Limerick Poems About January | January Limerick Poems
Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, for him, humorous,

HE'S BENT

I feel terribly sorry for Rodger He developed a kink in his todger It looked such a sight when bent to the right that his poor wife ran off with the lodger! Submitted to Any poem (not for contest) Sponsored by Broken Wings 1st January 2016


Poem Details | by Carolyn Devonshire |
Categories: funny, lost love, me,

Crumb on my Pie Chart

Abusive soul who tormented my heart
I didn’t wait for us to drift apart
     I found inner strength at last
     So don’t look at me aghast
You’re merely a crumb on my heart’s pie chart

A defumigator removed your scent
Into the trash all your hunting boots went
     And those ghastly deer “trophies”
     Ablaze with your spoiled green cheese
Your firearms too in the bonfire were sent

Valentine, let me give it to you straight
Goodwill came by for the very last crate
     Maker’s Mark* for the homeless
     Now that’s ironic justice
Hope your new home in the tent is just great

You wrecked my car and destroyed my credit
So you got off easy from where I sit
     Not that you had much to lose
     Just hair, weight, someone to use
Cupid aims, may your hemorrhoids get hit!



*Maker’s Mark is expensive whiskey
Entry for Sidney~Lee Ann’s valentine to an ex-lover contest
Written January 17, 2012


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, humorous,

YEUK UPDATED - COLLABORATION WITH ROB BETTRIDGE

My sister Susie loved picking her nose To her chagrin her little finger froze It was stuck so far Doc used a crowbar Finger up nose - not a ladylike pose! Our Mother, in a fit of Pique At Susie's antics with her Beak Said, "Right my girl" And in a whirl Grounded Susie for a Week Resenting her fate, in bed Rebellion sparked inside her head When all were asleep She'd dress and creep Though the window and escape instead A branch near her window hung Which to its foliage she clung The branch was weak And with a shriek She fell into a pile of Dung The house woke up only to find Poor Susie in a dreadful Bind She looked quite a mess In her state of distress That our Mother went out of her mind "A School for young Ladies, I'll choose" One, her wildness, I hope will defuse And instil, at a pace, Deportment and Grace To refine the coarse ways of our Suz' Packed off to be 'Finished' she went Determined to never repent Despite all opinions It's just like 'St Trinians' And for Susie, was quite an event Susie boarded at ‘Saint Eloise’ It was there she got covered in fleas Once she dived in a ditch To be rid of that itch Oh, you should see the state of her knees! When in the first deportment class Poor Susie fell straight on her ‘ass’ When she exposed her behind The other girls were unkind So Susie began passing gas They had to open the windows and doors Crawl about and move on all fours To get rid of the smell That came straight from hell Staff told ‘Susie’ no more encores! Her Classmates all thought it a Hoot When she lit the gas that she'd shoot She then vented a Storm That Blew up her Dorm Which got our poor Susie the Boot She believed she should never have gone From the ones she depended upon With her Mission, complete (And a Cork placed, discreet) Susie's Home where she'll always belong. 20th January 2016 Collaboration J Allison and R Bettridge


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: friendship, humorous, me, poetry,

THE QUEEN OF POOP ON POETRY SOUP

I post my poems on poetry soup About farting and guys with brewer’s droop I’ve been given a crown And I won’t let Flo down Be assured I’ll keep on posting my poop! Posted in conjunction with my blog about my amazing gifts from F J Thomas 25th January 2017


Poem Details | by Gail DeBole |
Categories: animals, funny,

Portrait of a Lizard

Written: January 2, 2009
Updated: April 23, 2012

There once was a lizard named Rex(ie)
Whose head was always tilted and ready
Sitting next to the glass wall
Patiently waiting for Paul
To feed him tasty hornworm bread(ie).


Note: Part of the Portrait Poetry Collection


Poem Details | by Demetrios Trifiatis |
Categories: funny, poetry, satire,

THE CONTEST





There was a contest at PoetrySoup

Homer, Milton, Poe, entered as a group

   They worked from dawn till dusk

    For difficult found their task

But last they finished for did not snoop!




© Demetrios Trifiatis
   22 JANUARY 2015


Poem Details | by Keith Trestrail |
Categories: political,

Hillary Clinton

She is a White House witch and feminazi
who rides her big broom like a kamikaze.
  The honesty test she fails,
  she lied about her emails
and covered up the truth about Benghazi!


             January 2016




Poem Details | by Keith Trestrail |
Categories: political, satire,

Forrest Trump

 Run, Donald! Run! and the people represent,
 Mama always said you'd be President
     As for all the hype and buzz
     Well stupid is as stupid does...
 I guess now we all know what mama meant!


              January 2016




Note: I wrote one about Hillary so 
         it's only fair I do one about Trump.
         When you get past all the rhetoric
         and spin and theatre he's actually 
         not as clueless as he appears.


Poem Details | by Rhonda Johnson-Saunders |
Categories: funny, wedding, february,

February Funny Bone


In the month of February 'twas fate
We chose our special wedding date
        A love, I cannot explain
        Couldn’t wait to take his name
So why do I still hyphenate?       


By Rhonda Johnson-Saunders, January 30, 2012
for Linda-Marie's February Funny Bone contest

First place finish


Poem Details | by Keith Trestrail |
Categories: boy, desire, growing up,

Confessions of a Teenage Boy 2

The girl next door my attention demands,
from my window I gaze her buxom glands.
  When the moment I seize
  it's at times such as these
I'm so glad I'm not Edward Scissorhands!


             January 2016


              


Poem Details | by Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen |
Categories: animals

A Zulu

There once was a tiger at the zoo.
His eyes followed visitors like glue.
Teeth sparkled bright white.
Chops licked at their sight.
He wanted Zulu on his menu.

© January 17, 2011
Dane Smith-Johnsen


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, children, humorous,

YEUK - YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

My sister Susie loved picking her nose To her chagrin her little finger froze It was stuck so far Doc used a crowbar Finger up nose - not a ladylike pose! 14TH January 2016


Poem Details | by Keith Trestrail |
Categories: fun, rude, social,

An Aussie Abroad

She was hot and blonde but she was not dumb
And innocently asked where I was from.
   "From Sydney, how do you do,
     Have you any Aussie in you?"
No, she said, so I asked "would you like some!"


                  January 2016




Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: child, growing up, humorous,

HOW COULD I RESIST THIS CHALLENGE

Little Susie had peed her new pants Such an unfortunate circumstance In front of her mother She blushed a red colour … then invented the wet knickers dance! I used the poetry soup word generator and it came up with the word ‘urination’ … now how could I resist THAT challenge!!! (In the UK pants and knickers are what are known as panties in the US) 26th January 2016


Poem Details | by Demetrios Trifiatis |
Categories: fun, men, parody,

WISHED ONLY TO BE MERRY




                 Once a man thought it good to be merry

                       Thus he decided never to marry

                           He gave parties every night

                           Having fun with all his might   

                When he died, none was there, him to bury!





© Demetrios Trifiatis
     07 January 2016


Poem Details | by Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen |
Categories: lost love,

A Heart Broken Past

You were a hot little Hispanic man.
And I was your infatuated fan.
Your love for me was cheeky,
Dreams ended very bleakly.
Now, I’m happy ever after, God’s plan.

© January 28, 2012
Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen

Written for Poetry Soup Member Contest: A valentine Limerick~ to your x-lover the heart-
breaker ( explaining how life goes on ) after the heart break	
Sponsored by: Sidney ~ LeeAnn


Poem Details | by Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen |
Categories: political, social

Down In Dunkirk

The once was a man from Dunkirk.
The war came and he went berserk.
In the French battle field,
Local harlots did yield.
Escape came by fancy footwork.

© January 16, 2011
Dane Smith-Johnsen


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: conflict, poems, poetry, writing,

I WROTE EVERY WORD MYSELF - HONEST GOV

I’m POSITIVE I’ve read that before Yes I’m certain, I really am sure So if you get caught You’ll be quite distraught Be aware … soup could show you the door! 19th January 2016


Poem Details | by Robert L. Hinshaw |
Categories: funny, health,

Iths The Cold And Flu Theason

My nothe ith sthopped up and I can't respthire

   My lungths are congeshted and all afire

      My eyeths are rheumy and red

         Perthspiration floods my bed

             Merthy Lord! I think I'm gonna exthpire

       

Robert LHinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Righths Retherved

First Place in Gwendolyn's " The Sneezing Limerick" Contest - January 2012


Poem Details | by Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen |
Categories: funny

No Favorite Sport

I do not have a favorite sport.
Folks near me cheering laughing, snort.
At times I sit in bleachers,
And watch the gaming creatures.
I much prefer a tasty torte.

© January 20, 2011
Dane Smith-Johnsen


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: for her, for him,

PEACE AT LAST - COLLABORATION WITH ROB BETTRIDGE

There are women who feel a strong need To nag men until their ears bleed In a war of attrition With relentless petition Is a cruel way to make men concede Men wish for a life of peace But get nagged by a tongue that won't cease Men will just say It's the female DNA That must out in its need for release We can’t help it; we just HAVE to nag Guess some folks would call us 'an old hag' But men get on our nerves When you paw at our curves Men should give up and wave the white flag We can suffer from bad PMT, Become ogres that men want to flee We scream and we shout Say we’ll throw you out But for some reason you wont let us be Better by far, we should try this next time It's effective and will prove sublime By wearing earplugs In each of our lugs We'll be laughing whilst nagging - in mime Laughing together will lighten our day It's a tonic to chase our problems away For a really big smile Can last a long while And we'll both get along better that way 24th January 2016-01-24 Collaboration by Jan Allison and Rob Bettridge


Poem Details | by Joe Flach |
Categories: lifejanuary, new years day,

New Years Limerick

On January 2nd there’s a lot of people working out
They’ve made New Year’s resolutions, no doubt
They want to get slim
So they come to the gym
By January 4th their resolve has fizzled out


Poem Details | by Brian Pierre-Alexander |
Categories: funny, song-lyric,

MY BED CALLS

With heaping speed like the flash
Am ah make a dash
My bed calls, dive in..splashhh
It was an honor and a pleasure
Poetry writers you'll so clever
Poetrysoup had me in a spell
O! well, farewell...
Goodnight ya'll
Catch you on the rebound
Tomorrow then, sleep now call
10:30 PM zzzzz-ing sound 
My bed Callsssssss

©Copyright January 22, 2012 by Brian Pierre-Alexander
© All Rights Reserved






Poem Details | by Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen |
Categories: friendship, on writing and

It Is Not Funny, Sharon Weimar

Redbubble is a place where artists meet.
Talents may economically compete.
Moving on left folks behind.
What happiness did you find?
Are you joyful at your poetry retreat?

Long ago, you enjoyed Poetry Soup.
You said that you had to go regroup.
Well, now your poems are gone.
New winners must be drawn.
You are missed and thats the latest scoop!

Days and years have sped as fast as light.
Your works have been deleted from this site.
What, now, is on your mind?
Were friendships left behind?
Does inspiration still bring delight?

Sometimes, we have to take a detour
To green pastures and skies bright azure.
I write these thoughts today
Hoping bliss has come your way.
Trusting that your talents still endure.

© January 11, 2012
Dane Smith-Johnsen


Poem Details | by Robert L. Hinshaw |
Categories: funny,

January

Time to figure consarned taxes again

     And Christmas bills come due giving me pain

          Let's delete January

               And start with February

                    January has come to be my bane

Robert LHinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
©   All Rights Reserved


Poem Details | by T Wignesan |
Categories: age, angel,

Limerick: Then this Wily Woman from Franco's Spain - 6

Limerick : Once this Wily Woman from Franco’s Spain – 6

This Wily Woman went on the rampage
New Year’s Day Seventy-Six* start of new age :
Marriage beds soiled with verve
This woman first to serve
Free-Maisons’ Afro-Asians free of charge !

•	Adultery was a criminal offence punishable under the French Penal Code before January 1, 1976

© TWignesan – Paris, 2013


Poem Details | by Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen |
Categories: angst, people, social,

One Neurotic Fly

One fly flew down the Interstate
Longing to rest and meditate
Near a waterfall
Where hummingbirds call
That place where dreams anticipate.

So many sites to fascinate
His mind began to marinate.
In a field serene,
There was a latrine.
One site he could appreciate.

Mushrooms, he thought, would germinate.
He soared and did not hesitate.
Gossip he heard folks tell.
Embraced the stinking smell,
Some tasty tales to masticate…

Who did what and when they did it!
Who loves whom and why they hid it!
Written on the wall
Words in every stall
Diabolical rumors flit!

That fly flew down the Interstate.
No longer could he meditate
Near a waterfall
Where hummingbirds call
Always worried about man’s fate.

© January 30, 2011
Dane Smith-Johnsen


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: anger, dog, humorous,

STRANGE FRUIT

A really odd thing caught my eye They hang on a branch way up high Black bags in the trees What strange ‘fruit’ are these I wouldn’t want poop in my pie! Why do some dog owners tie their dog poop bags on branches rather than put them in a bin? 31st January 2017


Poem Details | by Demetrios Trifiatis |
Categories: international, language,

DO YOU SPEAK GREEK









Democracy, ethics, logos, politics

Cosmology, cosmogony, physics

Are words that all persons know

With enthusiasm them show

For are the basis of analytics!*








© Demetrios Trifiatis
     30 January 2017

* The words:Democracy, ethics, logos, politics, cosmology, cosmogony, physics, enthusiasm, basis and analytics are all Greek as are thousands upon
thousands other words as: Crisis, drama, comedy, poetry, biology, history, philosophy, psychology, geometry, mathematics, cardiologist, antibiotics, agoraphobia, acrophobia and all phobias, therefore whoever speaks English has to know that more than 25% of English is of Greek origin!
   



Poem Details | by Demetrios Trifiatis |
Categories: desire, pain, truth,

THE DRAMA







Throughout his life was searching for the truth

But never escaped from ignorance's booth 

Every answer our friend found

In the end it was turned down

So turned to the bottle his pain to smooth! 







© Demetrios Trifiatis
     30 January 2017