There once was a raven haired Shrink
Who had orange Juice Tequilas to drink
While her scarlet souled Beau
Sucked her tinted red Toe
And she paled when he tickled her Pink.
Hot Sue, many guys sought to romance her
But she fell for a Chippendale dancer
Stuck bucks in his G-string
But found his wedding ring
Right next to his genital enhancer
*Entry for Miranda Lambert's "Burlesque" contest
Sue decided to send Jim a tweet
She used words that were quite indiscreet
Calling him a fat turd -
(Using another word)
Their romance has taken a back seat!
Said Seamus to his wife, with a wink
Since I cannae go out for a drink
I'm sure me and you
Can find something to do
Let me hug you, while both of us think
When she found out she would be working late
She asked if he could pick her up at eight
Drew looks askance
When he said, "It'll be hard to bear the wait!"
We met south of the border in Durango,
she was hot and boy could she fandango.
She said at a glance
"señor like to dance?"
No I replied...but I would love to tango!
Makes love Bathynomus giganteus
Isopod love not a casual lust
Romance private ocean deeps
Where little light ever creeps
Lovemaking crustaceans is no fuss
On holiday my eyes observed
So tanned and beautifully curved
Her eyes turned to me
Hey! James what do you see?
Patience, you'll receive your deserves
Lisa was tired of being single
she wanted romance and to mingle.
She took a bad chance
with a guy named Lance
who kept her home playing Bingo.
We never thought she'd find the right man
Find a more fickle bride if you can..
Poor man hasn't a chance
She's in charge of romance
He stepped into the fire from the pan
Written in haste for the
"Cousins Wedding" contest...
There was a young girl named, Anheuser.
Wouldn't heed, when folks would advise her!
Her and Pabst, took a chance,
had a whirlwind romance,
and now they're both, sadder, Budweiser!
Your cologne, your pheromone have just blown
over me Now my testosterone
leaves me dying to do
all of those things for you
I do in your erogenous zone.
She spots a sniffling hottie by her gate
They learn their flight will be three hours late
After a few rounds at the pub
They board and join the Mile High Club
Then the poor dame sneezed for a whole week straight
*For Gwen's contest :)
There once was this redbreasted Robin
Who there on the beach was just sobbin’
That sunburn must hurt
It glowed right through her shirt
The view set my parts just a throbbin’
February arrives and it's glad
makes the other months look kinda sad
hearts and love it stands for
romance, flowers what’s more
for only twenty nine days that's not bad.
Lisa was tired of getting no calls
from Joes, Ethans, Toms, Randalls, and Pauls.
She took a bad chance
with a guy named Lance
who turned out to be lacking his balls.
Shane Blaine walked with a swagger
and was viewed as a bragger.
Ladies liked him lots
but kept secret their thoughts.
Awed by his eight-inch dagger.
A growing mind, viewing an exciting world from a glance
sparkling costumes of Adulthood so enticing for a dance
hormones gushing through a pipe
feelings undergoing some hype
a young heart in speedy formation, hoping to taste romance.
She was the only love he'd ever known
For the cheap wedding ring he would atone
She pined for a bigger "ice"
A five carat stone would be nice
The jerk bought her a one ton graveyard stone
Robert LHinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
Just out of college, we would yearn for a touch
Sleeping together cuddled on the couch
Those were the days!
Of pre-wedding bouquets
Now I am told to go sleep alone on the couch
To Valentines Day I am true
The joy of a score means...yahoo!
Sex is a pleasant
Heart holiday present
Now ruined since I’ve caught the flu
Sky as infinite as deep thoughts,
foaming sea emitting sparkles,
glances brightened by romance,
a sweet urge to dance...
enjoying the peace of late hours.
Inspired by Linda-Marie's photo ps.JT76945.jpg
written by Andrew Crisci
Mother Goose had a mighty fine pie
And Jack Horner she couldn’t deny
When he stuck in his thumb
Mother Goose did succumb
So she left Father Goose bye and bye
Preparing his conference speech
Old man ended up on nude beach
By virtue or vise
He stuck his device
In each blowhole he could reach
Some men dance hoping for a romance
Some men dance keeping fit of their pants
but the dance most obscene
is the dance made to glean
from your clothes a mad horde of fire ants
For John and Carolyn's Bug contest