Ted’s libido has now gone astray
He refused a quick roll in the hay
So what could be the cause -
It’s the male menopause
He’s been grumpy and snappy all day!
His testosterone levels have dropped
Many Viagra pills he has popped
He drops one in his tea
It will keep his cookie
Standing up straight whenever it flopped
By jingo, Ted’s put on so much weight
It’s not down to the lunches he ate
His once perfect tush
Has now turned to mush
Ted should diet before it’s too late
His middle aged paunch has been spreading
Can’t fit in the suit from his wedding
He once was so hot
Now he’s gone to pot
And now I hear he wets his bedding
Ted’s developing male breasts, I see
So I renamed them "moobies," tee hee
They stick out so far
He needs a 'man bra'
If measured - he’d be bigger than me!
Ted’s losing all the hair on his head
(It’s sprouting from his nostrils instead)
With long hairs in his ear
Poor Ted can hardly hear
And he braids it when he goes to bed
BY JAN ALLISON
Mister T has trouble finding his ding dong
I have to laugh even though I know it's wrong
He's nothing but a wimp
Now that his parts are limp
Bet he knows where it all started to go wrong
WRITTEN BY LIN LANE
Ted is anxiously awaiting his date
A beautiful blond he met out of state
took blue pills from his pocket
to help rev up his rocket
but he wonders if she would rather wait
WRITTEN BY TANIA KITCHIN
"I'm so sorry"Apologised Ted
To his wife, as they lay in their bed
It's not you that's the cause
It's that male menopause
"Do you fancy a cocoa instead".
WRITTEN BY RICHARD D SEAL
Well the doc said “you need exercise”,
So it’s football today with the guys,
Roger yells “on me head!”
“Well I could do,” says Ted,
“What’s the point though, when everything dies?”
WRITTEN BY NINA PARMENTER
That male menopause can be iffy,
do more than just cost you your stiffy.
You've no more will to jerk;
it's just way to much work,
but you'll write new haiku in a jiffy!
WRITTEN BY DALE GREGORY COZART
Ted had a problem didn't know the cause
his mate told him it's the manopause
advised him to see Bill
to purchase a blue pill
Bill said this will amuse her indoors
Ted asked his wife not to sneer or mock
when he told her it was such a shock
he had tried a blue pill
to give her a big thrill
worked too well its now a stumbling block.
WRITTEN BY ROY PETT
She burst into the room and caught Ted
lying naked, aroused on the bed
thought that she was the reason
that he was now 'in season'
not brochures for a new garden shed
WRITTEN BY VIV WIGLEY
There a was guy named Ted,that was cool
He would make all the young ladies drool
Now he’s married and limp
And he resembles a blimp
The “lift” tanked and the Mrs thinks his a fool
WRITTEN BY ALEXIS Y
The male menopause caught up with old Ted
He's no longer the stallion in bed
But now he takes a little pill
Before he goes in for the kill
Now his poor wife just lays there full of dread
WRITTEN BY TOM CUNNINGHAM
Ted used to be good in the sack.
`Til he started smoking that crack.
Now his wife`s had enough
and she`s left in a huff
and picked up a spare with Jack.
WRITTEN BY CHARLIE KNOWLTON
His wife asked, "Ted what's the cause"
He replied, "tis the male menopause,
I was embarrassed to mention
It won't stand to attention"
I'm afraid you've been clutching at straws."
WRITTEN BY GARY SMITH
Ted loved his "kit-and-kaboodle",
Kept it clipped like a champion poodle
But a glitch in his gland..
Meant the thing wouldn't stand
So it hung from his gut.like a noodle.
WRITTEN BY GREGORY R BARDEN
IF YOU WANT TO JOIN IN THE FUN PLEASE SOUP MAIL ME ANY POEMS TO BE ADDED
An eloquent lady named Kim
works her Words at the Poetry gym
Limericks put on mass
while Haiku takes spin class
and her Couplets are healthy and trim!
This limerick was written for my
Soup buddy Kim Patrice Nunez
Thanks for your positive input
and excellent supportHugz!
To all you wannabe poets
To all you wannabe poets,
Here's a word of advice ere you start:
If you want folks to love it,
Keep your ego out of it.
When you write always write from the heart.
Dressing up a poem
It's great fun to write haiku and sonnets
About rainbows and gay Easter bonnets,
But if you find them too terse,
Try to flesh out your verse,
And festoon it with quatrains and nonets.
Poets come, and poets go, and poets coincide.
Some rhyme time and time again, others "free verse" with pride.
But those who let their egos reign
Oft fade and never scribe again.
They succumb to the literary sin of "authorcide".
The pleasure and the pain
Writing is for me both pain and pleasure,
The time I spend with pad and pen I treasure.
I must confess, though,
Sometimes I stress so
When syllables I try to use refuse to measure.
The old tree Lee had the seed of an idea
He wanted blisters on skin for diarrhea
Meeting was held in Casablanca
All wrote limerick haiku tanka
Compost bed urea soup and Cytherea
© Rajat Kanti Chakrabarty
18 December 2014
Barbara writes poetry, or so she thinks
Unfortunately her stuff really stinks
Her haiku is bad
And her rhyme is sad
Just one more post and the ”soup" will need drinks
There is too much Haiku in my head.
Too much Five-Seven-Five being read.
For a real good time,
We all like a rhyme,
So I wrote this limerick instead.
There once was a poetry contest
which was an heroic concept
The great Roger McGough
just took a quick look
and entered a haiku contest instead
Should Have Seen
You should have seen what I saw;
Looked just like my mother in law;
Had been devoted;
Body badly bloated;
She called me a turkey in the straw.
Think Turkey in the Straw is a dance.
Holy Rollers In A Row
What I saw was Holy Rollers in a row;
Could always tell by way faces glow;
They Have held on,
Until communion gone;
Episcopalian Priests are always a pro.
Horn Haiku for New Year
Be at later date,
When Horn haiku has been formed,
While you are waiting.
Some words to use for poems.
Vivacious, courageous, gracious.
Confusing, choosing, amusing.
Rudimentary, complimentary, pecuniary
Habitant, penitent, compliment.
Exceed, stampede, recede.
Complacent, eloquent, competent
Irefuted, diluted, muted and recruited.
Provoking, joking, pokinginvoking.
Hesistant, consistant, resistant.
Bestowed, glowed, bowed
Contested, rested, suggested.
Loss, moss, toss.
Denied, shied, cried.
Facts, detracts, lacks.
Cathartic, lethargic, tragic
Rocket, sock it, locket
Love we will want is wide and broad,
Made exactly for us and not a fraud;
To God do go;
To Him we must pray to and in laud
He is definitely deeply in my prayers,
For all of us we know that God cares;
Do start to play,
More each day;
He will always free us from all despair.
Wrote this especially for Jon Freeman
Suited To Be Recruited
When we have not been letting God bless,
Our minds may always end up in a mess,
And after to Him we did forget to pray,
we soon discovered sadness and dismay.
Have to look nice and be properly suited;
In service you are sure to be recruited;
Then read haiku well written by Jim Horn;
Magnificent poem in your mind will be born.
Guess you can't have two styles of
poems at the same time.
Write A Poem Horn Haiku
on words was a play
am sure that you understand
write short poem for me
Dear, Mario Vitale
Ivory Tower for Trump is now too tall;
Takes advantage of and treats us small;
Can be confusing;
Never is amusing;
Deceptive and for him we did not fall.
Many More Horn Poems
Had looked like a light brown cow;
And did know it was her somehow;
Climb could not;
Even when hot;
We could tell by each long eye brow.
Of what can a profound poem consist?
Subjects am sure come from long list;
Though am inept;
Write them have found it hard to resist.
Horn haiku with limericks have become,
Poetry you pull out like a purple plum;
God did invite,
Poem to write;
Ate one and to spare still have some.
Perfect example other poets have set;
When both their minds and mine met;
We do treasure;
Come into my mind each poem did let.
After daily poems were over and done,
Had a hard time picking out which one;
You may sing having been home spun.
While we had gathered up so much moss,
Ended up with while soon coming across;
Hard as stone,
My pie alone;
For more words were at a complete loss.
When my poems by other poets do read,
Sweat on my forehead did start to bede;
My poems do adore;
Much more in store;
Actually would like me to be in the lead.
When poems were selected and disected,
What we suspected after being inspected;
We were up tight;
Put in grave site;
Not respected and needed to be corrected.
Poets had always seemed so benovolent;
And from God in heaven they were sent;
Read many of them much time have spent.
James Thomas Horn
Retired Veteran and Poet