Some folk are prone to love affairs
For sex rewards the one who dares
They are hot to trot
Because they forgot
Miracles don't happen in pairs!
Golfers ahead were really slow
because their dead balls just wouldn't go
we offered them beer,
later we found cheer--
they stepped aside to let it outflow.
If I won the lottery today,
I would shout "Hip, hip, hooray!"
It would be a miracle, no doubt,
If it really came about,
As I've not bought a ticket to play.
1/3/12 for Susan Burch's Lottery Limerick contest
I'm happy as poop, got the results of my brain scan
They had a hard time finding it when the scanner began
It sputtered and screeched
Till my bum it did reach
Out of place but 'twas an “all's well that ENDs well” exam
© Jack Ellison 2015
There once was a love so true
a miracle shared only by two
forever she was mine
my sweet valentine
each moment a loving debut...
CEO Andrew Sykes took a social crash dive
he asked a clerk when her baby would arrive.
"I'm not pregnant!" she exclaimed
her face was red and inflamed.
'Tis a miracle he fled her presence alive.
Maybe this year will see an end of hostilities
The world needs a break what are the possibilities
Probably zero to none
Putting war on the run
Us humans certainly have the capabilities
© Jack Ellison 2016
Once there was a man called Uncle Miracle
This fellow's intellectual awakening is no miracle
though nothing is a miracle
though everything is miracle
bloody miracle is for believers! right Uncle?
There once was a drifting skydiver.
He looked down below with grave terror.
He was falling in a tarn.
At an alligator farm –
So he prayed, then he ran on the water!
© July 11, 2010
Set a new record for writing these limericks
Wrote this snappy one in less than a minute
Took quite the risk
Of dislocating a disc
And to top it all off, I was eating spinach
Benny had gambled away his last buck
Hungry and couldn't believe his ill luck
He fell down and prayed
His neighbour's bird strayed
For dinner, he had a dish of roast duck!
July 2, 2017
Pond Across The Road
How brazen the turtle called painted!
His friends watched in horror! then feinted!
Zag that way! Zig here!
Missed the truck that hauls beer!
A miracle! they called him! then sainted!
I once knew a man named Asheet
Who had to go poop when he peed
When faced with a urinal
He can performed a great miracle
It's something you all have to see
Written: by “Miracle Man”
I once knew this man, who was quite benevolent,
But began showing signs of becoming malevolent;
His heart brimmed with hate,
He became easy to exasperate.
Since his passing civility is much more prevalent.
Merkle and Markle
We planned on hearing a great parable;
Happened worldwide and hemispherical;
Wife to be;
Soon will see;
God made Merkle and Markle a miracle.
You melt my heart and other parts of my body
In fact, some of my parts are anything but floppy
You could call me tense
Rigid parts quite immense
Gasping, drooling and excessively sloppy
By: Miracle Man
She was flibbertigibbet or a female fool,
She used her men like they were her tool.
A heart like a stone,
She wound up alone,
And no longer does she resemble a jewel.
Do you think woodpeckers ever get headaches
Apparently, their skulls are separated from their beaks
They peck 20 times a second
Us guys would explode I reckon
Also, their tongues wrap around their brains, that's freaky
Written: by Miracle Man
I once knew a man, who was cranky and petulant,
But not once was it said that he was malevolent.
His emotions did rise,
Like heat to the skies,
It was whispered by others he wasn’t benevolent;
Grocery shopping is sure a lot of fun
Especially waiting in the car sitting on my bum
Oogling girlies go by
Showing boobs and thighs
Even though my parts sometimes go numb
By: Miracle Man
I awoke this morning, mind most blank,
Thinking of a neighbor who we call Hank.
With little intention,
He had an invention,
Now his smile accompanies him to the bank
Suddenly Donald JTrump got things right
He signed the COVID relief bill tonight
He had screamed for more money
Until it was not funny
He finally saw the holiday light
Accidents can be life-changing events
One moment all's normal, then life gets bent
But we carry on
No longer a swan
Still the same inside, still have music to send
making whoopie while social distancing
a most magical and wonderous feat
but you must have a long tool
or become the town fool
as you plead with and stretch out your weenie
A Limerick About
Written: By Miracle Man
Two Joe’s named Namath and Theismann,
now each is a Medicare criesman.
I've been thinking of late,
as a pro both seemed great,
but in college, got no Heisman.