Limerick Poems About Names | Name Limerick Poems
Poem Details | by Lin Lane |
Categories: poetry,

Intrusion in the Fray:response to Tom

Forgive intrusion in the fray
I'm making comments today
Tom's limericks, three
were cute as can be
But of Kim and Jack, I must say.....

We all know how well Kim can write
She graces each page of the site
But limerick queen
Jan is a machine
There's no cause to argue or fight (all done in fun)

Limerick's have a syllable count
Ya can't use just any ol amount
Jack uses too many
His words aplenty
It's a problem he must surmount

It's the same with Shakespeare's sonnet
No matter whose name is on it
There's one Scotland Yard
And only one Bard
No imitators, doggone it

Don't get stalled with rhyme and meter
Sometimes prose can read much sweeter
Write what's in your heart
Poetry is art
Pick up your pen and don't teeter

No showdowns here; we're having fun
Put away your slingshot and gun
Not calling the law
Just havin' a jaw
Don't run me out of town...I'm done


Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: funny love,

Finding BigFoot

For BigFoot I searched everywhere.
In all the Northwest, he’s not there!
Then I thought I might know
where a BigFoot might go
so I went where the barbers cut hair!

To fit in and be like the rest
of us humans, he’d look his best.
so I went to each shop
where I thought he might stop
to have hair removed from his chest.

To Hollywood soon I was led.
I’d heard of a man with a head
like a wolf’s, full of hair,
making everyone stare.
What I found was Hugh Jackman instead!

Then a man I could not see too well
crossed my path at a fancy hotel.
When I got a good look,
that was all that it took!
It was furry but small, Steve Carell!

The last guy I saw in that land
of Hollywood stars acted grand.
That guy, very hairy
made Big Foot less scary.
He went by the name Russell Brand.

From Hasselhoff to Bradley Cooper,
some hairy guys are super duper!
I kept at my quest
when to the southwest
I moved, for I’m always a trooper.

I searched high and low, five years more,
but by then, I had grown very poor.
I had always liked shoes,
so thought I would choose
a job in a classy shoe store.

Like Carrie in “Sex in the City,”
I loved my work, and I looked pretty
with swank heels on my feet,
yet I felt incomplete
There was no MrBig! Such a pity!

But while working one day without care.
I looked up  Can you guess who was there?
This odd creature so tall
made Shaquille look too small.
And he hardly could hide all his hair!

No fresh smelling flower was he,
but kindly I sensed him to be.
As I stooped down to put
my hand on that Big Foot,
I knew fate had led him to me!

Written by Andrea Dietrich 








Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: humor,

Justice - A Parable

A woman gave birth to a son
named Justice; he had little fun.
If he wanted to play,
his mama would say,
“But only when Justice is done!”

Poor Justice, from morning till night,
tried hard to do everything right.
By the end of the day,
he still could not play,
for his time to do chores was so tight!

His life was a crime with no play!
We all know that crime doesn’t pay.
But were I in his shoes,
having paid all my dues,
I think I might just run away.

Well, sure enough, Justice did flee
and ended up in Tennessee.
With no place to belong,
he felt sad till along
came a girl who smiled tenderly.

Looking ragged, he asked (with some shame)
if the young girl would tell him her name.
“Can you guess?” said the Miss.
“Here’s a clueIt is this
Those who have me don’t take all the blame.”

The young man did not have a clue
what her name was; it was all new.
He’d never hear of
- yet soon grew to love -
this girl  and her charming name too.

Today Justice likes more his life
because this girl lessens his strife.
He learned her name well
when in love he fell
and Mercy he took for a wife!

For the Story Poem Contest Poetry Contest of Carol Eastman


Poem Details | by Nandita Das |
Categories: dedication, humorous,

I am NAN -no relation of JAN

I am Nan, no relation of Jan
Just an admirer and a fan
Her poems are well read
Mine are masterpieces (only in my head)
So you see I can't do what she can.

I am Nan, no relation of Jan
Just an admirer and a fan
Her sense of humor is godsent
Mine would be too if it wasn't absent
So you see I can't do what she can.

I am Nan, no relation of Jan
Just an admirer and a fan
Her sense of humour is very fine
I wrack my brains can't find mine
So you see I can't do what she can

I am Nan, no relation of Jan
Just an admirer and a fan
You say we are poles apart?
But we looked so similar at the start
Shortened my name to Nan so I can, like Jan.






26th APRIL 2015


Poem Details | by Lin Lane |
Categories: humor,

Bully, Blow Hard and Old Geezer

Bully, the bull dog thought he was tough
He barked until his owner had enough
Bully went to the pound
A disgruntled old hound
He had a name change...now he's called "Scruff"

Blow Hard was a very ugly bullfrog
Sat in a pig sty on a rotten log
Boasted about his size
He was not very wise
Cuz the moron was eaten by a hog

There's an old geezer who has an ego
Told tales of his greatness for all to know
The haughty one cries
His tales were all lies
He's an old phony who has to eat crow

Bully, Blow Hard, and even that old Geezer dude
All three looked at life with eyes that were skewed
Moral of story...
There is no glory
In barking, boasting, or a haughty attitude


Poem Details | by Lin Lane |
Categories: storm,

Thar Blows Maria: Collaboration with New Additions

Too many hurricanes are causing havoc this season We might as well have a limerick collaboration about them since they seem to be in the news Please join in by sending me your limerick in a soup mail or email.


Hurricane Maria is the latest ole windbag
She'll huff and puff till her eye walls sag
She's blowin' in the tropics
Catastrophic among topics
Heed the warning of that hoisted red flag
                                     by: Lin Lane


I’ve heard Maria’s cooking up a storm
Pack your bags and head where it’s warm
She’ll cause such destruction
Which will lead to disruption
These old wind bags, they never conform!

These hurricanes really don’t care
Tossing houses right into the air
They’re a bane in our life
Like an old nagging wife
It's no wonder that folks cus and swear!
                                   by: Jan Allison


Oh Maria I hope you just fizzle out 
You're so full of wind with a nagging spout
Hurry and disappear
Blow on out of here
We're tired of that same old raspy shout
                                   by: Tim Smith


Oh Maria, we have had enough
We don't want to see you puff
We don't want to stress
Or clean up your mess!
Just weaken, and stop acting tough!
                                  by: Heidi Sands


Oh bad Maria, you have gotten so volatile
Blow yourself out and make people smile
Or maybe there's a chance
Another name you'll enhance
Hurricane Madness sounds very erstwhile
                                 by: Seren Roberts


Cinder's sits on the toilet in fear
Of the ugly sisters to appear
Irma arrives there first
Maria next to burst
gave cinder's chronic diarrhea
                               by: Roy Pett


Poem Details | by Dale Gregory Cozart |
Categories: fantasy, humor,

How Jan and Lin Slayed the Dragon

Two ladies named Jan and named Lin professed a forgivable sin they cornered a dragon wrung her in a flagon and gave her away as cheap gin The old dragon's name was Jooling who had a habit of drooling she couldn't stay dry on ground or in sky around her urine kept pooling The ladies had had quite enough The dragon smelled like bad stuff so after they did drain her to cement they did chain her and threw her sad stench off a bluff Into the ocean dragon fell on hitting water she did melt The girls were relieved at what they'd achieved and glad to be rid of the smell They went on to gain great success without all that putrefied mess their poetry was renowned no matter where it was found The dragon's now fish food they guess


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous, inspirational,

WHAT'S IN A NAME






We boarded a flight to Hong Kong Our pilot was called Sum Ting Wong I’d a smile on my face As his flying was ace - His parents sure got his name wrong! 09 04 17


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: clothes, humorous,

BLIND DATE DISASTER - NOW A COLLABORATION



He arrived wearing pink skinny jeans They were scruffy and ripped at the seams He looked like a wiener I will not be meaner But he’s sure not the man of my dreams 2/07/18 A square peg into a round slot A dreamy man he sure is not Gawd he's wearing pink Give me one more drink Maybe after he'll be hot-to-trot WRITTEN BY TIM SMITH I couldn't wait to go on my first blind date Maybe we would hit it off, it could just be fate He was not my dream guy And he didn't wear a tie His jeans was tight and his name was Nate WRITTEN BY ALEXIS Y He danced like a loon in the lights Hell, it was one of those nights I wished I had dreamed But sadly he seemed Like a head-banging ostrich in tights WRITTEN BY JONATHAN FRENCH Too bad he was no Russel Crowe When in tights, he makes the dames glow! His toned thighs show good, Dressed as Robin Hood, In skinny jeans, gal's eyes, stay glued so WRITTEN BY TAAI TEKAI But those tight pink jeans done him no good And had a terrible effect on his manhood His bulge didn't show Girls don't want to know He solved it with a large piece of wood. (Inspired by Taai's poem) I asked him why he wore pink He said well it makes the girls blink I wear em' tight by choice Cos it squeakens my voice I'm not your average hunk,don't you think In the restaurant on the chair he did sit His pink jeans were too tight and they split His face it went red He wished he was dead And needed his napkin to cover his man bit. WRITTEN BY TOM CUNNINGHAM My blind date just loves to wear tights and wears them all daytime and nights they cling to his thighs and its no surprise his falsetto singing delights He impersonates the Bee Gees And sings with such expertise His real name is Larry But calls himself Barry Oh Larry is such a great tease INSPIRED BY TOM CUNNINGHAM - WRITTEN BY JAN In tight pink jeans he thought he looked divine He spun around and said, "Damn, I look fine!" I was jealous as could be Because I could plainly see His butt looked better in tight jeans than mine!!! WRITTEN BY LIN LANE My date lacked in looks and in class, Second date? I was ready to pass, But, the meal halfway through, He came back from the loo, With my sweet face tattooed on his.elbow! WRITTEN BY NINA PARMENTER My blind date from nineteen sixty-nine To this very day, she's still totally blind. To this day she thinks I'm a girl, to this day she's still my pearl Truth, I now think she knows, how kind. A blind date of mine wore jeans. Not one stitch in any seams I have got to confess, I was in a right mess, This wasn't one of those dreams WRITTEN BY MICK TALBOT IF YOU WANT TO JOIN IN THE FUN THEN PLEASE SOUP MAIL ME OR LEAVE YOUR LIMERICK AND I'LL COPY IT FROM YOUR COMMENT


Poem Details | by Lin Lane |
Categories: poetry,

Love Me Or Hate Me

"Love Me Or Hate Me" ~ Says the Limerick

I am only five lines written for fun
Mocking someone with foolish words of pun
Love 'em or hate 'em
You praise or condemn
A poetry form some call "hit and run"

Some think of me as inconsequential
To the haughty I am nonessential
It's a thought I refute
And would gladly dispute
Cuz nothing I say is confidential

I read Jan's limericks about Tess Tickle
But did you know Tess spent her last nickle
Buying new underwear
Cause she hadn't a spare
She kept leaking in some sort of trickle

Tess had a good friend with the name of Neve
Cheated by keeping aces up her sleeve
She thought she was smart
Until she got caught
That taught her it doesn't pay to decieve

And then there was the one they called Maisy
Made faces that caused her to look crazy
One day her eye got stuck
And she looked like a duck
So now everyone calls her Miss Daisy

There once was a gal whose name was Mary
Wore wings pretending she was a fairy
Then I swear on my word
She flapped 'em like a bird
And started singing like a canary

Heard them tell about a gal named Sally
Made money hanging out in the alley
But then she got greedy
With those who were seedy
It was curtains in her grand finale

I used to know a chesty lass named Pam
She had to tote them around in a pram
Then had an operation
A booby castration
I heard she now goes by the name of  'Sam'

Did you hear about the one called Yvette
She can't remember and started to fret
It made me want to cry
I can't figure out why
Umm.umm.I'm too old and tend to forget


Poem Details | by Lin Lane |
Categories: silly,

Hoodlum-Triple collaboration with Jan Allison and Marti Sutherland

I followed that cad Robyn Hood 
and discovered he's up to no good 
An expert at cheating 
bad mouthing and bleating 
His actions I've not understood

Oh how awful that folks feel so glum
Many now call him Robyn Hoodlum
He's a raunchy thief
who brought them to grief
He preyed on the blind, deaf, and dumb

Robyn has folks dancing like Muppets 
He loves to treat them like puppets 
He tugs at their strings 
and then clips their wings 
No wonder their confidence plummets

Heard the sheriff will arrest him soon
Robyn will be singing a new tune
While sitting in jail
He will cry and wail
In sorrow for acting like a goon

Sheriff found out Robyn is a girl
Her real name is Antoinette Pearl
Robyn Hoodlum wed
Now the sheriff is dead
and Robyn is engaged to an earl

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fairytale plot by Jan Allison, Marti Sutherland, and Lin Lane


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: crush, humorous,

HUGE JARSE


My step sister her name is Annie has got the most gigantic fanny When she plonked on a chair She was quite unaware she’d sat upon our little granny Our poor granny was almost squashed flat She screeched ‘Annie you’re so blinking fat’ I’ve just seen a new diet I think you should try it As next time you’ll kill our pussycat Huge Jarse is an alias singer George Michael used to use when he checked into hotelsIf you don't like the limericks then sit back, relax and enjoy the music! 10/4/18


Poem Details | by Tim Ryerson |
Categories: friend, funny,

And She's Not Bad Lookin Either

Her Soup name we know as PD
Her REAL name is Linda you see
And Irma as well
Trevino! I yell
From my rooftop...Can’t hear me? (Poor me)

For a very special and loyal friend...


Poem Details | by Linda-Marie SweetHeart |
Categories: adventure,

Pinball Wizard

"Pinball Wizard" strange sounds hypnotize from an ARCADE challenging me to a dual escapade silver balls wait in line for fingers to opine female transforms to pinball wizard on parade. STAR TREK is my machine of choice listening to CAPTAIN KIRK'S commanding voice ENTERPRISE flies at warp speed as numbers calculate point feed as a TREKKIE I win a la Royce.* MORTAL COMBAT is a game of great skill super bonus points mount as empty holes fill deadly fatalities video catastrophies in the end my name is on top of the hill. STREET FIGHTER is quick, sharp and rough knocking down opponents is so tough when the flipper sinks the ball in the bad dude shouts "a vul kin"* aggravated, I cry out "had enough". time to hang up my "wizard fingers" for another day flashing lights show my name on display leaving fantasy behind know I'm "one of a kind" pinball prima donna loves to play. *Royce -haracter from older series *A Vul Kin - foreign language meaning you're dead *For Yasmin Khan's Video Games Contedt. *Sept24,2012


Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: books,

I'm Huck

I’m Huck, and my last name is Finn. On the great Mississippi I’ve been playing hooky from school ‘cause there ain’t any rule that can keep Huckleberry caged in. I bet that you’ve already read about the fun life that I’ve led, how I got a bad foe that they called Injun Joe and how me and Tom one time played dead! I ain’t nothin’ special, just Huck. In my boyhood forever I’m stuck. Just one kid needs to look at the words in Twain’s book and I’ll stay alive - with any luck! *My character, of course, is Huckleberry Finn, taken from the novel of the same title, written by a very witty humorist, Samuel Clemens, AKA Mark Twain. Written 4/20/14 by Andrea Dietrich for the "Become a fictitious character taken from a book (or a movie) ! Free Poetry Contest" of Giorgio A.V


Poem Details | by POET. UNDERTAKER |
Categories: humor,

Alice in Wonderland



Once there was a fairy by name Linda “fondly Alice”
Falls down a rabbit hole into a fantasy world pretty nice!
Literary nonsense genre
Influential fantasy genre
Bloody the fairy of my fantasy world “Alice”?


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous,

RODGER AND HIS LODGER

There once was a young man called Rodger Who’s very transfixed with his todger From morning till night He gets his delight Now he shares his bed with his lodger The lodger her name was Sandy Was always ready and randy They’d make love all night But then they took fright When Rodgers legs went all bandy Submitted to New or Old 5 Contest Sponsored by Eve Roper 29 ~12~14


Poem Details | by Tim Ryerson |
Categories: funny, nature,

The Owl and the Coyote

A lonesome coyote howled deep in the wood
And a MOST unwise owl somehow misunderstood
Oh, alas and alack!
She rashly hooted back
(And she hooted as hard as she possibly could)

"Who the heck heeds my howl, for god's merciful sake?
Could this perhaps be my potential life mate?"
..."Give a hoot who you hoot at
if you don't know just who 'dat
You hoot at!" screeched the owl a wee bit too late

The gossip that followed defied explanation!
Squirrels scolded scathing and righteous damnation
The eagle screamed from his peak
"Don't even show us your beak!"
(An owl with a tarred and feathered reputation)

The coyote's good name turned muddy and mucky
Rumor spread like the plague so he never got lucky
"Your character is fowl"
Hitting up on an owl?"
(Last I heard he migrated to Kentucky)


Poem Details | by Dorian Petersen Potter |
Categories: car, friend, friendship, funny,

Tim And His Kelly Green Mustang


I have a friend by the name of Tim, He keeps in shape when frequents the gym. His Kelly green Mustang he drove And smack'd it into a cove. The witches got him and ate one of his limbs! Dorian Petersen aka ladydp2000 copyright@2014 October,5,2014


Poem Details | by RALPH TAYLOR |
Categories: funny

Bad News

When the Doctors exam was through

he said I got good news and bad news its true

        You've chosen the worst

        to hear about first

they're gonna name this disease after you!


Poem Details | by James Fraser |
Categories: friendship, on writing and

My Table of Three plus Me

A poetry convention is a wow
Our writes we endeavour to plough
We'll meet so many friends
To enhance writing trends
Our strengths are as thick as the bough

To my table I have decided to seat
Three ladies whom I'd so love to meet
They are favourites of mine
And they will be for some time
Their poetry to read is my treat

The first lady to seat is a gem
Her novels just shine from her pen
She's a New Jersey girl
Who makes my heart twirl
Her poetry flows 'tres bien'

The second lady to sit at my table
If given the chance, I'd surely enable
She's Maltese, she's Celene
A Mediterranean Queen
Her name would be beautifully labelled

The third lady who I now show to her chair
Her writing just makes me openly stare
It's oozes life's desire
It makes me aspire
Table Top Mountain, I wish I was there




<*> Not for any contest, but I thank Michael for the idea, ty <*>



Thank you Carolyn Devonshire, Celene Crescent & Wilma Neels for being you,xxx




http://www.thehighlanderspoems.com/poetry-soup-16.php









Poem Details | by robert johnson |
Categories: friendship,

Skaterrific

There is a poet, her name is SKAT.
She read all my limy's, now that's phat.
When she was done reading.
It showed she had breeding.
So people, what do you think of that?


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: drink, humorous,

CHEERS -PLEASE JOIN IN THE COLLABORATION

I had an old auntie called Mable Who could drink men under the table She’d tell folks of her gout Sup up six pints of stout - then stagger to the loo when able! 11~23~16 WRITTEN BY JAN ALLISON My paternal aunt whose name was Mable Drank so much that she slept in the stable Her best bud was a horse It's why she got her divorce Her spouse was gone with the wind like Gable WRITTEN BY ALEXIS Y Her pearl necklace made a clunk When in her glass a bead did dunk She pulled it out And drank her stout Then laughed thinking her necklace might be drunk WRITTEN BY CHRIS GREEN He denies his delivery by stork Still eats his soup with his fork but in the loo when dinner is through screams loudly for his buddy "O'Rourke" WRITTEN BY JOHN LAWLESS I remember your auntie quite well I met her down at the well she threw me in made my head spin or was it the stout I can’t tell? Mable can sop up the suds the boys at the bar are her buds shouting with cheer beer after beer sounding the floor with their thuds Mable did not cry in her beer She would shout loud in your ear bursting of fable her fame would enable tales to bring lushes to tears Mable once sloshed to the loo well intent on loosing a poo a lowly spittoon became a lagoon her urge to purge was now through Sing a song of six pints, each of stoutest ale thus the queen of giggles, spins another tale about her next of kin who sports a raucous grin What is Mable’s encore? Drinking from a pail! ALL WRITTEN BY LIM'RICK FLATS (JOHN WULF) All knew my good uncle Aristotle Who always carried a whisky bottle Each step he took had a sip That's why was mostly asleep Till drunk was he found holding a pottle! WRITTEN BY DEMETRIOS TRIFIATIS The reason that Mable was laughing Was because of the man photographing He was standing there nude, so she asked as she viewed, "What is that infection your staffing?" WRITTEN BY RICHARD OLSON Mabel had a pint with her bagel Every morn at the kitchen table Her navel would be bare Covered by sable fur hair Poor gal stumbled into the stable WRITTEN BY SONNY ROPER Come here laddie and have you a taste Don't let this magic go off to waste Suck her on down Smother that frown Soon Mable's troubles will be erased WRITTEN BY TIM SMITH Mable downed four pints of ale Then found herself in the town jail Down the road she did run Streaking naked just for fun Please close your eyes, and go pay her bail WRITTEN BY SONNY ROPER Mabel was pretty easily amused, replacing the beer with 100% prune juice, at her party, friends acting farty, her bathroom having a very long queue WRITTEN BY CHERYL HOFFMAN Mable was oft on the nightly news For drunk acts in the bars she would cruise Some would certainly mind Views of their own drunk blind But Mable just hid her toilet bruise WRITTEN BY CAYCAY JENNINGS There's a rumor I had to ignore That Aunt Mabel didn't drink any more But it was my guess That she didn't drink less As another Guinness she'd pour! WRITTEN BY JOSEPH MAY


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, clothes, for him,

WRESTLING WITH HIS TIGHTS - BAWDY LIMERICK

A wrestler whose first name is Bill Wears tights (but he’s over the hill) He shoves down a sock To enhance his cock It sure gives the ladies a thrill! Now Bill’s a really proud macho guy And keeps grey hair at bay with black dye Even though he’s a man He wears lots of fake tan And baby oil is in constant supply For Phyl with love from FC xx 05/06/17


Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: humorous,

Sister Jan



Got a sweet pretend sister by the name of Jan She lives across the ocean on the Isle of Man We're united by the funnies We don't make much money Although some of our naughty stuff gets banned © Jack Ellison 2015


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous, poetry,

NA IN CONTEST - NEW LIMERICK COLLABORATION

My penchant for writing was showing The comments I received were ‘glowing’ But at the end of the day I get another N/A My success in contests is slowing! WRITTEN BY JAN ALLISON ON 1st September 2016 PLEASE FEEL FREE TO PUT YOUR CONTRIBUTION IN A COMMENT OR SOUP MAIL IT TO ME Winners winners everywhere but not a one for me Sadness is a heavy burden over my N/A poetry I'll blame all my losses on the judging albatrosses I think I'll toss them all into the depths of the sea WRITTEN BY LIN LANE The contest was posted as judged To open that link, my mouse trudged My write was not there! I knew, with despair, To NA trash bin it was nudged! WRITTEN BY SANDRA HAIGHT Never say never again for time will soon erase that pain Dry your tears ,don't be sad, who is to say what's good or bad Someone else might love your refrain WRITTEN BY BRIAN STRAND I checked the list not once but twice It wasn't there to my suffice I sulk my head Then cry in bed That mean old judge she isn't nice WRITTEN BY TIM SMITH Wrote one that was such fun to read To a contest I posted full speed People thought it a hoot . It was given the boot Tell me what must I do to succeed! WRITTEN BY SEREN ROBERTS I entered a new contest today I didn't make the list, got N/A That has to be so wrong My praise was a mile long The judge was out of it on that day WRITTEN BY ALEXIS Y There are contests you'll never win You'll lose before you even begin So don't waste your time With your best rhymes You'll just be tossed in the N/A bin! WRITTEN BY JOSEPH MAY My words meant so much when first written So glowing the praise they were get 'in From the published results I endured such insults That my dream of a Pulitzer lay smitten WRITTEN BY CHARLIE SMITH I once wrote a poem that fit All the contest descriptionsAnd it Was praised with much grace I was hopeful to place, But completely forgot to submit! WRITTEN BY AGNES KRAMPE I put my N/As in a row Was like a long queue to a show! Some resigned shrugging, Bit of sighing ‘n frowning, But such fun, so here again I go! WRITTEN BY SAN WOO For new contests, these poems I write, The others feel my writing is bright, But when the results come out, My name is Nowhere About, For the judge has found it Not Alright. WRITTEN BY JO DANIEL My inspiration for words are on track I pat myself on the back What the hack, I cracked Another N/A I’ve racked No more entries for this maniac WRITTEN BY EVE ROPER As a poet wannabe, and new to this space enthusiastic by a 1-3 place, and grace, I feel bad for the true poets here, My apologies but kiss my rear, This is tongue and cheek, I’m here for the race! Never knew what N/A did mean, As I’m pretty new to the scene, I'm back to support Jan, Now folks that’s a TRUE fan Better limericks I haven’t seen WRITTEN BY MARK PAUL VAN DER MERWE A funny poem I had written Fit I thought for a competition I'd celebrate with bacon - The sponsor was mistaken! A N/A has made me stay hidden WRITTEN BY TEDDY KIMATHI


Poem Details | by Tahera Mannan |
Categories: funny

Graveyard Rendezvous

On the fateful day before Halloween
Dressed as a vampire queen in green
I passed through the graveyard
With all my senses on guard
When I heard a rustling mean

In horror I turned around to see
Who had the audacity to scare me
Saw an old man bending low
Chiseling his name in a row
Looked to be a veteran escapee

I told him not to disturb the grave
When he started to turn and rave
His family didn’t spell him right
And he with his might
Had come out his name to engrave


Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: humorous,

A Gift To The Ladies



Know a nice fellow his name is Tim Smith The rumour that he's female is truly a myth He's hearty and strong In Hollywood he belongs To young ladies of the Soup he's surely a gift © Jack Ellison 2015


Poem Details | by Alexis Y. |
Categories: humor,

ELECTION DAY

            Today is voting day, I must make it a goal
            I'd rather take up residence at the north pole
                             All the cat fighting 
                              And name calling
         To be honest ,I don't want neither one in control













11-8-16
Alexis Y


Poem Details | by Anindya Mohan Tagore |
Categories: funny, grief, pain, poems,

Ask Marugu Mo



Where do all the great poets go?
If you ask me so, I would say, "I don't know"
There must be some hidden pain
Writing poems relieves their brain
Dear ones are their poems greatest foe

Where do all the great poets go?
Ask the river, ask the melting snow
They may say, " He was just here
With his grief - eyes full of tears"
Writing poems does not pay also

Where do all the great poets go?
Ask the sun, ask the shining rainbow
They may say, " He was just here
Got caught with his write - in fear"
Dear ones are their poems greatest foe

Where do all the great poets go?
Ask the moon, ask Marugu Mo
There are problems in their life
They can't help but face the strife
Writing poems does not pay also

27.02.16

P.S: Poet Marugu Mo, himself is  a great poet and his name rhymed with my poem nicelyA great poet can only give us some idea where the others have gone, so I have used his name in the title tooMy respectful greetings to Poet Marugu Mo and my dedication goes to him.


Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: christmas, humorous,

An Eavesdropping On Christmas Therapy

Four characters that we know well
have problems they all want to tell
in therapy group.
To get all the scoop,
let’s eavesdrop, for all is not well!

Believing no more in himself,
sits dear Santa Claus and an elf
who is hating his work.
Santa says, “What jerk.
I should put you back up on your shelf!”

The elf, in a huff, then fires back
(for confidence HE does not lack),
“I believed in you once,
when you weren’t such a dunce.
Old geezer, go stuff your own sack!”

The anger inside the room grows
when Rudolph, who hates his red nose,
screams, “Don’t say such stuff.
StNick’s work is tough,
and MY job, dear elf, frankly BLOWS.

You elves get to go to the mall
and smile at the children and all.
No one’s calling you names
as you play reindeer games.”
The elf yells, “At least you’re not SMALL.

You think you have woes? Look at ME.
I’m called silly names constantly.
There’s a song about YOU
and your red nose debut.
Geez, a hero you’ve now come to be!!

An elf is an elf all the same.
Kids don’t even know my real name.
Reindeer get names like Cupid.
Well, your name should be STUPID.
What I would not give for YOUR fame!”

A snowman sits stoically there.
He turns to the arguing pair.
“A carrot’s MY nose!
To death I have froze,
yet I’m melting right now in this chair!”

Dec25, 2016 for Laura Loo's Silly Christmas Cartoon Poetry Contest


Poem Details | by alan balter |
Categories: animal,

Harvey the Hippo

Harvey the Hippo

Harvey is a huge hippopotamus
Who bathes in a bay that is bottomless
HIs mouth is as large as a riverboat barge
And he weighs ten times more than a lot of us

Big Harvey isn’t nasty or troublesome
Nor like other guys who are double dumb
He just wanders around stomping the ground
Looking for pieces of bubble gum

Harvey owns a fine yellow cummerbund
And sewn on the back is the number one
He wears it right proudly and bellows quite loudly
While playing outside in the summer sun

Once Harvey met up with a crocodile
Together they decided to walk a mile
Near the shore they strolled, but the water got cold
So they sat down to talk on the dock a while

Eating Oreo cookies about four apiece
They talked about matters of war and peace
They discussed the economy, art, and astronomy
And the huge immigration of foreign geese

Then walking back toward his new shiny house
Harvey stopped for a chat with a tiny mouse
Her name was Du Barry; they decided to marry
And soon come a baby named Stanislaus

A handsome young child was Stanislaus
Dressed up in his fine silken Spanish blouse
They all had made history; this was no mystery
For Stan was the first Hippopotamouse

Huge Harvey adored his sweet ladylove
From her wee little feet to her head above
He brought her some strings and other fine things
Including a snowy white turtledove

Harvey has grown really mellow now
He seldom produces a bellow now
But if you’re down by the bay, you can still see him play
This wondrous and gentle old fellow now





Poem Details | by JACQUELYN STURGE |
Categories: funny, happiness,

LANCE THE DANCER


There once was a guy whose name was Lance
And all this man loved to do was dance,
If you beat on a drum
Or just twiddle your thumb,
Lance would jump up and he'd start to prance.


He danced from morning into the night
He'd leap in air like a bird in flight,
He never got tired
And always was fired,,
Until one day when he lost his sight.


Have you ever seen a blind man dance?
Well it was a sight, that cane and Lance,
He didn't want pity
Though it wasn't pretty,
When he toppled loosing his balance.


He'd jump right up and continue on
And nothing could stop this dancing prawn,
He taught us a lesson
That there is no reason,
To end what you love before you're  gone.


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, humorous, insect,

OUCH

A nudist whose first name was Billy Got stung by a bee on his willy It swelled to a great size One he couldn’t disguise So he hid by a meadow lily 03~08~17


Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: love,

Laura Breidenthal



Her name is Laura, she blows me away To describe her, a sweetheart, in every way Probably three times her age But no matter what stage Always feel young when she visits my page © Jack Ellison 2015


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous, irony,

DENSER NOT MENSA PART 1- COLLABORATION

An old gal applied to join Mensa Gee she couldn’t be any denser She went in the wrong door On the thirty third floor And there she enrolled as a fencer When attending her first fencing class A man scored a hit on her huge ass She screamed out so loud It drew quite a crowd She cannot abide failure – its crass! WRITTEN BY JAN ALLISON She hollered and screamed for a medic I swear it was worse than a dead duck one without any wings oh the horror she sings she's much more than dense she's pathetic WRITTEN BY TIM SMITH She swore that she really could spell And in math she did surely excel But once she felt pain All she did was complain And whined as her sore butt did swell. WRITTEN BY CHRIS GREEN That old gal then became a method actor but one thing soon became a huge factor she forgot all her lines her mentality declines now she sputters like a John Deere tractor WRITTEN BY LIN LANE Her butt was so sore she bought leeches Gently placing them in her breeches To suck out the bruise We could hear her oooh's I felt sorry for the poor creatures Her butt was so big like a whale all that was missing was it's tail so they stuck a flag up her arse called it the new Khyber pass she went a whiter shade of pale. WRITTEN BY SEREN ROBERTS "Am I smart?" is what she kept asking In glory she hoped to be basking. Suddenly she farted. The whole room departed. Now finding fresh air is their tasking. WRITTEN BY DALE GREGORY COZART She sat for the test with all smiles Filled out the forms and the files But she spelled her name wrong Became twisted of tongue And was thrown to the crocodiles. WRITTEN BY RICHARD D SEAL 07-17-17 Seems the old gal was a talented tart Clearing the room with but one single fart Wiping their eyes All those wise guys Soundly applauded her flatulent art WRITTEN BY LIM'RIK FLATS 07-18-17


Poem Details | by Alexis Y. |
Categories: humorous,

LOST SMILE : REVISED

There was a guy named Al who lost his smile 
And being happy and cheerful was not his style
                       Until he met Dan
                       A real funny Man
He told jokes that would just amaze and beguile


There's a funny lady who goes by the name Jan
Who spreads out loads of laughter when she can
                Her writes are about poop
                Or bawdiness on the soup
But bringing joy to us soupers is her ultimate plan











6-3-17






Poem Details | by PAT Adams |
Categories: funny, word play,

Backwards

The teacher said, "Listen to this,"
"Said backward, your name has a twist!"
One kid caught her eye
She said, "Simon you try!"
In a moment he said, "No mis!"


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, humorous, irony, jobs,

CLEANER DEMEANOR - COLLABORATION

A chambermaid whose name is Marlia Had the most terrible diarrhoea Whilst scrubbing a loo She needed to pooh Poop flowed freely from her posterior It splattered on the newly scrubbed door Gloopy poop was all over the floor There was a huge mess It covered her dress Her poor tummy was ever so sore WRITTEN BY JAN ALLISON Marlia was filled with sorrow A clean dress she had to borrow flies were attracted The mess compacted clean up required a harrow! WRITTEN BY LIM'RIK FLATS If only she'd have taken a Tums No mess would be left on her bums she's still in despair a stench in the air To the scent of poop she succumbs WRITTEN BY TIM SMITH Marlia was dumb, thinking it was just gas But it was much more that she had to pass The day was torrid Her stench was horrid Now everyone knows Marlia has no class WRITTEN BY LIN LANE Marlia tried hard to sneak out the trail of her poop left no doubt Lysol was sprayed, Her funk still stayed cause her poop kept running out WRITTEN BY DANIEL TURNER Poor, poor Marlia stunk up the room Her hubby left and she has no groom He ran for the hills No more night thrills, Now she's alone and her life is doom WRITTEN BY ALEXIS Y 21-07-17


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, humorous, senses,

PETER PUGH

I once knew an old bloke called Peter Whose body could smell so much sweeter He stank of stale wee B O and coffee T’was worse when he sat by the heater! His daughter whose name is Anita Tried hard to help Peter smell sweeter He bathes twice a day She gave him some spray From Peter there is no foul fetor! 04~09~17


Poem Details | by Dale Gregory Cozart |
Categories: humorous,

Godzilla's Cousin: COLLABORATION

Susie's pet name was Wanda-zilla and hailed from jungles near Manila. Her poetry was swill so to pay all her bills she did strip shows for native gorillas. She went to merry old U.K. To make more money stripping all day. When folks voted for Brexit they meant Susie must exit to get rid of the smell right away. BY DALE GREGORY COZART Susie looked like an ugly gorilla A cousin of that monster Godzilla With flaccid pink lips And wobbly fat hips She appeared on the video ‘Thriller’   The director who chose her that day Said Don’t put on your make up today” … With no mask on your face You won’t look out of place And your dance moves will blow folks away”   Susie then thought she’d found the answer She’d work as a naked pole dancer But not one man would pay They said please go away … Put your clothes back on you fat chancer! BY JAN ALLISON Wanda-zilla is a great name for ugly, Susie Always batting her eyes like a low-life floozy Painted lips on a gorilla Looking like Phyllis Diller As a pole dancer she must've been a doozy BY LIN LANE Godzilla saw her and stole her away I think he wanted to toy with her play but she put up a fight all through the night and insisted that she had to stay BY MYSTIC ROSE She seductively ate a banana with zeal But that day it just got too real In her ugly mouth It all went south Her and a banana without appeal! BY ROGERPAT ADAMS


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: birthday, celebration, poetess, tribute,

HAPPY 100TH BIRTHDAY - A TIME TO 'RE JOYCE'

Poetry Aged eighty Joyce started to write Her poems my senses ignite Imagery so divine I just wish it was mine Great poetry brings such delight Making Fudge Joyce really loves making fresh fudge I wonder if I give Joyce a nudge She will send to me Her fudge recipe From my kitchen I would not budge! Tulip Parade Without Joyce being sat in her seat The parade would not be complete Gardens Joyce does promote On the flower club float Her zest for life cannot be beat! Gardening club Joyce travels to state garden shows Her knowledge of plants overflows It would be a great idea In her centenary year To honour her name with a rose 100th Birthday All soupers we must now rejoice And shout out with united voice That we just want to say Have happy Birthday To a fabulous poet named Joyce Happy 100th Birthday Contest Sponsored by Carolyn Devonshire 4/18/18


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, dance, humorous,

POLE DANCING - FOR DALE

An acrobat whose name is Dale Went pole dancing with his wife Gail When he did the starfish He looked such a dish But suddenly Gail's face turned pale As he performed his sexy pole dance He'd got no undies under his pants Poor Dale was distraught When his todger got caught It cut short a night of romance 13th July 2017


Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: writing,

Zilch, That Is What I Got

Some days I work so hard to get

my name on a winners' list, yet

it might end up for naught.

Zilch, that is what I got.

But was it still worth it? YOU BET!


Oct6, 2017 for 'It's The End Of The Forms Series' Poetry Contest
Thanks, Broken Wings, and all the contest sponsors who inspire me to write.




Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous, wedding,

HILLBILLIES SILLY WEDDING


Ten hillbillies came over the hill Each one of them answered to Bill To name them all Billy Would be rather silly Not one of them responds to Will Their fiancés all share the name Sue Mass confusion, causes such a to do They'd arranged a joint wedding To the alter they’re heading Ten hillbillies had not thought it through Their intentions were very well meant One invitation covered the event The whole town was invited And they were delighted To witness nuptials in a huge tent The excitement it grew and grew As each Bill married his Sue They all walked down the aisle Echo pair with a huge smile singing Abba's I do I do I do Hillbillies, Bybillies, and Blowbilllies- Poetry Contest Sponsored by: Caren Krutsinger 4/14/18


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, humorous, me,

SEX CHANGE

Folks know me as ‘poetry Jan’ But soupers I once was a man … In a very long op My male bits got the chop And I altered my name from Stan! HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY SOUPERS!!!! 1st April 2018


Poem Details | by Mick Talbot |
Categories: humor,

Limericks Inspired by Tom Cunningham





A LIMERICK OR THREE INSPIRED BY THE TOM CUNNNINGHAM on JAN ALLISONS BIRTHDAY ~~~~~~~~~ there is a poetry soup poet called Tom at composing limericks, so well done! a birthday wish he wrote for Jan, a birthday date I did ney ken! Oh I wish I could sing the birthday song now there's another named Mick who's birthday wishes for Jan, hic I toast, whilst having a coke nowt in't, honest no joke and now for my next party trick there is a lady who goes by the name of Jan on poetry soup you'll find her o yes you can Allison, her nee, sorry don't not know her poetry I do, it really does glow and she abides on the beautiful Isle of Man ~~~~~~~
Thanks for the heads up Tom! Mick


Poem Details | by Mary Chapman |
Categories: humorous,

Popeye The Sailor Man

There once was a sailor named Popeye
He got through the navy with one eye
Wherever he sailed 
The dames would all hail
They knew Popeye was not a bad guy

Popeye you know had a sweetie
A long legged gal not to meaty
Olive Oyl was her name
Popeye's love was insane
For his love was always entreaty

The trouble you know was called Bluto
A very strong sailor who knew judo
He was after the girl
That made his head twirl
For he felt they made quite a duo

Popeye was not very happy
He spoke to his father name Pappy
Pappy said to him son
Get rid of the bum
You don't want to lose and feel crappy

Popeye was really quite angry
He was really upset and cranky
So he took his old friend
Tied him up in a bend
Walked away a proud and true Yankee


Poem Details | by Keith Trestrail |
Categories: funny, humorous,

Safe Sex

 She said "I'm not some cheap bimbo whore,
 I've got six kids and don't want any more!"
   Relax I said - my name is Rex
   And yes I do practice safe sex,
"You do?" Yeah...I always lock the car door!


                ------------

Quote: "Don't be silly, wrap your willy!"

Not sure who said it but it sure made sense to me!

For the Dumb and Dumber Personal Quotes contest.


Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: dedication, workGrandson,

Soft Touch

(Madame is pronounced with accent on maDAME, the French way)

Near a hole in the wall, with no qualm,
Never seen, sits a frumpy Madame.
Using lotion, she works
Giving smooth strokes and jerks
With her fabulous and renowned palm.

By Andrea Dietrich

*This is the theme of a movie I saw on cable.
Its name is Irena Palm, the name a widow takes when
she goes to work at a club in order to make enough money
to allow her grandson the surgery he needs to save his
lifeIt's not a porno, but her "work" is a bit erotic yet discretely
portrayedIt got high marks from the criticsMy writing this
was inspired by Deborah Guzzi's Limerick Contest and now
I enter it into Skat's contest!


Check it out: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0762110/