Limerick Poems About Time | Time Limerick Poems
Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: adventure, wife,

A Desperate Housewife - in limerick form

A desperate housewife I knew
had such mundane housework to do.
Being so tired of it,
she decided to quit.
Then off to Las Vegas she flew.

Having always been such a lithe girl,
she thought “I’ll give dancing a whirl!”
Her audition went well.
From a large oyster shell
She emerged, so they all dubbed her Pearl.

Her skin, soft and fair, shone like dew
as she smiled with eyes crystal blue.
All the men threw her money
as her voice, sweet as honey,
called out, “Let me entertain you!”

As Pearl danced each night, looking pretty,
Her husband, back in her home city,
was fit to be tied,
thinking maybe she’d died!
Poor fool didn’t have a clue, did he!

Unbeknownst to sweet Pearl, her “dear” spouse
had been sneaking off as she’d played house.
To conventions he’d said
he was goingInstead,
he’d been gambling in Vegas, that louse!

Off to strip clubs he’d gone every chance
that he gotHow he loved to see dance
naked women all sizes 
in sexy disguises
while his wife at home longed for romance.

Now the tables were very much turned.
And her husband was feeling quite spurned.
He would sleep restlessly
thinking where could she be!!
But her whereabouts he never learned.

No longer could he run away
on a whimHe still had bills to pay.
That cleaning and cooking
meant no time for looking
at girls! He had less time to play.

In Vegas, his wife had come far.
In fact, she was a superstar.
Wearing naught but a fan,
she’d entice every man,
then drive home in a pearl-colored car!

Her spouse lost his jobThe years fled.
His wife he then had declared dead.
But with no job in sight,
he’d stay home each night,
with loneliness causing him dread.

Do you think this guy ever has let
his conscience feel any regret
that his wife did so much
while he gambled and such?
Has he learned anything at all yet?

Did he marry and get a new bride?
Did Pearl go and change her sweet ride
to a sleek red Corvette,
and did SHE marry yet?
I leave it to YOU to decide!


Written June 2016 for the Desperate Housewife Contest of PD


Poem Details | by Carolyn Devonshire |
Categories: friendship, funnytime,

Gathering of the Golden Girls - Soup Convention

Four “Golden Girls” seated at a table
Grey streaks our hair, but minds remain stable
     Convention is underway
     Michael has something to say
He opens our meeting with a fable
 
It’s about a tortoise that beats a hare
Some of the “fast writers” begin to glare
     Joyce, Francine and Barbara know
     It takes time for verse to grow
We’re the queens of rewriting; this we swear
 
Iolanda’s introduced to read her book
“Lava of my Soul,” no gobbledygook
     We’re mesmerized by each line
     At the end we toast with wine
Joyce says, “Now those words took some time to cook.”
 
It’s Karen’s turn to read “Silent Whispers”
We see tears falling into John’s whiskers
     “Tears of joy,” Francine exclaims
     For Karen’s Best Seller fame
Applause rings out from grateful listeners
 
After the “meet and greet” it’s nearly dawn
The crowd starts to thin as our comrades yawn
     Joyce, Francine call it a night
     But Barbara still sits upright
We two remain when most others are gone
 
One poet called us “Late Night Cockroaches”
This indignity did not encroach us 
     We call ourselves “LNCs”
     Awake in wee hours with ease
Waiting for our princes to approach us
 
That’s when the James Brothers draw near
Peranteau and Fraser, to make it clear
     With two erotic writers
     LNCs pull “all nighters”
Knowing that we can propose; it’s Leap Year!
 
 
*Entry for Michael’s “A Table of Four” contest
At my table: Carolyn Devonshire
Joyce Johnson
Francine Roberts
Barbara Gorelick
 



Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: spring,

SPRING FORWARD

In spring time fresh flowers are rising New lambs in the fields – not surprising In every hedgerow and tree Lush beauty will surround me It’s heaven; there is no disguising 02~16~15 Contest: Spring Forward -Debbie Guzzi Syllables checked 9 9 7 7 9


Poem Details | by Casarah Nance |
Categories: fun, valentines day, proposal,

To the POETS who broke my heart-A thru Z

~Arthur Vaso~

He danced on hearts and graves
I became his words slave
Romantic a wink,
and I start to think
for me his bleeding heart raves.


~Lyric Man~

You fiddle a melody
that I know not meant for me
I can't help but smile
in romantic denial
your lyrics are my poetry


~Sebastian Aaron Baez~

Tongue like sexual honey
Writing right on the money
but so far away
and there will you stay
because you thought my proposal was funny


~Tim Smith~

All knows we played a game or two,
And you left me right out of the blue
There is no jealousy
coming from me
since I know that your honesty is true


~Adam Hunter~

So close but yet still far
I know just who you are
You're on my list
Yet you resist
Next round, you buy at the bar


~Richard Lamoureux~

Your words are so really real,
Your truth are the real deal
commitment on your finger
made for a real stinger
your a great guy that makes me feel.


Now its time to break all hearts in return
For you all my sweetest men, poetically I burn.
Keep on writing because you rule
and your souls are just dang cool.
Together let us all love laugh and learn! :)
Love you all my soup guys and gals :) Mwah
Happy Valentines day!!

For Contest: A valentine limmerick


Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: humor,

Justice - A Parable

A woman gave birth to a son
named Justice; he had little fun.
If he wanted to play,
his mama would say,
“But only when Justice is done!”

Poor Justice, from morning till night,
tried hard to do everything right.
By the end of the day,
he still could not play,
for his time to do chores was so tight!

His life was a crime with no play!
We all know that crime doesn’t pay.
But were I in his shoes,
having paid all my dues,
I think I might just run away.

Well, sure enough, Justice did flee
and ended up in Tennessee.
With no place to belong,
he felt sad till along
came a girl who smiled tenderly.

Looking ragged, he asked (with some shame)
if the young girl would tell him her name.
“Can you guess?” said the Miss.
“Here’s a clueIt is this
Those who have me don’t take all the blame.”

The young man did not have a clue
what her name was; it was all new.
He’d never hear of
- yet soon grew to love -
this girl  and her charming name too.

Today Justice likes more his life
because this girl lessens his strife.
He learned her name well
when in love he fell
and Mercy he took for a wife!

For the Story Poem Contest Poetry Contest of Carol Eastman


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: appreciation, giving, humorous, poetry,

A GIFT OF A LIFETIME - TO END ON SATURDAY MARCH 20TH 2077

I’ve received an incredible gift It has given my heart such a lift But the date that I see Is what now concerns me – It’s the date I no longer exist!!! Today I was gifted a 'lifetime' premium membership but it is somewhat disconcerting to see it ends on 3/20/2077I hope TPS aren't psychic!!!! My mother's great great aunt lived to 111 and 121 days and was in the Guinness book of records - I hope I am around a long long time to make full use of this incredible gift. 14th October 2016


Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: funny, january, new year,

The Non-Resolver

I’ve been watching my weight since 14, but with all of the diets I’ve seen, they’ve become a big no-no. This here dieting yo-yo has stopped trying to be super lean! Other problems I’ll change as I go I don’t need a New Year to say so! Said a wise sailor man: I yam what I yam! Why improve on a good thing - ya know? So the cause of the most bellyaching at this time of the year I’m forsaking. When you know yourself well why then go through such hell! Resolutions I’ll never be making. For the the New Year's Resolution Poetry Contest of Regina Riddle


Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: funny,

Why Pa Ain't Pet Sittin' No More

While Ma was away, Pa lost Tweety
while pet-sittin’ for his friend Petey.
Then at dinnertime, Ma
said, “I’m so sorry, Pa,
but this bird I found ain’t very meaty!”

Another time, it was a frickin’
frog he lostWhile pa was lickin’
his chops over dinner,
Ma beamed, “What a winner!
That frog I found tastes just like chickin.”

Another time “Hillbilly Jake”
Asked Pa to please watch his pet snake.
Ma was out of the loop;
saw that snake and made soup.
It was more than her husband could take.

Pa hollered out, “What’s wrong with you?
Every pet I sit ends up as stew!”
“Keep your eye on them critters,
or they’ll end up as fritters.
I’m not here,” Ma said, “runnin’ no zoo.”



Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: humorous,

Dead Animals are Everywhere

"Oh, honey," he cried on the phone,
"It's terrible being alone.
I'm feeling the blues,
and I have some strange news"
He went on and on with a moan.

"I went to the back yard one day,
not too long after you'd been away.
Do you know what I found
everywhere on the ground?
Can you guess what I'm going to say?"

"No clue," I said"Why don't you share?"
"Dead animals are everywhere!"
If he'd not shouted,
I may have doubted,
but then he said, "Baby, I swear."

I was taken aback, so I said,
"There are animals? And they are dead?
What kind might they be?
Tell me how many?"
Just to think of it gave me some dread.

Since it sounded so terrifying,
I thought what a terrible thing.
Had our yard become scary
like the pet cemetery
I had read of by novelist King?

Were they poisoned? Were there rabbits too?
In the back of my mind I just knew
that his tale was too tall.
I was not wrong at all.
As it turned out, the number was two!

For I called up my daughter who said
she had gone there; what she saw instead
of some big horror show
was just her dad Joe
with one snake and one bird that were dead!

Written July 1, 2016 :  True story with a bit of exaggeration making hubbie look wussyBut I'm not far off the mark!! This happened a long time ago when I had gone to a family reunion and left hubbie alone for a week!! Our daughter was newly married and went to the house to see all the "dead animals everywhere"  For the Tell a Tall Tale Contest of Jesse Day



 


Poem Details | by Poet Destroyer A |
Categories: funny

Rock,,,Paper,,,Scissors

Rock :) paper (: scissors

I got a rock in my hand.
Holding it as tight as I can!
No I won't let this go!
This is 3 wins in a row!
Next time don't pick scissors man!
~
~
My paper covered your rock.
You still keep talking lots of crock.
Your crying for another round.
In this one you lay paper down.
Scissors cut paper you silly jock!
~
~
Rock breaks scissors, 
Paper dolls made from clippers
Get rid of the smelly fishes 
I win your doing dishes 
Easy to predict your butter fingers.

by;p.d.




 


Poem Details | by Carolyn Devonshire |
Categories: childhood, funny

Eying the Babe

Ah, my brother is finally sleeping
Through my head mischievous thoughts are creeping
     It’s my time to shine now
     To him I won’t kowtow
All of the attention I’ll be keeping
 
I’ll make the best use of this special time
Beg for more after each nursery rhyme
     I’ll play with his best toys
     Till he makes the first noise
Because then I’ll just be admired part time
 

By Carolyn Devonshire
For Miranda Lambert’s Brotherly Love contest
April 23, 2011



Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: humorous,

Back to Traffic School

Before yellow changes to red,
there’s only one thing in my head.
It’s to get through that light
for my time is so tight.
On the pedal my foot becomes lead!

But I did not judge too well today,
for that light was a tad far away.
Oh, why didn’t I stop?
If I’d just seen the cop,
I’d be richer with no fine to pay.

So to traffic school soon I will go,
like I do every three years or so
till the next time I’m caught.
We old dogs can’t be taught!
Wipe our slates- traffic school’s just for show!


Note: Traffic school is a 2 hour class that some Americans pay extra money for just to avoid a raise in their insurance rates when they get a traffic ticketI stupidly did not do traffic school last time I got caught by a cop, so for sure, I have to do it THIS timeThis limerick story was inspired by Jan's limerick about me!


Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: books,

I'm Huck

I’m Huck, and my last name is Finn. On the great Mississippi I’ve been playing hooky from school ‘cause there ain’t any rule that can keep Huckleberry caged in. I bet that you’ve already read about the fun life that I’ve led, how I got a bad foe that they called Injun Joe and how me and Tom one time played dead! I ain’t nothin’ special, just Huck. In my boyhood forever I’m stuck. Just one kid needs to look at the words in Twain’s book and I’ll stay alive - with any luck! *My character, of course, is Huckleberry Finn, taken from the novel of the same title, written by a very witty humorist, Samuel Clemens, AKA Mark Twain. Written 4/20/14 by Andrea Dietrich for the "Become a fictitious character taken from a book (or a movie) ! Free Poetry Contest" of Giorgio A.V


Poem Details | by mike dailey |
Categories: hope, satire, sportstime, time,

Rock, Paper, Scissors

I have a theory to test
I always thought scissors was best
When I throw scissors down
A rock comes around
I should have done paper I guess

Next time it is paper I throw
And just like that don’t you know
His scissors appears
And my paper it shears
A rock would have won it and so

The next time it’s rock in my hand
I’ll win it this time – I’m the man
Then his paper comes out
Wraps my rock without doubt
This game I just don’t understand

But you know the next time we meet
He’ll be the one that is beat
I just have to think through it
Don’t know how I’ll do it
But somehow I’ll learn how to cheat

Mdailey	6/11/11

2nd place finish in contest




Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: dedication, humorous,

Five Great Limerick Guys

Caleb Smith, southern gent so refined, has an interesting, humorous mind. He not only can write, but can farm, fish and fight, and on critters he hunts he has dined! Also clever at limericks is Tim. He does footles for friends on a whim. The bright bulb in his brain comes on time and again. May Tim Ryerson’s light never dim. A third limerick writer, Mike Dailey, has some fifty of them we can see! Though I don’t know him well, by his poems I can tell that a doting grandfather is he. There are oodles of limericks by Jack. Sheer wit our dear Horne does not lack. But his vampire obsession can leave a gal guessin’ Am I friends with a maniac? In praise of the Duke I now sing. All his poetry has that cool “ring” - a limerick each one - making Beauford- bar none - The PoetrySoup limerick king! *A SHOUT OUT also to five OTHER great limerick guys: Sean Kelly, Charles Sides, Charles Clive, Harry Horsman, and Robert Hinshaw & Soupers, Let me know of any other limerick guys out there I should know about! For : Sandy Ivy D's Poem of Dedication Contest


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous,

FANCY A QUICKIE

His arm snaked round her tiny waist She asked him what is your great haste The glint in his eye Needed no reply Kids are out – there’s no time to waste! 19th February 2015


Poem Details | by Robert L. Hinshaw |
Categories: celebration,

Saint Patrick's Day

Well bless me soul 'tis that time o' the year

   To partake of corned beef, cabbage and beer

      To meet at Flanagan's Pub

         For socializin' and grub

            Again to toast the Old Sod we hold dear!

Entry for Andrea Dietrich's "The Perfect Limerick" Contest


Poem Details | by Duke Beaufort |
Categories: nature

Cut, cut, cut

From upon a ladder’s high ledges
It’s time to trim up the edges
Each critical slice
Makes topiary nice
And forms the most pleasing hedges


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous,

DO YOU FANCY A ROLL

A pretty young lass from Dover Just loved to get her leg over A quick roll in the hay Any time night or day Her boyfriend is in spring clover 02~28~ 2015 checked with how many syllables 8 8 6 6 8 Contest: Spring forward - Debbie Guzzi ~awarded 6th place~


Poem Details | by RALPH TAYLOR |
Categories: happiness, love, wife

Bonny Scotland

My tour made me really content
I was pleased with where I was being sent
        The Air Force said go
        I couldn't say no
so over to Scotland I went.

The tour could not have been better
I knew SHE was the one when I met her
        It really was strange
        How my whole life would change
cause I knew I would never forget her.

My time in Scotland I'll never forget
I've never been to a nicer place yet
        I bought home a wife
        she's the love of my life
so to Scotland I owe a great debt.


Poem Details | by faleshia murphy |
Categories: funny

NINE O'CLOCK

I'm going to have dessert and put up my feet
At nine o'clock myself is who I'm going to treat
Nine o'clock is my favorite time of the day
It's 8:59 get out of my way
nine o'clock is when my kids go to sleep


Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: devotion, love,

Appeared Young Laura



Once upon a time in the land of Jack Appeared young Laura, now fancy that Such pride and joy Feel young as a boy The decades that separate us don't mean a whack © Jack Ellison 2015


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: flying, fun, halloween,

WINNIE THE WITCH

Winnie Witch loves this time of year Halloween time is drawing near In her pink underwear She’ll give you quite a scare Then she’ll hastily disappear! Away on her broomstick she flew Ended up in darkest Peru She went on a hike Then got on her bike It’s the thing some travelers do! On our Island Halloween is called 'Hop Tu Naa' The local shops are starting to have displays in their windows which inspired the poem 09~21~16


Poem Details | by Jason Talbott |
Categories: holiday, mother, son

Momerick

There once was a lady named "Mom"
Who had a hard time keeping calm.
But she knows how to sew
And garden and mow
And she's a farmer on facebook.com

She's a grandma to Mel and Harmony
She's a young wife for "Gramps" who's 70! 
She calms the waters
Of her four lovely daughters
And best of all she puts up with me.


Poem Details | by James Fraser |
Categories: funnysister, sister,

We're Having Nun of That

Two Nuns travel through Europe by car
Guided by the heavens North Star
Transylvania they reach
Hymn singing they preach
Not realizing they have come so far

At a busy junction they now stop
The red light is about to colour swap
Then out of the night
A most scaring sight
Onto their bonnet Dracula did drop

Sister Francine to Sister Helen said
On with the wipers, off with his head
Darn, that never worked
On this darkly toothed berk
He's hanging on, foot down, of they sped

What shall I do, Sister Francine says
Sister Helen shouts, window wiper spray
At the Vatican I filled
It's heavenly chilled
This time he's sure to go away

The Holy Water now having been yield
Has the demons fate now been sealed
To rid of this dross
Please show him your cross
Get the **** off the windshield!




~*~ This piece has been turned into a Limerick from a joke doing the rounds ~*~


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous, poetry,

NA IN CONTEST - NEW LIMERICK COLLABORATION

My penchant for writing was showing The comments I received were ‘glowing’ But at the end of the day I get another N/A My success in contests is slowing! WRITTEN BY JAN ALLISON ON 1st September 2016 PLEASE FEEL FREE TO PUT YOUR CONTRIBUTION IN A COMMENT OR SOUP MAIL IT TO ME Winners winners everywhere but not a one for me Sadness is a heavy burden over my N/A poetry I'll blame all my losses on the judging albatrosses I think I'll toss them all into the depths of the sea WRITTEN BY LIN LANE The contest was posted as judged To open that link, my mouse trudged My write was not there! I knew, with despair, To NA trash bin it was nudged! WRITTEN BY SANDRA HAIGHT Never say never again for time will soon erase that pain Dry your tears ,don't be sad, who is to say what's good or bad Someone else might love your refrain WRITTEN BY BRIAN STRAND I checked the list not once but twice It wasn't there to my suffice I sulk my head Then cry in bed That mean old judge she isn't nice WRITTEN BY TIM SMITH Wrote one that was such fun to read To a contest I posted full speed People thought it a hoot . It was given the boot Tell me what must I do to succeed! WRITTEN BY SEREN ROBERTS I entered a new contest today I didn't make the list, got N/A That has to be so wrong My praise was a mile long The judge was out of it on that day WRITTEN BY ALEXIS Y There are contests you'll never win You'll lose before you even begin So don't waste your time With your best rhymes You'll just be tossed in the N/A bin! WRITTEN BY JOSEPH MAY My words meant so much when first written So glowing the praise they were get 'in From the published results I endured such insults That my dream of a Pulitzer lay smitten WRITTEN BY CHARLIE SMITH I once wrote a poem that fit All the contest descriptionsAnd it Was praised with much grace I was hopeful to place, But completely forgot to submit! WRITTEN BY AGNES KRAMPE I put my N/As in a row Was like a long queue to a show! Some resigned shrugging, Bit of sighing ‘n frowning, But such fun, so here again I go! WRITTEN BY SAN WOO For new contests, these poems I write, The others feel my writing is bright, But when the results come out, My name is Nowhere About, For the judge has found it Not Alright. WRITTEN BY JO DANIEL My inspiration for words are on track I pat myself on the back What the hack, I cracked Another N/A I’ve racked No more entries for this maniac WRITTEN BY EVE ROPER As a poet wannabe, and new to this space enthusiastic by a 1-3 place, and grace, I feel bad for the true poets here, My apologies but kiss my rear, This is tongue and cheek, I’m here for the race! Never knew what N/A did mean, As I’m pretty new to the scene, I'm back to support Jan, Now folks that’s a TRUE fan Better limericks I haven’t seen WRITTEN BY MARK PAUL VAN DER MERWE A funny poem I had written Fit I thought for a competition I'd celebrate with bacon - The sponsor was mistaken! A N/A has made me stay hidden WRITTEN BY TEDDY KIMATHI


Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: funnyday,

Something About Mary!

(Well, StPatrick's DAy is nearly upon us, so now is the time to start rolling out the limericks
I'll try to show one a day until the 17thOne year I went nuts and used all my friends' names 
to make limericks with their namesHere is the one for Mary!

A typically staid lass named Mary
told everyone she’d seen a fairy.
One part she left out
which might cause some doubt:
She’d first drunk a bottle of sherry.


Poem Details | by Rob Bettridge |
Categories: humorous,

PEACE AT LAST - A collaboration with JAN ALLISON

  
  
 
  
 
  
There are women who feel a strong need To nag men until their ears bleed In a war of attrition With relentless petition Is a cruel way to make men concede Men wish for a life of peace But get nagged by a tongue that won't cease Men will just say It's the female DNA That must out in it's need for release We can’t help it; we just HAVE to nag Guess some folks would call us 'an old hag' Men get on our nerves When you paw at our curves You should give up and wave the white flag We can suffer from bad PMT, Become ogres that men want to flee We Scream and we Shout Say We’ll throw you out But for some reason you wont let us be Better by far, we should try this next time It's effective and will prove sublime By wearing Earplugs In each of our Lugs We'll be laughing, whilst nagging - in Mime Laughing together will lighten our day It's a tonic to chase all our problems away For a really Big Smile Can last a long while And we'll both get on better that way


Poem Details | by lim'rik flats |
Categories: nonsense,

eight days a week

maudlin

maudlin Monday's mostly mud
halts the weekend with woeful thud
laughs and sillies
get the willies
on maudlin Monday, what a dud

tintinnabulous

tintinnabulous Tuesday
is the second paying-dues day
we head uphill
but it’s no thrill
'cause we’re not there, but we’re on our way

wadd'lin

wadd'lin Wednesday straddles the hump
wiggles and shakes like a wide-angle rump
it’s a little too slow
with way too much show
wadd’lin Wednesday makes us “harumph”

thoracic

thoracic Thursday we’d like to send west
we want to get Thursday off of our chest
we’re not so sure
we can endure
thoracic Thursday'd be a good day to rest

finally

finally Friday, when it gets here
makes one take a look in the mirror
to practice a smile
to reclaim a style
time to get ready for giggles and beer!

sleep in

sleep-in Saturday comes with the blues
has way too many of those chore-ing to-do’s
so get outta bed
with hung-over head
and put off whatever you choose

shuff'lin

shuff'lin Sunday saunters along
changing tempo, just like a song
pretty soon then
it’s time again
for Monday and that is just wrong!

elusive 

elusive, the eighth day hides from the rest 
we like to think we’d like it the best
but we’d probably waste it
and then we’d lambast it.
an eight day week the Beatles addressed



Poem Details | by mike dailey |
Categories: adventure, nature, sportsfishing,

Fishing Limerick

This fisherman, we’ll just call Mike
Was fishing for Great Northern Pike
He would throw in his line
But time after time
It came back with nothing he’d like

When I was a wee little lad
I went out fishing with dad
I caught a big trout
And was dancing about
When he threw him back in I got mad

I said Dad why did you let him go
I could take him to school don't you know
Now I just can't conceive
That my friends will believe
If I haven't got something to show


Contest:  Limericks about fishing -3rd place finish
By: Mdailey


Poem Details | by Daniel Cwiak |
Categories: imagination, introspection, life, nostalgia,

Volleyball

  There was a time when I stood tall

             Especially in college, playing NCAA Volleyball.

   Oh, the trips we went on to the various meets

             Winning and losing in those much vaunted heats.

   We weren't great then, now I can't jump at all.


Poem Details | by James Fraser |
Categories: family, happiness, nature, places,

Barefoot on the Beach

The days of Summer are here
On this beautiful earth sphere
This season of shine
The beach we do pine
Our time to appear draws near

The day we have awaited has arrived
To the seaside we carefully drive
The kids and their daddy
Singing Showaddywaddy
The excitement in us now thrives

In adventure they play on the dunes
Through the reeds the breeze plays a tune
A symphony so grand
As I'm barefoot on the sands
On this glorious sunny afternoon

For these days of Summer cheer us all
As the sounds of happy kids en-thrall
Our day is now ended
As darkness has descended
My kids and I had a ball







Poem Details | by James Fraser |
Categories: humorous, soccer, sports,

Coach, Coached

Working in physical education Blond teacher had a realisation Spotting a young boy alone Standing all on his own Her curiosity, frustration Young man, why are you all on your own To the others, why are you disowned Well, I'm not the teams sweeper I'm their bloody goalkeeper Please Miss Coach, it's time you went home <*>


Poem Details | by Joe Flach |
Categories: animals

The Meerkat

There is a strange animal in our zoo called a meerkat
That makes me laugh every time I look at
Although “kat” is in its name
It’s no feline just the same
So you can say the meerkat is no mere cat.


Poem Details | by John Patrick Robbins AKA Gonzo |
Categories: funnyold, time, sea, old,

The Modern Pirates Life

Out apon the sea.
Its hard to catch some relife.
Or find some time to set willy free.

It's a priates life no need to back your 
bags.
Just grab a pint.
When in port avoid the sea hags.

Swab the decks and please if 
ya gotta puke lean over the side.
Be a good little sea bandit
or you'll be learning were Davey Jones does 
reside.


We got fish for breakfest supper and lunch.
Can somone please help the captain.
ya know with a hook for a hand its easy to
get your pants in a bunch.

I gotta walk  the plank  again ?
Hey it's really rude sticking me with that knife.
It sure would be nice if we put this ship in the water.
Do more than drinking and dreaming of the pirates life.

I really dont trust a captian with a poodle.
It really gets old being harrased.
And cleaning up fee fee's doodle

Dont let Larry steer.
After the tenth time  it gets old.
running a ground to go fetch a beer.

No sir I dont belive we'll run into the loch ness monster
off the jersey shore.
No I dont belive the worlds flat.
And I dont care if the five year old first mate swore.

The crows nesk is a perfect place to hide from your
wife.
Were heading  the wrong way check the gps.
Yes I really cant take this pirates life.

Yes captian I really doubt A mermaid stole 
all the rum.
What's the catch of the day?
Sea monster sure I'll have some.

The captian is crabby and it's time for the
first mates nap.
The cook isnt crying cause he's choppin onions 
Its cause he finished the briges of Madison County
yes he's a bit of a sap.

It's probaly not best to duel with a butter knife.
As we set sail yes mam we''ll have the first mate 
back befor sundown.
It's kinda messed up living this modern pirates life.


Poem Details | by Linda-Marie SweetHeart |
Categories: funny,

A Kodak Moment

      "A Kodak Moment"



yummy pumpkin pie baking in pie crust pan
hubby playing Chef, he's my kinda man
but with five ornery pets
while their appetite gets
shake, rattle and roll chimed from tin can.


the oven whistled steamy and hot
soon the Chef lost his temper, threw a pot
puppies scattered for cover
as two kitties did hover
kitchen looked like the land time forgot,

laughter is the best medicine to cure
any nasty situation one might endure
a kodak moment to smile
lasts longer than a little while
pumpkin pie still holds magical allure.


*For Vienna's Smile Your on Candid Camera


Poem Details | by John Trusty |
Categories: funny

I'D PREFER HAGGIS



The last time someone dropped into our pool,

it broke our concentration for crock school.

I didn’t join the food frenzy,

prefer Scots called Mackenzie.

So take this one mates, silk chutes bind my stool!


* For the “To Die for Limerick” contestHard to tell crock or gator from this magnification.


Poem Details | by Linda-Marie SweetHeart |
Categories: funny, christmas, christmas,

Pets on Parade

"Pets on Parade" on Christmas Eve two kitty cats were sleeping as Santa Claus climbed down the chimney creeping Excalibur started to purr Gabriel raised his black fur poor Santa was startled and began weeping. while Santa was chased by playful felines trotting toward them a band of hungry canines sweet Venus the white Wstie was growing quite testy for commotion interrupted her night sublime. Thor and Thunder twin midnight blue great danes frolicked in fun as Santa reached for red candy canes they took giant licks opened Santa's bag of tricks as Raider the Shepherd smeared frosty windowpanes. pretty pets on parade on Christmas Eve had a jolly good time you best believe sharing cookies and milk with the Moon smooth as silk and Santa was so happy to leave. *For SKAT'S Calling All Pet Poems.


Poem Details | by Caryl Muzzey |
Categories: funnydrink, red, wine,

Teetotaler

I once knew a sedate gent with class,  
who would not drink red wine at church mass.
Would take a wee sip,
to wet his wee lip,
since red wine made him expel built gas.

Was time for his daughter to marry,
gentleman who liked to drink sherry.
Being a good dad,
he toasted the lad,
then prayed for audacious canary.

Copyright © 2011 By Caryl SMuzzey


Poem Details | by Ray Dillard |
Categories: satire, sports,

Let the Ball Lie

The little boy said to his father,
I wish I could drive the ball farther.
    He said to his son,
    By time we are done,
Your ball will "lie" just past the others.


Poem Details | by Isaiah Zerbst |
Categories: funny, humorous, life, people,

A Sly Teaser

At a time inconvenient it teases,
As it comes whensoever it pleases.
Creeping ever so sly,
It will make you yell, "Why?!"
And the thing that I speak of is sneezes.


Poem Details | by Gail DeBole |
Categories: funny,

Portrait of My Big Toe

Written in 1997

There once was a toe that was big
and was helpful when dancing a jig.
At times it was stubbed,
and washed in a tub
and, when young, spent some time in a crib.



Note: Part of the Portrait Collection


Poem Details | by Carolyn Devonshire |
Categories: funny, sports

Catch of the Day

My passion for fishing is well known

But sometimes my catch brings a huge groan

     Octopus clung to my boat

     Dolphins around me did gloat

The queen of the sea had been dethroned



Sadly, a true story for Royal’s Favorite Sport challenge.
It took my 10 minutes to try and pry the octopus from
the back of the boat Each time I pulled up one arm, 
it slapped down another one They have suction cups on
their arms My article “Octopus on Board” was 
published in Florida Wildlife magazine.


Poem Details | by Robert L. Hinshaw |
Categories: cowboy, humorous,

Absent-minded Hank

Thar was once an old buckaroo named Hank,
  
   Who was very absent-minded and lank.

      He told his hoss to skedaddle,

         Fergittin' to mount the saddle.

            'Twas not the first time old Hank drew a blank!

Robert LHinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(c) 2015 All Rights Reserved


Poem Details | by Ralph Sergi |
Categories: humorous,

Bawdy, Bawdy, Miss Clawdy

There once was a lass that was bawdy
Suffice just to say she was naughty
When the time came to flirt
She would lift up her skirt
That showed a sign that said $Three Forty

Contest May 25, 2014



Poem Details | by Curtis Moorman |
Categories: funny,

The Final Trumpet


When Gabriel sounds the trumpet
There'll be no time for crumpets
You'll stand and wait
At the Pearly Gate
But you won't be able to jump it


Poem Details | by Laura Loo |
Categories: humorous, mother, wedding,

Mother In Law

A l i e n a t e me from the mother-in-law, malignant by nature with many flaws- “Oh don’t try to flatter me! You’re inurbane, can’t you see!” I surely failed getting luck of the draw! His mother can sure be quite capricious, and most of the time can be malicious- “Please gravitate off the earth, you d i s s i p a t e your own worth… and your apple pie isn’t delicious!” I liked her in a transitory way, until she RUINED my own wedding day- Tripped me walking down the aisle, perspicuous! Saw her smile---- :) as a scapegoat she blamed it on Aunt May! Ten Word Challenge Contest Sponsor: John Hamilton Date Written: September 5, 2016


Poem Details | by David Fisher |
Categories: angst, humorous, political,

Main-Stream Media Have-A-Heart Trap

Each day foul critters infest our house
Though not by slipping in like a mouse
We just press a button
Or buy a subscription
To get news wrote or spoke by a louse

These creatures of the two legged kind
Try hard each day to persuade our mind
With sly information
That helps the causation
Of the falling apart of mankind

They tout the need for unearned welfare
Claim hard earned profits are so unfair
And granting amnesty
Is a good policy
Plus growing our debt is fine they swear

For those who work hard earning their way
Give what they can and put some away
Are sick of the slackers
Prodded by the backers
Whose aim is using half truths to sway

It’s hard to ignore those talking heads
But it’s not right to tear them to shreds
Yet there’s a solution
And with execution
We can spread liberty in their stead

We’ll put Obama pic’s and golf caps
Along with a taped speech that he yapped
In a human sized crate
Coz it’s time to create
A main stream media Have-A-Heart trap

Like it or not, these traps are humane
But anyways, we’ll have much to gain
So, once we have caught
All those who have brought
Disinformation causing brain drain

We’ll squeeze all of them in through a pipe
Along with politicians who hype
Irrationality
And immorality
Into a sphere of the livable type

In there they can tax to the extreme
And promote their harmful fairness schemes
But when they’re out of dough
They will lip read our NO!
Since their bubble is a sound proof dream!


Poem Details | by Kim Merryman |
Categories: fantasy, funny, snow,

Snow White Retold

There once was a girl named Snow White,
Of a poisoned apple she took a bite.
Seven dwarves found her sleeping,
And they began weeping.
Who would fix their supper tonight?

Only one thing could save this fair miss,
A prince must give her a kiss.
There was no time to waste,
So the dwarves they made haste,
To find a prince for their miss.

A prince showed up the next day,
And the dwarves they did not delay.
They showed him Snow White,
Told him of her plight,
Then said, "Kiss her, then be on your way."

The prince gazed down on her face,
And his heart started to race.
What a beautiful maid,
Yes, she must be saved!
To refuse would be a disgrace.

He bent and kissed her awake.
One kiss was all it did take.
They stared at each other,
The dwarves said, "Oh brother!"
"We may have made a mistake."

To the prince they said, "Listen here!"
"We want to be perfectly clear."
"Snow White belongs to us,
So don't raise a fuss,
Or you'll get a swift kick in the rear!"

Snow White was quick to object.
"Now boys, let's show some respect.
The prince saved my life,
And I'll gladly be his wife.
What else could you possibly expect?"

The prince said, "Hey, don't worry guys.
You won't have to say your good-byes.
You can live in the castle,
It won't be a hassle.
Cross my heart, I'm telling no lies."

So Snow White and her prince tied the knot,
And they honey-mooned on a great yacht.
The dwarves stayed behind
And at the castle they dined.
All in all they were pleased with their lot.


Poem Details | by Jimmy Anderson |
Categories: funny

Male Stripper BAH

They said it was time to go on.
The audience claps had begun.
   I strolled on the stage
   in my thong that was beige.
The spotlight now on me was thrown.

I started to twist and to turn.
My face was so red it did burn.
   Embarrassed to be
   exposed and so free.
I said, "Aw I'll dance, what the durn!"

The music was loud and so fast.
To keep dancing was such a hard task.
   I strutted around.
   My thong fell to ground!
Burlesque BAH, my first and my last!!!!!   
   

*For Miranda Lambert's "Burlesque Boutique" contest