A curvaceous lady named Mary
Just loved having sex in the dairy
When smothered with whipped cream
Her beau would lick her clean…
His Calorie intake was scary!!!
14th June 2016
Ted enjoys a quick roll in the hay...
He’s sleeping with his buxom P A
She confirmed she’s with child
Ted baulked, then got quite riled
I wonder what his wife’s got to say!
Sue’s panties gave her so much woe -
She suffered from dire ‘camel toe’
But with help from soft plastic
Her new outline’s fantastic
It’s discrete and no one would know!
I went to the shops with my bride,
Our nakedness we didn’t hide,
We followed what folk ask -
Just wear gloves and a mask,
Both bereft, we stood there and cried!
There once was a young man called Rodger
Who's very transfixed with his todger
From morning till night
He gets his delight
Now he shares his bed with his lodger
A busty young lady from Peel
Her boobies she couldn't conceal
They were such a huge size
That she won a first prize
For the fruit men most wanted to feel
7th April 2015
I made a bit of a boob on the 2nd line - thanks Paul Callus for your advice
Tapped messages go out direct
With phones it's an easy connect
Thoughts from a finger
In cyberspace linger
But touching's too much to expect
A constipated vicar named Bart
Was in church when he dropped a huge fart
He said 'Lord I have sinned'
For I’ve got pooey wind
Blushing scarlet he did soon depart!
26th April 2016
A merman had one stubborn daughter
who rebelled against what her dad taught her.
When she swam to dry land,
she could then understand
she was just like a fish - out of water!
For the Out of Water Poetry Contest of Sheri Fresonke Harper
I once knew a poet named Andrea.
Assaulted by someone’s hysteria,
she wouldn’t engage,
but feeling some rage,
she fought all night long with insomnia.
(It's kinda true!!!)
On this tropical beach, one hot summer day
Jim the Trim came, his bod to display
Been workin’ out day and night
Made the girls' eyes burn bright
Next, he's running from muscles that sashay
KIM PATRICE NUNEZ
10 April 2015
I post my poems on poetry soup
About farting and guys with brewer’s droop
I’ve been given a crown
And I won’t let Flo down
Be assured I’ll keep on posting my poop!
Posted in conjunction with my blog about my amazing gifts from F J Thomas
25th January 2017
Poor Viv got caught in his loo
(Was sporting his pink tutu)
His Mrswas mad
Said you ‘stupid lad -
your hairy thighs still show through!
My contst pom Sponsor’d by Viv Wiggly
chckd with how many syllabls 7,7,5,5,7
I remember once dating a clown
In the sack he was such a let down
He was missing one ball
And his todger was small
It’s no wonder that he wore a frown!
We boarded a flight to Hong Kong
Our pilot was called Sum Ting Wong
I’d a smile on my face
As his flying was ace -
His parents sure got his name wrong!
09 04 17
Jan always likes a good pun.
She can take any topic and run.
What she writes on a fart
May not make us swoon: "Art!",
But we'll LAUGH,'cause her poems are FUN!
For Jan who reminds me that writing should first and foremost be fun!
I once met some natives from Bahamas
Both men had the same size BIG iguanas
I was embarrassed - to say
I felt very SMALL - that day
When I saw them pop out their pajamas
Humorous Limerick Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Tania Kitchin
I once bowled a three hundred and one
Someone told me that couldn't be done
I said, "I've done it before..
When I had bowled my high score..
I had bowled a three hundred...and WON"
“Sometimes too much drink is barely enough.” Mark Twain, on Alcoholism
05 July 2015
Poem of the Day - 07 July 2015
Write With the Wit of Twain Contest - 4th Place
Sponsor: Andrea Dietrich
Fun minions give children a thrill.
Take note of one thing, if you will.
Like a Xanax, the minion,
In one actor's opinion,
Resembles a big yellow pill!
Written Feb24, 2016 for the Minions Poetry Contest of Silent One
Two autos both tried to have sex.
A pity they both were such wrecks!
With great apprehension,
One lost its suspension.
Old banger sex – oh so complex!
Contest: East Jesus
Sponsor: Roy Jerden
Checked using how many Syllables 8,8,6,6,8
~awarded 3rd place~
You got a duff gift from your ‘mate’
Too large, in a colour you hate
It simply won’t fit
You’ll never wear it
No nookie mate now you can wait!
A Quintain Christmas - Andrea Dietrich
~awarded 3rd place~
There once was an old witch whose pies
Were unique in flavor and size.
She delighted her covens
When she opened her ovens,
With dozens of old crusty guys.
I'm thirsty - I needed a drink
There lurking in my kitchen sink
Lying flat on his back
He’s no longer jet black
A hedgehog…now he doesn't stink!
11th April 2015
You have disregarded instructions
Thus claiming improper deductions
Send money by mail
And IF you should fail
Your paycheck will suffer reductions...
“The hardest thing in the world to understand is income tax” - Albert Einstein
Submitted for: John Freeman’s contest