While a man was golfing in Fife
a funeral cortege was arife,
his head bowed in prayer
at this somber affair
to pay last respects to his wife!
There once was an Olympic swimmer
Who accidently ate Viagra for dinner
His Speedo grew tight
He was awarded that night
A gold medal as the pole-vault winner
If a golfer who’s clumsy and falls
Loses grip on the clubs that he hauls
He'd trip on a trap
With wood in his lap
And have problems in finding his balls!
for Craig Cornish's limerick contest
“I’m locked out of my sports car,” said Lee
to a cop while he stood helplessly.
“Man, your ragtop is DOWN,”
said the cop with a frown.
“Just reach in there and pull out your key!”
July 2, 2019 for
Tania Kitchin's Humorous Limerick Poetry Contest
Syllables per line: 9/9/6/6/9
There was a man from faraway lands.
He held a golf club in his right hand.
He said this to me.
What is that I see?
No club in your mitt, or ball to hit.
-For Contest Golf Limerick
Was out playing golf just for fun
With Father O’Toole in the sun
When club from hand burst
Hit priest as he cursed
And I hit his first holy one
There was a time when I stood tall
Especially in college, playing NCAA Volleyball.
Oh, the trips we went on to the various meets
Winning and losing in those much vaunted heats.
We weren't great then, now I can't jump at all.
All emotions and hopes exchanging through a common fax
singing songs of victory and toasting a beer to relax
priding on a rich history
moving in one chemistry
mock us when we lose and face the inevitable axe.
Under the lights on Friday night.
High school football starting to ignite.
Merciless to everyone.
This is war, not for fun.
Winning state is a beautiful sight.
Hyperbole is a sports cast
Announcers have egos so vast
My ears must have rest
From this lambasting pest
Collection of morons amassed
Author's note: Is it getting worse, or is it just me?
Most balls people pitch, roll, or fling.
They kick them or strike them with zing.
But for lazy old me
I like tirelessly
to stand, flick my wrist and go “ping!”
For Joseph Soper's the Sports Shorts Poetry Contest
Tiger was a young golfer quite good
But didn't shoot as straight as he should
He'd stray out of bounds
While making his rounds
Because he couldn't master his wood.
We're angry! What sports fan can blame us?
There hasn't been one loss for Jameis
But off-the-field ruckus
Makes sportscasters muck us
Once famous, now Jameis just shames us
*Written about former FSU quarterback Jameis Winston's run ins with the law.
Golfers ahead were really slow
because their dead balls just wouldn't go
we offered them beer,
later we found cheer--
they stepped aside to let it outflow.
The slice of the skates creates
An atmosphere of greats
They fly on the ice
Not the least bit of nice
A game of ego awaits.
I learned to golf the following way;
That after each stroke you shout, ‘foreplay!’
Then when you get up
You shoot for the cup,
And if asked give an instant replay.
For Craig's Golf Limerick contest
In our heads the season was far from over
so we played a game in late September.
He said, "before the sun sets
can we not take a rest?"
"But we already are, this is baseball remember?"
The little boy said to his father,
I wish I could drive the ball farther.
He said to his son,
By time we are done,
Your ball will "lie" just past the others.
Coach Belichick must have stumbled
New England gets the Jet’s jumbled
Game signals to read
All exposed—was this deed
An interception play fumbled?
It is now the season of fall.
Are you ready for some football?
It comes on Monday night.
A spectator’s delight.
There is excitement and fun for all.
The Big Football Game
By Elton Camp
For the game Ralph had the dough
So tickets he hunted to and fro
The party liquor splashed
Ralph ended up smashed
Thus, to the game, he forgot to go
What thing seems to make men King Kong?
It lies under Michael Phelps’ thong
With each stroke of grace
See a free style freebase
That huge bulging spot is a bong
A pretty Welsh girl in Caerphilly
Was invited to play ball with Willie
One kick to his ball
Caused Willie to fall
So she thought the game was quite silly!
I'm just not an athletic go-getter.
Won't catch me in a teams scarf or sweater.
But what I watch on TV,
That always does it for me,
Wrestling- and the dirtier the better!!!
Have you been to a race with a horse?
There are many who like them, of course.
Who wins? We don’t know.
We can win, place, or show.
Any nearby racetrack is the source.