Limerick Poems About People | People Limerick Poems
Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: birth, body, humorous,

FLOOD WARNING COLLABORATION - INSPIRED BY CONTEST

I crossed my legs but there was a flood Blushing red I hope folks understood But my waters had burst And the baby's my first Guess I'm ready to start motherhood! NOT FOR CONTEST WRITTEN on 27TH August 2016 BY JAN ALLISON My babe arrived as hungry as a horse As a good mother, I fed him, of course When my breasts began to fill Another flood was about to spill Until my child suckled with great force. WRITTEN ON 08/27/16 BY LIN LANE The first twelve months went mighty quick Time flying by lickity split Crawls out of bed Sits on mom's head A young fireman squirting his stick WRITTEN 08/27/16 BY TIM SMITH Hay, thought I heard another sound of thunder roar Eeh gad, seems to be another two babies more They all have lots of hair Mother-in-law beware Now I am having triplets let me out the door WRITTEN 08/27/16 BY EVE T M C He was born without a suntan And didn’t favor the milk man Birthed on a polar bear rug Full beard on his tiny mug Holding a harpoon like Tarzan! WRITTEN BY SONNY ROPER 8/27/2016 Oh my! What will people think? My baby doesn’t favor his dad’s wink I can always claim in shame He favors my grandma’s frame On my mother’s side is large and pink WRITTEN BY EVE ROPER 8/27/2016 One baby after another I sure am a busy mother I cross my knees Whenever I sneeze Out one end or the other! WRITTEN BY CASARAH NANCE It’s all my darn uterus’s fault, Can’t bring my crying to a halt, No more sex with my hubby, I’m just too tired and chubby, This babe’s an exhausting result! Ice came out sucking a pacifier, Posted sign, “Eskimo nanny for hire!”, But when warm milk is felt, Baby started to melt, Naughty nanny immediately fired! The ice came out with a binky, And a diaper pretty stinky! Eskimo baby is she, Could it even be a he? It’s too frozen and all wrinkly! ALL WRITTEN BY LAURA LOO One by one they came out, midwife slapped 'em and into the cradle she packed 'em father blew candle out and exclaimed with a shout " Just like moths, it's the light that attracts 'em!" WRITTEN BY VIV WIGLEY Making babies was so much fun Now my boobies reach to my tum I can't even sneeze or cough It set's my weak bladder off.. I'd better stick to coke and rum WRITTEN BY SEREN ROBERTS AWARDED POEM OF THE WEEK ON 28TH AUGUST - THE HONOUR IS SHARED BY US ALL.SPECIAL THANKS TO LIN LANE FOR STARTING THE COLLABORATION I'm feeling like a slot machine My wheels stopped on three tangerines Babies falling like rain It's no longer a strain That last one looks just like my spleen WRITTEN BY DANIEL TURNER I thought I was going to have two But now I don't even have a clue It feels like maybe four I can't take it no more I have five months to go til I'm due WRITTEN BY ALEXIS Y I was rushed to the hospital gate not yet due, but I just couldn't wait labor's water broke through elevator broke too flooded stairwells to room did create! WRITTEN BY SANDRA HAIGHT


Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: friendship,

Friendships For Life



Some people you meet leave an lasting impression Some pass through without even a mention The ones that stand out Leave us no doubt Friendships for life are without exception


Poem Details | by Joseph May |
Categories: fun, poetry,

Jan And The Sheriff - Collaboration

 The new sheriff of Poetry Soup
 Rode into town on a horse named Snoop
 Jan was on his wanted list
 And the gang she did enlist
 In writing lim'ricks about poop
   He found her at the old saloon
 Telling poo jokes and singing bawdy tunes
    He put her in jail
 Held her without bail
   Her gang demanded her release by noon!
                

 Her gang was in back of the jail
 feasting on beans mixed with kale
 It didn't take long
 Their farts were so strong
 The sheriff let her out, without bail  
               Daniel Turner

 The sheriff is actually a 'she'
  and arrested Jan with great glee
  but the sheriff can't write
  and stays up every night
  crying, "Why's Jan better than me?!" 
             Dale Gregory Cozart

  From her stallion the lady alighted
  She was radiant, red faced and excited
 She rode in to surprise her old man
   With some whiskey, cigars and a tan
   When he saw her he sure was delighted!
           Paul  Callus

 
  Poet Jan just breezed into town
    Her huge farts made some people frown
  So they all pinched their noses
 Carrying scented roses 
   Her flatulence let their town down
   So they locked her up in the jail
 How the inmates faces turned pale
   A rank putrid smell
 Arose from her cell
  But Arthur still stumped up her bail
    He said you can come stay with me
 We will munch fried beans and curry
  I’ve got no sense of smell
    So we’ll get along well     
 I’m just glad I could set you free!
          Jan Allison
 
 The sheriff, he used legal force
 To jail Jan for poetry sauce
 But her soup gang could tell 
 What made a worse smell 
 When they checked the rear end of his horse.

  Now Soupville's a town that was pretty
  Then Jan's gang arrived from the city
  With pooping and wee
     She's now deputy  
 So we all can write something quite gritty.
     Ray Gridley

The old sheriff was shot in his bum
Jan was caught holding the smoking gun
I shot him that is true
while he was on the loo
he talked through his butt so now he's dumb.



  Now we all know why the sheriff was shot
 And he deserved exactly what he got
 We had to set Jan free
 by poetic decree
To prevent riots and poet's boycott
              Lin Lane

 After the sheriff was shot
  Jan took over the top spot
  So with lim'rickal riffs
 Jan became sheriff
  And she kept them in stitches a lot

        
 Off into the sunset she walked...
  and for years soup people still talked
    of messy events
    and ladies in tents
  and men without britches she stalked
        Tim Smith
  


Poem Details | by Lin Lane |
Categories: storm,

Thar Blows Maria: Collaboration with New Additions

Too many hurricanes are causing havoc this season We might as well have a limerick collaboration about them since they seem to be in the news Please join in by sending me your limerick in a soup mail or email.


Hurricane Maria is the latest ole windbag
She'll huff and puff till her eye walls sag
She's blowin' in the tropics
Catastrophic among topics
Heed the warning of that hoisted red flag
                                     by: Lin Lane


I’ve heard Maria’s cooking up a storm
Pack your bags and head where it’s warm
She’ll cause such destruction
Which will lead to disruption
These old wind bags, they never conform!

These hurricanes really don’t care
Tossing houses right into the air
They’re a bane in our life
Like an old nagging wife
It's no wonder that folks cus and swear!
                                   by: Jan Allison


Oh Maria I hope you just fizzle out 
You're so full of wind with a nagging spout
Hurry and disappear
Blow on out of here
We're tired of that same old raspy shout
                                   by: Tim Smith


Oh Maria, we have had enough
We don't want to see you puff
We don't want to stress
Or clean up your mess!
Just weaken, and stop acting tough!
                                  by: Heidi Sands


Oh bad Maria, you have gotten so volatile
Blow yourself out and make people smile
Or maybe there's a chance
Another name you'll enhance
Hurricane Madness sounds very erstwhile
                                 by: Seren Roberts


Cinder's sits on the toilet in fear
Of the ugly sisters to appear
Irma arrives there first
Maria next to burst
gave cinder's chronic diarrhea
                               by: Roy Pett


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous, me, poetry,

SOUP POOP

I once knew a poet named Jan She writes when sitting on the can Some people here at soup Think her poems are poop Not everyone is a Jan fan! Contest: Sensitive Community Sponsor Skat (but a PD contest) 02~24~16


Poem Details | by Robert A. Dufresne |
Categories: growing up, religion, god,

Who let the Dogs Out

He went the way of a sickly pigeon,
and dropped his nasty load on religion.
The evil ones hailed him,
power they availed him,
which increased his vanity a smidgeon

He declared himself the messiah,
From the depths of earthen hell fire,
The people believed him,
almighty pride seized him,
now he’s forcing God to retire.

You see there’s only room for one master,
to be God is what evil is after,
As enticing as it looks,
he and his cronies and crooks,
are setting the world up for disaster.

We Christians who always vote by rote,
keeping the Truths of our faith in a tote,
it’s we that keep evil in power,
We’ll know that in our last hour,
Right after we get thrown from the Boat.

Author's note:
    I read that in the last presidential election, 57% of Christians
voted for the present administration which is currently in the midst of 
of taking away their rights to conciencious objectionality and religious freedom
where the killing of babies ("abortion" for those of you who are still in la la land)
and the financial obligation for it is concerned
It is now desired by the present administration that Christians too pay for this 
murderous and horrific agenda.
To the 57% of Christians who voted for the current administration: you got your choice
Are congratulations in order?
-Robert ADufresne






















Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: funny,

Brother Told Us

Brother told us sometimes that he peed
sitting down with a good book to read,
but with his ding-a-ling
he was having a fling
when we spied on him Good book indeed!


Written 5/20/14 for Roy Jerden's Bawdy, Bawdy, Bawdy, Miss Clawdy Limerick Contest

By the way, from comments I am getting, I need to let everyone know this is simply a fabricationMy brother told us nothing, and we never spied on himAnd our small bathroom shared by ten people would not have suited this purpose! hahaha


Poem Details | by Lin Lane |
Categories: rude,

This is Wrong, BUT

Rude people who think only of themselves -
I would like to sit atop mantle shelves
Yes, I know that is wrong
but it's where they belong
when they act like those impish little elves


Poem Details | by Duke Beaufort |
Categories: humorous, marriage, political,

You can't have one without the other

The concept of gays in a marriage
One side loves and one will disparage
But rule supreme court
And one side must retort
Justice just had a miscarriage


Author's note:  Regardless of the outcome from the supreme court, I happen to favor gay marriage There really is no other conclusion since we are a land of equal rights We should do all we can to foster a society without discrimination The arguments against these rights reveal a lot about certain people of religious persuasion It would be comical if it were not so sad.


Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: writing,

My Cousin Chaos

A cousin named Chaos have I (he’s not actually my cousinHe’s like my aunt’s stepson, but I guess I can still call him a cousin, right?)

There’s nothing that he will not try (like the day he let all the chickens loose from the coop and they were running like chickens with their heads cut offIsn’t that an expression or something? Chaos is crazy like those chickens were)

Since he follows no rule (He laughs at me because I try to write perfectly metered limericks and he thinks everyone should just write free and BE free in all they do.)

He got kicked out of school (it was so funnyHe set off the fire alarm and all the kids were running every which way, much like those chickens he let loose in his barnyardNow he is saying he wants to become an anarchist.)

So to anarchy school he’ll apply!

Gosh, he’s rightThis limerick sucksIt’s much more fun having no restrictions, just letting my thoughts go anywhere I want them to take me, kind of like stream of consciousness writing or somethingToo bad I can’t be all surreal-like, then I might make it into the newfangled modern poetry magazinesMost people don’t even consider limericks to be real poemsDANG it, I feel another one coming on.

Cousin Chaos, I now do hear tell
That you’ve found a new school, so learn well
Your anarchy ways.
In limerick phase
I’ll be stuck while you give people hell.

CrapEven trying to write like Chaos, I just can’t do itI just keep conforming to rules of poetry forms like limerickI just know my cousin will be laughing his chicken head off when he reads thisYeah, the old chicken motif againAlways relating things togetherSo much for Chaos! I’m outta here.

Written chaotically last week sometime for contest of same name


Poem Details | by Eve Roper |
Categories: fun,

A Tribute to a Major Appliance Dishwasher

I'm an Ultra Quiet with a whir
Frigidaire 24” Built-In White Dishwasher
Energy saver 
With hot and cold stir
Oh yes they do make a dishwasher

I’m getting so old they just don't know
They think I can do the job like a pro
Baskets are crumbling
Rust on everything
I'm ready to blow and overflow

Naive people believe what labels sell
They use a lemon scent liquid gel
States; “No" pre-washing
Leaves dishes sparkling 
All lies, it makes the dishes look like hell

They have hard water in their home
So the liquid soap makes no foam
Barnacles have formed
Heating elements deformed
I'm tired of their complaints when they get home

I'm an Ultra Quiet with a snore
Frigidaire 24” Built-In White Dishwasher
Energy saver 
No, not any more
Oh yes, they do need a new dishwasher

9/22/2015

Contest Name: A Tribute to a Major Appliance 
Sponsor: Mary Oliver Rotman 


Poem Details | by Janice Canerdy |
Categories: lust, pain, passion,

Limerick Contest--Bawdy

         
         Flossie the Floozy

At night Flossie often went cruising.
With men, she went way beyond schmoozing.
So freely she bed-hopped;
then one day her fun stopped.
How'd she get the clap? So confusing!


Promiscuous people are daring!
While lovin' free, they may be sharing
more than they intended;
and then, to be mended,
they must have long-term doctor's caring.

Clap--gonorrhea

April 27, 2017


Poem Details | by Lin Lane |
Categories: surreal,

Bizarre

Have you ever heard tales of the weirdest things Autumn leaves that fall in the midst of Spring creepy two-headed toads cats who sit on a commode Devilish people pretending to have angel wings Dogs that bark but sound more like mewing cats In bright sunlight flying, a flock of Vampire bats How many can you name It's just a guessing game Some things in life are so bizarre and that's that written by Lin Lane I wrote about saying goodbye Some rejoiced, yet others did cry It got poem of the day Did it deserve it – no way! I’ll be quiet when I say bye bye written by Jan Allison A rat getting burned for a slice of cheese one legged dancer doing a striptease the absurd, the aloof snakes crawling on a roof penthouse living with someone else's keys written by Tim Smith I'm not allowed to pet the cat when I do he has a spat leaving a mess Without distress He puts it all on the mat written by Russell Sivey


Poem Details | by Dale Gregory Cozart |
Categories: humor, poetry,

Crusty Old Hag

There once was a crusty old hag whose poetry made people gag. She once wrote a sonnet, the folks threw up on it and tossed it away in a bag. She went to a psychic who said, while turning up cards black and red, “I can see why they gripe, just stop writing this tripe. Have you thought of knitting instead?”


Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: humorous,

The Finger



Classify myself as one of the great of thinkers But sometimes been known to come up with a clinker Try my damn best Thought I'd passed the test But people on the street keep giving me the finger


Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: life,

Yawning



Heads up people, a new day is dawning Important to appreciate this feeling of belonging Tell people you love 'em All the way to the end Even if you notice a bunch of them are yawning


Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: sports,

Table Tennis Attraction

Most balls people pitch, roll, or fling.
They kick them or strike them with zing.
But for lazy old  me
I like tirelessly
to stand, flick my wrist and go “ping!”


For Joseph Soper's the Sports Shorts Poetry Contest


Poem Details | by Amanda Moore |
Categories: death, imagination, satirelife, life,

Serial Killer A Limerick

There once was a serial killer His life was one sickening thriller From the bodies he’d saves And the ones in the graves His life was one bloody chiller Tho his mental state wasn’t quite normal And his social skills never that formal He loved people to pieces Even after life ceases With dead bodies he does like to dabble Now that sounds rather creepy you say That killing is how one spends his day While it’s not quite a profession More like an obsession In the end they’ll come take him away
AgMoore©
Authors note: This was done as an exercise, we were given certain words (a wordle ) and it was the writers choice what form to put them in and how to use them.


Poem Details | by Owen Yeates |
Categories: death, life, prayer, angel,

An Angel

Last night as I lay in my bed
An angel appeared and said
Your life will soon end
I am sent as a friend
To a new kingdom soon you will be led

Say goodbye to all those you hold dear
Tell all they must not shed a tear
For your passing will be
Liberating and free
With my lead you will not have fear

In life you have suffered too much
Soon you will walk without need of a crutch
In the kingdom to come
You won’t limp you will run
With the help of the lords gentle touch

So I wait for the day to draw nigh
Though I know lots of people will cry
With happiness in my heart
I will gladly depart
Heavens waiting there for me to try

The angel at last has drawn near
He offers a new life so clear
With a silent prayer 
I climb the golden stair
Halleluiah the angels all cheer


Poem Details | by Robert A. Dufresne |
Categories: funny

IRS Business Audit

There was a madam who had a business in Shire,
In the oldest profession, she was for hire,
Alas, the tax people came,
But she didn’t think the same,
Because soon she wanted to retire.

She cried, “I have no savings; surely you jest,
Even the IRS can’t tax my breasts!
I just had them installed!
Aren’t you enthralled?
I bet you would never even guess!”

"Madam, even though your 401k,
Is in your ample breasts to stay,
I can see by your guests,
It still generates interest,
And for that you’ll have to pay!"





Poem Details | by Demetrios Trifiatis |
Categories: humorous, parody, wisdom,

WISDOM OR OPINION




Once Plato and Lao-Tzu had their own blog

Since their philosophies thought mighty strong

Expected people much to read

With wisdom themselves to feed

But readers chose instead opinion's fog!




© Demetrios Trifiatis
    03 FEBRUARY 2015


Poem Details | by Julian Bohan |
Categories: angel, angst, art, bible,

From The National Poet Of Slovenia In A Language People Understand - E PLURIBUM ANUS



RIPAE BENI DEAU VER

In modus fasciculumque Brady pus.
Rogationes, confractum egemus.
Minara excommunica
Ripa nostra, sus amica,
Sic superbum precum, pape beatus.



Story:
http://www.sloveniatimes.com/president-to-attend-pope-francis-s-installation-mass#komentarji


The National Poet Of Slovenia In A Language People Understand moves in mysterious waysJust ignore him


www.jesus.si


Poem Details | by Roger Page |
Categories: funeral, people, sad, drug,

Lady of the night!

Your body men desire
It fills them full of fire
They want so much
To feel the touch
The gifts you have for hire.

You walk the streets so dark
Your future bleak and stark
You work for bugs
To buy the drugs
That really hit the mark.

Your pimp is a drug dealer
A professional money stealer
You feel the pain
Hooked on cocaine
He is your true fate-sealer.

You passing nobody to mourn
Thirty years since you were born
You only know your punter
Who really was your hunter
But it’s you the people scorn!



Poem Details | by Keith Trestrail |
Categories: political, satire,

Forrest Trump

 Run, Donald! Run! and the people represent,
 mama always said you'd be President
     As for all the hype and buzz
     well stupid is as stupid does...
 I guess now we all know what mama meant!


                 January 2016




Note: I wrote one about Hillary so it's
         only fair I do one about Trump.
     


Poem Details | by Gerard Keogh Jr. |
Categories: funny, introspection, people

Gemini ( Male.)

All my friends say they can not abide
these two people I have deep inside
Let the first one insist,
feel the other resist
while I wait for their war to subside.


Poem Details | by Janice Canerdy |
Categories: anniversary, cat,

Halloween Night



What's wrong with these people tonight?
They're screaming I gave them a fright.
"A black cat!" they shriek,
but only last week
they held me; I purred with delight.

These neighborhood kids are so weird.
On Halloween night I am feared.
The rest of the time,
my life is sublime.
To all of them, I've been endeared.	

It soon will be November First,
and I'll be no longer accursed.
I'll hear, "Look at that,
a beautiful cat!"
Man! Halloween night is the worst.

April 29, 2016


Poem Details | by Vera Duggan |
Categories: angst, children, conflict, corruption,

Act of cruelty

Act of cruelty

I believe that an act of cruelty
Is to take away child’s security
So let it be said
When two people wed
Make sure it’s a certain surety.

18 April 2014 @ 0815hrs


Poem Details | by Verlena S. Walker |
Categories: political, soldier, violence,

UPROAR IN THE MIDDLE EAST

A Famous Einstein Quote:
Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding.
UPROAR IN THE MIDDLE EAST
In the Middle East they fight as control freaks. Islamic State walking with their machetes. In Iraq, al-Baghdadi is yellow teethed. He is like an East African [g]o[d] in hideous heat. The people survey said he takes leaks. _________________________________________________| Penned April 26, 2015!


Poem Details | by Duke Beaufort |
Categories: philosophy, political,

the political spectrum

Some folks love doing their thing
And it brings in money and bling!
Just let me make hay
The conservatives say
Even when it gives others a sting

Do people all have basic rights?
Are some blown away like lost kites?
It seems there’s no end
Of a bad mess to mend 
And liberals take on these fights


Author's Note: When the right to make a ton of bucks interferes with other rights that people have--watch out I get particularly offended by people who exercise their freedom (and by doing so) interfere with my right to clean air and water and freedom from intrusive smells and noise This argument can be extended to a variety of situations Where do your rights end and mine begin?  This is the tip of a massive iceberg (which could be melting due to global warming).


Poem Details | by James Fraser |
Categories: funny

Valentine Pay Day

What's with this February day
That makes people blow all of their pay
Whether female or males
It's just commercialised sales
When it can be saved for a rainy day


Poem Details | by Kim Robin Edwards |
Categories: lyric, society, world,

People Like You

When I was young.I saw the light.
Saw the light of the morning sky.
You took my hand, when you came to me.
I stole a kiss, it just set me free.

'Cause people like you, make the world go round.
People like you, make the world go round.
Round and round.Make the world go round.
People like you, make the world go round.

Our days are short.Our nights are long.
Stay together with me, and we'll sing our song.
Keep your head up high.Keep your hands down low.
Stand next to me, and your heart will grow.

'Cause people like you, make the world go round.
People like you, make the world go round.
Round and round.Make the world go round.
People like you, make the world go round.

Time is still on my side, when you're next to me.
This is the place that you have to be.
Stay in one place.Stay next to me.
You are the only girl for me.

'Cause people like you, make the world go round.
People like you, make the world go round.
Round and round.Make the world go round.
People like you, make the world go round.

People like you.People like me.
People like you, make the world go round...

R & B Lyrics By Kim Robin Edwards
Copyright 1991,2014..ALL rights reserved..


Poem Details | by Earle Brown |
Categories: political

Stereotyping a poem

The Al-Qaeda is a blatant lie,
Are all Muslims terrorists and spies?
Eyes shift from the black man,
Now fixed on them Afghans,
But in war harmless people die.


Poem Details | by Liz Labadie-Reilly |
Categories: future, technology,

Techno Take-Over

TECHNO TAKE-OVER

Technology says we’re on the brink
of human assistance being extinct
our jobs robots will do
fake people serving you
freakishly knowing each thought we think


Limerick 2014 Nov 12


Poem Details | by Steven Fraser |
Categories: deep, passion,

If I Had a Wish

When making a wish people ask for Riches and Fame, A selfish decision, deluded brains

In a world full of Poverty, war and disease, If I had a wish I'd ask so with easeEnd all Hunger, Sickness and ViolenceFor too long these issues have suffered in Silence.

As we progress into 2015, Dramatic changes remain to be seenStand and up be heard for a cause too great, and improve on these issues before it's too late.


Poem Details | by Margeret Bailey |
Categories: childhood, food, friendship, funny,

The Legend of Smelly Nelly

Smelly Nelly was quite a charming girl,
She wore her hair in braids instead of curls,
Bathing several times per day in the Jewish way,
Yet many scoffed and sniffed,
exclaiming she smelt like manure in hay,
Nelly used expensive oils and attars,
some came from lands very far,
Her raiments were made of the finest silks
but people still told her she smelt
like days old milk,
They shunned and booed her,
talking behind her back,
hoping and praying she would have a heart attack,
The gripe they harbored had nothing to do with
Nelly's smell, it was because her family owned
several oil wells,
Neverthelss, she brought her own lunch which made
her naysayers feel as if they were incompetent bunches,
The farce of living as the Joneses do, never appealed to
Nelly because she knew the value of a dollar,
So while folks snickered and stared, corking their noses
causing her despair,
She sat and ate her snicker doodle sandwiches with her
little pinky waving in the air,
Smelly Nelly they chanted everyday, but she shrugged
her shoulders and continued on her merry way,
Cartier, Chanel and Youth Dew were always in her backpack,
but she knew it was hard for critics to understand her modest lifestyle,
They all rumoured that she lacked!
Afterall, she rather "enjoyed" their ignorance,
watching them treat her as if she were a rotten as mere happenstance,
But Nelly soon conquered her critics by blossoming into a
lovely swan, forgetting about the negativity, and meanness,
leaving the penny section to stew in their own mess......


Poem Details | by Robert L. Hinshaw |
Categories: humorous, irony,

Pete's Enigma

Pete's spouse accused him of having no class.

   Socially, folks avoided him en masse.

      He had a most dreadful flaw,

         That made some people guffaw.

            He could not control the passing of gas!

Robert LHinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired


Poem Details | by Carolyn Devonshire |
Categories: funny, sportsme, time,

From the Underside (Chair Speak Limericks)

Why is it you never show me your face?
My feelings are hurt, so you I’ll replace!
     Find another on which to pounce
     Each time your team takes a bad bounce
The damage you’ve done cannot be erased

Even my fine leather is marred with grooves
From all your fanatic football fan moves
     Get off your duff, I must rebuff
     You’ve made my lining far too rough
Each time you move, I hope the team will lose

I have already called a moving van
To transport me to a gentler land
     Where people of grace sip green tea
     Pontificating times that be
By dawn in my place you’ll find the trash can


Poem Details | by john freeman |
Categories: funnyold, old,

Holiday Spread

In younger days we would watch our figure
Now hear behind the back people snicker 
    Now through many years
    Christmas treats and cheers
Behinds not in line, those bellies bigger!

I’ll make Chocolate pie resolution
Along with Pecan pie restitution
    When our congress acquits
    Stupid party line splits
That’s when this old sort admits, protrusion! 

Once old fat cell was triggered  
Being in behinds he snickered 
    In belly overlap
    In lassie and old chap
Got them just the way he figured!

For and in honor of Carolyn Devonshire
And Contest
  


Poem Details | by Elton Camp |
Categories: sports, football, time,

It's Iron Bowl Time in Alabama

It’s Iron Bowl Time in Alabama

By Elton Camp

Watching football may be okay

Even following it, play-by-play 

However, I say, “Ho, hum”

Don’t care about the outcome

For I will use my time another way



(For readers outside Alabama, this refers to the extreme fanaticism so often seen here about the football teams of the University of Alabama and Auburn University People who have attended neither school get all upset over it and tend to build their lives around the fortunes of the two teams I think that’s going way too far about a dangerous child’s game.)



Poem Details | by Demetrios Trifiatis |
Categories: humorous,

THE PARADOX







There was a poet of certain repute 

Every day wrote poems that were acute 

Some people liked him so much 

His gift said was hard to match 

But always they gave his poems the boot!*






© Demetrios Trifiatis
     23 February 2016 

* My muse wishes me to let her relax for a while!
   I reluctantly, agreed!


Poem Details | by Duke Beaufort |
Categories: abuse, bullying, culture, humor,

A question of value

They do dirty jobs without fuss
And bring to our culture a plus
We claim they're unfit
And upon them some spit
Yet illegals are better than us


Author's note: It's ironic that the people who promote family values would deport the parents of US citizens (children born in the US to alien parents)


Poem Details | by john williams |
Categories: for children, funny,

Silly Billy

About six degrees of silly
Best describes my friend Billy,
Butters both sides of his bread,
Eats ice-cream standing on his head,
Walks backwards when it's hilly.

He embarrasses me all round town
With silly noises and faking frown,
He scares people in the park,
Jumping out of trees when it's dark,
Billy's such a hopeless clown.


Poem Details | by Paul Schneiter |
Categories: humor,

Just Desserts

There was a crook named  Jum Tuppence
Who stole from people of meager substance.
He tried it on an undercover cop
And was caught right on the spot.
Now Jum is due to get his comeuppance.


Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: passion,

Stand-Up Comedy



While watching comedians on TV Sure wish one of those guys was me Making people laugh It would be such a gas I'd even perform on stage for free © Jack Ellison 2015


Poem Details | by ilene bauer |
Categories: bullying, political,

Bully

There once was a bully who ruled
Thinking, man, he had everyone fooled.
	He did as he pleased
	With the power he seized
Sure that he’d never be ridiculed.

But the people who suffered his blows
Were delighted at what I suppose
	Was a foolish mistake
	For a bully to make
That reporters found ways to expose.

Now the papers all print up the news
Leaving readers to weigh things and choose
	If this bully should leave
	For most opt to believe
Such behavior he cannot excuse.

The moral, of course, hits a nerve
For most bully-types rarely observe
	That they cannot defend
	Hurting those they offend
And their punishment’s what they deserve.


Poem Details | by Duke Beaufort |
Categories: funny love,

My favorite republican for 2016

The Castros make Rubio rowdy
To them he'll never say howdy
Marco's so steady
So why he is ready
To kiss the kings who are Saudi?


Author's Note:  Are Saudi Kings beloved by their people and so much better than Cuban dictators?  Do Saudi royals not need body guards or a secret police force to maintain order?  Do they travel among the people and never use private jets?  Are the decisions made in Saudi Arabia completely democratic and open? Does the royal family limit its personal wealth out of a sense of fairness to its people?  Do they treat women fairly?  OMG--Could Raoul and Fidel be so much worse than our friendly ally?  Never forget who crashed the planes into the twin towers They weren't Cubans!


Poem Details | by Duke Beaufort |
Categories: satire

Crimson Tide

Hungary people can’t hold a grudge
They judged that it would never budge
Walled off by a dam
This heavy metal jam
Raspberry sludge was factored fudge


Author's note: Well, Stanley--it's another fine mess you've gotten me into It all goes to 
show how impossible it is to move liabilities off the balance sheet Enron, Worldcom, 
Citigroup, Lehman Brothers, and the debt crisis will strike again...and again...and again....


Poem Details | by Duke Beaufort |
Categories: allegory, angel, business, funny,

Hark--an Angel--The harbinger of all things good

What flies though the air up above
Disguised as a peace seeking dove
For those who've not heard
Drones can send you the bird
From the land of brotherly love

Author's note: Is this really how to win friends and influence people (for the long term)?


Poem Details | by Rev. Rebecca Guile Hudson |
Categories: animals, funny, holiday, husband,

Some Limericks...

She’s out there chasing a cricket

Through bush, through shrub & through thicket

Together they hop

Fugitive, cop

But when she gets it, she just wants to lick it!
 

A cat whose vet took his eye

Just cannot quite understand why

His eye’s been enucleated,

3-D vision reduciated,

So now, he keeps an eye out for an eye

 
Ya gotta keep limericks loose

Think green eggs, or perhaps DrSeuss

They’re structured, it’s true,

But they’re also a zoo

Whose tenants are all on the loose!


I frolic in fountains of words

Overflowing with serious absurds

Each poem I write

Wakes up and takes flight

Joining angels and faeries and birds

 
You ask that we write a good limerick

How to do so, I haven’t a glimmerick

So I struggle and frown

Teaching  poems to clown

So a smile on your lips will be shimmerick

 
A cat with a mouth full of mouse

Brought her feast right into my house

She played with her food

Who was not in the mood

To be a banquet of mouse in the house

 
The nightmares that shadow my sleep

Stampede the proverbial sheep

Right out of my mind

When I try to unwind

I find my appointment with sleep hard to keep

 
In her search for original truth

She met people unsavory and couth

She knitted and purled

But only unfurled

Yarns told by new age and old youth

 
Cat, suddenly pink,

Drinks her water from out of the sink

She looks so absurd

Since she’s been de-furred

I really don’t know what to think!

 
If one and one is two and two is four,

And there’s only two ways to go through  a door,

Then, is earth up or down?

And, where is down town?

These are questions we need to explore!

 
A was that is an is

Tried to mind my biz

But I sent it packing,

Its presence was lacking

And I don’t have time for such shiz!


A couple who lived in Los Lunas

Loved the wide desert sky’s crystal blueness

They’d stare at the air,

Over here, over there

And rejoice at the feeling of newness

 
A cat with a very fat gut

Found it easier to walk on his butt

He’d drag it around

Across carpet and ground

And use it to slam the doors shut

 
Said the Missus to her dear MrOtter,

“There’s something I think that you oughta

Do before we get old

To protect us from cold –

You oughta make the hot water hotter!”

 
The ghosts who live up in my attic

Make noises that sound much like static

I’ve tried to send them away,

But they’re here to stay,

Those staticky ghosts in my attic


Poem Details | by Robert L. Hinshaw |
Categories: funny,

Mavis

Mavis was a party girl but a boor

   She's not welcome at parties anymore

      She causes people to yawn

         As she babbles on and on

            At twelve miles per with gusts to fifty-four

Robert LHinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
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