Limerick Poems About Husbands | Husband Limerick Poems
Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: adventure, wife,

A Desperate Housewife - in limerick form

A desperate housewife I knew
had such mundane housework to do.
Being so tired of it,
she decided to quit.
Then off to Las Vegas she flew.

Having always been such a lithe girl,
she thought “I’ll give dancing a whirl!”
Her audition went well.
From a large oyster shell
She emerged, so they all dubbed her Pearl.

Her skin, soft and fair, shone like dew
as she smiled with eyes crystal blue.
All the men threw her money
as her voice, sweet as honey,
called out, “Let me entertain you!”

As Pearl danced each night, looking pretty,
Her husband, back in her home city,
was fit to be tied,
thinking maybe she’d died!
Poor fool didn’t have a clue, did he!

Unbeknownst to sweet Pearl, her “dear” spouse
had been sneaking off as she’d played house.
To conventions he’d said
he was goingInstead,
he’d been gambling in Vegas, that louse!

Off to strip clubs he’d gone every chance
that he gotHow he loved to see dance
naked women all sizes 
in sexy disguises
while his wife at home longed for romance.

Now the tables were very much turned.
And her husband was feeling quite spurned.
He would sleep restlessly
thinking where could she be!!
But her whereabouts he never learned.

No longer could he run away
on a whimHe still had bills to pay.
That cleaning and cooking
meant no time for looking
at girls! He had less time to play.

In Vegas, his wife had come far.
In fact, she was a superstar.
Wearing naught but a fan,
she’d entice every man,
then drive home in a pearl-colored car!

Her spouse lost his jobThe years fled.
His wife he then had declared dead.
But with no job in sight,
he’d stay home each night,
with loneliness causing him dread.

Do you think this guy ever has let
his conscience feel any regret
that his wife did so much
while he gambled and such?
Has he learned anything at all yet?

Did he marry and get a new bride?
Did Pearl go and change her sweet ride
to a sleek red Corvette,
and did SHE marry yet?
I leave it to YOU to decide!

Written June 2016 for the Desperate Housewife Contest of PD

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous, voice,


Old blabber mouth gets on my wick His attitude makes me quite sick He plays to the crowd Is brash and so loud My husband thinks he's an idiot! Inspired by Stevie Wonder Song on the Radio today - He's Misstra know it all' WRITTEN BY JAN ALLISON Impolite blabber mouths and know it alls completely ignore rules and protocols nasty comments they impart from the pit of a black heart Jackasses like that should be kept in stalls From that mouth erupts volcanic dribble He taunts with words until there's a quibble But runs with tucked tail With a cry and a wail! When he's bitten with more than a nibble WRITTEN BY LIN LANE His ego keeps growing up top Mouths opinion not gonna stop No poet nor bard He's such a blow hard Can't wait for his bubble to pop WRITTEN BY TIM SMITH A video was made for a surprise partyEach person, including children, pretending to spoil the surpriseWeebles were a type of toyLittle people that would wobble and not fall downHERE is the limerick: Who can stand them, blabbermouths in the know? Watch those weebles wobble and watch them go! Wee foibles whisper into ears. It’s for a surprise party, dears. Acting their parts, turns out it’s all for show! WRITTEN BY Kim Rodrigues © 7/2/2018 If your “wit” doesn’t get you that far, And all you’ve got’s blah blah blah blah, I’ll give you advice Cos I’m terribly nice... If you zip it, we’ll all shout “hurrah!” WRITTEN BY NINA PARMENTER There's nothing more infuriating than a know it all Who loves nothing more than to make you look small But its so lovely when they come up Against someone who knows their stuff And like old Humpty Dumpty they have a great fall WRITTEN BY TOM CUNNINGHAM He always sings the same boring song With a foot in his mouth, and a thong He thinks he knows it all But I will make him fall Let me google it and prove him wrong WRITTEN BY TEPPO GREN He talks fast and has a huge head I’m sure he thinks of “bull” in bed His words are empty He gets no sympathy That’s all I have to say, enough said WRITTEN BY ALEXIS Y I once met a man from Peru Who said he knew better than you He was a huge phony And full or balony He knew nothing, that he thought he knew WRITTEN BY CHARLES MESSINA I once knew a man from Brazil A know it all with looks that could kill once he opened his mouth it was like a babbling spout He was no longer much of a thrill WRITTEN BY TANIA KITCHIN His horse races wearing no shoes Counts by fingers and toes by two's His life sick and sad Wants to be so bad Friends happy when he has the blues FIRST EVER LIMERICK WRITTEN BY ROBERT LINDLEY I know someone on poetry soup. Opens their mouth and words fly the coop. Tries so very hard to write, Condemnation is their plight! A name? I cannot that low stoop! WRITTEN BY MICK TALBOT PLEASE FEEL FREE TO JOIN IN AND WRITE A POEM ABOUT BLABBERMOUTHS THEN PLEASE SOUP MAIL ME YOUR LIMERICK AWARDED POEM OF THE DAY 3RD JULY - THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO CONTRIBUTED AND IS SHARING THIS HONOUR 7/2/18

Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: funny,

Why Pa Ain't Pet Sittin' No More

While Ma was away, Pa lost Tweety
while pet-sittin’ for his friend Petey.
Then at dinnertime, Ma
said, “I’m so sorry, Pa,
but this bird I found ain’t very meaty!”

Another time, it was a frickin’
frog he lostWhile pa was lickin’
his chops over dinner,
Ma beamed, “What a winner!
That frog I found tastes just like chickin.”

Another time “Hillbilly Jake”
Asked Pa to please watch his pet snake.
Ma was out of the loop;
saw that snake and made soup.
It was more than her husband could take.

Pa hollered out, “What’s wrong with you?
Every pet I sit ends up as stew!”
“Keep your eye on them critters,
or they’ll end up as fritters.
I’m not here,” Ma said, “runnin’ no zoo.”

Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: funnyhorse,

A Horse To Hate

There’s a horse that I so hate to see,
and at night sometimes he visits me.
His attacks to my thigh
make me think I might die.
Wild "Charley Horse" acts horribly.

For he comes out of nowhere, so fast!
And he brings a sharp pain like a blast.
I scream like a loon
hit by a harpoon.
Then my husband awakens aghast!

But my hubbie can’t help meThat horse,
though invisible, has such great force!
How I love my reprieves
when the little beast leaves.
But his kind never stays gone, of course!

My poor calf he attacked in a pool
while I swam, and I felt like a fool
as I floundered around.
Well, I could have drowned!
He’s a mean little horse and a ghoul.

He’s got kin, and they all like the game
of bringing folks painOne has fame
of attacking your womb
in a hospital room.
Now THAT one puts Charley to shame!!

By Andrea Dietrich

(note to those who do not know this common
 American expression: Charley Horse is a leg cramp
and all the his kin are assorted types of cramps!)

For PD's "Any Poem Goes" Contest

Poem Details | by Carolyn Devonshire |
Categories: funny, husband,

An Unappreciated Housewife

He walks into the room each day at six
As around their Dad all five children mix
     He smiles at them with glee
     Meantime he sneers at me
So I get prepared to take all his licks

“What have you been doing all day?” he asks
No appreciation for all my tasks
     “Washed clothes and changed diapers
     Don’t need any gripers”
This insensitive father wears two masks

Each morning his breakfast is served on time
Later, vodka collins are served with lime
     He never shops for food
     Says my cooking’s no good
And when he bathes, the tub is filled with grime

My Mom said, “Men just work from sun to sun,
But a woman’s housework is never done” 
     I found a new game plan
     A hearty, handsome man
Together, my husband we could outrun

May 25, 2012
*Entry for David’s 3 H contest

Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: jealousy,

Wood Envy

Have I jealousy of my dear mate?
I don’t think I have any, but wait!
I sure wish I could pee
in the wood near a tree
like my husband does, standing up straight!

For Line Gauthier's Funny Limerick Contest

Poem Details | by JADAZZLE UNITED |
Categories: humorous, vacation,

Vacation Disaster

We arrived at the airport quite late
My passport was months out of date
My husband was snappy
The baby filled its nappy
I just stood there and got quite irate

The pilot had been on the pop
On the runway he couldn't stop
He just missed a tree
Stopped off for a pee
Now his career is facing the chop

Our hotel was two star not four
Cockroaches crawled on the floor
We got a terrible fright 
In the middle of the night
A tornado blew off our door

Written for Vacation Humor Contest Sponsored By Carolyn Devonshire

Poem Details | by Robert A. Dufresne |
Categories: funnyage, age,

The Lady and the Electrician

There was a nice lady named Bess,
Her age not many could guess,
Because when she put on her face,
Her age did erase,
But left the bathroom a mell of a hess!

Her husband was an electrician for hire,
He sat on a generator and licked a wire,
He toathted hith tongue,
And burnt up hith bung,
And now he always thits fire!

( I'm sorryI tried hard but could not find any moral to this story.)

Poem Details | by Anisha Dutta |
Categories: anniversary, wedding, , cute,

Wedding Anniversary

                           Wedding Anniversary

        On fiftieth Wedding Anniversary
     Couple booked a lovely suite in hurry.
               Full Moon is seen to glow
               through the nice wide window.
      Couple fought a lot making wife angry.

     Upset husband called Hotel Manager
    ‘Come soon, sharp, prompt, I need help my brother.
                  My wife wants to throw 
                  herself through window.
           She is furious on my behaviour.’

      Polite Manager told ‘Even it turns fatal,
     I cannot interfere, matter is marital.
                Try to solve yourself
                  I can never help.
     Hotel will just watch staying impartial'.

     Husband shouted ‘Sole responsibility
      must go instant to Hotel Authority.
               Cute maintenance problem,
                   not marital, I claim.
       Open the stuck window, it is priority


      Let's Have Some FUN Contest      Third Place
     Sponsor Casarah Nance

Poem Details | by Paul Schneiter |
Categories: humor,

Blues News

There was a miserable husband of McNigh
Who had a tendency to frequently cry.
His wife filed for divorce
Causing him no remorse.
Now he’s happy as a drunk drinking rye.

Poem Details | by Dale Gregory Cozart |
Categories: humor, poetry,


There once was a cranky old parrot who had all the charms of a ferret. She went to great ends to get rid of friends and now lives in a draft-y garret. The draft made her sicker and sicker which caused her to bicker and bicker. She tried writing verse which made matters worse so that she would bicker much quicker! She couldn't stop coughing and wheezing. Her vanity there was no pleasing. The truth of her curse was no gift for verse which she blamed on all of the breezing. This made her get tougher and tougher. Her verses got rougher and rougher. She wouldn't stop writing, but kept on delighting in making the whole country suffer. BY DALE GREGORY COZART The parrot soon dropped off her high perch From the top of an old silver birch Now she’s no longer squawking And her husband is walking To see the old bird buried in church! BY JAN ALLISON

Poem Details | by Carol Connell |
Categories: food, fun, husband,

Going Green

Adios to the pasta and noodles
Of which he consumed by the oodles
Spouse is high carb defiant
So  Keto compliant
And grubbing on healthy fresh *zoodles.

I don’t mention this just to be mean
Of my husband there’s less to be seen
He’s losing the weight
is doing so great
and with zoodles we’re all going green!


Zoodles=noodles made from zucchini with the use of a spiralizer

Submitted for Green Humor Poetry Contest sponsored by Carolyn Devonshire
5th place

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: food, for her, humorous,


Sweet Caren’s an ace masticator and opens her mouth like a gator Breakfast dinner and tea She will chew thoroughly Her husband just acts as her waiter! Inspired by this poem written by Caren Krutsinger Posted with full permission of Caren 8/11/18

Poem Details | by Sara Kendrick |
Categories: funny,

The Fire Chief

The fire chief was in a great big tight Was holding his cheeks with all his might At the bus station did stop Cost a dime to use the pot Now his drawers a pitiful sight
Long ago my husband worked as a fireman. They were on a trip to get some schooling. On the way the chief had a sudden attack of diarrhea. They stopped at the bus station but they charged a dime to use the facilities..He did not have a dime ___well you know the rest of the story.....

Poem Details | by tom bell |
Categories: adventure, funny, husband, love,

State Fair

There once was a woman named Shar,
Who went to her local State Fair,
Her husband came too,
Can't say no to you,
And they were quickly thrown out of there

Poem Details | by Joyce Johnson |
Categories: adventure, funnyfish, fishing, me,

Going Fishing

I wanted to learn how to fish.
Daddy said he would grant my wish.
Handed me a worm
That started to squirm.
I'd rather get fish from a dish.

My dear husband whom I adore
Asked me to go fishing once more.
I tripped and fell in
A fisherman's sin.
Now we're buying fish from the store.

The fish were all biting that day,
Promised I'd stay out of his way.
He threw out the hook.
It snagged on my book.
Now I'm not a fish devotee.

April 25/11

For John's Fishing Limerick Contest

Poem Details | by Loch David Crane |
Categories: funny, god, irony, religious,

Three Atheistic Limericks

Three Atheist limericks 
	for April Fools' Day 2006

Dear MrsSchiavo: Goodbye
Dear MrsSchiavo:  Goodbye.
Fifteen years was a long time to die.
   Your husband was brave
   To withstand the wave
Of inedible pie in the sky 

Why San Diegans remove Crosses from public Land

The SD City Council must hold strong:
Those mountaintop Christians are wrong.
   Crucifixion's the sign
   Of insensitive minds
Not the Native Americans' song.

Unrequited Faith

Dear Judeo-Christian God:
Your behavior's exceedingly odd.
   You let Hitler misbehave
   Then killed thousands with waves
And can't keep your priests' hands  off  kids'  bods!

Poem Details | by Sara Kendrick |
Categories: funny, health,

Brown Bag Lunch

A patient came out of the patient's room
Into the doctor's office lobby zoom
A brown paper bag
Held in his hand sag
Declared, "I'll share my lunch" with loud boom  

My husband with humorous thought said
They go good with salad and no bread
The patient then spoke
Croutons atop bloke
Laughter and  twinkle between unsaid 

At least he had a sense of humor..
When they weighted me I came
back out and told my husband
I just found out that I am way too

Poem Details | by Sara Kendrick |
Categories: husband,

The Dishwasher

Once there was a dishwasher leak That went on and on for a week It flooded the clean floor Sorrow ran in the door The situation looked so bleak The pit bull bit the wife when she hand fed Naughty devil in disguise watched as she bled Now the old husband is retired He is caught in the line of fire Dish washer with apron he has been lead He called the repair man in secret He whispered as it was the bleakest Get the parts sent by air express Get here so fast speed in excess As he whispered this is so freakish
My dishwasher is leaking a river when it drains so we are having to hand wash dishes until the repair man can get parts to fix it..The dog bit my hand and I have an open wound which doesn't need to be in dish waterI asked the retired husband to helpHe told me he was going to call the repair man and tell him to have those parts delivered by air express..Then he said I kind of like doing this and I am good at it so I think I will apply for a job doing it for pay..LOL>>ROTFL

Poem Details | by Katherine Stella |
Categories: adventure, fantasy, funny, imagination,

Deal Or No Deal

<                             Once was a gal shopped all garage sales
                               Nuts ~ bolts ~ screws ~  all found in one big pail
                               Husband said had nice rack
                               Wife turns ~ gives him...good smack
                               Loaded - buckshot - and - boy - did - he..wail 

Written by
Katherine Stella 
Entry For
A Poets Garage Sale

Poem Details | by Katherine Stella |
Categories: adventure, childhood, dedication, education,

All In The Family

<                          once Edith laid her hot iron flat
                            husband Archie called her his dingbat
                            then son-in-law ~ meathead
                            put iron on dam bed
                            boy fire did make Jefferson scat

Written By 
Katherine Stella 10/30/11
Entry For Techno - Limericks Contest 
To Be Co-Judge  G.LAll

Just Gotta Love That Archie LOL

Note Please Never Leave Your Iron On
Can Really Ruin Your Day Yikes

Poem Details | by Tirzah Conway |
Categories: allegory, family, father, funny,

She really did get this call

I wish I could be a fly on the wall,
When my poor old mother gets the phone call,

        “He’s here at the bar
        Quick bring us your car,

Your husband just got in a brawl”

Poem Details | by john williams |
Categories: funny,

The Calcium Thief

A badgering wife caused her husband such grief,
Each time she did he ground his teeth,
Over the years his teeth become
Nothing but stumps upon his gum,
His friends all called her, 'the calcium thief.'

Poem Details | by Sara Kendrick |
Categories: health,

Glasses On The Shelf

There was a man from Thomaston Of real good vision he had none Glasses weren't any help They sat upon the shelf From his surgery he's left stunned
My husband has had cataract surgery this week.. He says that he can't see any better out of the eye upon which he had surgery.

Poem Details | by Mindy Gregersen |
Categories: sympathysad, time,

Dawn the Stalker, part 3

She devoted her time to poetry and blogs
Addressing his many nonexistent flaws
As if his was the family, being neglected
While she refused to address his rejection
And became something too sad to even mock

You see, Dawn had succumbed to her invective
Unmedicated and overprotective
But of all the wrong things -
The lies about herself she struggled to maintain
And an impossible dream objective

And so, Dawn rots away
Her own twisted mind's slave
Spending time on a man who will never love her
Of whose affections, she is quite sure
While the ones who do care about her are estranged

She thinks only of herself
And ignores her child's wails
Mocks her husband's needs
She is the epitome of greed
And of failing mental health

Her words against him are an inner reflection
Of the emptiness that has become her own life's direction
She gets more repulsive as she pines away
And her husband is tempted to stray
But she thinks he is a fool to her deception

And most of us caught in her narrative live on
While she babbles like a moron
Taking her hate and lies wherever she can
To try and further convict an innocent man
Oh, what a sad old witch, that Dawn!

Categories: bird, dad, daughter, fun,


                     The queen of birds Sari dear lived in the mango tree
                     I asked her to come down and take a saree from me
                              She asked wide-eyed the price of it
                               I said,”Sari, you’re a cute tweet”
            She made faces, chirruped short, and flew to the next tree.

A  saree  is a South Asian female garment that consists of a drape varying from five to nine yards in length and two to four feet in breadth that is typically wrapped around the waist, with one end draped over the shoulder, baring the midriff

                      Sari came down and sat on the bay window
                    ‘Dad’, she said,’ you must chain the devil Frido’
                                      “He is a gawky brute
                                  Just now he ate up a coot
                       He needs your boot and a slap on his credo”.

                 Sari tweeted my wife” O mom, don’t pinch my behind”
                   My wife re-tweeted,” Sari, You are not of this kind”.
                          “Sorry to say you have no proper bum
                           So, Sari, how can I be a pinch bum?”
                   Sari re-re-tweeted, “Mom, a lie, my bum is twined.”

                      Sari came one day with his creaky husband Suk
                  “Dad, teach Suk a lesson, he must know how to cook"
                            "Sari, my darling, you’re a sweet fraud
                          Don’t crook Suk’s head with a teaching rod
                      Better teach him how to fly by hook or by crook"

                  Sari, my daughter, in mid September, gave birth to a girl
                   She was a ball of furry delight, eyes were pacific pearl
                               I said, "Sari ,you are now a mother
                               So you must not be antsy like other
                Sari hugged her child,said”dad, no worry, she will be a whirl"

Poem Details | by T Wignesan |
Categories: humor,

Limerick: Once a wife Nurse and husband Doctor

Limerick : Once a wife Nurse and husband Doctor

Once a wife Nurse and husband Doctor
Loved the meat served from Clinic larder
So they went in to see
Found morgue bodies for free
Since then stopped buying meat from butcher.

© TWignesan – Paris,  2013

Poem Details | by john williams |
Categories: funny,

Retail Therapy - Poor Husband

An over-burdoned wife from old Sydney Town,
    Life on top of her and feeling quite down,
         So, retail therapy off she went,
      On Master Card two thousand spent,
     Now her husband is wearing  a frown.

Alternate last line options:

1 Now her husband wears a frown.

2 Now her husband's feeling down.

3 Now hubby makes a whimpering sound.

Poem Details | by Sara Kendrick |
Categories: animals, father, funnyold, old,

Rat With Chunk Cheese Shoes

There once was an old man from Thomaston
Who said old rats like cheese like young rats, son
~~My favorite shoes sport rat~~
~~Who eats chunk cheese where he sat~~
Constant reminder of old man with pun

(About a year before my father died at age 96,
we went to a funeral and a lady of about 38 to 43 
years old escourted him from the family car to the 
cemetery..The farther they walked the more he
leaned into her..My husband said something to him
about it..He said old rats like cheese just like young
rats..I found a pair of pj with shoes with the rat and
cheese..Always a reminder of my father..)

Poem Details | by Tim Smith |
Categories: fun,

The Hot Mom and The Pool Boy - A Poetrysoup Collaboration

The day was long and she was spent
off to the pool our hot mom went
asked for some lotion
and dreamlike potion
drifting away she was content

Before to long she had awoke
sounds of pleasure the pool boy spoke
she fell for his charms
and into his arms
he was large now her seat is broke

Jan Allison

They soon were misbehaving
her bikini top he was waving
they broke every rule
had a romp in the pool
he pretended he was lifesaving

San Woo

It did appear a good ruse
as sugar daddy accused
but the lip to lip
was below her hips
so she yelled, "It's sexual abuse"

He screamed, "You think I'm obtuse?"
I am not even amused
for your lusty slips
you shall get no tips
I shall go find a new muse

Chris Green

She only meant to get some sun
but now her plan became undone
a shadow loomed
as something bloomed
the pool boy said, "Let's have some fun"

John Lawless

Oh her pirated boy he moved fast
as they replayed a game from the past
but in her haste
and no longer chaste
forgot the plank she'd just slid down

Darren White

She lay on her back in the pool
the pool boy grinned like a fool
he spring boarded too
from ten meters mind you
and landed on her, that's not cool

Jean Murray

He landed on her...but wait
his aim was true for his mate
he dived right in
it was win, win, win
they both felt it was great

Daniel Turner

He showed to her his cleaning tool
that hot momma started to drool
he cleaned her alright
way into the night
came back the next day for the pool

It was so hard to do his job
she had become his new heartthrob 
she sunned in the nude
and his eyes were glued
to her furry thing-a-ma-bob

James Andersen

She was never a prude
loved basking in the nude
he cleaned the pool
then flashed his tool
she never felt more screwed

She had come from old money
was a pretty hot bunny
he was such a fool
never cleaned the pool
long as he calls her honey

Charmaine Chircop

He always called her sweet honey
sugar babe, chick, and hot mummy
she called him her bear
with no manly hair
who sucked on her pears and tummy

Daniel Turner

Her husband home early from work
looked out the door with a smirk
out in the lounge chair
the pool boy was bare
while his wife did some needlework

Demetrios Trifiatis

Hot mom desired the strong handsome pool boy
she wished to use him as a pleasure toy
come she said let us two play
can't wait, please do not delay
but be careful my seat not to destroy

*who wants to add?*

Poem Details | by Duke Beaufort |
Categories: funny, marriage, time,

The reluctant companion

The wife plans a spree to buy all
With husband on board at the mall
But as this takes place
He just looks for a space
To sit on a bench in the hall

Poem Details | by Sidney Hall Mad Poet |
Categories: funny

Fishing or not

I went a fishin in the neighborhood pond
Just when I cast it in I had to suddenly abscond
I didn’t think it was wrong 
But the pond wore a thong
I was chased by the husband of Gertrude the blond

Poem Details | by Mindy Gregersen |
Categories: sympathy

Dawn the Stalker, part 1

There once was an old hag named Dawn
Over a married man online she would fawn
Though she fancied him often
They had nothing in common
And her comments made him wan

When he politely turned her down
She sat, with an acid frown
But there is more to this picture
You see, Dawn was a spinster
And her schizophrenia was akin to a loaded round

She fancied herself a prophet of God
The scientist she was pursuing was hardly awed
He lived it up online with his friends
But her stalking behavior with others should portend
His sense of security would soon be trod

Dawn had a penchant for delusion
("Don't all 'prophets'", suggested the atheist's conclusion!)
And as her warped mind played its tricks
It conjured up a scenario so sick
And none could distract her from her intrusion

She stalked him, day and night
Posting threats and his address online
She decided he was pretending to be other people
And her invective turned so lethal
That some she accused of being him were in quite a fright

As months became consumed with her obsession
Her poor husband and daughter lived in depression
She got fatter and fatter
And his friends' comments on these matters
Accelerated her ego's aggression

She threatened him with scripture
And cut the head off of a belly dancer's picture
But he remained unimpressed
Happily married, he stressed!
But on her rotten mind, he was still a fixture

Poem Details | by Jack Clark |
Categories: funny, humor, humorous,

Meet the Husband

“We can’t go on meeting like this
‘Cause my husband’s all in a hiss”
- I found out: She’s right.
- met her husband tonight
I think it’s my face I will miss.

Poem Details | by Janice Canerdy |
Categories: husband, relationship, wife,

The Man Who Loved Pink

				His wife wants some black lingerie.
				He'll really surprise her today.
				Hot pink is his fav'rite.
				Oh, how he does sav'r it.
				He struts in his bright negligee!
				She's shocked when she sees him this way.
				She screams, "What a Valentine's Day!
				I wanted red roses,
				but here my man poses
				and prancesThis is NOT OKAY!"

				She sniffles and gives him a box.
				Inside are some black boots and socks.
				He says, "Black and pink
				look kinky, I think!
				Oh, thanks, DearThis gift really rocks."

				He does have some roses for her.
				Bynow everything is a blur.
				"Pink roses," she mumbles.
				Toward bed she now stumbles.
				He says, "WaitI bought you a fur!"

				"It's pink," she responds"I'm amazed!"
				Her husband is smiling, unfazed.
				"I dyed it for you.
				Don't you love this hue?"
				She stares at him, totally dazed.

				She tells him, "I have to lie down." 
				He says, "Say good-bye to that frown.
				I've fixed up our room			
				and banished the gloom.
				For us, no more drab beige and brown!"

				She enters the room feeling weak
				and turns on the light for a peek.
				She screams when she sees
				bright pink; then she flees.
				For days she's unable to speak.

Date:  December 9, 2018

Contest Title:  Make Me Actually LOL Poetry Contest

Sponsor:  Nina Parmenter


Poem Details | by john williams |
Categories: funny,

Sneezin' Season

A husband with a severe allergy issue
Erupted a huge sneeze, going achishoo,
His poor wife flew across the floor
Exiting through a closed back door,
Next time he should use a tissue.

          Version  2

A husband's severe allergy issue
Caused a huge sneeze going achishoo,
His wife shot across the slippery floor
Ramming through a closed back door,
Next time he should use a tissue.

---which version do you prefer?

Poem Details | by Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen |
Categories: funny, people

Accepting the Bulge

She went to the beach with a blanket.
Fat all around; she would not tuck-it.
String bikini and sand
Covered less than her hand.
Her husband hid his head in a bucket.

Reposted for Poetry Soup Member Contest: ANY FUNNY POEM 	
Sponsored by: ¥ Destroyer ¥ Poet

© Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen
May 22, 2010

Poem Details | by Nicole Rodriguez |
Categories: marriage,

Husbands in Heaven Whose Wives Scold Not

There once was a husband named Craig
Whose wife made a breakfast of eggs,
          He complained they were runny
          And a waste of his money
And now his tail sits between his legs.

There once was a hubby named Clyde
Who had a young girl on the side
          Wifey came from work early,
          Saw Clyde with his girlie,
Now he lives in a doghouse outside.

There once was a man named Jasper
Whose marriage was filled with laughter
          There was equal respect
           Not a trace of neglect
And they both lived happily after.

Poem Details | by Sara Kendrick |
Categories: vacation,

The Grand Canyon

The Grand Canyon_what a sight Aerial view a delight Six passenger plane Over the canyon strains Into barf bag said Last Rites
Inspired by Carolyn Devonshire's contest about vacations Not an entry About twenty-five years ago, we went to the Grand Canyon and during the short stay decided to go on an airplane ride over the canyon to get a bird's eye viewI get motion sickness but it started off greatI go piece of cake, I can do this then we hit the turbulance over the canyon and I sat with a barf bag the whole trip..The airplane would shake, the engine sounded strained, and then it would drop and I would be in mid-air held by a seatbelt..My husband was going to film the whole trip for the future but when we hit the first pocket of turbulance he dropped the camera and filmed the underside of the pilots seat for 20 minutes..

Poem Details | by Sara Kendrick |
Categories: funny, nature

The Impulsive Aries Lady

There once was an Aries lady
Who was very optimistic and steady
Generous but impulsive
Her husband did want to be abusive
So he floated her down Ayeyarwady

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: birthday, humorous,


This 90th birthday poem is for my Aunt Jean Bates – she was in fits of laughter when I recited it on the phone for her todayMy Aunt and her brother (who is 99) both used to write poetry and many naughty limericks so I guess it is in my genes A schoolboy whose surname is Bates Got terribly teased by his mates He is MISTER not Master – (That would be a disaster) His surname he now really hates! True Story … When I was on the phone my aunt told me of a coach trip she took with her husband and son – the tour leader was reading out the names of the passengers … Mr and Mrs Smith and Master Smith, Mr and Mrs Jones and Master Jones …My aunt was mortified when they got to their surname and it was Mr and Mrs Bates and Master Bates – why couldn’t they call him Mister! 08-06-17

Poem Details | by Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen |
Categories: family, husband, social, work

The Woes of a Househusband

The Woes of a Househusband

There once was a rich attorney named Joyce.
She fought for women's lib with a strong voice.
Her husband raised their baby.
And cleaned their house like crazy.
As she approached the bar, he lost his choice.

© August 26, 2010
Dane Smith-Johnsen

Poem Details | by Grace Williams |
Categories: death, fantasy, satire, people,

Silver Strands

The heaves and the roars and the sighs
Are less frightening to passer-bys
Than the terrible moans 
Of the hollowed out stones
Which bring forth the dead sailors’ cries.

The sky in the west has gone red,
Dyeing rocks on whom many have bled
Men defended their homes
Legends filled foreign tomes:
Devil’s ile is what far scholars said

Thinking savages roamed ‘round uncouth
They could not have imagined the truth
That a goddess lived there
With star light for her hair
Who gave to all many life times of youth

These people they could not feel fear
For as long as their goddess was near
Despite the fall of leaves
They had endless reprives
A silver strand and at death they could leer

But when one girl fell deeply in love
With one resembling a sweet mourning dove
When she asked for a strand
From her tribe she was banned
Left to die with her husband alone

First of her people to grow wise with age
She tried to make others give up their rage
But with her own son she failed
And to his people he sailed
He hanged the goddess by her hair on her stage

*I know that this is a bit creepy and gross I don't know why I wrote it.*

Poem Details | by Owen Yeates |
Categories: daughter, food,

My Daughter

My daughter her name is Kim
For Indian curry often has a whim
She farts like firing a rifle
They smell more than just a trifle
As for her husband I’m sorry for him

Poem Details | by Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen |
Categories: funny

Accepting the Bulge

Accepting the Bulge

She went to the beach with a blanket.
Fat all around; she would not tuck-it.
String bikini and sand
Covered less than her hand.
Her husband hid his head in a bucket.

1st place win in Carolyn’s Limerick Contest.

© Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen
May 22, 2010
Poetic form:  Limerick

Categories: fun,

bastard custard

She mastered a bastard custard 
His husband was a bit flustered
He invited friends 
And forgot his lens 
He saw a plateful of mustard

Poem Details | by mike dailey |
Categories: adventure, education, husband, wife,

Scared Clean

Scared Clean

A gentleman wanting to scare
His wife, started out getting quite bare
Climbed into the machine
That got his clothes clean
To wait for his wife to get there

When his wife finally opened the lid
Of the washing machine in which he hid
She was really surprised
By the look in his eyes
And not because of something he did

You see, curled up, this man with no clothes
His muscles and joints simply froze
In spite of his tussle
Could not budge a muscle
No matter the movement he chose

The wife had to call 911
To get her poor husband undone
As they tried not to laugh
With an olive oil bath
His freedom he finally one

And just what did we learn from this man?
It is something you must understand.
Don’t wedge yourself in
In a laundry bin
Just because you think you can

And even within you own house
Playing hide and seek with your own spouse
If scared’s what you’re after
And not just her laughter
Getting naked I would not espouse

Uncle Mike

Poem Details | by Duke Beaufort |
Categories: forgiveness

She couldn't undo

What srubs a soap rub with panache
And stops cleansing acts that won't wash?
For Lady Macbeth
Having planned Duncan's death
Great guilt hands her plans the kibosh

(Another classic example of undoing is the cheating husband who comes home with flowers 
for his wife after the fact It doesn't wash off)

Categories: fun,


                         "Hey just give me a minute to level my locks"
                    She told her husband who was playing  a groan box
                                    He stopped his harmonics 
                                    And changed his tectonics
                       Used histrionics "you are running out of clocks"

Poem Details | by Robert A. Dufresne |
Categories: education

Holiday Shopping Course; Don't Forget the Pad!

Grab your bag, your husband and your dad,
Get ready to shop for this year’s fad,
Set your clocks; Black Friday is near,
Squint up a face that shows no fear,
Dawn brass knuckles, long nails and note pad.

Be the first at the Mall store, mate,
Pack a snack, stay all night and wait,
When the door unlocks run in, shove and scream,
A scare tactic that’s worked on me it seems.

Finger nail scratches are what I hate from those dames,
While you’re running in seeming slow mo for the newest games,
Stay on your feet men, survive and keep up the pace!
Or drop in the stampede and they’ll stomp your face!
The note pad? They need it for kicking butt and taking names!

for Carolyn's contest: