A merman had one stubborn daughter
who rebelled against what her dad taught her.
When she swam to dry land,
she could then understand
she was just like a fish - out of water!
For the Out of Water Poetry Contest of Sheri Fresonke Harper
Eating jalapenos, boy did I sing
Mouth was on fire so was my ring
Burnt going in one way
And out the in the same day
Which end do I cool first in the gushing water spring
Cassidy was a curious dog;
One day he walked into a bog,
Coming out, he looked about,
He couldn't see and began to pout;
Because he’s a sludge caked dog!
Who am I?
My heart, it always cries
I guess I will never really know
which way does water flow?
who am I?
T’was her ninth month and early summer,
My wife said she’d heard nothing dumber,
After she had spoken,
Her water had broken...
And me ringing up for a plumber.
A cockney from over the water
Had a wife and a tasty young daughter
They would lead him a dance
And he stood not a chance
Cos they both never did what they oughta
The nature surrounds us everywhere
In deep running water or high flying air
So we need not to complain
We have to forget our pain
Let's look at natural beauty and stare
There once was a gent named Springtime Ned
Who on that March morning sprang from his bed
In amazement and shock
He forgot to set his clock
Now with his boss on thin water he'll tread
Never test the water with BOTH your feet
To determine the temperature or if it's deep
One pinky at a time
For testing the brine
It's over my head, words I screamed I had to bleep
© Jack Ellison 2016
Head straight to the coffee pot after I pee
What happened this morning? Good god mercy me
Empty Folgers can
Was I pissed? Yes ma’am
(Four extra-large bags make a fine cup ‘o tea)
(my tribute to Limerickmeister Jack Ellison, smile engine extraordinaire)
I remember the time when I caught a
bit of my body parts where I oughtn't a
in much pain did I struggle
with my bits I did juggle
it really did make my eyes water!
There was a pretty girl called Charlene
Who showered all day to stay clean
The hot water ran out
She gave a loud shout
And started swearing like a marine
At a water slide a man eyed me
He stared at a spot above my knee
‘Twas later I learned
His gaze I had earned
My swimsuit revealed a strange goatee
*This really happened! Written April 25, 2015 for Jan’s contest
Doctors spread this message about
Drink gallons of water they tout
To soften this dose
Know where bathrooms are close
Since what's in must often come out!
The first water bed Sammy sees
he says he is going to seize.
He believes on this bed,
when he lays down his head,
in dreams he will sail seven seas!
Posted March 23 for a contest judged March 2016
Now used for The Second Chance #2 Poetry Contest of Broken Wings
I was teaching my cat to swim,
His pussy face looked so grim,
Dad said, "Make the lessons shorter,
you see cats just don't like water,
even so, I rate your chances slim."
A mathematician once stated to me,
That H-2-O is water you see,
So in a sly whim
I barked back at him
Can you tell me what is K-NINE-P.
She walks on water or so it seems
She's in my every thought and dream
Sweet and kind
No better you'll find
When she smiles my heart sure beams
Such a pail
I have a sweet beautiful daughter
Who is always fetching me water
Each day without fail
she has such a pail
When my daughter brings me the water
Limerick Contest December 24, 2015
Sponsored by Jan Allison
The “Bad Witch of Oz” lost her throne
They weren’t gonna’ leave her alone
… the water was Fracked
… it’s how she got whacked
But … how many others aren’t known!
After guzzlin' beer Gus needed to pee.
He sought solace behind a nearby tree.
Before the judge he was fined,
To which Gus gravely opined:
"Where e'er you be let yer water flow free!"
Robert LHinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
Old and Cranky
When I get old and cranky
I'll never phone old Hanky
I will water plants
I won't pee in pants
Cause sometimes get cranky
Written: Nov17, 2015
I once knew a compassionate man
who couldn't survive on dry land
he was sensitive and kind
helped me find peace of mind
with him a spiritual quest began
Pisces Freak I Am
A young lady from Lucerne,
Had a rather lovely green fern,
But when she went on holiday
It lacked regular water spray
And developed a case of sunburn.
I dream of a fantasy vacation
At a steamy, exotic location
I’d pound Monkey's Martini
In my polka dot bikini
And sip water for added hydration.