no wonder I'm getting harassed

Our kids over there have just called
they've been foolishly playing football
but the gravity's low
so how far did it go?
no chance of recovering it at all.

Well, this is one hell of a summer
as holiday's go, what a bummer
the wife won't rejoice
because this was her choice
so next year we'll go somewhere less dumber.

22 June, 2015


Poem Details | by mike dailey |
Categories: fantasy,

Pinocchio

Pinocchio’s wife had it good
She’d thank lucky stars if she could
For you see in the change
The Blue Fairy arranged
To leave the guy plenty of wood


Poem Details | by Tim Smith |
Categories: humorous,

Body For Rent

Jack put his ol body out for rent
His wife got mad and did vent
Threw him out of the house
Now he lives with a mouse
In a 1940's pup tent


Poem Details | by john williams |
Categories: funny,

The Calcium Thief

A badgering wife caused her husband such grief,
Each time she did he ground his teeth,
Over the years his teeth become
Nothing but stumps upon his gum,
His friends all called her, 'the calcium thief.'


Poem Details | by Sara Kendrick |
Categories: husband,

The Dishwasher

Once there was a dishwasher leak That went on and on for a week It flooded the clean floor Sorrow ran in the door The situation looked so bleak The pit bull bit the wife when she hand fed Naughty devil in disguise watched as she bled Now the old husband is retired He is caught in the line of fire Dish washer with apron he has been lead He called the repair man in secret He whispered as it was the bleakest Get the parts sent by air express Get here so fast speed in excess As he whispered this is so freakish
My dishwasher is leaking a river when it drains so we are having to hand wash dishes until the repair man can get parts to fix it..The dog bit my hand and I have an open wound which doesn't need to be in dish waterI asked the retired husband to helpHe told me he was going to call the repair man and tell him to have those parts delivered by air express..Then he said I kind of like doing this and I am good at it so I think I will apply for a job doing it for pay..LOL>>ROTFL


Poem Details | by Lindsay Laurie |
Categories: humor,

Bad News

Today Doctor had my wife in tears,
He delivered her greatest of fears,
For a full body check
left her a mental wreck.. 
I should live for twenty more years.


Poem Details | by James Fraser |
Categories: animal, creation, fun, giggle,

You Obviously Haven't Been Listening

Talking to my wife about reincarnation Creature be, be a creature sensation Honestly what would you be A cow your telling me You obviously haven't been listening .


Poem Details | by john williams |
Categories: humorous,

Pete's Dirty Feet

Peter a farmer from Scrubby Creek,
 Seldom washed his great big feet,
  His fed up wife would complain 
      About the odorous strain
When in summer it reached its peek.


Poem Details | by Paul Schneiter |
Categories: humor,

Toast

Willy Whipple was a bread baker
Whose wife thought him a faker.
She called his bread awful
Comparing it to offal.
So Willy did up and forsaker.