My divine manual and life prospectus is the Bible
my ways, a beautiful mirror sparkling like clean Marble
falsehood can’t colour my teeth
Jesus Christ is not a myth
the hope of eternal life, a conviction, not a gamble.
When at home its often fast food I crave,
might even be leftovers that I saved,
always in a race,
open and shut case,
thank God for my nuke everything microwave!
When God made the beasts, in days of old
It seems He lacked quality control
That surely would veto
The cursed mosquito
And preclude all that itching untold
My Most Fabulous Friend
Found you to be my most fabulous friend;
Profound poem prepared and shall send;
And what my fate,
Is you to motivate;
God is great and know never has an end.
American doctors all suck
We're in it to make a fast buck
Your meds cost a bunch
So eat pills for lunch
And pray God has blessed you with luck!
A virgin out searching for God
Discovered that God was a fraud!
How can peace endure
Or girls remain pure
When males come equipped with a prod?
A priest made the sign of a cross
Then knelt to pray to his boss
A pigeon flew by
And baptised the guy
To prove prayers do not gather moss
Three Who We Love and Laud
There are three we do love and laud;
Spirit with Son whose father is God;
Together all our sins they have shod.
Do you disagree with any of this?
Or maybe a point I might miss;
That appeared to look ludicrous.
Way To Success God Had Shone
Instead of being bare to the bone,
And also by myself and left alone;
Not worth seeing;
Wish way to success God had shone.
Trump orders everyone to church
Or Governors will get the birch
Americans will pay
On Memorial Day
With God to blame, Trump ends his search
In Prayer Will Plead
In prayer to God will always plead,
Meet my requirements and do need;
Help me to overcome all my greed.
Sinner Or an Offender
Even if a sinner or an offender,
True love is sure to be tender;
God is great with His splendor.
God Break Me from My Ridgid Stance
God break me from my ridged stance;
Chance allowing me to escape trance,
I had been in,
Again and again,
And enlightened when You enhance.
When God was a burning bush
He happened to see Eve's tush
Butt wise to his games
Eve peed on the flames
And disappeared in a whoosh!
God Created Things With Wings
God had created things with wings,
And the best out of us always brings;
Like a lamb,
When we will hear a bird that sings.
Sitting There Saying a Prayer
While I had been sitting there,
Started suddenly to say a prayer,
When I would,
And also could;
God is always with many to spare.
Getting a head start for Sunday.
My God your road seems so long;
What I did do is sing Him a song;
He will bless;
In Your arms know that I belong.
The RN said he had to cough
In time with Rimsky-Korsakov
When God asked her why
She said, "My, oh my!
Don't you know he's Ben Joaquinov?"
So it was the year of a scorned princess
when Di did on Charles and Camilla dis.
And Liz in her dis-dain
through it all did reign
but couldn’t save her annus horribilis!
Annus horribilis: Latin phrase for “horrible year”
This year I asked Santa for a Harley
and a flagon of wine made of barley.
Then I asked God alone
for an angel of my own...
No, not one of His, one of Charlie’s!
I met a "God Sent" Indian Giver once
A theater costume manager named Hans
Acting on stage
I felt just rage
He chased me shouting: "Give me baak my pants!"
for Poet Destroyer's Contest "Indian Giver"
The tree is life - its branches broken -
the grafted in its boughs betoken.
Faith is the root
and love its fruit
for God will judge as He has spoken!
O' me favorite sport must be drinkin.'
That's the way that God made me I'm thinkin.'
For it seems without fail,
If I start quaffin' ale,
That the landlord will send me home stinkin.'
A hundred years ago lest we forget
They paid a price and paid a debt!
Soldiers in a world at war
Battled on a foreign shore,
And so say us all God bless the Vet.
Head straight to the coffee pot after I pee
What happened this morning? Good god mercy me
Empty Folgers can
Was I pissed? Yes ma’am
(Four extra-large bags make a fine cup ‘o tea)