Limerick Poems About Time | Time Limerick Poems
Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: adventure, wife,

A Desperate Housewife - in limerick form

A desperate housewife I knew
had such mundane housework to do.
Being so tired of it,
she decided to quit.
Then off to Las Vegas she flew.

Having always been such a lithe girl,
she thought “I’ll give dancing a whirl!”
Her audition went well.
From a large oyster shell
She emerged, so they all dubbed her Pearl.

Her skin, soft and fair, shone like dew
as she smiled with eyes crystal blue.
All the men threw her money
as her voice, sweet as honey,
called out, “Let me entertain you!”

As Pearl danced each night, looking pretty,
Her husband, back in her home city,
was fit to be tied,
thinking maybe she’d died!
Poor fool didn’t have a clue, did he!

Unbeknownst to sweet Pearl, her “dear” spouse
had been sneaking off as she’d played house.
To conventions he’d said
he was goingInstead,
he’d been gambling in Vegas, that louse!

Off to strip clubs he’d gone every chance
that he gotHow he loved to see dance
naked women all sizes 
in sexy disguises
while his wife at home longed for romance.

Now the tables were very much turned.
And her husband was feeling quite spurned.
He would sleep restlessly
thinking where could she be!!
But her whereabouts he never learned.

No longer could he run away
on a whimHe still had bills to pay.
That cleaning and cooking
meant no time for looking
at girls! He had less time to play.

In Vegas, his wife had come far.
In fact, she was a superstar.
Wearing naught but a fan,
she’d entice every man,
then drive home in a pearl-colored car!

Her spouse lost his jobThe years fled.
His wife he then had declared dead.
But with no job in sight,
he’d stay home each night,
with loneliness causing him dread.

Do you think this guy ever has let
his conscience feel any regret
that his wife did so much
while he gambled and such?
Has he learned anything at all yet?

Did he marry and get a new bride?
Did Pearl go and change her sweet ride
to a sleek red Corvette,
and did SHE marry yet?
I leave it to YOU to decide!


Written June 2016 for the Desperate Housewife Contest of PD


Poem Details | by Carolyn Devonshire |
Categories: friendship, funnytime,

Gathering of the Golden Girls - Soup Convention

Four “Golden Girls” seated at a table
Grey streaks our hair, but minds remain stable
     Convention is underway
     Michael has something to say
He opens our meeting with a fable
 
It’s about a tortoise that beats a hare
Some of the “fast writers” begin to glare
     Joyce, Francine and Barbara know
     It takes time for verse to grow
We’re the queens of rewriting; this we swear
 
Iolanda’s introduced to read her book
“Lava of my Soul,” no gobbledygook
     We’re mesmerized by each line
     At the end we toast with wine
Joyce says, “Now those words took some time to cook.”
 
It’s Karen’s turn to read “Silent Whispers”
We see tears falling into John’s whiskers
     “Tears of joy,” Francine exclaims
     For Karen’s Best Seller fame
Applause rings out from grateful listeners
 
After the “meet and greet” it’s nearly dawn
The crowd starts to thin as our comrades yawn
     Joyce, Francine call it a night
     But Barbara still sits upright
We two remain when most others are gone
 
One poet called us “Late Night Cockroaches”
This indignity did not encroach us 
     We call ourselves “LNCs”
     Awake in wee hours with ease
Waiting for our princes to approach us
 
That’s when the James Brothers draw near
Peranteau and Fraser, to make it clear
     With two erotic writers
     LNCs pull “all nighters”
Knowing that we can propose; it’s Leap Year!
 
 
*Entry for Michael’s “A Table of Four” contest
At my table: Carolyn Devonshire
Joyce Johnson
Francine Roberts
Barbara Gorelick
 



Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: spring,

SPRING FORWARD

In spring time fresh flowers are rising New lambs in the fields – not surprising In every hedgerow and tree Lush beauty will surround me It’s heaven; there is no disguising 02~16~15 Contest: Spring Forward -Debbie Guzzi Syllables checked 9 9 7 7 9


Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: humor,

Justice - A Parable

A woman gave birth to a son
named Justice; he had little fun.
If he wanted to play,
his mama would say,
“But only when Justice is done!”

Poor Justice, from morning till night,
tried hard to do everything right.
By the end of the day,
he still could not play,
for his time to do chores was so tight!

His life was a crime with no play!
We all know that crime doesn’t pay.
But were I in his shoes,
having paid all my dues,
I think I might just run away.

Well, sure enough, Justice did flee
and ended up in Tennessee.
With no place to belong,
he felt sad till along
came a girl who smiled tenderly.

Looking ragged, he asked (with some shame)
if the young girl would tell him her name.
“Can you guess?” said the Miss.
“Here’s a clueIt is this
Those who have me don’t take all the blame.”

The young man did not have a clue
what her name was; it was all new.
He’d never hear of
- yet soon grew to love -
this girl  and her charming name too.

Today Justice likes more his life
because this girl lessens his strife.
He learned her name well
when in love he fell
and Mercy he took for a wife!

For the Story Poem Contest Poetry Contest of Carol Eastman


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: appreciation, giving, humorous, poetry,

A GIFT OF A LIFETIME - TO END ON SATURDAY MARCH 20TH 2077

I’ve received an incredible gift It has given my heart such a lift But the date that I see Is what now concerns me – It’s the date I no longer exist!!! Today I was gifted a 'lifetime' premium membership but it is somewhat disconcerting to see it ends on 3/20/2077I hope TPS aren't psychic!!!! My mother's great great aunt lived to 111 and 121 days and was in the Guinness book of records - I hope I am around a long long time to make full use of this incredible gift. 14th October 2016


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: baby, humorous,

OOPS - PLEASE JOIN IN THE COLLABORATION

Sue dated an old bloke called Darren He said surgery'd made him barren But one errant sperm Escaped from his ‘worm’ Now Sue’s had a baby named Sharon! 05~24~17 WRITTEN BY JAN ALLISON For his sins he surely will pay Strong little swimmer went astray There's tears in his eyes No nights with the guys And Susan turned out to be gay! 05~25~17 WRITTEN BY TIM SMITH Darren went to the doc to get snipped The doctor was drunk and he slipped He was seeing double And that spelled trouble Poor Darren got his wiener clipped. 05~24~17 WRITTEN BY JAMES ANDERSEN Darren wasn't really a talker; He spent all his time in a rocker "But don't worry, Dear," He'd said without fear, Knowing that his sperm used a walker 05~24~17 WRITTEN BY DALE GREGORY COZART Darren told Jane the same story She gave birth to a son named Rory He thinks he's slick he's really a prick And deserves his own category! 05~25~17 WRITTEN BY DANIEL TURNER Sue told Darren she was on the pill But she managed to get pregnant still It would have been better If he "wrote" a french letter Now they have a baby boy named Bill! 05~25~17 WRITTEN BY JOSEPH MAY Young Rick peed on a stick The result made him feel sick His emotions went wild How could he be with child Impregnated by his own seed. 05~25~17 WRITTEN BY RICHARD LAMOUREUX So Darren was over the hill Said Susie'd no need for the pill One old guy One old lie Easily told for the thrill! 05~25~17 WRITTEN BY LIM'RIK FLATS Jan that's not what I find I disagree if you don't mind Over sixty they droop When I take a look His number if you would be so kind? WRITTEN BY JEAN MURRAY Poor Darren developed a cough Sue put him to bed in a trough While discussing his manhood. Sue said, this is no good I'd feel safer if you had it off. WRITTEN BY JONATHAN FRENCH


Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: funny, january, new year,

The Non-Resolver

I’ve been watching my weight since 14, but with all of the diets I’ve seen, they’ve become a big no-no. This here dieting yo-yo has stopped trying to be super lean! Other problems I’ll change as I go I don’t need a New Year to say so! Said a wise sailor man: I yam what I yam! Why improve on a good thing - ya know? So the cause of the most bellyaching at this time of the year I’m forsaking. When you know yourself well why then go through such hell! Resolutions I’ll never be making. For the the New Year's Resolution Poetry Contest of Regina Riddle


Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: funny,

Why Pa Ain't Pet Sittin' No More

While Ma was away, Pa lost Tweety
while pet-sittin’ for his friend Petey.
Then at dinnertime, Ma
said, “I’m so sorry, Pa,
but this bird I found ain’t very meaty!”

Another time, it was a frickin’
frog he lostWhile pa was lickin’
his chops over dinner,
Ma beamed, “What a winner!
That frog I found tastes just like chickin.”

Another time “Hillbilly Jake”
Asked Pa to please watch his pet snake.
Ma was out of the loop;
saw that snake and made soup.
It was more than her husband could take.

Pa hollered out, “What’s wrong with you?
Every pet I sit ends up as stew!”
“Keep your eye on them critters,
or they’ll end up as fritters.
I’m not here,” Ma said, “runnin’ no zoo.”



Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: humorous,

Dead Animals are Everywhere

"Oh, honey," he cried on the phone,
"It's terrible being alone.
I'm feeling the blues,
and I have some strange news"
He went on and on with a moan.

"I went to the back yard one day,
not too long after you'd been away.
Do you know what I found
everywhere on the ground?
Can you guess what I'm going to say?"

"No clue," I said"Why don't you share?"
"Dead animals are everywhere!"
If he'd not shouted,
I may have doubted,
but then he said, "Baby, I swear."

I was taken aback, so I said,
"There are animals? And they are dead?
What kind might they be?
Tell me how many?"
Just to think of it gave me some dread.

Since it sounded so terrifying,
I thought what a terrible thing.
Had our yard become scary
like the pet cemetery
I had read of by novelist King?

Were they poisoned? Were there rabbits too?
In the back of my mind I just knew
that his tale was too tall.
I was not wrong at all.
As it turned out, the number was two!

For I called up my daughter who said
she had gone there; what she saw instead
of some big horror show
was just her dad Joe
with one snake and one bird that were dead!

Written July 1, 2016 :  True story with a bit of exaggeration making hubbie look wussyBut I'm not far off the mark!! This happened a long time ago when I had gone to a family reunion and left hubbie alone for a week!! Our daughter was newly married and went to the house to see all the "dead animals everywhere"  For the Tell a Tall Tale Contest of Jesse Day



 


Poem Details | by Lin Lane |
Categories: humor,

Polly Wally Doodles: written with Jan Allison

Polly Wally waddles all day 
She's running for office in LA 
She wastes time doodling 
Enjoys a daily noodling 
But she never earns her pay 

Polly Wally was once quite a looker 
before politics she worked as a hooker 
now she dresses with power 
doesn't get paid by the hour 
now she's aging no man would book her


Poem Details | by Poet Destroyer A |
Categories: funny

Rock,,,Paper,,,Scissors

Rock :) paper (: scissors

I got a rock in my hand.
Holding it as tight as I can!
No I won't let this go!
This is 3 wins in a row!
Next time don't pick scissors man!
~
~
My paper covered your rock.
You still keep talking lots of crock.
Your crying for another round.
In this one you lay paper down.
Scissors cut paper you silly jock!
~
~
Rock breaks scissors, 
Paper dolls made from clippers
Get rid of the smelly fishes 
I win your doing dishes 
Easy to predict your butter fingers.

by;p.d.




 


Poem Details | by Carolyn Devonshire |
Categories: childhood, funny

Eying the Babe

Ah, my brother is finally sleeping
Through my head mischievous thoughts are creeping
     It’s my time to shine now
     To him I won’t kowtow
All of the attention I’ll be keeping
 
I’ll make the best use of this special time
Beg for more after each nursery rhyme
     I’ll play with his best toys
     Till he makes the first noise
Because then I’ll just be admired part time
 

By Carolyn Devonshire
For Miranda Lambert’s Brotherly Love contest
April 23, 2011



Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: books,

I'm Huck

I’m Huck, and my last name is Finn. On the great Mississippi I’ve been playing hooky from school ‘cause there ain’t any rule that can keep Huckleberry caged in. I bet that you’ve already read about the fun life that I’ve led, how I got a bad foe that they called Injun Joe and how me and Tom one time played dead! I ain’t nothin’ special, just Huck. In my boyhood forever I’m stuck. Just one kid needs to look at the words in Twain’s book and I’ll stay alive - with any luck! *My character, of course, is Huckleberry Finn, taken from the novel of the same title, written by a very witty humorist, Samuel Clemens, AKA Mark Twain. Written 4/20/14 by Andrea Dietrich for the "Become a fictitious character taken from a book (or a movie) ! Free Poetry Contest" of Giorgio A.V


Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: humorous,

Back to Traffic School

Before yellow changes to red,
there’s only one thing in my head.
It’s to get through that light
for my time is so tight.
On the pedal my foot becomes lead!

But I did not judge too well today,
for that light was a tad far away.
Oh, why didn’t I stop?
If I’d just seen the cop,
I’d be richer with no fine to pay.

So to traffic school soon I will go,
like I do every three years or so
till the next time I’m caught.
We old dogs can’t be taught!
Wipe our slates- traffic school’s just for show!


Note: Traffic school is a 2 hour class that some Americans pay extra money for just to avoid a raise in their insurance rates when they get a traffic ticketI stupidly did not do traffic school last time I got caught by a cop, so for sure, I have to do it THIS timeThis limerick story was inspired by Jan's limerick about me!


Poem Details | by mike dailey |
Categories: hope, satire, sportstime, time,

Rock, Paper, Scissors

I have a theory to test
I always thought scissors was best
When I throw scissors down
A rock comes around
I should have done paper I guess

Next time it is paper I throw
And just like that don’t you know
His scissors appears
And my paper it shears
A rock would have won it and so

The next time it’s rock in my hand
I’ll win it this time – I’m the man
Then his paper comes out
Wraps my rock without doubt
This game I just don’t understand

But you know the next time we meet
He’ll be the one that is beat
I just have to think through it
Don’t know how I’ll do it
But somehow I’ll learn how to cheat

Mdailey	6/11/11

2nd place finish in contest




Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: dedication, humorous,

Five Great Limerick Guys

Caleb Smith, southern gent so refined, has an interesting, humorous mind. He not only can write, but can farm, fish and fight, and on critters he hunts he has dined! Also clever at limericks is Tim. He does footles for friends on a whim. The bright bulb in his brain comes on time and again. May Tim Ryerson’s light never dim. A third limerick writer, Mike Dailey, has some fifty of them we can see! Though I don’t know him well, by his poems I can tell that a doting grandfather is he. There are oodles of limericks by Jack. Sheer wit our dear Horne does not lack. But his vampire obsession can leave a gal guessin’ Am I friends with a maniac? In praise of the Duke I now sing. All his poetry has that cool “ring” - a limerick each one - making Beauford- bar none - The PoetrySoup limerick king! *A SHOUT OUT also to five OTHER great limerick guys: Sean Kelly, Charles Sides, Charles Clive, Harry Horsman, and Robert Hinshaw & Soupers, Let me know of any other limerick guys out there I should know about! For : Sandy Ivy D's Poem of Dedication Contest


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous,

FANCY A QUICKIE

His arm snaked round her tiny waist She asked him what is your great haste The glint in his eye Needed no reply Kids are out – there’s no time to waste! 19th February 2015


Poem Details | by Robert L. Hinshaw |
Categories: celebration,

Saint Patrick's Day

Well bless me soul 'tis that time o' the year

   To partake of corned beef, cabbage and beer

      To meet at Flanagan's Pub

         For socializin' and grub

            Again to toast the Old Sod we hold dear!

Entry for Andrea Dietrich's "The Perfect Limerick" Contest


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: flying, fun, halloween,

WINNIE THE WITCH

Winnie Witch loves this time of year Halloween time is drawing near In her pink underwear She’ll give you quite a scare Then she’ll hastily disappear! Away on her broomstick she flew Ended up in darkest Peru She went on a hike Then got on her bike It’s the thing some travelers do! On our Island Halloween is called 'Hop Tu Naa' The local shops are starting to have displays in their windows which inspired the poem 09~21~16


Poem Details | by Duke Beaufort |
Categories: nature

Cut, cut, cut

From upon a ladder’s high ledges
It’s time to trim up the edges
Each critical slice
Makes topiary nice
And forms the most pleasing hedges


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous,

DO YOU FANCY A ROLL

A pretty young lass from Dover Just loved to get her leg over A quick roll in the hay Any time night or day Her boyfriend is in spring clover 02~28~ 2015 checked with how many syllables 8 8 6 6 8 Contest: Spring forward - Debbie Guzzi ~awarded 6th place~


Poem Details | by RALPH TAYLOR |
Categories: happiness, love, wife

Bonny Scotland

My tour made me really content
I was pleased with where I was being sent
        The Air Force said go
        I couldn't say no
so over to Scotland I went.

The tour could not have been better
I knew SHE was the one when I met her
        It really was strange
        How my whole life would change
cause I knew I would never forget her.

My time in Scotland I'll never forget
I've never been to a nicer place yet
        I bought home a wife
        she's the love of my life
so to Scotland I owe a great debt.


Poem Details | by faleshia murphy |
Categories: funny

NINE O'CLOCK

I'm going to have dessert and put up my feet
At nine o'clock myself is who I'm going to treat
Nine o'clock is my favorite time of the day
It's 8:59 get out of my way
nine o'clock is when my kids go to sleep


Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: devotion, love,

Appeared Young Laura



Once upon a time in the land of Jack Appeared young Laura, now fancy that Such pride and joy Feel young as a boy The decades that separate us don't mean a whack © Jack Ellison 2015


Poem Details | by Jason Talbott |
Categories: holiday, mother, son

Momerick

There once was a lady named "Mom"
Who had a hard time keeping calm.
But she knows how to sew
And garden and mow
And she's a farmer on facebook.com

She's a grandma to Mel and Harmony
She's a young wife for "Gramps" who's 70! 
She calms the waters
Of her four lovely daughters
And best of all she puts up with me.


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous, poetry,

NA IN CONTEST - NEW LIMERICK COLLABORATION

My penchant for writing was showing The comments I received were ‘glowing’ But at the end of the day I get another N/A My success in contests is slowing! WRITTEN BY JAN ALLISON ON 1st September 2016 PLEASE FEEL FREE TO PUT YOUR CONTRIBUTION IN A COMMENT OR SOUP MAIL IT TO ME Winners winners everywhere but not a one for me Sadness is a heavy burden over my N/A poetry I'll blame all my losses on the judging albatrosses I think I'll toss them all into the depths of the sea WRITTEN BY LIN LANE The contest was posted as judged To open that link, my mouse trudged My write was not there! I knew, with despair, To NA trash bin it was nudged! WRITTEN BY SANDRA HAIGHT Never say never again for time will soon erase that pain Dry your tears ,don't be sad, who is to say what's good or bad Someone else might love your refrain WRITTEN BY BRIAN STRAND I checked the list not once but twice It wasn't there to my suffice I sulk my head Then cry in bed That mean old judge she isn't nice WRITTEN BY TIM SMITH Wrote one that was such fun to read To a contest I posted full speed People thought it a hoot . It was given the boot Tell me what must I do to succeed! WRITTEN BY SEREN ROBERTS I entered a new contest today I didn't make the list, got N/A That has to be so wrong My praise was a mile long The judge was out of it on that day WRITTEN BY ALEXIS Y There are contests you'll never win You'll lose before you even begin So don't waste your time With your best rhymes You'll just be tossed in the N/A bin! WRITTEN BY JOSEPH MAY My words meant so much when first written So glowing the praise they were get 'in From the published results I endured such insults That my dream of a Pulitzer lay smitten WRITTEN BY CHARLIE SMITH I once wrote a poem that fit All the contest descriptionsAnd it Was praised with much grace I was hopeful to place, But completely forgot to submit! WRITTEN BY AGNES KRAMPE I put my N/As in a row Was like a long queue to a show! Some resigned shrugging, Bit of sighing ‘n frowning, But such fun, so here again I go! WRITTEN BY SAN WOO For new contests, these poems I write, The others feel my writing is bright, But when the results come out, My name is Nowhere About, For the judge has found it Not Alright. WRITTEN BY JO DANIEL My inspiration for words are on track I pat myself on the back What the hack, I cracked Another N/A I’ve racked No more entries for this maniac WRITTEN BY EVE ROPER As a poet wannabe, and new to this space enthusiastic by a 1-3 place, and grace, I feel bad for the true poets here, My apologies but kiss my rear, This is tongue and cheek, I’m here for the race! Never knew what N/A did mean, As I’m pretty new to the scene, I'm back to support Jan, Now folks that’s a TRUE fan Better limericks I haven’t seen WRITTEN BY MARK PAUL VAN DER MERWE A funny poem I had written Fit I thought for a competition I'd celebrate with bacon - The sponsor was mistaken! A N/A has made me stay hidden WRITTEN BY TEDDY KIMATHI


Poem Details | by James Fraser |
Categories: funnysister, sister,

We're Having Nun of That

Two Nuns travel through Europe by car
Guided by the heavens North Star
Transylvania they reach
Hymn singing they preach
Not realizing they have come so far

At a busy junction they now stop
The red light is about to colour swap
Then out of the night
A most scaring sight
Onto their bonnet Dracula did drop

Sister Francine to Sister Helen said
On with the wipers, off with his head
Darn, that never worked
On this darkly toothed berk
He's hanging on, foot down, of they sped

What shall I do, Sister Francine says
Sister Helen shouts, window wiper spray
At the Vatican I filled
It's heavenly chilled
This time he's sure to go away

The Holy Water now having been yield
Has the demons fate now been sealed
To rid of this dross
Please show him your cross
Get the **** off the windshield!




~*~ This piece has been turned into a Limerick from a joke doing the rounds ~*~


Poem Details | by lim'rik flats |
Categories: nonsense,

eight days a week

maudlin

maudlin Monday's mostly mud
halts the weekend with woeful thud
laughs and sillies
get the willies
on maudlin Monday, what a dud

tintinnabulous

tintinnabulous Tuesday
is the second paying-dues day
we head uphill
but it’s no thrill
'cause we’re not there, but we’re on our way

wadd'lin

wadd'lin Wednesday straddles the hump
wiggles and shakes like a wide-angle rump
it’s a little too slow
with way too much show
wadd’lin Wednesday makes us “harumph”

thoracic

thoracic Thursday we’d like to send west
we want to get Thursday off of our chest
we’re not so sure
we can endure
thoracic Thursday'd be a good day to rest

finally

finally Friday, when it gets here
makes one take a look in the mirror
to practice a smile
to reclaim a style
time to get ready for giggles and beer!

sleep in

sleep-in Saturday comes with the blues
has way too many of those chore-ing to-do’s
so get outta bed
with hung-over head
and put off whatever you choose

shuff'lin

shuff'lin Sunday saunters along
changing tempo, just like a song
pretty soon then
it’s time again
for Monday and that is just wrong!

elusive 

elusive, the eighth day hides from the rest 
we like to think we’d like it the best
but we’d probably waste it
and then we’d lambast it.
an eight day week the Beatles addressed



Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: funny love, humorous, relationship,

CUTIE PATOOTIE BAWDY LIMERICK

Pat swung from a chandelier Fell off and hurt her cute rear She gave it a rub And soaked in the tub Next time she’ll stay off the beer! Pat copied the birds and the bees And had carpet burns on her knees She saw her GP He said ‘Oh dear me’ - Next time settle for a quick squeeze But Pat said I’m always so randy And so is my boyfriend called Sandy If he can’t have a lay At least three times a day He’ll leave me for that old moo Mandy 'for Pat' with my love xx 05~03~17


Poem Details | by Rob Bettridge |
Categories: humorous,

PEACE AT LAST - A collaboration with JAN ALLISON

  
  
 
  
 
  
There are women who feel a strong need To nag men until their ears bleed In a war of attrition With relentless petition Is a cruel way to make men concede Men wish for a life of peace But get nagged by a tongue that won't cease Men will just say It's the female DNA That must out in it's need for release We can’t help it; we just HAVE to nag Guess some folks would call us 'an old hag' Men get on our nerves When you paw at our curves You should give up and wave the white flag We can suffer from bad PMT, Become ogres that men want to flee We Scream and we Shout Say We’ll throw you out But for some reason you wont let us be Better by far, we should try this next time It's effective and will prove sublime By wearing Earplugs In each of our Lugs We'll be laughing, whilst nagging - in Mime Laughing together will lighten our day It's a tonic to chase all our problems away For a really Big Smile Can last a long while And we'll both get on better that way


Poem Details | by Lin Lane |
Categories: fun,

Muppets in the Soup - Join In

Write a limerick of your own about a Muppet
If you post it in a comment or in soup mail to me, 
and I find it appropriate, I'll add it on;-)


Sesame Street's Count von Count is dressed in black
He spends his time counting bats and talking smack
This vampy Muppet wears a cape
Skin the color of a ripening grape
Pointy teeth bite your neck when he's ready to attack

There's a Muppet who always wears a striped shirt
So does Ernie, but the one I'm talking about is Bert
He loves Bernice, his pet pigeon 
Bert's nose is crooked, just a smidgeon
He's the more serious of the two: Bert the introvert
                ****************

Tell me more about that messy muncher
who crunches cookies like a real monster!
He talks while he eats,
spurts crumbs round his seat...
Is that why he does not grow much larger?
                                                taai tekai
                   ****************

Here’s a tale about Kermit the frog 
When blind drunk he slipped off a wet log
Miss Piggy was forlorn
Her dear ‘Kermie’ was ‘gorn’
Now he’s buried deep in a peat bog

The Swedish chef landed up in jail
In bad trouble no one would pay bail
He’d got a big knife
And butchered his wife
No parole until he's old and frail!

Cookie monster was in a foul mood
She’d found something so bad on her food
A black and white turd
Produced by big bird
When she saw him she said something lewd!

Cookie Monster was curt and concise
She don’t give folks impartial advice
My word she’s a bore
Her word is the law
I don’t think she is really that nice
                                     Jan Allison
             *****************

Lin had a crush on old Mr Hooper
Said he was fine when he shook his pooper
In his glasses she'd see
A hidden mystery
behind closed doors said his puppet was super 
                                       Tim Smith
             *****************

Big Bird got a bit over-zealous 
In checking out Miss Piggy's trellis
Oh! Kermit was pained 
And thus he remained 
Quite furiously green and jealous
                               Doug Vinson
              ****************

Miss Piggy was visibly shaken, 
In the café where Kermit ate bacon
So she filled him with grog, 
Put grease on his log, 
Where he fell in the bog and was taken
                                       Ray Gridley
               ****************

Have sympathy for poor old Beaker
Was given away by his squeaker
     Miss Piggy he'd kissed
     "You're dead!" Kermit hissed
So raced through the set like a streaker
                                     John Michaels
                 ****************

Not a limerick, but welcomed anyway is this:
Lin Lane, is visibly smart
Sharp as an arrow or dart 
Witty and skilled with her art 
These Muppets with humor and heart 
Encouraging them all to take part
                             Klio Tsitsikroni
                ****************


Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: funnyday,

Something About Mary!

(Well, StPatrick's DAy is nearly upon us, so now is the time to start rolling out the limericks
I'll try to show one a day until the 17thOne year I went nuts and used all my friends' names 
to make limericks with their namesHere is the one for Mary!

A typically staid lass named Mary
told everyone she’d seen a fairy.
One part she left out
which might cause some doubt:
She’d first drunk a bottle of sherry.


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: animal, giggle, humorous, silly,

CROSSING THE TOAD - NEW COLLABORATION

Theme for collaboration suggested by Tim Smith Two enormous old toads crossed the road On Tom’s back lounged Thomasina toad Both are ugly and warty Thomasina’s so naughty As her bowels on his back she’d download 06-16-17 WRITTEN BY JAN ALLISON When Thomasina toad dumped on old Tom He thought her poop explosion was a bomb He hopped in the air gave her a mean stare shouting, "I'm not taking you home to Mom!" WRITTEN BY LIN LANE Ribbit rubbit robbit 'n ro this crazy toad has got to go She's turning quite mean - Fifty shades of green No time to chat but still does crow WRITTEN BY TIM SMITH "Why don't we do it in the road?" Said Thomas, the old horny toad Thomasina hissed, "Get a load of this!" and a "blessing" on him bestowed WRITTEN BY LIM'RIK FLATS Thomasina was on a road trip Her taxi was Tom's back she'd grip But she strained as she held And her bottom expelled So she said "I've just left you a tip" WRITTEN BY RAY GRIDLEY Tom and Thomasina were the perfect pair They were ancient toads without a care He had a huge wart She gives a mean fart Anyone in her vicinity better beware! WRITTEN BY ALEXIS Y Now Tom was an over achiever He wanted the lady, not leave her He sprayed his back with Scotch-Guard and rubbed down with lots of lard the dumper was now the receiver WRITTEN BY DALE GREGORY COZART Tom gave Thomasina the boot Got sick from the smell of her poot told her to get lost right after he tossed She gave him the one finger salute WRITTEN BY DANIEL TURNER Thomas and Thomasina loved to hear the waterboatmen rubbing their gear Thomas tried and started to croak causing Thomasina to choke you two will never get it right I fear WRITTEN BY SEREN ROBERTS When T'sina hopped on for a ride Old Thomas reminded his bride, "Though you're my sweet dish, on the road we'll get squished", "Just do it!" was her terse reply. WRITTEN BY CRAIG CORNISH Thomasina and Tom a heavy load Lingered a little too long on the road He could have kissed her all night shocked at the oncoming lights Croak and ribbit was heard; two flattened toads WRITTEN BY EVE ROPER PLEASE SOUP MAIL ME ANY SUBMISSIONS FOR THE COLLABORATION 06-16-17


Poem Details | by Funom Makama |
Categories: bible, blessing, business, epic,

Blessing Time

Gone is the time to fear any omen
bubbling like a city of fine women
fate never assumes
as bad luck so fumes
the hour has come as life says amen.


Poem Details | by lim'rik flats |
Categories: tribute,

Reincarnation of Turkey Tom - a collaboration

*if ya wanna add some sillies, hop on the wagon!


After the feast, Tommy was gone
Hen said, "Don't worry, won't be for long."
"He'll reincarnate,
Just sit and wait."
"He's not just SOME - POET, Tommy's a song."

"He's always a gas, loads of fun,
With plenty of wit and good with a pun."
"If you miss him,
Be sure to kiss 'em,
When he comes again to shine like the sun."

By Jan Allison:

When he struts it engorges his snood
Oh my goodness that really sounds rude
It dangles from his beak 
You must go take a peek
See Tom is the king of his brood.

By ilene bauer:

He was missed, though, by all of his group
Who felt bad he was out of the loop
So they jotted some rhymes
Thinking 'bout those good times
Now he's brought back to life on the soup!

By Alexis Y:

Tommy the turkey is not gone
He's hibernating and listening to a song
When he comes back
His strut won't be whack
Maybe this time he'll arrive with loud gong

By rogerPAT Adams: 

When he struts it's more of a wobble
No matter if ground, grass or cobble
Though it might seem rude
When he's in the mood
I've heard he loves to gobble!

By Jack Ellison:

Tommy can be very rude at times 
But down deep, his star really shines 
His heart glows bright 
Nothing bad I can write 
Like his author, he's a master of rhyme"


Poem Details | by mike dailey |
Categories: adventure, nature, sportsfishing,

Fishing Limerick

This fisherman, we’ll just call Mike
Was fishing for Great Northern Pike
He would throw in his line
But time after time
It came back with nothing he’d like

When I was a wee little lad
I went out fishing with dad
I caught a big trout
And was dancing about
When he threw him back in I got mad

I said Dad why did you let him go
I could take him to school don't you know
Now I just can't conceive
That my friends will believe
If I haven't got something to show


Contest:  Limericks about fishing -3rd place finish
By: Mdailey


Poem Details | by Daniel Cwiak |
Categories: imagination, introspection, life, nostalgia,

Volleyball

  There was a time when I stood tall

             Especially in college, playing NCAA Volleyball.

   Oh, the trips we went on to the various meets

             Winning and losing in those much vaunted heats.

   We weren't great then, now I can't jump at all.


Poem Details | by James Fraser |
Categories: family, happiness, nature, places,

Barefoot on the Beach

The days of Summer are here
On this beautiful earth sphere
This season of shine
The beach we do pine
Our time to appear draws near

The day we have awaited has arrived
To the seaside we carefully drive
The kids and their daddy
Singing Showaddywaddy
The excitement in us now thrives

In adventure they play on the dunes
Through the reeds the breeze plays a tune
A symphony so grand
As I'm barefoot on the sands
On this glorious sunny afternoon

For these days of Summer cheer us all
As the sounds of happy kids en-thrall
Our day is now ended
As darkness has descended
My kids and I had a ball







Poem Details | by James Fraser |
Categories: humorous, soccer, sports,

Coach, Coached

Working in physical education Blond teacher had a realisation Spotting a young boy alone Standing all on his own Her curiosity, frustration Young man, why are you all on your own To the others, why are you disowned Well, I'm not the teams sweeper I'm their bloody goalkeeper Please Miss Coach, it's time you went home <*>


Poem Details | by Joe Flach |
Categories: animals

The Meerkat

There is a strange animal in our zoo called a meerkat
That makes me laugh every time I look at
Although “kat” is in its name
It’s no feline just the same
So you can say the meerkat is no mere cat.


Poem Details | by John Patrick Robbins AKA Gonzo |
Categories: funnyold, time, sea, old,

The Modern Pirates Life

Out apon the sea.
Its hard to catch some relife.
Or find some time to set willy free.

It's a priates life no need to back your 
bags.
Just grab a pint.
When in port avoid the sea hags.

Swab the decks and please if 
ya gotta puke lean over the side.
Be a good little sea bandit
or you'll be learning were Davey Jones does 
reside.


We got fish for breakfest supper and lunch.
Can somone please help the captain.
ya know with a hook for a hand its easy to
get your pants in a bunch.

I gotta walk  the plank  again ?
Hey it's really rude sticking me with that knife.
It sure would be nice if we put this ship in the water.
Do more than drinking and dreaming of the pirates life.

I really dont trust a captian with a poodle.
It really gets old being harrased.
And cleaning up fee fee's doodle

Dont let Larry steer.
After the tenth time  it gets old.
running a ground to go fetch a beer.

No sir I dont belive we'll run into the loch ness monster
off the jersey shore.
No I dont belive the worlds flat.
And I dont care if the five year old first mate swore.

The crows nesk is a perfect place to hide from your
wife.
Were heading  the wrong way check the gps.
Yes I really cant take this pirates life.

Yes captian I really doubt A mermaid stole 
all the rum.
What's the catch of the day?
Sea monster sure I'll have some.

The captian is crabby and it's time for the
first mates nap.
The cook isnt crying cause he's choppin onions 
Its cause he finished the briges of Madison County
yes he's a bit of a sap.

It's probaly not best to duel with a butter knife.
As we set sail yes mam we''ll have the first mate 
back befor sundown.
It's kinda messed up living this modern pirates life.


Poem Details | by Laura Loo |
Categories: humorous, mother, wedding,

Mother In Law

A l i e n a t e me from the mother-in-law, malignant by nature with many flaws- “Oh don’t try to flatter me! You’re inurbane, can’t you see!” I surely failed getting luck of the draw! His mother can sure be quite capricious, and most of the time can be malicious- “Please gravitate off the earth, you d i s s i p a t e your own worth… and your apple pie isn’t delicious!” I liked her in a transitory way, until she RUINED my own wedding day- Tripped me walking down the aisle, perspicuous! Saw her smile---- :) as a scapegoat she blamed it on Aunt May! Ten Word Challenge Contest Sponsor: John Hamilton Date Written: September 5, 2016


Poem Details | by Linda-Marie SweetHeart |
Categories: funny,

A Kodak Moment

      "A Kodak Moment"



yummy pumpkin pie baking in pie crust pan
hubby playing Chef, he's my kinda man
but with five ornery pets
while their appetite gets
shake, rattle and roll chimed from tin can.


the oven whistled steamy and hot
soon the Chef lost his temper, threw a pot
puppies scattered for cover
as two kitties did hover
kitchen looked like the land time forgot,

laughter is the best medicine to cure
any nasty situation one might endure
a kodak moment to smile
lasts longer than a little while
pumpkin pie still holds magical allure.


*For Vienna's Smile Your on Candid Camera


Poem Details | by John Trusty |
Categories: funny

I'D PREFER HAGGIS



The last time someone dropped into our pool,

it broke our concentration for crock school.

I didn’t join the food frenzy,

prefer Scots called Mackenzie.

So take this one mates, silk chutes bind my stool!


* For the “To Die for Limerick” contestHard to tell crock or gator from this magnification.


Poem Details | by Linda-Marie SweetHeart |
Categories: funny, christmas, christmas,

Pets on Parade

"Pets on Parade" on Christmas Eve two kitty cats were sleeping as Santa Claus climbed down the chimney creeping Excalibur started to purr Gabriel raised his black fur poor Santa was startled and began weeping. while Santa was chased by playful felines trotting toward them a band of hungry canines sweet Venus the white Wstie was growing quite testy for commotion interrupted her night sublime. Thor and Thunder twin midnight blue great danes frolicked in fun as Santa reached for red candy canes they took giant licks opened Santa's bag of tricks as Raider the Shepherd smeared frosty windowpanes. pretty pets on parade on Christmas Eve had a jolly good time you best believe sharing cookies and milk with the Moon smooth as silk and Santa was so happy to leave. *For SKAT'S Calling All Pet Poems.


Poem Details | by Robert L. Hinshaw |
Categories: cowboy, humorous,

Absent-minded Hank

Thar was once an old buckaroo named Hank,
  
   Who was very absent-minded and lank.

      He told his hoss to skedaddle,

         Fergittin' to mount the saddle.

            'Twas not the first time old Hank drew a blank!

Robert LHinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(c) 2015 All Rights Reserved


Poem Details | by Isaiah Zerbst |
Categories: funny, humorous, life, people,

A Sly Teaser

At a time inconvenient it teases,
As it comes whensoever it pleases.
Creeping ever so sly,
It will make you yell, "Why?!"
And the thing that I speak of is sneezes.


Poem Details | by Caryl Muzzey |
Categories: funnydrink, red, wine,

Teetotaler

I once knew a sedate gent with class,  
who would not drink red wine at church mass.
Would take a wee sip,
to wet his wee lip,
since red wine made him expel built gas.

Was time for his daughter to marry,
gentleman who liked to drink sherry.
Being a good dad,
he toasted the lad,
then prayed for audacious canary.

Copyright © 2011 By Caryl SMuzzey


Poem Details | by Ray Dillard |
Categories: satire, sports,

Let the Ball Lie

The little boy said to his father,
I wish I could drive the ball farther.
    He said to his son,
    By time we are done,
Your ball will "lie" just past the others.


Poem Details | by Gail DeBole |
Categories: funny,

Portrait of My Big Toe

Written in 1997

There once was a toe that was big
and was helpful when dancing a jig.
At times it was stubbed,
and washed in a tub
and, when young, spent some time in a crib.



Note: Part of the Portrait Collection