Limerick Poems About Sorry | Sorry Limerick Poems
Poem Details | by KP Nunez |
Categories: humorous,

SUCH A SWEET SORROW

(WITH APOLOGIES TO SHAKESPEARE)


Oh farting is such a sweet sorrow
“I’m sorry but that’s not my barrow!”
My seatmate’s  nose in the air,
I act dumb and even glare~
but just then I give another blow.








-Penned due to my irrepressible urge to respond to Jan and BL's posts-



KIM PATRICE NUNEZ
07 March 2015


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous, irony,

DENSER NOT MENSA PART 1- COLLABORATION

An old gal applied to join Mensa Gee she couldn’t be any denser She went in the wrong door On the thirty third floor And there she enrolled as a fencer When attending her first fencing class A man scored a hit on her huge ass She screamed out so loud It drew quite a crowd She cannot abide failure – its crass! WRITTEN BY JAN ALLISON She hollered and screamed for a medic I swear it was worse than a dead duck one without any wings oh the horror she sings she's much more than dense she's pathetic WRITTEN BY TIM SMITH She swore that she really could spell And in math she did surely excel But once she felt pain All she did was complain And whined as her sore butt did swell. WRITTEN BY CHRIS GREEN That old gal then became a method actor but one thing soon became a huge factor she forgot all her lines her mentality declines now she sputters like a John Deere tractor WRITTEN BY LIN LANE Her butt was so sore she bought leeches Gently placing them in her breeches To suck out the bruise We could hear her oooh's I felt sorry for the poor creatures Her butt was so big like a whale all that was missing was it's tail so they stuck a flag up her arse called it the new Khyber pass she went a whiter shade of pale. WRITTEN BY SEREN ROBERTS "Am I smart?" is what she kept asking In glory she hoped to be basking. Suddenly she farted. The whole room departed. Now finding fresh air is their tasking. WRITTEN BY DALE GREGORY COZART She sat for the test with all smiles Filled out the forms and the files But she spelled her name wrong Became twisted of tongue And was thrown to the crocodiles. WRITTEN BY RICHARD D SEAL 07-17-17 Seems the old gal was a talented tart Clearing the room with but one single fart Wiping their eyes All those wise guys Soundly applauded her flatulent art WRITTEN BY LIM'RIK FLATS 07-18-17


Poem Details | by Sean Kelly |
Categories: funny

My Economic Woes Doze .

The Soup kitchen's queue are in line
The economy , banjaxed and dyin'
When Lehmans went bust
The bankers just cussed
So now , " Buddy who can spare a dime " ?.

I called up my banker , by chance
With an invite to the " Poor Peoples " dance
He came dressed in rags
With two plastic bags
And the ass missing , from his old pants

No Ferraris or Mercs to be seen
For between us , we hadn't a bean
The soup it was cold
And the bread , it had mould
And Seamus the Chef , was a " Queen "

The dessert trolly started to shake
Baked Alaskas were fried like a steak
Amid all the wailin'
In strolled Sarah Palin
" Vote me in and I'll give you a break "

I awoke in a lather of sweat
At the characters I had just met
With a sad sorry weep
I went straight to sleep.
"Snore it off , Seán , that's as good as 'twill get


Perspired by Carolyn's , Limerick contest...


Poem Details | by Carolyn Devonshire |
Categories: funny

Accept my Apologies

I’m sorry that I had to rob a bank
To buy your lavish aquarium tank
     Starkist rejects share a cell
     And Charlie’s begun to smell
Our debtors’ prison is bleak to be frank

If you can find a way to make my bail
Criminal activity I’ll curtail
     I’ll acquiesce to your wish
     Bid adieu to this foul fish
And worship you like you’re the Holy Grail

I’ll never mention the credit card fees
That swelled from your holiday shopping sprees
     You’ll find I’m truly contrite
     For snoring all through the night
And inadvertently cutting the cheese

Can you forgive me? I don’t deserve you
You’re the cream of the crop; I am just pooh
     Thank you for pointing this out
     Let’s put an end to this bout
To make reparations, I’ll ingest bamboo


Poem Details | by Sunshine Smile |
Categories: giggle, nonsense,

- Everybody Knows Jack -


Poor old Jack he was not so quick
But still he had some more tricks
A charmer he once was
But from the ladies he did not get applause
- "Oh My God".you remind me of Santa Claus









 22.04.2015 A-L Andresen :)
 Copyright © All Rights Reserved
 - My first Limerick....( sorry Jack :))


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, for him, humorous,

HE'S BENT

I feel terribly sorry for Rodger He developed a kink in his todger It looked such a sight when bent to the right that his poor wife ran off with the lodger! Submitted to Any poem (not for contest) Sponsored by Broken Wings 1st January 2016


Poem Details | by Crystal Cross |
Categories: for children, funny

Girl from Mars

I wrote this way back in sixth grade & I have been able to recite it since, actually the
only poem of mine that I actually have memorized, such a shame! anyways read on:

There once was a girl from mars
Who ate and ate candy bars
But then she got sick
And decided to lick
The mud of a small purple car

~we even had to illustrate it & everything, but so sorry I can't attach that one with it :) 

*Thanks much for reading


Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: write,

A Five Minute Poem

To create in five minutes, I wish
to come up with a nice yummy dish.
A limerick I do,
dear Russell, for you.
And I'm sorry it can't be de-lish!

(having problems getting this to post! Hopefully 
third time is a charm)

Written 5/11/13 for Russell Sivey's Five minute Challenge Poetry Contest


Poem Details | by Tim Smith |
Categories: nonsense,

Farewell

My dabble in limericks is finally done
I'm sorry to say that this is the last one
The master is back
His name is sir Jack
So kick off your shoes we're about to have fun


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, humorous,

HE'S BENT - UPDATED - COLLABORATION WITH ROB BETTRIDGE

I feel terribly sorry for Rodger He developed a kink in his todger It looked such a sight when bent to the right that his poor wife ran off with the lodger! When his wife ran away from poor Rodger Because of the shape of his todger He cried and he moped When she upped and eloped In the dead of the night with the Lodger But why feel so sorry for Rodger? Who developed a kink in his todger There are many that will (Who just for the thrill) Put a Smile on the face of that Codger He is proud that he's now in demand By those that admire his new stand If kinky it seems If only in dreams To be diddled by Rodger's bent gland Now Rodger's a Porn Star, of late Busy making the most of his fate Though by straining too much It has worn down a touch To the point of appearing quite straight Impressed by events from afar Of her Ex who became a Porn Star She planned for a tryst Twixt the hubby she missed And the lodger...'Ménage à trois' In the sack with Rodger and lodger She did not expect them to dodge her When they started to play (To her utter dismay) The lodger proved More bent than Rodger When faced with their naughty nature Which was something she just couldn't savour Having quite lost her mind She struck from behind At the roots of their sordid behaviour She didn't hold back from the guys Extracting their blood and their cries Antics nipped in the Bud Not surprised that she would Kick them out with raw fear in their eyes Poor Rodger could no longer perform He became so sad and forlorn He saw his GP For a costly fee Could his todger be put back to norm? His doc said he would operate Get his todger to an upright state to Rodger’s surprise his todger could rise now he needs to recuperate So having been kicked into touch They are walking with help from a crutch Both Rodger and lodger Keep trying to dodge her As She has become a Dom Butch She wears Fetish outfits so shocking And Schools her pet subs with cruel mocking When she's bound them with chain The screams from their pain Sees their lashes increase without stopping Rodger and lodger; Now Cuckolds Enslaved by their Bonds and Blindfolds Feel the bite of her Crop But don't wish her to stop The control over them that she holds (The Moral) Be careful of what you may wish for There could be surprises in store Wishing all that you might It could still be your plight To get what you wished for - And More! Collaboration with Rob Bettridge


Poem Details | by Lindsay Laurie |
Categories: nonsense,

Panic

I feel sorry for my good mate Billy,
Who chewed on the hottest of chilly.
His mouth copped the blast,
Now with body parts caste...
His wife frantically searches for Willy.


Poem Details | by KP Nunez |
Categories: funny, humorous,

WHAT'S IN JACK ELLISON'S SACK

There's jolly old fellow named Jack
Nightly he comes, sack on his back
He did hide it from us
Now it's out it's because
He laughed so hard that CPAP did crack!








Hey Jack, sorry I'm always late for the party, it's tax season, got pretty busy, but couldn't resist being silly, cause it's what you fancy!  The above is the lim, the promised one from KIMFrom the land of thousand isles, hope you get all the smiles!

11 March 2015
10:00 AM
Philippine Time


Poem Details | by Duke Beaufort |
Categories: family, father,

Slap Stick it to me

He’s sorry and wished it undone
But dad’s home—there’s no where to run  
The spanking's intense
Father never relents        
And imprints his hands on his son






Poem Details | by Anna Archichek |
Categories: humor, internet,

Eight Cats and a Cucumber

Eight Cats and a Cucumber 

In Facebook Land it is kinky, sexy, cheeky and hot 
To send photographs to men whose wife you are not 
Lay it all bare and let it all hang out 
To insert cucumbers and pout 
To show everyone what a ‘fun life’ that you’ve got 
Without showing your real world which is anything but hot 

Create a persona which makes the feckless gasp ‘Wow!’
As they, like you, don’t want to live in the here and now
So they rely on you to lead them on a merry dance 
Even the Pied Piper of Hamelin is in a trance
But what of the wife? 
Does she have a chance?

The best chance she’s got is to let them see first hand 
The cat sh*t, the curry stains and the mess about the house
The opened Tramadol boxes, empty wine bottles and overflowing ashtrays 
Which are somehow out of shot when the camera is having its way
And close up, the remains of your youth
Which has clearly seen better days 

Because the reality is, my dear, you are 36
Which won’t improve with each private message 
That you are unemployed, alone, single and blue
That’s what the prescription medication is for 
So that you don’t have to look at you 
To face the reality that not anyone of these men actually wants YOU

And without the wonderful caring tax payers 
Who through benefits have paid your way (and your internet connection pay day) for far too long 
You would be out on your ear, in fear, bar none 
And all your eight cats would be gone
So massage that persona and pretended to be someone you are clearly not 
As it might be the best chance you’ve got, to ever delude yourself that you’re someone that’s worth a jot

Because wife material you clearly are not,
And the sorry tale is that’s all you really want to be
But when they get there, look and see
The sight is enough to make them flee
So stay in Facebook Land where you are kinky, sexy, cheeky and hot
Because in reality that’s everything you’re not 


Poem Details | by Martin Kloess |
Categories: clothes, funny, humor, senses,

Who Knew The Hazard Of A Shoe

A salesman helped gal with a shoe
When sound of a trumpet broke through
I’m sorry she said
As her face turned red
But salesman laid dead from the pew 


Poem Details | by Owen Yeates |
Categories: daughter, food,

My Daughter

My daughter her name is Kim
For Indian curry often has a whim
She farts like firing a rifle
They smell more than just a trifle
As for her husband I’m sorry for him


Poem Details | by Richard McClellan |
Categories: people, house, woman, lost,

The House Of Ene

There was a woman named Ene,
MrFerguson she did follow,
She lost all her house,
Much space she's without,
Let's feel for MrsEne Ferguson!

Now this lady named Ene,
MrFerguson she did dream,
Her house hard to clean,
Yelling a maid she not be!
Let's feel for MrsEne Ferguson.

So our woman named Ene,
Ole MrFerguson, a hoarder he be!
Her house is a mess,
To fight she confessed and lost I digress,
Let's all feel sorry for MrsEne Ferguson!

Razorblade © 2012


Poem Details | by Sidney Beck |
Categories: funny

IT'S NICE TO TRAVEL

IT’S   NICE   TO   TRAVEL

The president’s trip went so badly  
He wanted a drink very  madly
He ordered  his car
To the nearest bar
But  the tires were all flat, quite  sadly

So he called for his  747
The nearest  that he’ll get to heaven
When he asked for  some tea
They said sorry but we
Must  stop  first at a  seven  eleven

His tea bought, at last they got going
The strong brew  was pleasantly flowing,
As the plane’s nose came up
He up-ended  his  cup
And he flew without caring or knowing


Poem Details | by faleshia murphy |
Categories: funny

COOKIE JAR

Who stold my cookies out the cookie jar
Who ever you are you won't get far
  They took my big chewy chocolate chips
  I got my Ice cream all ready to mix
OOPS sorry I left them in the car


Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: humorous,

Squished Our Cat Flat



How about that just sat on our cat She screeched bloody murder, so sorry bout that Love this dear sweetie Made me all weepy With my hulking big body, I squished our cat flat © Jack Ellison 2015


Poem Details | by brianna rivera |
Categories: death, life, me,

The truth be thy only medicine

I can't take the truth, though I know what it is right.
 
I can't stand the thought, but someday I might.
 
Be able to look back on memories of you.
 
Thinking about them might help pull me through.
 
Out of the darkness and into the light.
 
You were my sun and my moon, you made my life so bright.
 
You kept it worth living when things went to hell,
 
You picked me back up everytime that I fell.
 
But now that you're gone my life is beyond out of control,
 
I am going on empty, carrying a sorry dead soul.
 
So deep in my heart, nobody can see.
 
But I can still feel their eyes just starring at me.


Poem Details | by FATHIMA DAWOOD |
Categories: friendship,

Advice

I refrain from uttering for I know what it would mean
I am sorry but I definately would not intervene
Such heartbreak such confusion
My heart is so full of delusion
Yet I will not convene!


Poem Details | by James Fraser |
Categories: funnylonging,

Mm, Shopping

There was once a georgeous brunette Whilst shopping broke into a sweat Her desire for a new toy Gave her palpitations of joy And her longing to be a duet ~ ~ ~ So in search for her smooth operator She decides to go for the greater "Give me that one on the wall It's the best one of all" Sorry madam, that's the fire extinguisher http://www.thehighlanderspoems.com/humour-3.php


Poem Details | by deb radke |
Categories: social

BROKEN TREATIES


BROKEN TREATIES

I’m sorry I’ve had to withdraw;
Although it wasn’t the law.
My heart isn’t in it.
There must be some limit.
To that which we write for applause.

[I'm so sorry I pulled my entry from the limerick contest.]


Poem Details | by Rob Bettridge |
Categories: humorous,

'HES BENT' - Updated Collaboration with JAN ALLISON

I feel terribly sorry for Rodger
He developed a kink in his todger
It looked such a sight
when bent to the right
that his poor wife ran off with the lodger! 

When his wife ran away from poor Rodger
Because of the shape of his todger
He cried and he moped
When she upped and eloped
In the dead of the night with the Lodger

But why feel so sorry for Rodger?
Who developed a kink in his todger
There are many that will
(Who just for the thrill)
Put a Smile on the face of that Codger

He is proud that he's now in demand
By those that admire his new stand
If kinky it seems
If only in dreams
To be diddled by Rodger's bent gland

Now Rodger's a Porn Star, of late
Busy making the most of his fate
Though by straining too much
It has worn down a touch
To the point of appearing quite straight

Impressed by events from afar
Of her Ex who became a Porn Star
She planned for a tryst
Twixt the hubby she missed
And the lodger...'Ménage à trois'

In the sack with Rodger and lodger
She did not expect them to dodge her
When they started to play
(To her utter dismay)
The lodger proved More bent than Rodger

When faced with their naughty nature
Which was something she just couldn't savour
Having quite lost her mind
She struck from behind
At the roots of their sordid behaviour

She didn't hold back from the guys
Extracting their blood and their cries 
Antics nipped in the Bud
Not surprised that she would
Kick them out with raw fear in their eyes

Poor Rodger could no longer perform
He became so sad and forlorn
He saw his GP
For a costly fee
Could his todger be put back to norm?

His doc said he would operate
Get his todger to an upright state
to Rodger’s surprise
his todger could rise
now he needs to recuperate

So having been kicked into touch
They are walking with help from a crutch
Both Rodger and lodger
Keep trying to dodge her
As She has become a Dom Butch

She wears Fetish outfits so shocking
And Schools her pet subs with cruel mocking
When she's bound them with chain
The screams from their pain
Sees their lashes increase without stopping

Rodger and lodger; Now Cuckolds
Enslaved by their Bonds and Blindfolds 
Feel the bite of her Crop 
But don't wish her to stop
The control over them that she holds


(The Moral)

Be careful of what you may wish for
There could be surprises in store
Wishing all that you might
It could still be your plight
To get what you wished for - And More!


Collaboration with JAN ALLISON


Poem Details | by James Horn |
Categories: angst,

Another Loss By Hillary

Another Loss By Hillary

 A lot of people are upset about Hillary's loss
Politics should be kept out off of FaceBook just like out of church
I am really worried about TrumpStaff he is choosing are a bunch of has beensStock market is already being affectedWe are headed for some hard times.
The Bradley Effect and Closet voters highly affected the election.  They either told people that they would vote one way but voted another or they came out of the closet, voted, and returned back.
Many women gave into their husbands and went ahead and voted their way just to get them off of their backsGuess you could call it being hen-peckedWhat is going to happen when Trump has to go on trial in the cases of the 12 women abused? I had already heard long ago how Trump U
had taken advantage of people
Once in office Trump will have to expose his tax returnAll other previous Presidents did thisHis return is not going to be audited foreverActually, the only one being audited is the current one and he could have released all previous onesYou can actually go on line and see the income tax returns of all past Presidents
Comey will be under a Congressional investigation as to why he did what he did and when he did itHe broke the Hatch Act which I know about having been a Federal employeeWhat would have been really interesting is if Trump would have run as a Democrat and Hillary as a Republican
Trump wasn't really electedThe representative of the Republican Party was elected no matter who it had beenQualities, experience and education should be prerequisites not party affiliation
What amazed me is the higher your education and more satisfied you are, the more likely you were to vote for HillaryThe lower your education level was and less satisfied you were with the way things are the more likely you were to vote for TrumpThe more open your mind was the more likely you were to vote for Hillary as opposed to less likely voting for Trump
Often it is better to be safe than sorryWe may end up being sorry but I hope not.


Poem Details | by Cody P |
Categories: family, for children, funny,

Party Boy


	 	                     This is my stick person, Joe.
		             He looks really funny.
		            He has a small nose he has no toes.
	  	         He has a small dog named bunny.
                            
		         He has no job and he has no life.
	              	I feel sorry for him because he has an imaginary wife.
                                                      
                                                     He was at the top of his job until he got fired.
                                                         Now he’s a party boy and he can’t get hired.

                            
                             
                      


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: health, humorous,

HAVING A BALL

I felt so sorry for my friend Rodger Who’d developed a lump by his todger When he turned up for his scan It wasn’t done by a man The photographer was his new lodger How he winced when he saw the machine Roger thought it looked so cruel and mean His balls gripped in a vice Did not feel very nice.. He was thankful his boxers were clean! 1st February 2017


Poem Details | by Mario Petralia |
Categories: humorous,

The Hulk

             There was a big bloke called The Hulk
             Who was much too proud of his bulk
             He trained every day
             Til muscles gave way
             Then sorry and sore he did sulk


Poem Details | by James Horn |
Categories: anxiety,

Innuendo About Ghetto

Innuendo About Ghetto

Florida looks pretty with many palmetto
And why in central city is there a ghetto
After feeling sorry white people with pity
Moved to suburbs outside of the city
About ghetto life they made an innuendo.

Jim Horn

What a sad state of affairs.

https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/31689/innuendo


Poem Details | by Leon Enriquez |
Categories: beach,

ODD LIMERICK




There was an odd limerick
As failure did just the trick
To impress sad sorry chimes
In awkward pathetic rhymes 
To humour the dying sick!


There was a petty old man
Who lived a gaudy lifespan
With wealthy worry for cheer
In living hell often near
As an unexpected friend!




Leon Enriquez
20 April 2017
Singapore