A curvaceous lady named Mary
Just loved having sex in the dairy
When smothered with whipped cream
Her beau would lick her clean…
His Calorie intake was scary!!!
14th June 2016
Two autos both tried to have sex.
A pity they both were such wrecks!
With great apprehension,
One lost its suspension.
Old banger sex – oh so complex!
Contest: East Jesus
Sponsor: Roy Jerden
Checked using how many Syllables 8,8,6,6,8
~awarded 3rd place~
A sex mad codger named Bill
Swallowed a Viagra pill
His todger did rise -
You should see the size
It sure gave his wife a thrill
17th Feb 2015
He wanted it hot with lots of spice
Not sugary sweet and tasting nice
Oh big boy your a looker
We had sex on the cooker
I’m so pleased I took your advice
17th September 2014
A young gigolo called Timothy
Gave sex for an exorbitant fee
But his passionate style
Sure made all ladies smile…
(I’m hoping that he’s got room for me!)
Folks know me as ‘poetry Jan’
But soupers I once was a man …
In a very long op
My male bits got the chop
And I altered my name from Stan!
HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY SOUPERS!!!!
1st April 2018
Some folk are prone to love affairs
For sex rewards the one who dares
They are hot to trot
Because they forgot
Miracles don't happen in pairs!
She said "I'm not some cheap bimbo whore
but have six kids and don't want no more”.
Relax I said - my name’s Rex
and I do practice safe sex,
it’s true, I always lock the car door!
Two old codgers were talking about sex
And ones question popped up next
This Viagra have you tried
For me I can't decide
Mm, that's a hard one,what a subject
An old man bought her gems and he smiled,
Knowing where they would be in a while...
Sex with a young beauty,
Great legs, boobs and booty.
If he died, he'd be going in style.
I fell in love with a computer
Not for the sex, for it is neuter
It came without name
Oh my! What a shame!
I googled one and up came Luther.
Limerick Contest II
Sponsor: Jan Allison
20th February, 2016
Sex is not the answer..sex is the question
“Yes” is the answer..but it's only a suggestion
The choice is yours
Your illnesses it cures
The one thing that tweaks your tweaker without exception
One day with her pet lizard, on a
warm beach lay the sex goddess Shawna.
One who ogled her bust
tried to claim he was just
enthralled by her lovely iguana!
For john freeman's Giggle 2 Contest
We once knew a fella named Abel,
Who loved to jump razor wire cable,
One day he made a slip;
Heard a howl and a rip...
So now we address him as Mabel.
When traveling among the throng
His thoughts have too often gone wrong
Of the opposite sex
Have the devil stomping his prong
Jim flicked off the bedroom wall LIGHT
With HOPE of a wild sex filled night
But the tone of his wife
Made him fear for his life
Guess she’s keeping her legs shut tight
L & H Contest – Sponsor Catie Lindsey
There was a gigolo who swallowed a bee
It pained him from stomach to knee.
But with a shout and curse
He saw things get worse.
It buzzed him from a he to a she.
Heres a rilly lame limrick for ya-
Write hear I'll change the beet!
also I ain't bin usin end rime
An this old line is whey to long for a forth line.
Kin ya gess how many words was spellt rong?
hummm, is that fiv or sex lines I needs?
For P.D.'s "My Worst Poem Ever" Contest
Woody Allen once pondered, “Is rough sex dirty?”
Replied “Only if it's done right”, his eyes quite blurry
Voice trembling and shaking
During this joyous undertaking
Apologized for his words which came out quite slurry
Inventive minds can be inspired
Great ideas in time may be sired
High fashion and style
Are acquired for a while
But in the brain sex is hard wired
There once was a woman named Roxanne
Who had sex with many a fine man
She charged a big fee
And made them agree
To never disclose the business she ran
For Deb's contest...
There’s a wild woman who lives in Kamloops
She wants to have excessive wild sex groups
Folks say she doesn’t knows
She looks might dirty gross
She’s not even erotic like fruit loops.
When I traveled to the region of Basque,
I met a girl of whom sex I did ask
She said, “Yeah, sure mister,
If it includes my sister.”
So I told her, “Sure, I can multitask.”
A flighty young lady from Torbay
Got seen having sex in a doorway
She blushed bright scarlet red
Said I like it in bed
But this is just part of our foreplay!
12th April 2016
There once was a gal named Georgina
About sex with a boy, had no idea
Thought sleeping with Jim
Meant innocent kibbutzim
Till he accidentally touched her tortilla
© Jack Ellison 2015