Limerick Poems About Sex | Sex Limerick Poems
Poem Details | by Dale Gregory Cozart |
Categories: body, humor,

The Curse: COLLABORATION

A man with a quiet demeanor was cursed with a miniscule wiener. He tried lotions and pills But not one cured his ills. Now he's a silent nail hole cleaner. BY DALE GREGORY COZART His todger though tiny still worked When he went for a wee it jerked He could still have full sex It was rather complex, but when it was over he smirked. BY JAN ALLISON His wee-wee was indeed very wee to the extent that no one could see. When asked, “Are you a man?” He replied, “Yes, I am. You can follow up stream when I pee.” BY DALE GREGORY COZART Went out for a night with a hooker Blonde but thick and no looker When she saw his todger Said my dog is bigger You're taking me for a sucker BY SEREN ROBERTS A silent curse shrunk his wee to a teeny thing I swear it is no bigger than a lil chicken wing For sex a useless reject Can't tell when its erect We make jokes about his miniature ding a ling BY MARTI Wait a minute please, I won't tell a lie isn't always small, it's big as apple pie the winds were mighty chilly affecting my poor old Willie now you hurt my feelings, think I'm gonna cry BY TIM SMITH Big Bertha said, "It ain't the cubic inches nope, the part for me what clinches is strokes per minute while they's in it not a tool needs movin' with winches." BY LIM'RICK FLATS if you want join in the fun!


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: farm, humorous, sexy,

MARY IN THE DAIRY

A curvaceous lady named Mary Just loved having sex in the dairy When smothered with whipped cream Her beau would lick her clean… His Calorie intake was scary!!! 14th June 2016


Poem Details | by Dale Gregory Cozart |
Categories: candy, humor,

Ode to Chocolate-COLLABORATION

To chocolate I pay my respects
Some folks say its better than sex
whether milk dark or white
Ev’ry bar I must bite
or I'll get a lack of choccy complex

I NEED chocolate it’s an unwritten rule
I'm a woman not a blithering fool
Give me a constant supply
On days that end with a Y
when choc’s smeared round my mouth it looks cool

BY JAN ALLISON

Most women love something that’s sweet
And chocolate it cannot be beat
Deny them and they’ll pout
Choc is all they think about
Many men think it's all that they'll eat.

BY DALE GREGORY COZART

She lustingly said to bring some to her room
off went my trousers in a vertical zoom
I gazed in her eyes
but to my surprise
I gave her the chocolate she gave me a broom

BY TIM SMITH

Give me the chocolate and forget the sex
But please don't send it through Fed Ex
It'll melt in the summer
And that's a real bummer
Now that's a problem to vex and perplex

BY LIN LANE

Chocolates make me feel great
I forget the part about weight
If I was a tad thinner
Would think chocolate ideal for dinner
Will settle for sex after eight

BY SEREN ROBERTS

Chocolate is all that she wishes
She loves anything that Swiss is
I brought her a box
She quick changed the locks
Guess I’ll just go sleep with the Mrs.

BY DEAN WOOD

One woman with sweet loving lips
ate nothing but dark chocolate chips.
Her husband's retort?
"To enter her port
is like docking between two battleships!"

BY LIM'RICK FLATS


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: birth, body, humorous,

FLOOD WARNING COLLABORATION - INSPIRED BY CONTEST

I crossed my legs but there was a flood Blushing red I hope folks understood But my waters had burst And the baby's my first Guess I'm ready to start motherhood! NOT FOR CONTEST WRITTEN on 27TH August 2016 BY JAN ALLISON My babe arrived as hungry as a horse As a good mother, I fed him, of course When my breasts began to fill Another flood was about to spill Until my child suckled with great force. WRITTEN ON 08/27/16 BY LIN LANE The first twelve months went mighty quick Time flying by lickity split Crawls out of bed Sits on mom's head A young fireman squirting his stick WRITTEN 08/27/16 BY TIM SMITH Hay, thought I heard another sound of thunder roar Eeh gad, seems to be another two babies more They all have lots of hair Mother-in-law beware Now I am having triplets let me out the door WRITTEN 08/27/16 BY EVE T M C He was born without a suntan And didn’t favor the milk man Birthed on a polar bear rug Full beard on his tiny mug Holding a harpoon like Tarzan! WRITTEN BY SONNY ROPER 8/27/2016 Oh my! What will people think? My baby doesn’t favor his dad’s wink I can always claim in shame He favors my grandma’s frame On my mother’s side is large and pink WRITTEN BY EVE ROPER 8/27/2016 One baby after another I sure am a busy mother I cross my knees Whenever I sneeze Out one end or the other! WRITTEN BY CASARAH NANCE It’s all my darn uterus’s fault, Can’t bring my crying to a halt, No more sex with my hubby, I’m just too tired and chubby, This babe’s an exhausting result! Ice came out sucking a pacifier, Posted sign, “Eskimo nanny for hire!”, But when warm milk is felt, Baby started to melt, Naughty nanny immediately fired! The ice came out with a binky, And a diaper pretty stinky! Eskimo baby is she, Could it even be a he? It’s too frozen and all wrinkly! ALL WRITTEN BY LAURA LOO One by one they came out, midwife slapped 'em and into the cradle she packed 'em father blew candle out and exclaimed with a shout " Just like moths, it's the light that attracts 'em!" WRITTEN BY VIV WIGLEY Making babies was so much fun Now my boobies reach to my tum I can't even sneeze or cough It set's my weak bladder off.. I'd better stick to coke and rum WRITTEN BY SEREN ROBERTS AWARDED POEM OF THE WEEK ON 28TH AUGUST - THE HONOUR IS SHARED BY US ALL.SPECIAL THANKS TO LIN LANE FOR STARTING THE COLLABORATION I'm feeling like a slot machine My wheels stopped on three tangerines Babies falling like rain It's no longer a strain That last one looks just like my spleen WRITTEN BY DANIEL TURNER I thought I was going to have two But now I don't even have a clue It feels like maybe four I can't take it no more I have five months to go til I'm due WRITTEN BY ALEXIS Y I was rushed to the hospital gate not yet due, but I just couldn't wait labor's water broke through elevator broke too flooded stairwells to room did create! WRITTEN BY SANDRA HAIGHT


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous,

HERBIE RIDES AGAIN

Two autos both tried to have sex. A pity they both were such wrecks! With great apprehension, One lost its suspension. Old banger sex – oh so complex! 12~21~14 Contest: East Jesus Sponsor: Roy Jerden Checked using how many Syllables 8,8,6,6,8 ~awarded 3rd place~


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous,

SANTA IS COMING

Santa comes but once a year Impotence his greatest fear He fills up his sack Slings it on his back Hope he wont drop his load here Mrs Claus was in great distress She wants sex she does confess Santa saw his GP Saying please help me We need to sort out this mess The doc prescribed some blue pills They cured Santa of his ills Now back in the sack Not flat on their back Now they are getting their thrills 11~22~14 Contest: What’s up with Santa Sponsor Jerry Curtis


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous,

OLD BILL - BAWDY LIMERICK

A sex mad codger named Bill Swallowed a Viagra pill His todger did rise - You should see the size It sure gave his wife a thrill 17th Feb 2015


Poem Details | by RAJAT KANTI CHAKRABARTY |
Categories: fun, nonsense,

Spooks were making love



                  Spooks were making love their bones were clattering
                       Fresh in after death sex they were a prattling
                                 They missed the first session
                                   How to spook the passion
                 And slipped to their graves skulls down saber rattling










          Spooks were making love© Rajat Kanti Chakrabarty 14 November 2014


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous,

FEELING HOT HOT HOT

He wanted it hot with lots of spice 
Not sugary sweet and tasting nice 
Oh big boy your a looker  
We had sex on the cooker
I’m so pleased I took your advice

Jan Allison
17th September 2014


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: giggle, humorous, sexy,

JUST A GIGOLO

A young gigolo called Timothy Gave sex for an exorbitant fee But his passionate style Sure made all ladies smile… (I’m hoping that he’s got room for me!) 02~13~17


Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: humorous,

Sex On A Table



There once was a young filly named Mabel Who enjoyed having sex on a table Got gravy on her parts Her fame was off the charts!!! For dessert she put a jelly bean in her navel A LESS BAWDY VERSION There once was a filly named Mabel Who enjoyed having sex on a table Had to watch for the cutlery Could cause pain quite utterly Bet you haven't heard this well known fable © Jack Ellison 2015


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous,

LIGHT AND HOPE LIMERICK

Jim flicked off the bedroom wall LIGHT With HOPE of a wild sex filled night But the tone of his wife Made him fear for his life Guess she’s keeping her legs shut tight L & H Contest – Sponsor Catie Lindsey 05~21~15


Poem Details | by Seren Roberts |
Categories: humorous,

Trembles and Thrills

there was a young girl from Surrey
whose love life was all of a hurry
so went for sex advice
from a madam of vice
now can tease and tempt without worry

she has learnt the art of foreplay
hope he has the libido to stay
her tweaking and kisses
sure has no misses
has a smile on his face all day

his friends ask was it more than a kiss
said he can't disclose what it is
that has made his day
in a wonderful way
said his trembles and thrills were just bliss


penned Nov 3 2015


Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: funny, giggle,

Iguana

One day with her pet lizard, on a
warm beach lay the sex goddess Shawna.
One who ogled her bust
tried to claim he was just
enthralled by her lovely iguana!

For john freeman's Giggle 2 Contest


Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: girlfriend-boyfriend,

An Arrogant Cad

The most handsome of boyfriends I had
broke my heart; what an arrogant cad!
But I don't think I missed
out on muchHow he kissed
makes me think - sex with him must be bad!



 For The Contest: A valentine Limerick~ to your x-lover the heart-breaker ( explaining how life goes on ) after the heart break.
Sponsored by Sidney ~ LeeAnn


Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: parody

Worst(Worstest?) Limrick Evah

Heres a rilly lame limrick for ya-
Write hear I'll change the beet!
also I ain't bin usin end rime
An this old line is whey to long for a forth line.
Kin ya gess how many words was spellt rong?
hummm, is that fiv or sex lines I needs?

For P.D.'s "My Worst Poem Ever" Contest


Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: fun,

Is Rough Sex Dirty



Woody Allen once pondered, “Is rough sex dirty?” Replied “Only if it's done right”, his eyes quite blurry Voice trembling and shaking During this joyous undertaking Apologized for his words which came out quite slurry


Poem Details | by Theresa CW |
Categories: fun, humor,

Fruit Loops

Fruit Loops


There’s a wild woman who lives in Kamloops
She wants to have excessive wild sex groups
Folks say she doesn’t knows
She looks might dirty gross
She’s not even erotic like fruit loops.

Written: 6/11/15
Theresa Marie


Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: passion,

Sex Is The Question



Sex is not the answer..sex is the question “Yes” is the answer..but it's only a suggestion The choice is yours Your illnesses it cures The one thing that tweaks your tweaker without exception


Poem Details | by Duke Beaufort |
Categories: funny, introspection, life, philosophy,

like it or not--it's here to stay

Inventive minds can be inspired  
Great ideas in time may be sired
High fashion and style
Are acquired for a while
But in the brain sex is hard wired


Poem Details | by Barbara Gorelick |
Categories: funny

Avoiding the IRS

There once was a woman  named Roxanne
Who had sex with many a fine man
She charged a big fee
And made them agree
To never disclose the business she ran


For Deb's contest...


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous, sexy,

SHE LOVES IT OUTDOORS

A flighty young lady from Torbay Got seen having sex in a doorway She blushed bright scarlet red Said I like it in bed But this is just part of our foreplay! 12th April 2016


Poem Details | by James Andersen |
Categories: fun,

6 Limericks and Some Nonsense

Samuel Pew was a dancing fool
Until he got kicked by a mule
He was never too bright
Now his brain ain't right
But he can still dance the old soft shoe

Jimmy Dechert was a History teacher
His mother wanted him to be a preacher
But he liked to cuss
And he made a Fuss
Now a frown is his prominent feature

Tattle Teeter fell and hurt his peter
Tattling on his friends at the theater
He tripped on a pail
And straddled a rail
Now his voice is a little bit sweeter.

Old Rex never thought about sex 
except when he saw his ex
He was a poor soul
And she was a troll
Every month now he sends her a check

Billy Lando wanted to play piano
But about music he didn't know
His wife called him a puts
And kicked him in the nuts
Now all he can sing is soprano

Stanly Fenny was roasting a weenie
When he saw her in a bikini
He asked "what do you do"
She said "how about you"
And he ran away awfully speedy

A man and a dog were chasing a hog
Around a red barn, they did go.
I watched with hystare
As the dog chased a hare
And the hog ran away with a goat.

Amos Buck didn't have any luck
when he tried to get a meal
He wanted a dish of delicious fish
but had no money to make a deal
So he took a seat down by the creek
with some worms and a rod and reel
He baited his hook and put it in the brook
Then thought he would rather have veal.


Poem Details | by David Fisher |
Categories: funny, sexy,

Basque In Sex

When I traveled to the region of Basque,
I met a girl of whom sex I did ask
She said, “Yeah, sure mister,
If it includes my sister.”
So I told her, “Sure, I can multitask.”


Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: humorous,

With Her Knickers On My Head



Houdini was a master of illusion it's said Escaping from handcuffs while chained to a bed Like the sex games we play When our partner must obey Wearing a mask with her knickers on our heads © Jack Ellison 2015


Poem Details | by Dustin Craig |
Categories: funny, people, satire,

Cheap Sex

There once was a girl from Quebec
Who really wanted to have quick sex
Pants below her knees
She's waiting to please
Definition of a sex object


Poem Details | by David Fisher |
Categories: computer, fun,

My Geeky Friend Lance

I once had a geeky friend named Lance
Whose sex life never had a chance
We went to a strip club
Where a gal said, “Hey bub”
He yelled, “Alright, my first lap-top dance!”


Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: humorous,

Till He Accidentally Touched Her Tortilla



There once was a gal named Georgina About sex with a boy, had no idea Thought sleeping with Jim Meant innocent kibbutzim Till he accidentally touched her tortilla © Jack Ellison 2015


Poem Details | by Sidney Hall Mad Poet |
Categories: funny

man from Bellaire

There was a man from Bellaire
Who glued a sex toy to a chair
He said wouldn’t it be fun
To try it in the sun
Now he has a tan and a permanent pop eyed stare


Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: humorous,

A Lady Named Liz



Knew a wee hottie by the name of Liz Who always knew exactly the way to give More than routine This sex machine Made me freak out at the sight of her biz © Jack Ellison 2015


Poem Details | by Tsotetsi Thabiso Edward |
Categories: love, sweet, sound, love,

The voice in my dreams

Ssss.....
Splendour smooth sound that sounded severally sometime ago,
Smoothly stealthy sensating my soul.
Sound sounding second by second significantly,
saying ''I love you Thabiso'' not even swallowing a single saliva spit.

Sweet semibreve singsong sounding siphoned from sun set side.
Sexy but not sex slavish,
Just sound sizzling like a snake hizzling.
When slamming slang its signs that theres something serious.
Smooth sound not simple to slay or slip someone slow or solvenly.
Slender with smashing smile and sound splitting my feelings into smithreens.
Soften sonare that sneaks me sodden,meaning saturated.
Souvenir sound deserving sovereign.

Sound sounding smooth like special strings playing in sovereign's ceremony,
spick and span spontaneously stabling spirit putting stamina,
not from stammer but someone stimulating,stupendous,streamlining.
Stereophonic sound that makes me sweat.
I'm not swagging its just that i still remember her sweet swansong swaying
systematic sound as if it sounds from someone from synagogue.

Since from this voice appeared in my dreams.
I stoped snoring and started to have sweet dreams in my sleep.
You will never know when its the end,
but after telling that''I'm in love with the voice''its the end.

This was just a deram


Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: fun,

Rip Roaring Twenties



Back in the rip roaring days of the twenties Free sex was available and there sure was plenty While doing the Jelly Roll Girl's parts they would show And men started flashing their twenties © Jack Ellison 2013


Poem Details | by Charles Sides |
Categories: funny,

The Birds And The Bee's

My oldest daughter, I named Colleen
She entered puberty at thirteen
The birds and bee's explained
Left me completely drained
Dad, I already know the sex scene

Contest Entry by Charles Sides


Poem Details | by robert johnson |
Categories: emo,

Duuude

This dummy had sex without a wrapper.
But he really just wanted to tap 'er.
He thought he was smart.
But now he's lost heart.
He's not really feeling all that dapper.

Thanks to Andrea Dietrich for the second lineWho knew ha? :)


Poem Details | by T Wignesan |
Categories: jealousy,

Limerick: Once our Senorita watched Sea Anne-Anne - 13

Limerick : Once our Senorita watched  Sea Anne-Anne – 13

Once our Senorita watched Sea Anne-Anne
What got her was all that Royal Can-Can :
« Little Rascal » - « Car Seat »
« New Father » - « New Hope » feat
So she changed sex to lure She-Anne-Anne !

© TWignesan – Paris, 2013


Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: fun,

Is Rough Sex Dirty



A man once pondered, “Is rough sex dirty?” Replied “Only if it's done right”, his eyes quite blurry Voice trembling and shaking During this joyous undertaking Apologized for his words which came out quite slurry


Poem Details | by THE WARRIUR POET E J HEALY |
Categories: art, happiness, imagination, passion,

A LONGER LIMERICK.

                                     One Mayday the girls of Penzance,
                            Being rather board with the lacy of romance,
                                                   Joined a Parade,
                                       With there Banners displayed,
                                          Offering sex to the Yanks;
                                     One was a Lady from Pecking,
                              Who indulged in a great deal of necking,
                                       But it seemed such a waste,
                                    Since she claimed to be chaste,
                           But that statement however, neads checking,
                                  Another young Lady from London's west,
                                  Had on an ankle length string vest,
                                        But there were some holes,
                                         For the respectable souls,
                            So she could have sex while  dressing
                        Now another young woman from Southend,
                                Had intended a love'ing week end,
                                         She waved to her mate,
                                             Good golly I'm late,
                                For her mate had a new lady friend,
                                                           "BY' 
                                        " THE WARRIOR POET"
                                                    "E.J.Healy."
                                       .........................................


Poem Details | by Robert L. Hinshaw |
Categories: funny,

Virgin Wool

He claimed it was made of fine virgin wool!

   I exclaimed, "Really!  Wow! You sure?  No Bull?"

      I care not re the sex life of a sheep.

         I bought it because it was mighty cheap.

            Thank you Little Bo Peep for three bags full!

Robert LHinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved


Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: fun,

Eating PLUS Sex



Sex used to be my most favourite activity Now eating has replaced sex as my favorite proclivity Sure not by choice No reason to rejoice Eating PLUS sex would be my ultimate eccentricity


Poem Details | by Robert L. Hinshaw |
Categories: funny,

'Enry The Eighth

'Enry The Eighth 'ad voracious sex drives

   'Istory records that 'e wed six wives

      Cathy and Anne lost their 'eads

         A couple died in their beds

            So many I'm in awe a man survives

Robert LHinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved


Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: nonsense,

The Next Clooney



The time has arrived my good friends To great heights of stardom, I ascend The role I have chosen In the films of motion A sex idol, the next Clooney I contend © Jack Ellison 2015


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous, nature, sexy,

GETTING BACK TO NATURE - BAWDY LIMERICK

A cute nudist her name was Lorna Loved sex in the flora and fauna She’d get down on her knees Neath the bushes and trees Lorna was an outdoors performer! 03~03~17


Poem Details | by Sidney Hall Mad Poet |
Categories: funny

Tom Tom the pipers son

Tom Tom the pipers son
Made all the girls pregnant except for one
She was strange 
A man that had a sex change
So he married her just for fun


Poem Details | by John W Fenn |
Categories:

Lenten limerick

Well, my sex life just got up and went
So I’m giving it up over lent
But should you feel inclined
I am sure you will find
That my arm can be easily bent


Poem Details | by Kelli White |
Categories: funny love,

Shifty

Shifty was my friend
Shifty was my lover
He lived not to very far
A day's drive in a car
Empty promises were his 
But let me tell you this
When he lay beside me
Not another would I see
His caress and touch
Gave me such a rush
Puddles and pools 
Like to intertwined fools
Moans and cries
The neighbors none to wise
Aroma of sex in the air
None could compare
To Shifty my pride
My legs open wide
Shame I dare say
Was never our way
The blush colored glasses
Naked romps in the grasses
Love or lust 
But who could I trust
My body said go
Shifty never said "No"
Shower I must 
To prepare for his thrust
Goodnight to the weary
Love hard don't be leary.


Poem Details | by olusegun Arowolo |
Categories: on work and working,

Wicked Manager

Wicked Manager(Limerick)

Slave pusher,classic killer of fame,
Pay cut and dismissal is his game,
Say No!,receive a raw deal,
His quest for sex is too real,
Liquor and pride are attach to his name.


Poem Details | by RAJAT KANTI CHAKRABARTY |
Categories: fun,

sex with a saxophone

Jelly Belly had her sex with a saxophone
Up and down in pitch in perfect transposition
In melodic intervals
Jelly listens what he tells
"I put my dysfunction at your disposition".


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous, nature, woman,

THE NAKED TRUTH -BAWDY LIMERICK

There once was a woman called Callie Who loved having sex in the valley Out in the fresh air Her flesh she would bare ‘Twas better than in the back alley 03~30~17


Poem Details | by Duke Beaufort |
Categories: funny, work

Ode to a Big Car

I've lots of dates in the Summer
Treat them to sex in my Hummer
Can have all of me
But the fuel is not free
Buying that gas is a bummer


Poem Details | by James Fraser |
Categories: humor,

This Flight Tonight

A strange thing happened to me last night On the computer, caught in the wife's sight Hey, what are you doing Some internet viewing I told her I was looking at cheap flights The next thing we were lying on the floor Amazing sex like never before What prompted this start She's never ever liked darts Sharp exit as I head for the door Based on a Joke I heard at work :)