A preacher commanded the Lord
To end all religious discord
The Devil got hot
And said, "You get squat!
It takes fire to temper a sword!"
A virgin out searching for God
Discovered that God was a fraud!
How can peace endure
Or girls remain pure
When males come equipped with a prod?
A priest made the sign of a cross
Then knelt to pray to his boss
A pigeon flew by
And baptised the guy
To prove prayers do not gather moss
The pastor was feeling quite blue,
Pennies on his plate were few,
So he gave a blazing rendition
On the church's tithing tradition
And the pennies on his plate soon grew.
My bigotry festered and grew
then out of control it just blew
but I just couldn't see
since you're different from me
surely I must be different from you
(A kneejerk reaction poem about the man who abused then
tore the Hijaab off a Muslim woman on a local train , last weekend)
I'm for all people and their faith
It's for them and not others to deface
They'll have their moment to preach
On poetry sites the words teach
And leave for another time, another place
"The peacemaker" is Glock's new gun
Its spent rounds are rapture and fun
Yes killing's a thrill
Since I'm mentally ill
And need to own more than just one
A gun for me is like prozac
The bullets clipped pills in a stack
I'm not paranoid
But have weapons deployed
In case I should have an attack
James was his church’s bell ringer
Some would listen and linger.
To make the bell louder
James became stouter.
Now he’s known as a real humdinger.
There was a pastor named Caste
Whose habit of swearing was vast.
Some said his firing was near
But Caste cited nothing to fear
“You see, I repent too _____ fast.”
When out for a walk yesterday
I bumped into our local padre
He wears rainbow dog collars
Looks a million dollars
He is proud to admit he is gay!
Fiction write which was
Inspired by reading about a gay bishop in the UK
You might be beyond ever caring
what happens if you are still wearing
the face of a ghoul !
Do not be a fool
or StPeter at you will be glaring.
There once was a man name Adam
With Eve whom he always called Madam
They encountered a snake
And made a mistake
The Devil smiled for he knew he had ‘em
We saw in the garden the seed
Planted by man’s first evil deed
God sent his own son
To be the right one
To absorb sin so man be freed
© Jun 21 2010 for John’s “Human foible” contest
There was a bishop whose sermons were boring
Seven hours long made members begin snoring
The bishop took offense
But he had no defense.
Busted bladders had warped all the flooring.
There once was a company that brewed coffee
With lovely flavors like raspberry and toffee
One year they made clear
To remove all reindeer
Christians cry "Where's Holly Hobby?!?"
There once was a gal most religious
Whose love for her god was prodigious
She looked deep inside
Found fallacies most wide
She now lives a life less fictitious
You insist that I only choose one
Finite human or god in the sun
Man has long pondered this
But as to my wish
I'll face death and have ALL the fun!!
Once there was a man called Jenish, the republic,
“there is no boundary for intellects” his message for public,
no religion, no country,
freedom from strife: amity.
Bloody how could we forget Lenon, the republic?
Asked if they believed in the Hereafter
Amens echoed from every rafter
The preacher rejoiced
Then this plea he voiced
"Fill up the collection plate hereafter!"
Robert LHinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
The bishop said it was such a disgrace
That the minister's horse lacked much pace,
He remonstrated it was a cardinal sin
When you put the church's money in
And it finishes last in a six furlong race.
"It is the end of the world", they cry
"Those not saved will surely die!"
Never mind the fun fact
Previous dates inexact
Get the marshmallows out for the fry!
Creation is an unsolved mystery.
Men have pondered it throughout history.
Some say it is evolution.
What a logical solution!
But faith shows God is more than a banshee.
Religion puts souls high in lights
Evolution cuts down these rites
Relation to ape
On the species landscape
Dynamites man's sites on the heights
Patrick lived in Great Britain, his wick,
But when he was sixteen and quick,
Was captured by pirates horrible,
Taken to Ireland adorable,
Where he found god, his walking stick
Vatican Incident - Limerick
A young maiden dressed like a mannequin
Snuck into the church at the Vatican
To curse at the pontiff
So they called the sheriff
She would not be invited back again