Poem Details | by
Sean Kelly |
Categories:
funny, seasons, thank you,
MrsSanta on last Christmas Eve
Was so naughty , at trying to deceive.
Not the slightest bit coy
When she met her toy~boy....
Now , believe what YOU want to believe
Rudolf the randy raindeer
Took his lady friend out for a beer.
Then he took off his clothes.
Showed~off his red nose..
Saying.who the hell said, I was queer...
What's the worst place at Christmas to be ?
Perhaps a turkey~dish laced with gravy....
It's more painful and airy
To be some poor fairy
With your +++ on the top of the tree
A COOL YULE , TO ALL YOU GOOD SOUPERS.....
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Poem Details | by
Owen Yeates |
Categories:
people, drink, morning,
I would like to tell you the story
Of a drunken man named Rory
Who liked his pint of ale
Every day with-out fail
In the morning he looked rather gory
He would make his way to the pub
Where he would have a drink and some grub
Then go merrily on his way
Drunk as a skunk they would say
Home to bathe in a tin tub
He would walk the several miles home
Down the country lanes he would roam
Weeing were all could see
Singing the rose of Tralee
While carrying a garden gnome
One night he spotted a man
He spoke to and asked if he can
Give him a light
No reply so a fight
But it was a tree he battered then ran
Waking in the morning hands sore
Found bandaged fingers all four
He decided that day
No more drink he did say
And he never drank a drop more
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Poem Details | by
Caryl Muzzey |
Categories:
cat, tree,
I once had a gray cat that could clog
and was better than any old dog.
His feet work was fast
but stardom didn’t last
when he fell for this stunning tree frog.
My gray cat and tree frog was to wed
on night he was to dance for our bread.
He got very sick
when frog he did lick
was quiet toxic, now gray cat is dead.
When gray cat finally reached cloud nine
told gate keeper he was feeling fine.
Though he looked quite green
he captured the scene
when he clogged to the front of the line.
Copyright © 2011 By Caryl SMuzzey
Nineth Place Winner ~ "Any Funny Poem” Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Destroyer Poet
Aug14, 2011
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Poem Details | by
Robert Pettit |
Categories:
slam, social,
Why are you coming around again?
Unlike Bo Derek, you are no ten.
Your head’s full of air.
For you, I don’t care.
Go and try your luck with other men.
Didn’t you get the message the first time?
To see you back here seems like a crime.
You should hit the road.
Haul away your load.
A nearby tall tree is what you should climb.
Inspired by a recent comment I received
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Poem Details | by
Dakota Burns |
Categories:
animal,
The Squirrel climbed a tree in a dash
While climbing he got a big gash
He went to the store
In through the door
But soon found he forgot his cash
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Poem Details | by
Keith Trestrail |
Categories:
allegory, bible, faith,
The tree is life - its branches broken -
For the grafted in its boughs betoken!
Faith is the root
And love its fruit...
So God will judge as He has spoken!
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Poem Details | by
Tom Wright |
Categories:
humor,
Ddddddddddddddt, Dddddddddddddt
By
Tom Wright
There was a man, who had two wooden legs,
Who was attacked one day gathering eggs.
The woodpecker thought,
It was the tree he sought,
Until he’d whittled both his legs into pegs.
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Poem Details | by
Arlene Smith |
Categories:
animal, funny, silly,
" How do you do?" "My name is Merl."
I'm not a tree rat; I'm a squirrel.
To hunters, I'm screamin,
"Please eat more chicken!"
"Never mind, you shoot like a girl."
I should build my nest in a tree
but your attic looks better to me.
A fight? It's your call.
I'm a little buzz saw.
Remember; nuts are my favorite treat!
July 15, 2014
Contest: Animals Alive
Sponsor: Carol Eastman
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Poem Details | by
Robert L. Hinshaw |
Categories:
bird, humorous,
Mused the owl roosting on a pine tree shoot,
"My colleagues think I'm not very astute,
But I wisely perch in pines,
Not on hot transmission lines!
If they singe their butts I don't give a hoot!"
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Poem Details | by
Annalise Brigham...a.k.a. Audrey Haick |
Categories:
nature
Once long ago on a school visit to the zoo
My little one had just begun elementary school
High up on a tree branch sat a lonely owl
With his huge eyes shut, he could pass for any old fowl
Suddenly, he opened them and questioned, “Who? Who?”
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Poem Details | by
Theresa a.k.a. Reecie |
Categories:
funny,
He sat on his tree to think
But the smell below was so rank
He's only a bird
Can't speak a word
Oh, how much those humans stink!
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Poem Details | by
Nyonglema Pisoh |
Categories:
africa, hate, history, home,
We’re not called upon to choose anything we live through;
Neither parent nor sibling nor school nor form of sinew;
Neither colour of hair or eye or skin,
Nor love or hate, nor loss or gain
Nor opportunities nor whence we comeSo much is true.
But as much as this truth I hold as true as sunlight,
I know that painful times will time to time alight
When with bitter phlegm you curse
The earth where you breathed first
And wish your day of birth were scratched by He with might.
I knowSame feelings have plagued my adult soul
And the wish for better home to make each day whole
Has been dashed by shameful news,
Where Hope, seeing Hitler, and 94’s Hutus,
Needs to hide its youth to stall the death toll.
But amidst pain, hate and bottled despair rife
There’s the rare love, innocent and hardly grasping to life.
For here, we can give our all
When we choose to keep you from a fall.
We really do it: humble, loving…just like the Lord’s life.
Yes, it’s easier to perceive the weeds in one’s garden
For the pastures beyond gleam in our myopia, hiding their burden.
And seeing that weed can cast a shadow
On all that’s sweet, but cause much ado
About the bitter parts, and it day by day your heart will harden.
Think of the evening breeze on the night grill,
Feeding the flames of a delicious family fish meal.
Think of hitting the unadulterated
Lands of hills where ancient rivers percolated
And happy goats skip, and cattle graze and one can feel
Life whizzing through rustling leaves of dancing old tree or reed,
Playing the music our ancestors learned to read,
Making your lungs touch their purpose,
Dazzling your eyes like a Jabbawockeez pose,
The music we’ve forgotten as we focus on some RSS feed.
Think of the youths wise with tradition re-enacting solemnly
The dances and music handed down from before when Ptolemy
Phrased ancient philosophical data,
To the time of the expansive empire of Sundiatta
Beads stomping the dust frantically in musical poetry.
Picture the pure darkness which crowds the silent night air,
Unveiling the marvellous dotted and scattered there
In the moonlit heavenly canvas,
Watching us from light years past,
And we fascinated by the sparkling magic they share.
So to sum it all up, I know it cannot be perfect,
And sometimes I rant and make massive graffiti of its defects,
But this home my parents chose
Still draws my spirit close,
For the bond is deeper, far deeper than human senses can detect.
(c) Nyonglema
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Poem Details | by
Tom Wright |
Categories:
funny,
Hoot EOwl Esq.
By
Tom Wright
A scholarly old owl in the tree sat high,
Calling out to all, is any wiser than I?
He’d read his book,
From his overlook,
Whoo whoo ha hoo, was his erie cry.
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Poem Details | by
Larry Belt |
Categories:
funny
While poking around in an old tree trunk
I came nose to nose with a stinky skunk
He suddenly raised his tail
Twas' such a horrible smell
For my wife said that I stink, stank, and stunk
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Poem Details | by
T Wignesan |
Categories:
africa, allegory, conflict, discrimination,
Limerick cochetés: Our great uhr-Father from Africa
Our great uhr-Father from Africa
Hallowed be Thy fame in high Valhalla
The Asian walk-about
Down backbone coccyx snout
Who didst Thou mate in Peninsula Malaya
To produce orangutan Malaysia
Did our great uhr-cousin Gorilla
Chimpanzee when in doubt
Precede Thy walk-about
Swinging from tree to tree to Australia
To judge by great life in Southeast Asia
Smoke-filled lungs from HAZE in Sumatra
Death penalty for tout
With drugs- Hell for khalwat*
Is there doubt who preceded whom from Africa
• khalwat: (a Muslim – all Malays - religious law)
According to which, no Malay may marry a non-Muslim nor be found in close proximity giving rise to suspicion of promiscuousness, law enforceable by religious courts whose officials are empowered to spy on offenders and report their activities to the relevant authorities
© TWignesan – Paris, 2015
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Poem Details | by
Daniel Turner |
Categories:
cool, funny, giggle, humor,
I asked the old fruit tree out back
To bare something sweet for a snack
Went back the next day
His root was displayed
I chopped him down quick in one whack
an original poem by the poemdog Daniel Turner
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Poem Details | by
T Wignesan |
Categories:
humor,
Limerick : Once a typsy Toddy-Tapper took Wench
Once a typsy Toddy-Tapper took Wench
Up coco-nut tree with monkey wrench
He pumped her full toddy
Till Wench was tight giddy
But she hung on to ? nuts with wrench.
© TWignesan – Paris, 2013
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Poem Details | by
catherine Reinke |
Categories:
inspirational, nature, passion, seatree,
P A L M T R E E D E L I G H T
Written by Catherine Reinke
In your arms, I lay behold ,
gentle winds and sea salt kiss.
Shade full arms from hot sun bold
coco milk sweet, lovers dish.
My naked skin, sun loves to play
lying under this palm tree day.
Listen to your arms wind sound.
No gentler tender song I’ve found.
Tension, grief, sorrow and more,
all left behind seaside’s door.
For here life’s origins, beget and made
ancient past lives, memories to fade.
But here in Tulum, my friendship sea
I find myself, in gentle palm tree.
And so from youth my memory serves
a poem that retold again deserves.
“that only God can make a tree and
…poems are written by fools like me”
Truly then and true today
That Godly art create tree play.
For made he did a vast array
charming comfort of trees I say.
Strong steadfast oaks.
Wispy willows.
Lilac purples for ones pillow.
Cedar pillars ancient.
Rain forest lush,
only the palm tree
makes me bush.
Round coco breasts filled with milk.
Erect pillar penetrating fronds of silk.
So, in your arms I want to be
naked, contentment, happy and free.
And so end my tree poetic attempt
of my love affair palm tree spent.
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Poem Details | by
Richard Pickett |
Categories:
animals, imagination, pets
There is a Mouse named Virginia,
who goes out with a Squirrel named Spike,
She went to his house for Christmas,
and brought him a little Squirrel bike
He looked under the tree with excitement,
at what Virginia had brought him that day,
It's seat was shaped like a banana,
that would carry him and Virginia away
This is meant to be a double Limerick...Enjoy all my critter friends...Taz
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Poem Details | by
Barbara Gorelick |
Categories:
funny, love
He really was as dumb as a tree stump
Carried all his weight in his big old rump
But I fell for his line
And made him all mine
'Cause he was as sweet as dear Forest Gump
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Poem Details | by
Jack Ellison |
Categories:
fun,
Spring has sprung, the grass has riz
Wonder where the boidies is
Up in de sky
So very high
Or up in de tree making boidie kids
© Jack Ellison 2015
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Poem Details | by
RAJAT KANTI CHAKRABARTY |
Categories:
fun,
Sully loves the classic chicken roasts
‘A perfect dozen a day’, he boasts
Meenie loves milk
Foods of that ilk
‘Cat is lesser animal’, he posts
Sully/Sullivan= my pet ghost who lives in a rain tree
Meenie=my pet female cat
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Poem Details | by
RAJAT KANTI CHAKRABARTY |
Categories:
fun, nonsense,
oo
WW
vvvvvvv
000000
Adam an Eve went to the market with a bag of Thalers
A round and round A round and round they saw one of plant sellers
Is there a tree of knowledge?
Is there a tree of knowledge?
"Go to urban college then, and pay me two hundred dollars".
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Poem Details | by
RAJAT KANTI CHAKRABARTY |
Categories:
fun, nonsense,
My neighbor MrsSpree was on a spending spree
She spent million dollars for a talking tree
The tree was a sludge
It was camouflage
She mucked about in muck absolutely free
My neighbor MrsSpree (C) rajat kanti chakrabarty
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Poem Details | by
Jack Ellison |
Categories:
magic,
Ever heard of tree called a poetree
It's branches are in rhyme for all to see
Each second and fourth branch
Many verses at a glance
To see it, imagination is surely the key
© Jack Ellison 2015
|
Poem Details | by
Jack Ellison |
Categories:
fun,
Ever heard of tree called a poetree
It's branches are in rhyme for all to see
Each second and fourth branch
Many verses at a glance
To see it, imagination is surely the key
© Jack Ellison 2015
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Poem Details | by
Jack Ellison |
Categories:
happiness,
A happiness tree is growing in this old guy's back yard
Damn thing makes me giggle even when life's a tub of lard
Thought of cutting it down
Was afraid of a perpetual frown
So it now explains why this dude is always a happy bard
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Poem Details | by
RAJAT KANTI CHAKRABARTY |
Categories:
fun,
The old tree Lee had the seed of an idea
He wanted blisters on skin for diarrhea
Meeting was held in Casablanca
All wrote limerick haiku tanka
Compost bed urea soup and Cytherea
© Rajat Kanti Chakrabarty
18 December 2014
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Poem Details | by
Robert L. Hinshaw |
Categories:
funnylove,
Why would someone fall in love with a stump
I submit that there may be such a chump
It seems so very bizarre
But I suppose that there are
Some blokes as gullible as Forrest Gump
© Entry for Matt Caliri's "I Fell In Love With A Tree Stump" Contest
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Poem Details | by
Steven Clark |
Categories:
There once was a man from Chepachet
Who chopped at a tree with a hatchet
With one chop away
From the end of his day
It broke, what a cheap hatchet
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Poem Details | by
William Coyne |
Categories:
humor,
If someone calls you a nobody,
don't let it break your spirit,
if you're there in the forest,
and a tall tree falls,
you're the only one who will hear it.
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Poem Details | by
mofe Onuwaje |
Categories:
addiction, depression, loneliness, love,
Part 1 - Denial set the tone for my transgressions It all began on this day , the day she decided to help with what I’ve come to know as temporary heartbreak She told me it was going to to be okay , but in that brief moment of reassurance I looked into her eyes , trying to find something i had lost ; ”comfort” but She however , was void of this factDays went by and within these days I took it upon myself to dedicate a specific period of my day to continually intoxicate myself with her presence as it provided me with the emotionally healing drug which I had found with her that day and like all drug dealers, She provided this bountifully After a while, addiction became the new name for what I was doing To those around us , it was condemned not only because of its dangers but for the important fact that presented itself as her lover Of course I denied this fact But unfortunately , they had planted the seed of question in my heart and like every other seed , it took its roots and grew into a tree I found myself constantly being tormented with thoughts of whether or not I had feelings for this girl , my supposed helper , had I stupidly fallen in love with her ?These were the questions that ransacked my mind , when suddenly , I was brought back to reality by the sound of her voice, asking me if I was alright I looked at her , I looked into her eyes , and at that very moment , I felt it The ultimate surge of a thousand memories , rushing in and playing themselves scene after scene before my very eyes and then I knew Then I knew ,what I had stepped into and my feet sank , it sank and kept pulling me along with it ; and to my amusement , I did not resist I had let myself fall into this endless abyss , that is called love”I’m in love with you” , I said , and as she turned to reply …
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Poem Details | by
T Wignesan |
Categories:
crazy, humor,
Limerick : Once our Senorita from Sevilla – 8
Once our Senorita from Sevilla
Climbed ladder to pluck tree guava
Gathered under a crowd
Gaping under her shroud
So she squeezed juice to stop saliva.
© TWignesan – Paris, 2013
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Poem Details | by
cecil hickman |
Categories:
adventure, friendship, funny, happiness,
I fell in love; my heart goes thump, thump.
You, dear one, a beautiful tree stump.
Creases that shine so clear.
Your presence, calls me near.
Say you love me, while I have this bump.
My heart craves in desire, for your rings.
Fire burns inside, as the minstrel sings.
Your caress sometimes rough,
I am your man; I am tough.
Say you will be mine, please, my lust springs.
My darling, thus true, you are my stump.
Adore resting on you, on my rump.
I ache for answer, soon.
Before the budding moon,
My sweet love, do not make me a chump.
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Poem Details | by
Sidney Hall Mad Poet |
Categories:
funny
I fell in love with a tree stump
It’s five foot two and lovingly plump
Wood is my life
My wonderful wife
I clean the splinters in me teeth from her rump
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Poem Details | by
Sidney Beck |
Categories:
funnyme,
YOU CAN BUY ANYTHING THESE DAYS ( LIMERICK )
Me farm stuff was up on the block
I'd tree fruits and live henyard stock
It was no ifs or buts
She lunged quick for me nuts
But she only wanted me cock
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Poem Details | by
Randy Steele |
Categories:
animal, cat, funny,
My black cat stares out the front window
On the lookout for neighborhood foes
Then one instance at night
When I had on the light
Her reflection fought back blow for blow
The desert is a sweet hunting ground
My cat, Ace, sneaks about without sound
But, more wily than she
A coyote, hungry
Up a Mulberry, Ace had to bound
I recall my cat’s first Christmas tree
A huge playground was all this could be
Up the tree in a flash
To the floor they did crash
Think she saw eight of her nine lives flee
September 5, 2016
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Poem Details | by
RAJAT KANTI CHAKRABARTY |
Categories:
fun, nonsense,
My gardener Baumhaus
Limerick
My gardener Baumhaus Bee
Scared of hornets hugged the tree
The tree was so cool
Horny humorful
Told Baum "I am not free"
My gardener Baumhaus/Limerick/Copyright© Rajat Kanti Chakrabarty
19 November 2014
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Poem Details | by
Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen |
Categories:
funny, uplifting
Smile
There once was a boy with a frown.
‘Til he hung from a tree upside down
When he started to slip,
He instead, did a flip.
Then, his frown started turning around.
© Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen
March 8, 2010
Poetic form: Limerick
|
Poem Details | by
James Horn |
Categories:
allegory, analogy, humorous,
Trump Maintains His Sobriety
Trump is well-known for his notoriety
Telling lies and fibs quite a variety
Much stupidity does amass
Poorly relates while passing gas
Yet still maintains his sobriety.
James Thesarious Hilarious Horn
Retired Veteran and Poet
http://www.poetrysoup.com/poets/top_100_poets_most_poems_all_time.aspx
Should start a Limerick Tree and put it
on other side of entry hall coming into
the library.
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Poem Details | by
olusegun Arowolo |
Categories:
funny,
There was once a man who used leaves to cure ,
He was loved for this for his heart is pure ,
“don’t touch me”,-a leaf says
“must you cut us, always?”
perturbed!, he walked off as he came before
He called his friends to tell this weird story ,
Some went with him to the tree of glory ,
to see the leaves talking,
is like a stone walking,
they were surprised as a leaf said “sor..ry!”
DATE:9-17-16
CONTEST:"Leaves Talking" by
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Poem Details | by
Patrice Trice Jackson |
Categories:
blessing, celebration, christmas, holiday,
Kate stared out the window as the snow fell,
singing “Frosty the Snowman” very well
She walked to the isthmus,
thinking about Christmas
Kate played “Jingle Bells” with a shiny bell.
She spotted a sled in wanted to ride,
nervous looking ahead as she down slide
“Winter Fairy land” heard playing,
with joy as she was slaying
She enjoyed the sled bells jingle with pride.
Her cousins came over with their new toys
Her mom trimming the Christmas tree with boys
Mom singing “ho ho ho” clear
We were like “no no no” dear
Everyone laughing loud echoes loud noise.
Kate feeling jealous of her cousins gifts
Wonders if Santa Claus got to her lists
Elves stood in her room with bags
Kate face showed the brags
Gloats gifts with joy, noticed in the mists.
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Poem Details | by
Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen |
Categories:
christmas, funny, imagination, snow,
There once was an ornament named Al
He loved to hang around with his pal.
To pick up a date
They often left late.
So the gals hung around fem fatale.
From a therapy tree they would listen.
Late Al never knew what he was missin’.
Bi-polar snow man,
Hit Rudolf with flan.
Santa gave Elf the new job of kissin’.
Christmas therapy session soon ended,
The old snowman outdoor remained frosted.
Santa ran out and squealed.
Now, I know I am real.
Snowballs flew through the air; boy exhausted.”
Al and pal alas came for their date.
The gals refused to go; it was late.
When laughter was found,
They all hung around.
Until the Christmas tree met its fate.
12/26/2016
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Poem Details | by
Jannie Breedt |
Categories:
giggle, humorous,
Us humans
The dumbest and most genial creatures on Earth
Having eaten from the forbidden tree of knowledge
I could quite easily write a work of genius
Or likewise perform the dumbest act of all
Yes - I could sit here and imagine that
I could do both in fact
Already enacted one super successfully
The other there is still to do
But lifes a bitch
I am not saying which
The knowledge hangs there in mid air
Like nasal fluid urgently needing to reverse so...
( sniff)
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Poem Details | by
Joseph Soper |
Categories:
funny, humor,
While out on the playground sitting on grass
Teacher asked question of her third grade class
What will you all do
When you finish school?
Little Johnny replied quick as a flash
A tree is what I want to be when I am all grown up
“You cant be a tree” said the teacher stuttering tuts
“Why Not”? he exclaimed
To the teachers disdain
“We both have limbs, trunks and nuts”
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Poem Details | by
James Horn |
Categories:
allegory, analogy, anxiety,
Gaping Hole In Budget
Went on trip when from reality was escaping,
And to do it up some money was scraping
Finally after I had saved enough and a lot
As usual again ended up getting caught
With bug whole in budget terribly gaping.
James Thesarious Hilarious Horn
Retired Veteran and Poet
Promised that I would send this to
Kathleen McDonaldShe and I go
to StJames Episcopal and she
used to be an English teacher.
We were together doing grounds
cleanup over the weekendI also
wrote my tree poem for herDon't
have her email address so am
forwarding this to Father Dave so
he can forward it
|
Poem Details | by
James Horn |
Categories:
allegory, analogy,
Pitcher of Beer
While we will not ever disagree,
Under tree each one wanted to see,
Where there pitcher drawn had gone;
Did dawn on them when on front lawn,
It happened to be inside of me
James Thesarious Hilarious Horn
Retired Veteran and Poet
Now there is quite a rhyme scheme
for youSee if you can beat that one.
|
Poem Details | by
James Horn |
Categories:
allegory, analogy, animal,
Lion or Chimpanzee
What if a lion I were to be
Out in field so handsome to see
Or could be leopard who is spotted;
Could tell was him hugely dotted;
Swinging through tree was chimpanzee.
Jim Horn
|