Limerick Poems About Names | Name Limerick Poems
Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: funny love,

Finding BigFoot

For BigFoot I searched everywhere.
In all the Northwest, he’s not there!
Then I thought I might know
where a BigFoot might go
so I went where the barbers cut hair!

To fit in and be like the rest
of us humans, he’d look his best.
so I went to each shop
where I thought he might stop
to have hair removed from his chest.

To Hollywood soon I was led.
I’d heard of a man with a head
like a wolf’s, full of hair,
making everyone stare.
What I found was Hugh Jackman instead!

Then a man I could not see too well
crossed my path at a fancy hotel.
When I got a good look,
that was all that it took!
It was furry but small, Steve Carell!

The last guy I saw in that land
of Hollywood stars acted grand.
That guy, very hairy
made Big Foot less scary.
He went by the name Russell Brand.

From Hasselhoff to Bradley Cooper,
some hairy guys are super duper!
I kept at my quest
when to the southwest
I moved, for I’m always a trooper.

I searched high and low, five years more,
but by then, I had grown very poor.
I had always liked shoes,
so thought I would choose
a job in a classy shoe store.

Like Carrie in “Sex in the City,”
I loved my work, and I looked pretty
with swank heels on my feet,
yet I felt incomplete
There was no MrBig! Such a pity!

But while working one day without care.
I looked up  Can you guess who was there?
This odd creature so tall
made Shaquille look too small.
And he hardly could hide all his hair!

No fresh smelling flower was he,
but kindly I sensed him to be.
As I stooped down to put
my hand on that Big Foot,
I knew fate had led him to me!

Written by Andrea Dietrich 








Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: humor,

Justice - A Parable

A woman gave birth to a son
named Justice; he had little fun.
If he wanted to play,
his mama would say,
“But only when Justice is done!”

Poor Justice, from morning till night,
tried hard to do everything right.
By the end of the day,
he still could not play,
for his time to do chores was so tight!

His life was a crime with no play!
We all know that crime doesn’t pay.
But were I in his shoes,
having paid all my dues,
I think I might just run away.

Well, sure enough, Justice did flee
and ended up in Tennessee.
With no place to belong,
he felt sad till along
came a girl who smiled tenderly.

Looking ragged, he asked (with some shame)
if the young girl would tell him her name.
“Can you guess?” said the Miss.
“Here’s a clueIt is this
Those who have me don’t take all the blame.”

The young man did not have a clue
what her name was; it was all new.
He’d never hear of
- yet soon grew to love -
this girl  and her charming name too.

Today Justice likes more his life
because this girl lessens his strife.
He learned her name well
when in love he fell
and Mercy he took for a wife!

For the Story Poem Contest Poetry Contest of Carol Eastman


Poem Details | by Nandita Das |
Categories: dedication, humorous,

I am NAN -no relation of JAN

I am Nan, no relation of Jan
Just an admirer and a fan
Her poems are well read
Mine are masterpieces (only in my head)
So you see I can't do what she can.

I am Nan, no relation of Jan
Just an admirer and a fan
Her sense of humor is godsent
Mine would be too if it wasn't absent
So you see I can't do what she can.

I am Nan, no relation of Jan
Just an admirer and a fan
Her sense of humour is very fine
I wrack my brains can't find mine
So you see I can't do what she can

I am Nan, no relation of Jan
Just an admirer and a fan
You say we are poles apart?
But we looked so similar at the start
Shortened my name to Nan so I can, like Jan.






26th APRIL 2015


Poem Details | by Dale Gregory Cozart |
Categories: fantasy, humor,

How Jan and Lin Slayed the Dragon

Two ladies named Jan and named Lin professed a forgivable sin they cornered a dragon wrung her in a flagon and gave her away as cheap gin The old dragon's name was Jooling who had a habit of drooling she couldn't stay dry on ground or in sky around her urine kept pooling The ladies had had quite enough The dragon smelled like bad stuff so after they did drain her to cement they did chain her and threw her sad stench off a bluff Into the ocean dragon fell on hitting water she did melt The girls were relieved at what they'd achieved and glad to be rid of the smell They went on to gain great success without all that putrefied mess their poetry was renowned no matter where it was found The dragon's now fish food they guess


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous, inspirational, name,

WHAT'S IN A NAME


We boarded a flight to Hong Kong Our pilot was called Sum Ting Wong I’d a smile on my face As his flying was ace - His parents sure got his name wrong! 09 04 17


Poem Details | by Tim Ryerson |
Categories: friend, funny,

And She's Not Bad Lookin Either

Her Soup name we know as PD
Her REAL name is Linda you see
And Irma as well
Trevino! I yell
From my rooftop...Can’t hear me? (Poor me)

For a very special and loyal friend...


Poem Details | by Linda-Marie SweetHeart |
Categories: adventure, name, name,

Pinball Wizard

"Pinball Wizard" strange sounds hypnotize from an ARCADE challenging me to a dual escapade silver balls wait in line for fingers to opine female transforms to pinball wizard on parade. STAR TREK is my machine of choice listening to CAPTAIN KIRK'S commanding voice ENTERPRISE flies at warp speed as numbers calculate point feed as a TREKKIE I win a la Royce.* MORTAL COMBAT is a game of great skill super bonus points mount as empty holes fill deadly fatalities video catastrophies in the end my name is on top of the hill. STREET FIGHTER is quick, sharp and rough knocking down opponents is so tough when the flipper sinks the ball in the bad dude shouts "a vul kin"* aggravated, I cry out "had enough". time to hang up my "wizard fingers" for another day flashing lights show my name on display leaving fantasy behind know I'm "one of a kind" pinball prima donna loves to play. *Royce -haracter from older series *A Vul Kin - foreign language meaning you're dead *For Yasmin Khan's Video Games Contedt. *Sept24,2012


Poem Details | by POET. UNDERTAKER |
Categories: humor,

Alice in Wonderland



Once there was a fairy by name Linda “fondly Alice”
Falls down a rabbit hole into a fantasy world pretty nice!
Literary nonsense genre
Influential fantasy genre
Bloody the fairy of my fantasy world “Alice”?


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous,

RODGER AND HIS LODGER

There once was a young man called Rodger Who’s very transfixed with his todger From morning till night He gets his delight Now he shares his bed with his lodger The lodger her name was Sandy Was always ready and randy They’d make love all night But then they took fright When Rodgers legs went all bandy Submitted to New or Old 5 Contest Sponsored by Eve Roper 29 ~12~14


Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: books,

I'm Huck

I’m Huck, and my last name is Finn. On the great Mississippi I’ve been playing hooky from school ‘cause there ain’t any rule that can keep Huckleberry caged in. I bet that you’ve already read about the fun life that I’ve led, how I got a bad foe that they called Injun Joe and how me and Tom one time played dead! I ain’t nothin’ special, just Huck. In my boyhood forever I’m stuck. Just one kid needs to look at the words in Twain’s book and I’ll stay alive - with any luck! *My character, of course, is Huckleberry Finn, taken from the novel of the same title, written by a very witty humorist, Samuel Clemens, AKA Mark Twain. Written 4/20/14 by Andrea Dietrich for the "Become a fictitious character taken from a book (or a movie) ! Free Poetry Contest" of Giorgio A.V


Poem Details | by Tim Ryerson |
Categories: funny, nature,

The Owl and the Coyote

A lonesome coyote howled deep in the wood
And a MOST unwise owl somehow misunderstood
Oh, alas and alack!
She rashly hooted back
(And she hooted as hard as she possibly could)

"Who the heck heeds my howl, for god's merciful sake?
Could this perhaps be my potential life mate?"
..."Give a hoot who you hoot at
if you don't know just who 'dat
You hoot at!" screeched the owl a wee bit too late

The gossip that followed defied explanation!
Squirrels scolded scathing and righteous damnation
The eagle screamed from his peak
"Don't even show us your beak!"
(An owl with a tarred and feathered reputation)

The coyote's good name turned muddy and mucky
Rumor spread like the plague so he never got lucky
"Your character is fowl"
Hitting up on an owl?"
(Last I heard he migrated to Kentucky)


Poem Details | by RALPH TAYLOR |
Categories: funny

Bad News

When the Doctors exam was through

he said I got good news and bad news its true

        You've chosen the worst

        to hear about first

they're gonna name this disease after you!


Poem Details | by Dorian Petersen Potter |
Categories: car, friend, friendship, funny,

Tim And His Kelly Green Mustang


I have a friend by the name of Tim, He keeps in shape when frequents the gym. His Kelly green Mustang he drove And smack'd it into a cove. The witches got him and ate one of his limbs! Dorian Petersen aka ladydp2000 copyright@2014 October,5,2014


Poem Details | by James Fraser |
Categories: friendship, on writing and

My Table of Three plus Me

A poetry convention is a wow
Our writes we endeavour to plough
We'll meet so many friends
To enhance writing trends
Our strengths are as thick as the bough

To my table I have decided to seat
Three ladies whom I'd so love to meet
They are favourites of mine
And they will be for some time
Their poetry to read is my treat

The first lady to seat is a gem
Her novels just shine from her pen
She's a New Jersey girl
Who makes my heart twirl
Her poetry flows 'tres bien'

The second lady to sit at my table
If given the chance, I'd surely enable
She's Maltese, she's Celene
A Mediterranean Queen
Her name would be beautifully labelled

The third lady who I now show to her chair
Her writing just makes me openly stare
It's oozes life's desire
It makes me aspire
Table Top Mountain, I wish I was there




<*> Not for any contest, but I thank Michael for the idea, ty <*>



Thank you Carolyn Devonshire, Celene Crescent & Wilma Neels for being you,xxx




http://www.thehighlanderspoems.com/poetry-soup-16.php









Poem Details | by robert johnson |
Categories: friendship,

Skaterrific

There is a poet, her name is SKAT.
She read all my limy's, now that's phat.
When she was done reading.
It showed she had breeding.
So people, what do you think of that?


Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: humorous,

Sister Jan



Got a sweet pretend sister by the name of Jan She lives across the ocean on the Isle of Man We're united by the funnies We don't make much money Although some of our naughty stuff gets banned © Jack Ellison 2015


Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: humorous,

A Gift To The Ladies



Know a nice fellow his name is Tim Smith The rumour that he's female is truly a myth He's hearty and strong In Hollywood he belongs To young ladies of the Soup he's surely a gift © Jack Ellison 2015


Poem Details | by Tahera Mannan |
Categories: funnyname, name,

Graveyard Rendezvous

On the fateful day before Halloween
Dressed as a vampire queen in green
I passed through the graveyard
With all my senses on guard
When I heard a rustling mean

In horror I turned around to see
Who had the audacity to scare me
Saw an old man bending low
Chiseling his name in a row
Looked to be a veteran escapee

I told him not to disturb the grave
When he started to turn and rave
His family didn’t spell him right
And he with his might
Had come out his name to engrave


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: drink, humorous,

CHEERS -PLEASE JOIN IN THE COLLABORATION

I had an old auntie called Mable Who could drink men under the table She’d tell folks of her gout Sup up six pints of stout - then stagger to the loo when able! 11~23~16 WRITTEN BY JAN ALLISON My paternal aunt whose name was Mable Drank so much that she slept in the stable Her best bud was a horse It's why she got her divorce Her spouse was gone with the wind like Gable WRITTEN BY ALEXIS Y Her pearl necklace made a clunk When in her glass a bead did dunk She pulled it out And drank her stout Then laughed thinking her necklace might be drunk WRITTEN BY CHRIS GREEN He denies his delivery by stork Still eats his soup with his fork but in the loo when dinner is through screams loudly for his buddy "O'Rourke" WRITTEN BY JOHN LAWLESS I remember your auntie quite well I met her down at the well she threw me in made my head spin or was it the stout I can’t tell? Mable can sop up the suds the boys at the bar are her buds shouting with cheer beer after beer sounding the floor with their thuds Mable did not cry in her beer She would shout loud in your ear bursting of fable her fame would enable tales to bring lushes to tears Mable once sloshed to the loo well intent on loosing a poo a lowly spittoon became a lagoon her urge to purge was now through Sing a song of six pints, each of stoutest ale thus the queen of giggles, spins another tale about her next of kin who sports a raucous grin What is Mable’s encore? Drinking from a pail! ALL WRITTEN BY LIM'RICK FLATS (JOHN WULF) All knew my good uncle Aristotle Who always carried a whisky bottle Each step he took had a sip That's why was mostly asleep Till drunk was he found holding a pottle! WRITTEN BY DEMETRIOS TRIFIATIS The reason that Mable was laughing Was because of the man photographing He was standing there nude, so she asked as she viewed, "What is that infection your staffing?" WRITTEN BY RICHARD OLSON Mabel had a pint with her bagel Every morn at the kitchen table Her navel would be bare Covered by sable fur hair Poor gal stumbled into the stable WRITTEN BY SONNY ROPER Come here laddie and have you a taste Don't let this magic go off to waste Suck her on down Smother that frown Soon Mable's troubles will be erased WRITTEN BY TIM SMITH Mable downed four pints of ale Then found herself in the town jail Down the road she did run Streaking naked just for fun Please close your eyes, and go pay her bail WRITTEN BY SONNY ROPER Mabel was pretty easily amused, replacing the beer with 100% prune juice, at her party, friends acting farty, her bathroom having a very long queue WRITTEN BY CHERYL HOFFMAN Mable was oft on the nightly news For drunk acts in the bars she would cruise Some would certainly mind Views of their own drunk blind But Mable just hid her toilet bruise WRITTEN BY CAYCAY JENNINGS There's a rumor I had to ignore That Aunt Mabel didn't drink any more But it was my guess That she didn't drink less As another Guinness she'd pour! WRITTEN BY JOSEPH MAY


Poem Details | by Alexis Y. |
Categories: humor,

ELECTION DAY

            Today is voting day, I must make it a goal
            I'd rather take up residence at the north pole
                             All the cat fighting 
                              And name calling
         To be honest ,I don't want neither one in control













11-8-16
Alexis Y


Poem Details | by Anindya Mohan Tagore |
Categories: funny, grief, pain, poems,

Ask Marugu Mo



Where do all the great poets go?
If you ask me so, I would say, "I don't know"
There must be some hidden pain
Writing poems relieves their brain
Dear ones are their poems greatest foe

Where do all the great poets go?
Ask the river, ask the melting snow
They may say, " He was just here
With his grief - eyes full of tears"
Writing poems does not pay also

Where do all the great poets go?
Ask the sun, ask the shining rainbow
They may say, " He was just here
Got caught with his write - in fear"
Dear ones are their poems greatest foe

Where do all the great poets go?
Ask the moon, ask Marugu Mo
There are problems in their life
They can't help but face the strife
Writing poems does not pay also

27.02.16

P.S: Poet Marugu Mo, himself is  a great poet and his name rhymed with my poem nicelyA great poet can only give us some idea where the others have gone, so I have used his name in the title tooMy respectful greetings to Poet Marugu Mo and my dedication goes to him.


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous, poetry,

NA IN CONTEST - NEW LIMERICK COLLABORATION

My penchant for writing was showing The comments I received were ‘glowing’ But at the end of the day I get another N/A My success in contests is slowing! WRITTEN BY JAN ALLISON ON 1st September 2016 PLEASE FEEL FREE TO PUT YOUR CONTRIBUTION IN A COMMENT OR SOUP MAIL IT TO ME Winners winners everywhere but not a one for me Sadness is a heavy burden over my N/A poetry I'll blame all my losses on the judging albatrosses I think I'll toss them all into the depths of the sea WRITTEN BY LIN LANE The contest was posted as judged To open that link, my mouse trudged My write was not there! I knew, with despair, To NA trash bin it was nudged! WRITTEN BY SANDRA HAIGHT Never say never again for time will soon erase that pain Dry your tears ,don't be sad, who is to say what's good or bad Someone else might love your refrain WRITTEN BY BRIAN STRAND I checked the list not once but twice It wasn't there to my suffice I sulk my head Then cry in bed That mean old judge she isn't nice WRITTEN BY TIM SMITH Wrote one that was such fun to read To a contest I posted full speed People thought it a hoot . It was given the boot Tell me what must I do to succeed! WRITTEN BY SEREN ROBERTS I entered a new contest today I didn't make the list, got N/A That has to be so wrong My praise was a mile long The judge was out of it on that day WRITTEN BY ALEXIS Y There are contests you'll never win You'll lose before you even begin So don't waste your time With your best rhymes You'll just be tossed in the N/A bin! WRITTEN BY JOSEPH MAY My words meant so much when first written So glowing the praise they were get 'in From the published results I endured such insults That my dream of a Pulitzer lay smitten WRITTEN BY CHARLIE SMITH I once wrote a poem that fit All the contest descriptionsAnd it Was praised with much grace I was hopeful to place, But completely forgot to submit! WRITTEN BY AGNES KRAMPE I put my N/As in a row Was like a long queue to a show! Some resigned shrugging, Bit of sighing ‘n frowning, But such fun, so here again I go! WRITTEN BY SAN WOO For new contests, these poems I write, The others feel my writing is bright, But when the results come out, My name is Nowhere About, For the judge has found it Not Alright. WRITTEN BY JO DANIEL My inspiration for words are on track I pat myself on the back What the hack, I cracked Another N/A I’ve racked No more entries for this maniac WRITTEN BY EVE ROPER As a poet wannabe, and new to this space enthusiastic by a 1-3 place, and grace, I feel bad for the true poets here, My apologies but kiss my rear, This is tongue and cheek, I’m here for the race! Never knew what N/A did mean, As I’m pretty new to the scene, I'm back to support Jan, Now folks that’s a TRUE fan Better limericks I haven’t seen WRITTEN BY MARK PAUL VAN DER MERWE A funny poem I had written Fit I thought for a competition I'd celebrate with bacon - The sponsor was mistaken! A N/A has made me stay hidden WRITTEN BY TEDDY KIMATHI


Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: love,

Laura Breidenthal



Her name is Laura, she blows me away To describe her, a sweetheart, in every way Probably three times her age But no matter what stage Always feel young when she visits my page © Jack Ellison 2015


Poem Details | by JACQUELYN STURGE |
Categories: funny, happiness,

LANCE THE DANCER


There once was a guy whose name was Lance
And all this man loved to do was dance,
If you beat on a drum
Or just twiddle your thumb,
Lance would jump up and he'd start to prance.


He danced from morning into the night
He'd leap in air like a bird in flight,
He never got tired
And always was fired,,
Until one day when he lost his sight.


Have you ever seen a blind man dance?
Well it was a sight, that cane and Lance,
He didn't want pity
Though it wasn't pretty,
When he toppled loosing his balance.


He'd jump right up and continue on
And nothing could stop this dancing prawn,
He taught us a lesson
That there is no reason,
To end what you love before you're  gone.


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, humorous, insect,

OUCH

A nudist whose first name was Billy Got stung by a bee on his willy It swelled to a great size One he couldn’t disguise So he hid by a meadow lily 03~08~17


Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: christmas, humorous,

An Eavesdropping On Christmas Therapy

Four characters that we know well
have problems they all want to tell
in therapy group.
To get all the scoop,
let’s eavesdrop, for all is not well!

Believing no more in himself,
sits dear Santa Claus and an elf
who is hating his work.
Santa says, “What jerk.
I should put you back up on your shelf!”

The elf, in a huff, then fires back
(for confidence HE does not lack),
“I believed in you once,
when you weren’t such a dunce.
Old geezer, go stuff your own sack!”

The anger inside the room grows
when Rudolph, who hates his red nose,
screams, “Don’t say such stuff.
StNick’s work is tough,
and MY job, dear elf, frankly BLOWS.

You elves get to go to the mall
and smile at the children and all.
No one’s calling you names
as you play reindeer games.”
The elf yells, “At least you’re not SMALL.

You think you have woes? Look at ME.
I’m called silly names constantly.
There’s a song about YOU
and your red nose debut.
Geez, a hero you’ve now come to be!!

An elf is an elf all the same.
Kids don’t even know my real name.
Reindeer get names like Cupid.
Well, your name should be STUPID.
What I would not give for YOUR fame!”

A snowman sits stoically there.
He turns to the arguing pair.
“A carrot’s MY nose!
To death I have froze,
yet I’m melting right now in this chair!”

Dec25, 2016 for Laura Loo's Silly Christmas Cartoon Poetry Contest


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, clothes, for him,

WRESTLING WITH HIS TIGHTS - BAWDY LIMERICK

A wrestler whose first name is Bill Wears tights (but he’s over the hill) He shoves down a sock To enhance his cock It sure gives the ladies a thrill! Now Bill’s a really proud macho guy And keeps grey hair at bay with black dye Even though he’s a man He wears lots of fake tan And baby oil is in constant supply For Phyl with love from FC xx 05/06/17


Poem Details | by Alexis Y. |
Categories: humorous,

LOST SMILE : REVISED

There was a guy named Al who lost his smile 
And being happy and cheerful was not his style
                       Until he met Dan
                       A real funny Man
He told jokes that would just amaze and beguile


There's a funny lady who goes by the name Jan
Who spreads out loads of laughter when she can
                Her writes are about poop
                Or bawdiness on the soup
But bringing joy to us soupers is her ultimate plan











6-3-17






Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, humorous, senses,

PETER PUGH

I once knew an old bloke called Peter Whose body could smell so much sweeter He stank of stale wee B O and coffee T’was worse when he sat by the heater! His daughter whose name is Anita Tried hard to help Peter smell sweeter He bathes twice a day She gave him some spray From Peter there is no foul fetor! 04~09~17


Poem Details | by alan balter |
Categories: animal,

Harvey the Hippo

Harvey the Hippo

Harvey is a huge hippopotamus
Who bathes in a bay that is bottomless
HIs mouth is as large as a riverboat barge
And he weighs ten times more than a lot of us

Big Harvey isn’t nasty or troublesome
Nor like other guys who are double dumb
He just wanders around stomping the ground
Looking for pieces of bubble gum

Harvey owns a fine yellow cummerbund
And sewn on the back is the number one
He wears it right proudly and bellows quite loudly
While playing outside in the summer sun

Once Harvey met up with a crocodile
Together they decided to walk a mile
Near the shore they strolled, but the water got cold
So they sat down to talk on the dock a while

Eating Oreo cookies about four apiece
They talked about matters of war and peace
They discussed the economy, art, and astronomy
And the huge immigration of foreign geese

Then walking back toward his new shiny house
Harvey stopped for a chat with a tiny mouse
Her name was Du Barry; they decided to marry
And soon come a baby named Stanislaus

A handsome young child was Stanislaus
Dressed up in his fine silken Spanish blouse
They all had made history; this was no mystery
For Stan was the first Hippopotamouse

Huge Harvey adored his sweet ladylove
From her wee little feet to her head above
He brought her some strings and other fine things
Including a snowy white turtledove

Harvey has grown really mellow now
He seldom produces a bellow now
But if you’re down by the bay, you can still see him play
This wondrous and gentle old fellow now





Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, humorous, irony, jobs,

CLEANER DEMEANOR - COLLABORATION

A chambermaid whose name is Marlia Had the most terrible diarrhoea Whilst scrubbing a loo She needed to pooh Poop flowed freely from her posterior It splattered on the newly scrubbed door Gloopy poop was all over the floor There was a huge mess It covered her dress Her poor tummy was ever so sore WRITTEN BY JAN ALLISON Marlia was filled with sorrow A clean dress she had to borrow flies were attracted The mess compacted clean up required a harrow! WRITTEN BY LIM'RIK FLATS If only she'd have taken a Tums No mess would be left on her bums she's still in despair a stench in the air To the scent of poop she succumbs WRITTEN BY TIM SMITH Marlia was dumb, thinking it was just gas But it was much more that she had to pass The day was torrid Her stench was horrid Now everyone knows Marlia has no class WRITTEN BY LIN LANE Marlia tried hard to sneak out the trail of her poop left no doubt Lysol was sprayed, Her funk still stayed cause her poop kept running out WRITTEN BY DANIEL TURNER Poor, poor Marlia stunk up the room Her hubby left and she has no groom He ran for the hills No more night thrills, Now she's alone and her life is doom WRITTEN BY ALEXIS Y 21-07-17


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous, irony,

DENSER NOT MENSA PART 1- COLLABORATION

An old gal applied to join Mensa Gee she couldn’t be any denser She went in the wrong door On the thirty third floor And there she enrolled as a fencer When attending her first fencing class A man scored a hit on her huge ass She screamed out so loud It drew quite a crowd She cannot abide failure – its crass! WRITTEN BY JAN ALLISON She hollered and screamed for a medic I swear it was worse than a dead duck one without any wings oh the horror she sings she's much more than dense she's pathetic WRITTEN BY TIM SMITH She swore that she really could spell And in math she did surely excel But once she felt pain All she did was complain And whined as her sore butt did swell. WRITTEN BY CHRIS GREEN That old gal then became a method actor but one thing soon became a huge factor she forgot all her lines her mentality declines now she sputters like a John Deere tractor WRITTEN BY LIN LANE Her butt was so sore she bought leeches Gently placing them in her breeches To suck out the bruise We could hear her oooh's I felt sorry for the poor creatures Her butt was so big like a whale all that was missing was it's tail so they stuck a flag up her arse called it the new Khyber pass she went a whiter shade of pale. WRITTEN BY SEREN ROBERTS "Am I smart?" is what she kept asking In glory she hoped to be basking. Suddenly she farted. The whole room departed. Now finding fresh air is their tasking. WRITTEN BY DALE GREGORY COZART She sat for the test with all smiles Filled out the forms and the files But she spelled her name wrong Became twisted of tongue And was thrown to the crocodiles. WRITTEN BY RICHARD D SEAL 07-17-17 Seems the old gal was a talented tart Clearing the room with but one single fart Wiping their eyes All those wise guys Soundly applauded her flatulent art WRITTEN BY LIM'RIK FLATS 07-18-17


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, dance, humorous,

POLE DANCING - FOR DALE

An acrobat whose name is Dale Went pole dancing with his wife Gail When he did the starfish He looked such a dish But suddenly Gail's face turned pale As he performed his sexy pole dance He'd got no undies under his pants Poor Dale was distraught When his todger got caught It cut short a night of romance 13th July 2017


Poem Details | by Dale Gregory Cozart |
Categories: humorous,

Godzilla's Cousin: COLLABORATION

Susie's pet name was Wanda-zilla and hailed from jungles near Manila. Her poetry was swill so to pay all her bills she did strip shows for native gorillas. She went to merry old U.K. To make more money stripping all day. When folks voted for Brexit they meant Susie must exit to get rid of the smell right away. BY DALE GREGORY COZART Susie looked like an ugly gorilla A cousin of that monster Godzilla With flaccid pink lips And wobbly fat hips She appeared on the video ‘Thriller’   The director who chose her that day Said Don’t put on your make up today” … With no mask on your face You won’t look out of place And your dance moves will blow folks away”   Susie then thought she’d found the answer She’d work as a naked pole dancer But not one man would pay They said please go away … Put your clothes back on you fat chancer! BY JAN ALLISON Wanda-zilla is a great name for ugly, Susie Always batting her eyes like a low-life floozy Painted lips on a gorilla Looking like Phyllis Diller As a pole dancer she must've been a doozy BY LIN LANE Godzilla saw her and stole her away I think he wanted to toy with her play but she put up a fight all through the night and insisted that she had to stay BY MYSTIC ROSE She seductively ate a banana with zeal But that day it just got too real In her ugly mouth It all went south Her and a banana without appeal! BY ROGERPAT ADAMS


Poem Details | by Lin Lane |
Categories: storm,

Thar Blows Maria: Collaboration with New Additions

Too many hurricanes are causing havoc this season We might as well have a limerick collaboration about them since they seem to be in the news Please join in by sending me your limerick in a soup mail or email.


Hurricane Maria is the latest ole windbag
She'll huff and puff till her eye walls sag
She's blowin' in the tropics
Catastrophic among topics
Heed the warning of that hoisted red flag
                                     by: Lin Lane


I’ve heard Maria’s cooking up a storm
Pack your bags and head where it’s warm
She’ll cause such destruction
Which will lead to disruption
These old wind bags, they never conform!

These hurricanes really don’t care
Tossing houses right into the air
They’re a bane in our life
Like an old nagging wife
It's no wonder that folks cus and swear!
                                   by: Jan Allison


Oh Maria I hope you just fizzle out 
You're so full of wind with a nagging spout
Hurry and disappear
Blow on out of here
We're tired of that same old raspy shout
                                   by: Tim Smith


Oh Maria, we have had enough
We don't want to see you puff
We don't want to stress
Or clean up your mess!
Just weaken, and stop acting tough!
                                  by: Heidi Sands


Oh bad Maria, you have gotten so volatile
Blow yourself out and make people smile
Or maybe there's a chance
Another name you'll enhance
Hurricane Madness sounds very erstwhile
                                 by: Seren Roberts


Poem Details | by Mary Chapman |
Categories: humorous,

Popeye The Sailor Man

There once was a sailor named Popeye
He got through the navy with one eye
Wherever he sailed 
The dames would all hail
They knew Popeye was not a bad guy

Popeye you know had a sweetie
A long legged gal not to meaty
Olive Oyl was her name
Popeye's love was insane
For his love was always entreaty

The trouble you know was called Bluto
A very strong sailor who knew judo
He was after the girl
That made his head twirl
For he felt they made quite a duo

Popeye was not very happy
He spoke to his father name Pappy
Pappy said to him son
Get rid of the bum
You don't want to lose and feel crappy

Popeye was really quite angry
He was really upset and cranky
So he took his old friend
Tied him up in a bend
Walked away a proud and true Yankee


Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: dedication, workname, name, Grandson,

Soft Touch

(Madame is pronounced with accent on maDAME, the French way)

Near a hole in the wall, with no qualm,
Never seen, sits a frumpy Madame.
Using lotion, she works
Giving smooth strokes and jerks
With her fabulous and renowned palm.

By Andrea Dietrich

*This is the theme of a movie I saw on cable.
Its name is Irena Palm, the name a widow takes when
she goes to work at a club in order to make enough money
to allow her grandson the surgery he needs to save his
lifeIt's not a porno, but her "work" is a bit erotic yet discretely
portrayedIt got high marks from the criticsMy writing this
was inspired by Deborah Guzzi's Limerick Contest and now
I enter it into Skat's contest!


Check it out: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0762110/


Poem Details | by Keith Trestrail |
Categories: funny, humorous,

Safe Sex

 She said "I'm not some cheap bimbo whore,
 I've got six kids and don't want any more!"
   Relax I said - my name is Rex
   And yes I do practice safe sex,
"You do?" Yeah...I always lock the car door!


                ------------

Quote: "Don't be silly, wrap your willy!"

Not sure who said it but it sure made sense to me!

For the Dumb and Dumber Personal Quotes contest.


Poem Details | by Tim Ryerson |
Categories: funny,

Big Ben Blues

I courted a British lady
Whose name was Sadie O'Grady
She took off her drawers
I exclaimed ‘Oh good lord!’
You sure ain’t no LADY, matey!



Poem Details | by Theresa CW |
Categories: humor, nonsense,

Popeye The Sailor Man

Popeye The Sailor Man


My name is Popeye the sailor man
I don't live in a big garbage can
I dis-like Spinach
strong to the finish
I'll cook your goose in a fying pan.


Written: 11/14/14
Theresa


Poem Details | by Gail DeBole |
Categories: happiness, humorous, life, people,

Portrait of Mr F Shui

Written by Gail DeBole on February 4, 2013

A man with the name of Feng Shui
Arranged his life in a Qi-loving way.
Full of sweet harmony,
And life planned to a “T”,
Bad Karma didn’t “stand” in his way!


Note: Part of the Portrait Collection


Poem Details | by Sean Kelly |
Categories: funnyeve, new years day,

Adam's Apple Of His Eye .

 Say Lady , it's hard to believe
 With this serpent tugging my sleeve
 Saying " head for the chapel
 Here's a nice juicy apple
 Ring her bell , it's now New Years Eve "

 So , Sweet Rib , what is your name ?
 " I'm your Eve , with no in-laws to blame
 So , well done my boy
 Lets go forth..multiply.
 But , that fig leaf's too small for your shame ".

 It's a biblical thing , not a fable
 As our sons sat around our new table
 Each others bad nemesis
 Listening to Genesis
 Discovering Cain wasn't " able "

 Our Garden Of Eden was class
 As it shimmered with silver and brass
 But the Lord said " lets go
 Here's a rake and a hoe
 Clear the weeds , and that snake from the grass ".



Dedicated to my 2 favorite Eves : Christmas & New Years.


Poem Details | by Stephanie Weeks |
Categories: funny,

Makes No Sense

I believe in God.
I'm glad that I'm not bald.
A dollar's a hundred cents,
This poem makes no sense.
I hope you're not appalled.
I love the zoo.
Where's Timbuktu?
Billy's my name.
Wanna play a game?
A baby is brand new.
I have a phone.
Granny's not at home.
Can you build a bomb?
You're talking all wrong.
I'm glad that I'm not grown.
Your hair is so soft.
My bed is in a loft.
My bear's name is Ted.
I sleep in a bed.
Say hi to Microsoft.


Poem Details | by Mark Spencer |
Categories: faith, religion, religious, spiritual,

Love Thy Neighbor

Scripture asks us to love our neighbor.
But some think love comes without labor.
It's something we speak,
Not something we seek.
A fine cup of wine with no flavor.

Declarations of love make me laugh.
Without knowledge such words are just chaff.
You say I love you,
But that isn't true,
'Til you've traveled that ship, fore and aft.

A neighbor is a gem in a box,
Which is freely displayed without locks.
But when you decide
To not look inside,
Your love goes no deeper than the box.

It's the heart that defines who we are.
And you cannot love that from afar.
You have to dig in,
Look under the skin,
It takes patience to open that jar.

Any love less than this is a lie,
Just a superficial lullaby.
When you won't connect, 
It's sung for effect,
A performance arranged for the eye.

In God's kingdom, would this be your goal -
To have neighbors without heart or soul?
Should we love your grace,
Or only your face?
For a love without depth isn't whole.

If make believe love has sufficed,
Then your love is improperly priced.
Rewards one receives,
Show what he believes,
When such love has been offered to Christ.

For as you've loved the least of His flock,
Those empty faces there on your block,
That's how you love Him,
A name in a Hymn,
It's a church built on mud, not on rock.

So before He meets us at the gate,
Learn this lesson before it's too late.
Love's ultimate goal, 
To open the soul,
Is a truth that determines our fate.


Poem Details | by Margaret Foster |
Categories: anniversary, history,

Bonfire Night





There once was a Fawkes name of Guy Whose dastardly plans went awry Now in November We still remember And take pleasure in watching him fry
see about poem


Poem Details | by Nate D. |
Categories: girlfriend-boyfriend

.~69~. /Zodiac.Race/

~69~ /zodiac sign/

There once was a hermit crab named Nate
Who enjoyed the solitude of his hate
   Meeting a lovely lady
   A sexy Texan, name P.D.
Finding true hate, trying to online date 

(Zodiac Sign Contest)


Poem Details | by Sandra Haight |
Categories: education, life, wisdom,

Einstein - School Of Hard Knocks


We have all gone to school in the past

And knew all of the answers when asked

Then heard Einstein's reply

Should kiss knowledge goodbye

Cause we're smarter with life we've amassed!

April 15, 2015

Contest: Name Dropper Limerick
Sponsor: Kevin Shaw

_________________________________

Quote:  Albert Einstein

"Education is what remains after
one has forgotten everything
he learned in school."


.


Poem Details | by Jack Clark |
Categories: funny, funny love, humor,

True Love

Her hair as red as a flame
Her lips were colored the same
… That Irish Lass
… So full of sass
He’s wonderin’ if she’d take his name?

Her to him: “You’ve got a crust!
With courtin’ and dowry a must …
… in wooin’ I’ll naught
… ever be caught
Afore me name I’d adjust!”

“Oh, wee lassie, please see:
‘T is you - the woman for me
… I’ve 10,000 wells
… of oil I sells
Marry me”, he said on one knee.

“Oh! My!  I see you’re sincere
My name change … it’s drawing near
… ‘bout that oil …
… can’t let it spoil!
Now … what’s my new last name, me dear?


Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: humor,

Ole Pistol Pete



A fellow by the name of Ole Pistol Pete Once had this real special technique He just had to think His eyes he would blink Ladies would follow Pistol Pete like sheep © Jack Ellison 2013


Poem Details | by Huberta van Akkeren |
Categories: humorous,

Husbands are in heaven whose wives scold not

‘t was on a rainy day in Camelot
A knight saw a maid he liked a lot
Before he paid heed
He remembered, indeed
Husbands are in heaven whose wives scold not

The maid, it seemed, had almost forgot
The words of her mother, whose name was Dot
For marital bliss
Remember just this 
Husbands are in heaven whose wives scold not

The knight with the maid was quite besot
And after a time they tied the knot
She never did scold
He did not grow old
Husbands are in heaven whose wives scold not

The end of this tale may surprise a lot
Because heaven is not the place he got
 Words one day you may recall
Some, but certainly not all
Husbands are in heaven whose wives scold not