Limerick Poems About Love | Love Limerick Poems
Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: betrayal, body, humorous,

AT THE FOOTBRIDGE - LIMERICK COLLABORATION

At the footbridge Sue was meeting her beau (He was married to a woman called Flo) Sue soon found out his deception She dismembered his erection For his love life it was a massive blow To the hospital fled poor Rodger For an op to repair his todger Now fixed, it's SO big Rodger grunts like a pig in porn films as Rodger the lodger Inspired by but not for contest BY JAN ALLISON 7~18~16 He promised Flo he never would leave her And she would be his only receiver But she caught him with Sue And his chances were through Gnawing off wood when he neared her beaver WRITTEN BY TIM SMITH Sue castrated that cheating deceiver With one whack of her meat cleaver she pulled a Lorena Bobbit turned Rodger into a Hobbit Sue's now known as an "overachiever" WRITTEN BY MARTI SUTHERLAND Across the table sits sweet Amee Once A Roger, before he became a she The master of infidelity So many personalities Before and after he became an amputee.. WRITTEN BY SKAT A He was known as a terrible stoner With a huge un-deflatable boner It now sits in a jar At the end of the bar A reminder to all of its owner... WRITTEN BY JOHN LAWLESS It’s become a tourist attraction As a symbol of female subtraction Grannies sneak in for a peek Everyday of the week Dreaming of former of love action. WRITTEN BY MARK WOODS Oh how sad that pork missile should be unemployed but for all there to see if science, in a jiffy can rejuvenate stiffys then the first in the queue would be me! WRITTEN BY VIV WIGLEY Flo wanted to give Sue a high five For slicing Rodger with all his jive A two timing fool Who broke every rule Now lil Rodger don't work in overdrive WRITTEN BY ALEXIS Y Rodger's story has been immortalized For having his thingy circumcised It's on display in a bar Now hanging in a jar While it's slowing becoming crystalized WRITTEN BY MARTI SUTHERLAND As she ponders on what to eat Hopefully, it won’t be red meat For there on the log Is Rodger's hot dog So she gets excited and jumps off her feet WRITTEN BY WINGED WARRIOR There's a lesson I really must blurt To all those blokes out chasing some 'skirt' When you're on heat Don't share your meat 'Cause your todger might really get hurt! WRITTEN BY MARK WOODS Poor forgotten noteworthy Sue Looking so gloomy she blew At the pickled todger once belonging to Rodger kissing good times its last adieu WRITTEN BY EVE ROPER As "Rodger" snaked out of the door It went past a room on tenth floor. A woman therein Said "Come right on in." she kept screaming, "More, I want more! WRITTEN BY ANDREA DIETRICH After Sue chopped his tally-whacker Poor Rodger became quite the slacker He tried to bring his pecker forth Never again to be pointing north Now when he pees he sits on the crapper. He stopped at the house, the red-light was on Knocked on the door, the girls were all gone Stuck with his sawed-off boner Tonight He's going to be a loner Damn, why did the girls all have to be gone? BOTH POEMS WRITTEN BY JAMES ANDERSEN A group of limericks quite clever Began with one simple sever Of engorged penis which is, (between us), I think, a spicy endeavor WRITTEN BY H PENELOPE SWIFTLOCK There was perfection in his pecker, as a porn star he was a wrecker, but to his wife he was unfair, so she severed what was down there, now his only job is director. WRITTEN BY CASARAH NANCE Poor Rodger thought he was being slick when he carved out a handcrafted prick he rubbed his new attire his precious toy caught fire Now he is left with an ashen stick WRITTEN BY TEPPO GREN An ashen stick means man minus prick. Poor Rodger, now a eunuch, without a fix He decided to become a transgender Then off he went on a bender Woke up married to a man from Bertrix WRITTEN BY JEAN MURRAY Rodger's new love was a prudish fox but for brains she had a head of rocks he splinted up his willy popsicle sticks look silly he said it was new and still in the box! WRITTEN BY SONNY ROPER (EVE'S HUBBY) To be fair "At the Footbridge" Now to be completely fair And to stop every persons stare Rodger was not actually circumcised As he was a player, so don’t be surprised This was from wear and tear and his willingness to share WRITTEN BY MARK PAUL VAN DER MERWE Now Rodger mostly stays home for lack of a viable bone He reaches by habit down for his rabbit: he's got Phantom Willy Syndrome! WRITTEN BY DALE GREGORY COZART Rodger was a good friend of Eye Had a real hankering for cherry pie Tasted every chance he got And it would hit the spot Until his crazy wife made him cry WRITTEN ON 14TH JUNE BY EYE TRUTH TELLER Roger pretends that he's a sexy stud But when the ladies find out he's a dud they all laugh in his face anatomically a disgrace His manhood is referred to as "The Bud" WRITTEN ON 15TH JUNE BY LIN LANE Rodger thought his op was a success When he found he had more and not less But the surgeon's blind stunt Sewed it on back to front Well, he certainly lacks some finesse! WRITTEN ON 15TH JUNE BY RAY GRIDLEY As he crossed the footbridge, Georgie saw a duck Quite unique and raucous, it could quack AND cluck! (And did so incessantly) "Hey! Hey! It's all about me!" It loudly proclaimed, with much aplomb and pluck WRITTEN BY LIM'RIK FLATS
I also wrote another poem but this one did not turn into a collaboration - if you read it you will see that it is quite different to my usual style https://www.poetrysoup.com/poem/at_the_footbridge__2_822879


Poem Details | by arthur vaso |
Categories: beautiful, character, dedication, humorous,

JAN ALLISON has a Fan

JAN HAS A FAN


Jan Has no Tan

I once saw a gal called Jan
So sexy she made me ran
Straight to the vicar
Said marry us quicker
Whilst she drank her tea on the can


She is as White as pure Sand

I once met a gal in white dress
I fell straight in love I must confess
She was drinking her tea
While I stared at her knee
Surely my intentions she guessed


She Sips Her Tea Daily

I once met a gal drinking Tea
My heart was pumping in glee
From her nose to her toes
When she smiled I froze
So charming I become a devotee

While I Admire Her so Gayly

When I saw the lady in the white dress
My thoughts she I did undress
As she gazed out the window
She caught peeking Jimbo
Who was in quite the state of distress


I am a fan of the great poet Jan

There once was a gal who could fart
She refined it into an art
Her white dress in a breeze
Would lift till you sneeze
But she’ll always be my sweetheart




Notes: I just realized the title, as far as Jan is concerned , well could have a double meaning!


Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: humor,

Justice - A Parable

A woman gave birth to a son
named Justice; he had little fun.
If he wanted to play,
his mama would say,
“But only when Justice is done!”

Poor Justice, from morning till night,
tried hard to do everything right.
By the end of the day,
he still could not play,
for his time to do chores was so tight!

His life was a crime with no play!
We all know that crime doesn’t pay.
But were I in his shoes,
having paid all my dues,
I think I might just run away.

Well, sure enough, Justice did flee
and ended up in Tennessee.
With no place to belong,
he felt sad till along
came a girl who smiled tenderly.

Looking ragged, he asked (with some shame)
if the young girl would tell him her name.
“Can you guess?” said the Miss.
“Here’s a clueIt is this
Those who have me don’t take all the blame.”

The young man did not have a clue
what her name was; it was all new.
He’d never hear of
- yet soon grew to love -
this girl  and her charming name too.

Today Justice likes more his life
because this girl lessens his strife.
He learned her name well
when in love he fell
and Mercy he took for a wife!

For the Story Poem Contest Poetry Contest of Carol Eastman


Poem Details | by Dale Gregory Cozart |
Categories: candy, humor,

Ode to Chocolate-COLLABORATION

To chocolate I pay my respects
Some folks say its better than sex
whether milk dark or white
Ev’ry bar I must bite
or I'll get a lack of choccy complex

I NEED chocolate it’s an unwritten rule
I'm a woman not a blithering fool
Give me a constant supply
On days that end with a Y
when choc’s smeared round my mouth it looks cool

BY JAN ALLISON

Most women love something that’s sweet
And chocolate it cannot be beat
Deny them and they’ll pout
Choc is all they think about
Many men think it's all that they'll eat.

BY DALE GREGORY COZART

She lustingly said to bring some to her room
off went my trousers in a vertical zoom
I gazed in her eyes
but to my surprise
I gave her the chocolate she gave me a broom

BY TIM SMITH

Give me the chocolate and forget the sex
But please don't send it through Fed Ex
It'll melt in the summer
And that's a real bummer
Now that's a problem to vex and perplex

BY LIN LANE

Chocolates make me feel great
I forget the part about weight
If I was a tad thinner
Would think chocolate ideal for dinner
Will settle for sex after eight

BY SEREN ROBERTS

Chocolate is all that she wishes
She loves anything that Swiss is
I brought her a box
She quick changed the locks
Guess I’ll just go sleep with the Mrs.

BY DEAN WOOD

One woman with sweet loving lips
ate nothing but dark chocolate chips.
Her husband's retort?
"To enter her port
is like docking between two battleships!"

BY LIM'RICK FLATS


Poem Details | by Carolyn Devonshire |
Categories: funny, holiday

Valentine's Day Musings

All year long he puts my heart on a shelf
No surprise I’d rather be by myself
     If there’s no Valentine treat
     From this worthless hunk of meat
He can go on making love to himself

Remember there’s an “I” in Valentine
So if no one’s around to say, “Be mine”
     Just splurge – get a new hairdo
     Party with an all-girl crew
Check out the divorce rate and say, “I’m fine”




*For Francine's Valentine Limerick contest


Poem Details | by Mary Nagy |
Categories: angst, daughter, family, funny,

Princess Needs A New Car

Princess just wants a new car.
I have told her that hers will go far.
'Oh, it's really not cool
driving this crap to school.'
'Do I need that emotional scar? '

'The kids will all laugh at the rust.
When we race, I'll be left in the dust! 
I will save up some cash
then we'll make a mad dash
to the car dealer surely you trust'.

'He will make us a wonderful deal
and I'm sure you will know how I feel.
I will love you so much, 
My siblings..I won't touch.
Just get me behind a new wheel'! 

Now she'll be cruisin in style.
She'll be happy for only awhile.
There will always be better
and we'll try hard to get her
a car that will make princess smile.


Poem Details | by Sandra Haight |
Categories: appreciation, friend, poetess,

Jan Allison


Jan Allison


There is a great gal on our ‘Soup’
Renowned in our poetry group
She’s ready to show
How our poems glow
With comments that give us the scoop.

Sincere as she gives us her view
Of writes we submit, old or new
No sooner we post
She’s there like our host
With greetings to look forward to.

Her poetry’s lovely to read
No matter what subject indeed
Some words leave us sad
Some words make us glad
And some provide lessons to heed.

So friendly to all on our site
We love her with all of our might
Although she has woes
Her care she bestows
On others to help with their plight.


© Sandra MHaight 2015 
   All Rights Reserved

~1st Place~
Contest: Write a Poem
Sponsor: Judy Konos
Judged: 02/11/2015




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Poem Details | by Carolyn Devonshire |
Categories: funnyme, me, space,

Guessing Games

From the moment we met, he played a game
Started out telling me to guess his name
     And when I asked, “Don?”
     He responded, “Right on!”
This lucky guess led to more of the same

“What do you think I do for a living?”
I hesitated, had some misgivings
     “Steer the space shuttle?”
     Got no rebuttal
So on this roll, I felt I was winning

“Bet you a kiss you don’t know where I live”
My mind was draining faster than a sieve
     “A beachfront villa?”
     (The truth would kill ya)
So many guessing games I now relive

After dating three months, his wife found out
Burst into our love nest, called him a lout
     Eight kids behind her
     All hungry they were
Don Juan he was, but surely no space scout

If you meet a man and he asks you to guess
Take it from me and avoid this distress
     He may be akin
     To Rumpelstiltskin
The anger later is hard to suppress

Now I’ve learned to turn the tables on men
Asking them to “guess” again and again
     My private life hid
     Won’t remove the lid
And I’ve convinced some that MY name’s John Glenn


*Entry for Tracy's "Make Me Giggle" contest


Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: funnyhorse,

A Horse To Hate

There’s a horse that I so hate to see,
and at night sometimes he visits me.
His attacks to my thigh
make me think I might die.
Wild "Charley Horse" acts horribly.

For he comes out of nowhere, so fast!
And he brings a sharp pain like a blast.
I scream like a loon
hit by a harpoon.
Then my husband awakens aghast!

But my hubbie can’t help meThat horse,
though invisible, has such great force!
How I love my reprieves
when the little beast leaves.
But his kind never stays gone, of course!

My poor calf he attacked in a pool
while I swam, and I felt like a fool
as I floundered around.
Well, I could have drowned!
He’s a mean little horse and a ghoul.

He’s got kin, and they all like the game
of bringing folks painOne has fame
of attacking your womb
in a hospital room.
Now THAT one puts Charley to shame!!

By Andrea Dietrich

(note to those who do not know this common
 American expression: Charley Horse is a leg cramp
and all the his kin are assorted types of cramps!)

For PD's "Any Poem Goes" Contest


Poem Details | by DARREN WATSON |
Categories: funny, mum,

Trying something new

Trying something new , If you think you see something or someone you recognise
It is purely coincidental.


I met a romantic queen
and made love to her in a dream 
Her mum said Put him down 
Drive him out of town 
You've no idea where he's been 

I have a friend named A.D.
I adore all of her poetry
Her writing puts me to shame
but when she mentions my name
I feel like she's flirting with me.

A beautiful lady named Nette 
Said she wouldn't be kissed for a bet 
but a gentleman I aint
If I kissed her she'd faint
and she'd be forever in my debt.

Our very good friend Tim
Swore a beautiful woman was stalking him
but since he's been missing 
He's discovered French kissing
Now our chances of finding him are slim.

I know a young lady named SKAT
When she makes love, She purrs like a cat
She is such a cute kitten 
I admit I am smitten
and I wouldn't mind hearing that.

We have a beautiful friend named F.J.
I asked what she knew about kissing one day
I could tell from her wink
She knows more than we think
and a lot more than she's willing to say.


LOL 
I'll work on it


Poem Details | by Carolyn Devonshire |
Categories: childhood, funny

Eying the Babe

Ah, my brother is finally sleeping
Through my head mischievous thoughts are creeping
     It’s my time to shine now
     To him I won’t kowtow
All of the attention I’ll be keeping
 
I’ll make the best use of this special time
Beg for more after each nursery rhyme
     I’ll play with his best toys
     Till he makes the first noise
Because then I’ll just be admired part time
 

By Carolyn Devonshire
For Miranda Lambert’s Brotherly Love contest
April 23, 2011



Poem Details | by Paul Callus |
Categories: humor,

Dear Santa


          Poor Santa Claus encountered a delay
          There was thick fog that made him lose his way
          He went on yellow pages
          Then spent some of his wages
          A gps he ordered for his sleigh

          Santa dotes on his true love – his missus
          Even though she can be so suspicious
          But he knows that with a kiss
          He can fill her heart with bliss
          In return she bakes him pies – delicious! 

          On Christmas night his tour was much in doubt
          Because he ached all over due to gout
          He thought of his appointments
          Would not have disappointments
          On Christmas night he dished his presents out.


[Let us spare a thought for Santa, come Christmas night;
in spite of all his problems and setbacks he still delivers!]
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Contest: What’s Up With Santa
Sponsor: Jerry TCurtis



Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous,

RODGER AND HIS LODGER

There once was a young man called Rodger Who’s very transfixed with his todger From morning till night He gets his delight Now he shares his bed with his lodger The lodger her name was Sandy Was always ready and randy They’d make love all night But then they took fright When Rodgers legs went all bandy Submitted to New or Old 5 Contest Sponsored by Eve Roper 29 ~12~14


Poem Details | by Cecilia Macfarlane |
Categories: lust,

A Quickie

Busy lives hinder love making sessions
This leads to sadly many depressions
        Ten minutes of good fun
      Connect now with your one
A quickie is much needed and freshens

Cecilia Macfarlane
06/20/2014
 
~ For Skat's ' A Quickie' contest ~


Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: friend,

The Surgeon Poet - JS

A fine poet and doctor is he

But my chats with him stopped suddenly.

He cut into me good.

It makes sense that he would

since his specialty is surgery!


Dedicated to John Smith, who was once a good friend of mine here at 
Poetry SoupHis poems and his chats with me ended abruptly and I would
dearly love to know why!!


Poem Details | by Cecilia Macfarlane |
Categories: boyfriend,

Word Portrait

  Dark chocolate eyes that smile with glee
 Laugh lines that only enhance his goatee 
          Blessed with pearly whites
          That gives good love bites
I'm drawn to his mustache like a queen bee

 Dark brown hair off sets creamy white skin
  Tall and slim, his physique makes me grin
            A sculpted nose so fine
             Sensual lips so divine
It's a good thing that handsome is not a sin

Long arms embrace me and hold me tight
   Perfect ears that are aligned just right
             Sexy arched eyebrows
              That get me aroused
Blush on his cheeks after an ardent night

   Looks and passion a small part of his traits
Smart and kind, he's been blessed by the fates
                 Witty, fun and sweet
                 He is without conceit   
The love we have, makes us great soul mates

21/ 04/ 2013
For Frank H's contest


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous,

NIGHTIE NIGHT

I love my diaphanous nightie It’s sexy and sheer- its quite flighty But it’s a shocking disgrace Scant material and lace Cost hubby ninety-nine pounds ninety! 15th February 2015


Poem Details | by Broken Wings |
Categories: funny,

Limerick 5 - Happiness

 
A kitty who was not born all that strong, and with a love for LASAGNA life long; drippy, rich, creamy, chewy, Garfield's serendipity. HAPPINESS is enjoying, right or wrong. _________________________ May 20, 2015 Limerick


Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: political,

What I'd Love Now to See

My small way of showing anger for this year's circus of an election process: I recall when George Bush had to duck a thrown shoe, or he may have got struck. What I'd love now to see is some dog take a pee on that dump of a TrumpWhat a schmuck! for the the Political Ordeal Poetry Contest of CT


Poem Details | by James Fraser |
Categories: friendship, on writing and

My Table of Three plus Me

A poetry convention is a wow
Our writes we endeavour to plough
We'll meet so many friends
To enhance writing trends
Our strengths are as thick as the bough

To my table I have decided to seat
Three ladies whom I'd so love to meet
They are favourites of mine
And they will be for some time
Their poetry to read is my treat

The first lady to seat is a gem
Her novels just shine from her pen
She's a New Jersey girl
Who makes my heart twirl
Her poetry flows 'tres bien'

The second lady to sit at my table
If given the chance, I'd surely enable
She's Maltese, she's Celene
A Mediterranean Queen
Her name would be beautifully labelled

The third lady who I now show to her chair
Her writing just makes me openly stare
It's oozes life's desire
It makes me aspire
Table Top Mountain, I wish I was there




<*> Not for any contest, but I thank Michael for the idea, ty <*>



Thank you Carolyn Devonshire, Celene Crescent & Wilma Neels for being you,xxx




http://www.thehighlanderspoems.com/poetry-soup-16.php









Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: places,

Limericks for Utah's State Flag and Bird

To their government Utah is true -
Not just state, but the federal too,
and so with great pride
they display on each side
of their flag the old Red, White and Blue.

Also famous for their industry,
Utah honors the cute bumble bee,
of which I now brag.
Center stage on their flag
is the hive of the bee….naturally!

On Utah’s state flag is an eagle -
The symbol of peace, it is regal!
Pioneers, though, preferred,
a more interesting bird.
Why not on the flag is a seagull?

Most Utahans should know the story.
Long ago, crickets tried to destroy
the crops, till each gull
in Salt Lake ate them all!
That bald eagle has stolen gull’s glory!

Now a monument in Salt lake stands
for the sea gull, and isn’t it grand
that a bird that should be
living nearby the sea
is in love with a dry desert land!

Written by Andrea Dieitrich
July 22, 2015 for the contest of Judy Konos

NOTE:  Came back here to say it's Pioneer Day (July 24)Utah is the only state to celebrate itI can hear fireworks outside my house!!


Poem Details | by RAJAT KANTI CHAKRABARTY |
Categories: fun, nonsense,

Spooks were making love



                  Spooks were making love their bones were clattering
                       Fresh in after death sex they were a prattling
                                 They missed the first session
                                   How to spook the passion
                 And slipped to their graves skulls down saber rattling










          Spooks were making love© Rajat Kanti Chakrabarty 14 November 2014


Poem Details | by James Fraser |
Categories: fun, humor,

Doodle the Footle 2 Tootle

I so love this form called Footle It allows the poet to doodle With so few words Whether right or absurd Now read , short trip, lets tootle < ;-) >


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous,

Bawdy Limerick II

Her lady garden needed a mowing
His love juices were readily flowing 
He made it his mission
To get in position
Now his seed he is happily sowing

Written for Roy Jerden's bawdy Limerick II Contest
19th June 2014


Poem Details | by RALPH TAYLOR |
Categories: happiness, love, wife

Bonny Scotland

My tour made me really content
I was pleased with where I was being sent
        The Air Force said go
        I couldn't say no
so over to Scotland I went.

The tour could not have been better
I knew SHE was the one when I met her
        It really was strange
        How my whole life would change
cause I knew I would never forget her.

My time in Scotland I'll never forget
I've never been to a nicer place yet
        I bought home a wife
        she's the love of my life
so to Scotland I owe a great debt.


Poem Details | by Louise Reilly |
Categories: devotion, friendship, love, passion,

A Text

Just a text to say i love you
I cant help it there's nothing i can do.
You are my best friend
And my love for you will never end.
I just want to know if you love me too


Poem Details | by RAJAT KANTI CHAKRABARTY |
Categories: love,

Letter to Linda


                     Linda the queen of Winda is in the swing of moods
               She keeps the little dove on swing, on her eggs she broods
                                   Little dove gives her a letter
                               God has written “you’re go-getter"
              And soon you'll be better “the dove's eggs are your dudes"
               The weeny dove goes to the queen with the full of beans
                Eggs are brattling love is crackling and the dance begins
                                Dovelets jump to the queen's lap
                            Sweet queen Linda, you’re not in trap"
                 "Snow is melting; God is pelting love at your sheens"
                     Queen of Winda, sweetest Linda sits on a satin
                    In the light of candle her tresses glisten in preen 
                                  Dovelets dance around Linda
                                   And Maramba and  Bellinda 
                       With a kinda smell of river Linda goes to teen



Contest: Fighting Depression(poems for PD)
Sponsored by: Shadow Hamilton
03rd December,2014

                                            AFFIRMATION
   WE ARE PRAYING FOR LINDA.ALL ARE PRAYING FOR LINDA.PRAYER HAS CONCENTRATED POWERTHE PRAYER WILL MAKE LINDA OKAY.WE ALL LOVE LINDA     LINDA IS LOVEMAY GOD GIVE HER INNER PEACESANTIH SANTIH SANTIH



Poem Details | by James Fraser |
Categories: humor,

Little Guy Dwarves Again

Seven days and lonely at night Was a Princess called Snow White On her doorstep there was Little guy dwarves All different to view from sight So on Monday night she did walk To Dopey's bedroom for a talk The conversation was slow Up sticks did she go At her topless body he did gawk When Tuesday evening came around She tiptoed without a sound Beside Bashful she sat Blimey, not again, no chat His eyes on me will never abound Oh my! it's Wednesday again Am I beautiful or just plain Jane I better go to the Doc Do I look good in this frock Am I letting my shapely shapes wane It's Thursday and I better nurse Sneezy Whose chest has become rather wheezy To him I won't kiss No matter his wish I have no desire to become queasy Thankfully Friday has been reached It's the weekend long lies are now preached For Sleepy I'll never wake No booty will he shake My cheeks he'll never see peached Saturday has finally come along Even Grumpy now sings the same song With a song and a cheer Shared over a few beers No chance you'll get into my thong Have I saved Sunday to be the best Is Happy better than the rest His smile tells me so For more than his cheeks glow At last a loving grin at my breasts Oh I need to be loved ever since Like the weeks I had with my Prince For many many nights He knew to love me right When I walked, you could see my legs wince . .


Poem Details | by Shane Cooper |
Categories: tribute,

A Poem For Jan




There was a hot poet called Jan
Who one day developed a plan
By hook or by crook
She’d write a kid’s book
And a lizard love story began

A lizard meets a pretty girl
Their tongues in unison unfurl
On a mossy rock
Their lives interlock
Together in love they now curl





for my so talented friend


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous, poetry,

NA IN CONTEST - NEW LIMERICK COLLABORATION

My penchant for writing was showing The comments I received were ‘glowing’ But at the end of the day I get another N/A My success in contests is slowing! WRITTEN BY JAN ALLISON ON 1st September 2016 PLEASE FEEL FREE TO PUT YOUR CONTRIBUTION IN A COMMENT OR SOUP MAIL IT TO ME Winners winners everywhere but not a one for me Sadness is a heavy burden over my N/A poetry I'll blame all my losses on the judging albatrosses I think I'll toss them all into the depths of the sea WRITTEN BY LIN LANE The contest was posted as judged To open that link, my mouse trudged My write was not there! I knew, with despair, To NA trash bin it was nudged! WRITTEN BY SANDRA HAIGHT Never say never again for time will soon erase that pain Dry your tears ,don't be sad, who is to say what's good or bad Someone else might love your refrain WRITTEN BY BRIAN STRAND I checked the list not once but twice It wasn't there to my suffice I sulk my head Then cry in bed That mean old judge she isn't nice WRITTEN BY TIM SMITH Wrote one that was such fun to read To a contest I posted full speed People thought it a hoot . It was given the boot Tell me what must I do to succeed! WRITTEN BY SEREN ROBERTS I entered a new contest today I didn't make the list, got N/A That has to be so wrong My praise was a mile long The judge was out of it on that day WRITTEN BY ALEXIS Y There are contests you'll never win You'll lose before you even begin So don't waste your time With your best rhymes You'll just be tossed in the N/A bin! WRITTEN BY JOSEPH MAY My words meant so much when first written So glowing the praise they were get 'in From the published results I endured such insults That my dream of a Pulitzer lay smitten WRITTEN BY CHARLIE SMITH I once wrote a poem that fit All the contest descriptionsAnd it Was praised with much grace I was hopeful to place, But completely forgot to submit! WRITTEN BY AGNES KRAMPE I put my N/As in a row Was like a long queue to a show! Some resigned shrugging, Bit of sighing ‘n frowning, But such fun, so here again I go! WRITTEN BY SAN WOO For new contests, these poems I write, The others feel my writing is bright, But when the results come out, My name is Nowhere About, For the judge has found it Not Alright. WRITTEN BY JO DANIEL My inspiration for words are on track I pat myself on the back What the hack, I cracked Another N/A I’ve racked No more entries for this maniac WRITTEN BY EVE ROPER As a poet wannabe, and new to this space enthusiastic by a 1-3 place, and grace, I feel bad for the true poets here, My apologies but kiss my rear, This is tongue and cheek, I’m here for the race! Never knew what N/A did mean, As I’m pretty new to the scene, I'm back to support Jan, Now folks that’s a TRUE fan Better limericks I haven’t seen WRITTEN BY MARK PAUL VAN DER MERWE A funny poem I had written Fit I thought for a competition I'd celebrate with bacon - The sponsor was mistaken! A N/A has made me stay hidden WRITTEN BY TEDDY KIMATHI


Poem Details | by ilene bauer |
Categories: new york,

Showing off the City

In a city as big as New Yawk,
There’s so much at which tourists can gawk
But the locals’ fast pace
May be hard to embrace
So if guiding them, slow down your walk.

You can never squeeze everything in,
So pick places they never have been
And of course, be a mensch;*
Let them sit on a bench
Or exhaustion will make their heads spin.

Have them soak up the buzz we provide,
Surely different from where they reside.
They may love it or not
But at least they’ll have got
Just a taste of what fills us with pride.

*an admirable human being


Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: dedication, fun,

Mouth To Mouth Resuscitation



Sweet Charmaine Chircop has just made my day Sure would love to meet her in person, I'll say Would hug her so tight Might turn out her lights Then forced to give her mouth to mouth resuscitation, olé! © Jack Ellison 2015


Poem Details | by Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen |
Categories: funnyold, old,

James Hinkshaw

James Hinkshaw

There once was a man named James Hinkshaw.
Who planned to go to town for a jigsaw.
He had hick-saws and jinx-saws
He even had a wink-saw.
But no penny-whinny jigsaw—

He loved riding to town in his rickshaw.
Once he drove there to buy his new jigsaw.
His new rickshaw broke down.
He was not yet in town.
So, he walked there with hacksaw and jinx-saw.

It was a long day for James Hinkshaw.
He walked into town with no rickshaw.
As he went on his way,
A bear started a fray.
So he killed the old bear with his hacksaw.

There, alone on the road was James Hinkshaw.
And the bear butchered there with his hacksaw.
Oh, what could he do?
He felt sure no one knew.
He was there with dead bear but no rickshaw.

Poor old James had not made it to town.
And the sun was about to go down.
When he knelt there to pray,
A peddler came his way.
And sold poor old James Hinkshaw a jigsaw.

James Hinkshaw then had a new jigsaw.
To add to his hick-saws, and winks-saw…
He needed to go home.
In the dark, he could not roam.
What would happen to weary James Hinkshaw?

The peddler who sold James the jigsaw,
Gladly drove him back to the rickshaw.
In exchange for bear meat,
He let James rest his feet.
Toeing home, James Hinkshaw and his rickshaw.


DEDICATED to my grandfather, who would never say, “Pudding & 
Taine…ask me again and I'll tell you the same”   He, instead would laugh and rapidly say, 
“James-John-Hinksaw-Winksaw-Penny-Winny-Jinksaw!” (Of course, this was Not his name)
LOL  His imagination and mine are now joined…again SMILES I love you, Granddad!  

© © Dane Smith-Johnsen
February 21, 2010
Poetic form:  Limerick: a story series


Poem Details | by JACQUELYN STURGE |
Categories: funny, happiness,

LANCE THE DANCER


There once was a guy whose name was Lance
And all this man loved to do was dance,
If you beat on a drum
Or just twiddle your thumb,
Lance would jump up and he'd start to prance.


He danced from morning into the night
He'd leap in air like a bird in flight,
He never got tired
And always was fired,,
Until one day when he lost his sight.


Have you ever seen a blind man dance?
Well it was a sight, that cane and Lance,
He didn't want pity
Though it wasn't pretty,
When he toppled loosing his balance.


He'd jump right up and continue on
And nothing could stop this dancing prawn,
He taught us a lesson
That there is no reason,
To end what you love before you're  gone.


Poem Details | by Jonna Gallano |
Categories: best friend, blessing, friend,

Genuine Damsel

I was lurking around but she finally found me,
We're watching the clouds and lying under a tree.

Saying words to be outspoken,
Worrying nothing even the glass is broken.

And I will lastingly love her because she's with me.


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: funny love, humorous, relationship,

CUTIE PATOOTIE BAWDY LIMERICK

Pat swung from a chandelier Fell off and hurt her cute rear She gave it a rub And soaked in the tub Next time she’ll stay off the beer! Pat copied the birds and the bees And had carpet burns on her knees She saw her GP He said ‘Oh dear me’ - Next time settle for a quick squeeze But Pat said I’m always so randy And so is my boyfriend called Sandy If he can’t have a lay At least three times a day He’ll leave me for that old moo Mandy 'for Pat' with my love xx 05~03~17


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, clothes, for him,

WRESTLING WITH HIS TIGHTS - BAWDY LIMERICK

A wrestler whose first name is Bill Wears tights (but he’s over the hill) He shoves down a sock To enhance his cock It sure gives the ladies a thrill! Now Bill’s a really proud macho guy And keeps grey hair at bay with black dye Even though he’s a man He wears lots of fake tan And baby oil is in constant supply For Phyl with love from FC xx 05/06/17


Poem Details | by connie pachecho |
Categories: allusion, love, nature,

he found his love in deep water

he found his love in deep water


there she was a roasted beauty queen lying on the beach
he moved towards her, inch by inch and then he met her reach
she came out of her shell
and that broke the spell
perfect, she was a hermit too living on rock bottom's breach

connie pachecho

3/11/17 


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: change, emotions, identity,

BI-POLAR BEAR COLLABORATION WITH LIN LANE

I love living in the Arctic The cold I find so cathartic But you must beware I'm bi-polar bear If crossed I can be anarchic I'm really a huge white bi-polar bear You can take my photograph, laugh and stare But if you come too near You'll have reason to fear If I'm in Hyde's mood you'd better take care! I'm usually very docile and quite nice Relaxing on the shelves of polar ice For food I am howling My tummy is growling I need to catch some tasty fish to slice I possess great big furry white paws But at times I can show my sharp claws So don’t mess with me Cos I can be nasty My emotions have no get out clause I don't really like eating seal blubber It's tasteless as a tire made of rubber And I don't like to swim Unless I have the whim I should have been born as a land lubber My smile can turn into a frown One minute I’m up, next I’m down I can lash out at you So whatever you do Don’t call me a stupid bear clown When I'm feeling like good Doctor Jekyll I don't care if you tease me or heckle I'll toss you my poop Big scoop after scoop Til I've covered all your little freckles On a good day I’ll smile so nice Enjoying white fish which I’ll dice See me bask in the sun Then I’ll go for a run And play with my friends on the ice I feel a weird change, a rumbling inside An avalanche of emotions, a landslide My claws are extended Your visit has ended Red mist all around ~ turning into Hyde! The truth, it cannot be denied I’m a bit like Jekyll and Hyde You'd better leave town When red mist comes down Or run to take cover and hide! Written by Lin Lane and Jan Allison 05~18~17


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: chocolate, humorous,

ODE TO CHOCOLATE COLLABORATION WITH DALE GREGORY COZART

To chocolate I pay my respects Some folks say its better than sex whether milk dark or white Ev’ry bar I must bite or I'll get a lack of choccy complex I NEED chocolate it’s an unwritten rule I'm a woman not a blithering fool Give me a constant supply On days that end with a Y when choc’s smeared round my mouth it looks cool Most women love something that’s sweet And chocolate it cannot be beat Deny them and they’ll pout Choc is all they think about Many men think it's all that they'll eat. Collaboration with Dale Gregory Cozart *** Dale posted the poem yesterday and it turned into a collaboration - please feel free to add your poem to his page *** https://www.poetrysoup.com/poem/ode_to_chocolate_collaboration_923276 07-26-17


Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: tribute,

Oh Silent One



Sir Silent One has recently paid me some visits Not silent in appreciation for his charming wee snippets Thank you Sir Silent You are the finest And may I add, love your jolly old game of cricket


Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: life,

Yawning



Heads up people, a new day is dawning Important to appreciate this feeling of belonging Tell people you love 'em All the way to the end Even if you notice a bunch of them are yawning


Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: community,

Allison-Ellison



Jan Allison, Jack Ellison, believe it or not there's no relation Both love to write about poop, do you see the correlation? Canada and the Isle Of Man A loving connection, this poetry clan Joining hands across the seas, true love among nations


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: animal, humorous, silly,

BI-POLAR BEAR PART II - NOT FOR CONTEST

Bi-polar bear’s crafty and mean So snooty she acts like a queen She’s cold and aloof Of that I have proof And was last seen on the latrine Bi-polar bear peed on the ice Bright yellow ice didn’t look nice To cover her tracks She grabbed her ice axe Her chopping was not quite precise Bi-polar bear made a huge hole And into the hole she did roll A male saboteur Did not rescue her He battered her head with a pole! Bi-polar bear could not be found It’s thought that Bi- polar bear drowned I’d love to raise a huge glass To whoever kicked her ass Sadly he did not hang around NOT for Contest Follow up to a poem written with Lin Lane in May 2017 https://www.poetrysoup.com/poem/bi_polar_bear_collaboration_with_lin_lane_901528 11-07-17


Poem Details | by Keith Trestrail |
Categories: funny, humorous,

Smart and Sexy

She said I love men of racial renown,
and madly lust after dark, white, and brown.
  I told her though Caucasian
  from the eyes up I'm Asian
but baby, I'm black from the waist down!



                 April 2015


Poem Details | by Mary Chapman |
Categories: humorous,

Popeye The Sailor Man

There once was a sailor named Popeye
He got through the navy with one eye
Wherever he sailed 
The dames would all hail
They knew Popeye was not a bad guy

Popeye you know had a sweetie
A long legged gal not to meaty
Olive Oyl was her name
Popeye's love was insane
For his love was always entreaty

The trouble you know was called Bluto
A very strong sailor who knew judo
He was after the girl
That made his head twirl
For he felt they made quite a duo

Popeye was not very happy
He spoke to his father name Pappy
Pappy said to him son
Get rid of the bum
You don't want to lose and feel crappy

Popeye was really quite angry
He was really upset and cranky
So he took his old friend
Tied him up in a bend
Walked away a proud and true Yankee


Poem Details | by Joe Maverick |
Categories: romantic,

Aqua Sonata

Surfside stand a lady & man
lost in (a moment) on silca lands
so stand this even (handed two)
before a sky limpid blue
with a hearts glow to melt the burning sand.

ps_jt7689.jpg

Love limned laughter, (lines out) sweet promised sign,
satin billows of cloud surround divine,
backdrop sky a blue silk screen
young as fun forever keen
pre-empting fate this faultless time.

Pouring waves and passion combine
light moods, effervescent, (platinum fine)
flows a presence vivid & wild, 
flaming love & (destiny's child,)
raptured revolving evolving in time.
ps_jt76896.jpg

By Joe Maverick,copyright 2011 for Linda-Marie's loveland limerick contest.


Poem Details | by Beatrice Boyle |
Categories: funny,

I Once Drank A Glass of Champagne Limerick


For Francine Robersts contest....Pick A Beverage




I once drank a glass of champagne
Then ran naked into the rain
I love all the bubbles
But it caused so much trouble
I’ll never drink it again!

Copyright©2011 Beatrice Boyle
(All rights reserved)


Poem Details | by Keith Trestrail |
Categories: funny, humorous,

Everyone Needs a Hobby

I love things in nature that flock and herd 
yet as a birdwatcher my lens gets blurred.
  Not in the forest's deep far reach
   but with a spyglass at the beach
gazin' the tanned large breasted booby bird!


                     May 2015


Poem Details | by Kim Merryman |
Categories: anniversary, funny love, love,

Happily Married

Thirty-four years we've been married, and our life together has been varied. But our love just keeps growing, so this I am knowing, we'll be together until we're buried! Now if that's not okay with you, dear, let me make myself perfectly clear: you are stuck with me like glue, and there's nothing you can do. So take that and stick it in your ear!
5/29/30 (Tomorrow is my wedding anniversary and the first limerick is truthThe 2nd limerick is just to be funnyNo trouble in Paradise here, folks!)