Poem Details | by
JAN ALLISON |
Categories:
friendship, humorous, me, poetry,
I post my poems on poetry soup
About farting and guys with brewer’s droop
I’ve been given a crown
And I won’t let Flo down
Be assured I’ll keep on posting my poop!
Posted in conjunction with my blog about my amazing gifts from F J Thomas
25th January 2017
|
Poem Details | by
Tom Cunningham |
Categories:
humor,
Robin treated his men down at the inn
To sexy wenches, food, mead and some gin
All got drunk on the mead
Then got high on the weed
Friar Tuck said “it’s not right it’s a sin.”
Robin’s outlaws were enjoying the night
And with the sheriffs men started a fight
The men ran for their lives
There was lots of high fives
The peasants cheered at this comical sight.
Written 31st January 2019
For limerick 3 contest
Sponsored by Joseph May.
|
Poem Details | by
Carolyn Devonshire |
Categories:
funny, lost love, me,
Abusive soul who tormented my heart
I didn’t wait for us to drift apart
I found inner strength at last
So don’t look at me aghast
You’re merely a crumb on my heart’s pie chart
A defumigator removed your scent
Into the trash all your hunting boots went
And those ghastly deer “trophies”
Ablaze with your spoiled green cheese
Your firearms too in the bonfire were sent
Valentine, let me give it to you straight
Goodwill came by for the very last crate
Maker’s Mark* for the homeless
Now that’s ironic justice
Hope your new home in the tent is just great
You wrecked my car and destroyed my credit
So you got off easy from where I sit
Not that you had much to lose
Just hair, weight, someone to use
Cupid aims, may your hemorrhoids get hit!
*Maker’s Mark is expensive whiskey
Entry for Sidney~Lee Ann’s valentine to an ex-lover contest
Written January 17, 2012
|
Poem Details | by
JAN ALLISON |
Categories:
body, humorous,
My sister Susie loved picking her nose
To her chagrin her little finger froze
It was stuck so far
Doc used a crowbar
Finger up nose - not a ladylike pose!
Our Mother, in a fit of Pique
At Susie's antics with her Beak
Said, "Right my girl"
And in a whirl
Grounded Susie for a Week
Resenting her fate, in bed
Rebellion sparked inside her head
When all were asleep
She'd dress and creep
Though the window and escape instead
A branch near her window hung
Which to its foliage she clung
The branch was weak
And with a shriek
She fell into a pile of Dung
The house woke up only to find
Poor Susie in a dreadful Bind
She looked quite a mess
In her state of distress
That our Mother went out of her mind
"A School for young Ladies, I'll choose"
One, her wildness, I hope will defuse
And instil, at a pace,
Deportment and Grace
To refine the coarse ways of our Suz'
Packed off to be 'Finished' she went
Determined to never repent
Despite all opinions
It's just like 'St Trinians'
And for Susie, was quite an event
Susie boarded at ‘Saint Eloise’
It was there she got covered in fleas
Once she dived in a ditch
To be rid of that itch
Oh, you should see the state of her knees!
When in the first deportment class
Poor Susie fell straight on her ‘ass’
When she exposed her behind
The other girls were unkind
So Susie began passing gas
They had to open the windows and doors
Crawl about and move on all fours
To get rid of the smell
That came straight from hell
Staff told ‘Susie’ no more encores!
Her Classmates all thought it a Hoot
When she lit the gas that she'd shoot
She then vented a Storm
That Blew up her Dorm
Which got our poor Susie the Boot
She believed she should never have gone
From the ones she depended upon
With her Mission, complete
(And a Cork placed, discreet)
Susie's Home where she'll always belong.
20th January 2016
Collaboration J Allison and R Bettridge
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Poem Details | by
Ed Morris |
Categories:
funny,
An apple a day, so they say,
But some folk get carried away.
Consumer advice:
Don’t be imprecise—
Eat ten, and the doctor you’ll pay.
---
Date Written: January 9, 2019
Contest: Limerick II, sponsored by Joseph May
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Poem Details | by
Line Gauthier |
Categories:
celebrity, mystery, smart, tribute,
The famous detective Sherlock Holmes
Hardly short on the wit chromosomes
With just a few clues
Bemuse and confuse
Unraveled crimes in the catacombs
Submitted on January 27, 2019, for contest LIMERICK 3 sponsored by JOSEPH MAY - RANKED 2ND
|
Poem Details | by
Line Gauthier |
Categories:
fun, love, nonsense, silly,
Fell in love with a coconut
The tree stood tall outside my hut
Love sublime at first sight
I thought I‘d have a bite
Lost both front teeth right on the spot
posted on January 17, 2019
|
Poem Details | by
Paul Callus |
Categories:
love,
An archer from Sherwood made shooting an art
Persuaded the wealthy from surplus to part.
He fell for a maid at first sight
But fearing to tell her outright
Enlisted friend Eros to capture her heart.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Limerick 3 Contest
Hosted by Joseph May
© 31st January 2019
|
Poem Details | by
Line Gauthier |
Categories:
angst, snow, storm, wind,
Withstanding bitter winds through winter thrust
Windswept snowfall in streaks of icy gust
Fighting off polar windstorm
Behind windshield keeping warm
In flimsy windbreakers we put our trust
Submitted on January 5, 2019, for contest SAME WORD WINTER LIMERICK sponsored by CHARLES MESSINA - RANKED 2ND
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Poem Details | by
Ed Morris |
Categories:
funny, funny love, humor,
A hopelessly poetic guy met
A scientist studying climate.
Nearly all that she said
Went right over his head,
But at least he was able to rhyme it.
---
Date Written: January 3, 2019
Contest: Limericks, sponsored by Joseph May
|
Poem Details | by
Sandra Haight |
Categories:
winter,
Icicles
Long icicles hang, one by one;
thick icicles shine in the sun.
As icicles melt
to icicles, svelte,
thin icicles drip till there's none.
January 6, 2019
For Contest, "Same Word Winter Limerick",
sponsored by Charles Messina
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Poem Details | by
Geoffrey Brewer |
Categories:
humor,
Robin Hood and merry men took great delights
In protection of the peasants and their rights
But what really gave them pleasure
And which emphasised their measure
Was cavorting through the forest wearing tights
31 January 2019
|
Poem Details | by
Gail DeBole |
Categories:
animals, funny,
Written: January 2, 2009
Updated: April 23, 2012
There once was a lizard named Rex(ie)
Whose head was always tilted and ready
Sitting next to the glass wall
Patiently waiting for Paul
To feed him tasty hornworm bread(ie).
Note: Part of the Portrait Poetry Collection
|
Poem Details | by
Keith Trestrail |
Categories:
political,
She is a White House witch and feminazi
who rides her big broom like a kamikaze.
The honesty test she fails,
she lied about her emails
and covered up the truth about Benghazi!
January 2016
|
Poem Details | by
JAN ALLISON |
Categories:
body, for him, humorous,
I feel terribly sorry for Rodger
He developed a kink in his todger
It looked such a sight
when bent to the right
that his poor wife ran off with the lodger!
Submitted to Any poem (not for contest)
Sponsored by Broken Wings
1st January 2016
|
Poem Details | by
Keith Trestrail |
Categories:
political, satire,
Run, Donald! Run! and the people represent,
mama always said you'd be President
As for all the hype and buzz
well stupid is as stupid does...
I guess now we all know what mama meant!
January 2016
Note: I wrote one about Hillary so it's
only fair I do one about Trump.
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Poem Details | by
Keith Trestrail |
Categories:
fun, rude, social,
She was hot and blonde but she was not dumb
and innocently asked where I was from.
"From Trinidad, how do you do,
have you any Trini in you?"
No, she said, so I asked "would you like some?"
January 2016
Note: A Trini is a Trinidadian.
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Poem Details | by
Demetrios Trifiatis |
Categories:
funny, poetry, satire,
There was a contest at PoetrySoup
Homer, Milton, Poe, entered as a group
They worked from dawn till dusk
For difficult found their task
But last they finished for did not snoop!
© Demetrios Trifiatis
22 JANUARY 2015
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Poem Details | by
Keith Trestrail |
Categories:
boy, desire, growing up,
The girl next door my attention commands,
from my window I gaze her buxom glands.
When the moment I seize
it's at times such as these
I'm so glad I'm not Edward Scissorhands!
January 2016
|
Poem Details | by
Rhonda Johnson-Saunders |
Categories:
funny, wedding, february,
In the month of February 'twas fate
We chose our special wedding date
A love, I cannot explain
Couldn’t wait to take his name
So why do I still hyphenate?
By Rhonda Johnson-Saunders, January 30, 2012
for Linda-Marie's February Funny Bone contest
First place finish
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Poem Details | by
Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen |
Categories:
animals
There once was a tiger at the zoo.
His eyes followed visitors like glue.
Teeth sparkled bright white.
Chops licked at their sight.
He wanted Zulu on his menu.
© January 17, 2011
Dane Smith-Johnsen
|
Poem Details | by
Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen |
Categories:
political, social
The once was a man from Dunkirk.
The war came and he went berserk.
In the French battle field,
Local harlots did yield.
Escape came by fancy footwork.
© January 16, 2011
Dane Smith-Johnsen
|
Poem Details | by
Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen |
Categories:
lost love,
You were a hot little Hispanic man.
And I was your infatuated fan.
Your love for me was cheeky,
Dreams ended very bleakly.
Now, I’m happy ever after, God’s plan.
© January 28, 2012
Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen
Written for Poetry Soup Member Contest: A valentine Limerick~ to your x-lover the heart-
breaker ( explaining how life goes on ) after the heart break
Sponsored by: Sidney ~ LeeAnn
|
Poem Details | by
JAN ALLISON |
Categories:
body, children, humorous,
My sister Susie loved picking her nose
To her chagrin her little finger froze
It was stuck so far
Doc used a crowbar
Finger up nose - not a ladylike pose!
14TH January 2016
|
Poem Details | by
JAN ALLISON |
Categories:
child, growing up, humorous,
Little Susie had peed her new pants
Such an unfortunate circumstance
In front of her mother
She blushed a red colour …
then invented the wet knickers dance!
I used the poetry soup word generator and it came up with the word ‘urination’ … now how could I resist THAT challenge!!!
(In the UK pants and knickers are what are known as panties in the US)
26th January 2016
|
Poem Details | by
JAN ALLISON |
Categories:
for her, for him,
There are women who feel a strong need
To nag men until their ears bleed
In a war of attrition
With relentless petition
Is a cruel way to make men concede
Men wish for a life of peace
But get nagged by a tongue that won't cease
Men will just say
It's the female DNA
That must out in its need for release
We can’t help it; we just HAVE to nag
Guess some folks would call us 'an old hag'
But men get on our nerves
When you paw at our curves
Men should give up and wave the white flag
We can suffer from bad PMT,
Become ogres that men want to flee
We scream and we shout
Say we’ll throw you out
But for some reason you wont let us be
Better by far, we should try this next time
It's effective and will prove sublime
By wearing earplugs
In each of our lugs
We'll be laughing whilst nagging - in mime
Laughing together will lighten our day
It's a tonic to chase our problems away
For a really big smile
Can last a long while
And we'll both get along better that way
24th January 2016-01-24
Collaboration by Jan Allison and Rob Bettridge
|
Poem Details | by
Demetrios Trifiatis |
Categories:
fun, men, parody,
Once a man thought it good to be merry
Thus he decided never to marry
He gave parties every night
Having fun with all his might
When he died, none was there, him to bury!
© Demetrios Trifiatis
07 January 2016
|
Poem Details | by
JAN ALLISON |
Categories:
conflict, poems, poetry, writing,
I’m POSITIVE I’ve read that before
Yes I’m certain, I really am sure
So if you get caught
You’ll be quite distraught
Be aware … soup could show you the door!
19th January 2016
|
Poem Details | by
Robert L. Hinshaw |
Categories:
funny, health,
My nothe ith sthopped up and I can't respthire
My lungths are congeshted and all afire
My eyeths are rheumy and red
Perthspiration floods my bed
Merthy Lord! I think I'm gonna exthpire
Robert LHinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Righths Retherved
First Place in Gwendolyn's " The Sneezing Limerick" Contest - January 2012
|
Poem Details | by
Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen |
Categories:
friendship, on writing and
Redbubble is a place where artists meet.
Talents may economically compete.
Moving on left folks behind.
What happiness did you find?
Are you joyful at your poetry retreat?
Long ago, you enjoyed Poetry Soup.
You said that you had to go regroup.
Well, now your poems are gone.
New winners must be drawn.
You are missed and thats the latest scoop!
Days and years have sped as fast as light.
Your works have been deleted from this site.
What, now, is on your mind?
Were friendships left behind?
Does inspiration still bring delight?
Sometimes, we have to take a detour
To green pastures and skies bright azure.
I write these thoughts today
Hoping bliss has come your way.
Trusting that your talents still endure.
© January 11, 2012
Dane Smith-Johnsen
|
Poem Details | by
Joe Flach |
Categories:
lifejanuary, new years day,
On January 2nd there’s a lot of people working out
They’ve made New Year’s resolutions, no doubt
They want to get slim
So they come to the gym
By January 4th their resolve has fizzled out
|
Poem Details | by
Brian Pierre-Alexander |
Categories:
funny, song-
With heaping speed like the flash
Am ah make a dash
My bed calls, dive in..splashhh
It was an honor and a pleasure
Poetry writers you'll so clever
Poetrysoup had me in a spell
O! well, farewell...
Goodnight ya'll
Catch you on the rebound
Tomorrow then, sleep now call
10:30 PM zzzzz-ing sound
My bed Callsssssss
©Copyright January 22, 2012 by Brian Pierre-Alexander
© All Rights Reserved
|
Poem Details | by
Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen |
Categories:
funny
I do not have a favorite sport.
Folks near me cheering laughing, snort.
At times I sit in bleachers,
And watch the gaming creatures.
I much prefer a tasty torte.
© January 20, 2011
Dane Smith-Johnsen
|
Poem Details | by
JAN ALLISON |
Categories:
fishing, humorous, irony, jobs,
He wanted to go and catch scallops
gets into a boat called a shallops*
He didn’t look at the time
And had committed a crime
It’s into the court he now gallops
Five thousand pounds he’s now got to pay
A ‘timely’ error on the said day
This ‘scallop advisor’
Just should have been wiser
This fishy story won’t go away!
Poem based rather ironically on a TRUE story in the Manx press today
http://www.manxradio.com/news/isle-of-man-news/scallop-advisor-fined-for-illegal-fishing
*a little poetic licence about his boat but a Shallops is a sailing boat used for coastal fishing
15th January 2018
|
Poem Details | by
Demetrios Trifiatis |
Categories:
international, language,
Democracy, ethics, logos, politics
Cosmology, cosmogony, physics
Are words that all persons know
With enthusiasm them show
For are the basis of analytics!*
© Demetrios Trifiatis
30 January 2017
* The words:Democracy, ethics, logos, politics, cosmology, cosmogony, physics, enthusiasm, basis and analytics are all Greek as are thousands upon
thousands other words as: Crisis, drama, comedy, poetry, biology, history, philosophy, psychology, geometry, mathematics, cardiologist, antibiotics, agoraphobia, acrophobia and all phobias, therefore whoever speaks English has to know that more than 25% of English is of Greek origin!
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Poem Details | by
JAN ALLISON |
Categories:
anger, dog, humorous,
A really odd thing caught my eye
They hang on a branch way up high
Black bags in the trees
What strange ‘fruit’ are these
I wouldn’t want poop in my pie!
Why do some dog owners tie their dog poop bags on branches rather than put them in a bin?
31st January 2017
|
Poem Details | by
Robert L. Hinshaw |
Categories:
funny,
Time to figure consarned taxes again
And Christmas bills come due giving me pain
Let's delete January
And start with February
January has come to be my bane
Robert LHinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
|
Poem Details | by
T Wignesan |
Categories:
age, angel,
Limerick : Once this Wily Woman from Franco’s Spain – 6
This Wily Woman went on the rampage
New Year’s Day Seventy-Six* start of new age :
Marriage beds soiled with verve
This woman first to serve
Free-Maisons’ Afro-Asians free of charge !
• Adultery was a criminal offence punishable under the French Penal Code before January 1, 1976
© TWignesan – Paris, 2013
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Poem Details | by
Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen |
Categories:
angst, people, social,
One fly flew down the Interstate
Longing to rest and meditate
Near a waterfall
Where hummingbirds call
That place where dreams anticipate.
So many sites to fascinate
His mind began to marinate.
In a field serene,
There was a latrine.
One site he could appreciate.
Mushrooms, he thought, would germinate.
He soared and did not hesitate.
Gossip he heard folks tell.
Embraced the stinking smell,
Some tasty tales to masticate…
Who did what and when they did it!
Who loves whom and why they hid it!
Written on the wall
Words in every stall
Diabolical rumors flit!
That fly flew down the Interstate.
No longer could he meditate
Near a waterfall
Where hummingbirds call
Always worried about man’s fate.
© January 30, 2011
Dane Smith-Johnsen
|
Poem Details | by
Janice Canerdy |
Categories:
christmas, cute, humor,
You guys think that you’ve got it bad?
You don’t know the meaning of “sad.”
You hang on the tree
admired as can be.
Your shapes and bright color are rad!
I hear praiseful onlookers say
how pretty you are every day,
but that’s not my story.
I don’t share your glory
in this much-viewed Christmas display.
I’m not spiral, dangly, or round.
I don’t shine or make any sound.
I’m called by a name
that brings me to shame,
a moniker meant to confound!
My first name is “Ugly.” Poor me!
My last name is “Sweater.” I see
real sweaters designed
like me get maligned.
I'm now headed for therapy.
posted January 8, 2017
Most of the "ugly sweaters" I've seen, I thought, were really cuteI would
not be one to consult for advice on style!
Written for Laura Loo's Silly Christmas Cartoon Poetry Contest
December 24, 2018, entered in Shadow Hamilton's Let's have Fun Contest
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Poem Details | by
Demetrios Trifiatis |
Categories:
environment, nature, weather,
There was a president whose name was Trump
That in the White House he had set up camp
For the climate didn't care
Cause for U S wasn't fair
In the end Zeus' thunderbolt struck the tramp!
© Demetrios Trifiatis
06 January 2018
10, 10, 7, 7, 10.
*President Trump withdrew USA from the Paris accord last year and since then USA
witness a series of the severest weather phenomena in their history.
** Zeus, strikes all those who commit Hubris i.ethose who place themselves above
natural order which means above God!
|
Poem Details | by
Tom Cunningham |
Categories:
humor,
A romantic young man from Sherwood
Bought a ring for his girl and felt good
He left it on the bus
Air was blue with his cuss
Chased after it as fast as he could.
A chocolate lover from Bangalore
Couldn't get enough and wanted more
She had a big belly
Wobbled like a jelly
Now she cannot get out the front door.
There was a man who got into a lift
Someone before him had left him a gift
He gagged and he spluttered
Under his breath muttered
Got to his floor and oh boy did he shift.
A Dutchman was wearing new clogs
Got chased by some mean looking dogs
But he could not out run
They chewed his clogs for fun
And now they look like splintered logs.
A pilot was flying in the sky
Heard both his engines splutter and die
He'd ran out of fuel
And he felt a fool
The moral is fill up 'fore you fly.
On her birthday told hubby don't be late
And with him she wanted to celebrate
With good food and some wine
A posh place they would dine
He forgot and went drinking with a mate.
Written 17th January 2019.
|
Poem Details | by
Demetrios Trifiatis |
Categories:
desire, pain, truth,
Throughout his life was searching for the truth
But never escaped from ignorance's booth
Every answer our friend found
In the end it was turned down
So turned to the bottle his pain to smooth!
© Demetrios Trifiatis
30 January 2017
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Poem Details | by
Line Gauthier |
Categories:
funny, silly, word play,
Flip flop look what’s landed on top
Straight out of the barbershop
Bald head’s a bowling ball
Leg up high for aerial
Come swift stumbling to a full stop
Submitted for contest UPSIDE DOWN WORLD sponsored by EVE ROPER - January 4, 2018 - RANKED 3RD
|
Poem Details | by
Nina Parmenter |
Categories:
rude, silly,
Well, the plumbing was old in my cottage,
And a big Christmas poo caused a stoppage,
So a plumber came by,
With a glint in his eye,
And said “Madam, I’ll sort out your blockage!”
He quite hopelessly poked it and brushed it,
And tried firing it out with a musket,
I said, “Best thing to do
Is to clear it with...you!”
Then I pushed him right in, and I flushed it.
4 January 2019
Limerick contest, sponsored by Joseph May
|
Poem Details | by
Ann Gilmour |
Categories:
desire, funny, humorous, sexy,
With plunger in hand Fred was called from his bed
To the homestead of Sue a sexy redhead
The water bed pouring
As hubby was snoring
Fred was fine-tuning Sue till sunrise instead
Hubby woke peckish and went down for some bread
He was still unaware yet of Sue and Fred
Fine-tuned to perfection
No fear of detection
Sang 'Move over Darling' and jumped in with Fred
5th January 2019
Limericks Poetry Contest
Sponsor: Joseph May
|
Poem Details | by
Tom Cunningham |
Categories:
humor,
A rogue dentist called Frederick McCrouth
Brought misery to many a ones mouth
Caused his patients great pain
Done for profit and gain
Eventually their teeth all fell south.
Frederick's nickname was' dentist from hell'
Gold implants at a high price he would sell
He was caught in a trap
Is now up on a rap
Justice caught him and he's now in a cell.
Written on 9th January 2019
For limerick 11 poetry contest
Sponsored by Joseph May.
|
Poem Details | by
Demetrios Trifiatis |
Categories:
earth, environment, men,
There was a smart being on planet earth
That made earth its home since its very birth
It was playful and joly
Convinced nothing was holy
Eventually led itself to death!
© Demetrios Trifiatis
07 January 2018
10,10,7,7,10.
|
Poem Details | by
JAN ALLISON |
Categories:
body, humorous, new year,
Sue’s given up picking her nose
And wiping the slime on her clothes
But what she does more
Is what I abhor…
She’s eating the fluff from her toes!
15th January 2018
|
Poem Details | by
Tom Cunningham |
Categories:
cool, drink, old,
The Winter weather is here and it's cold
Colds not much fun if you are homeless or old
But some like cold cheer
And drink ice cold beer
But when you're cold whiskeys' best so I'm told.
Written on 6th January 2019
For same word winter limerick poetry contest.
Sponsored by Charles Messina.
( chosen word is cold )
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