Limerick Poems About Girlfriend | Girlfriend Limerick Poems
Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: ireland,

Dear Bobby McGee

In a horrible dull monotone Bobby spoke, and his girlfriend would moan, “No kisses from me, dear Bobby McGee till you first kiss the old Blarney Stone.” Written March 15, 2017 for Kim Merryman's Luck of the Irish Limerick Contest


Poem Details | by Sidney Hall Mad Poet |
Categories: funnyme, me,

My Diary Day 1

I was meeting me girlfriend , sexy Cherry Russ
When I saw her hands go up to her mouth and she did cuss
There was this whooshing sound 
And before I looked round
I was hit by the wing-mirror of a bus


With a broken jaw, to get to hospital was a mission
That wasn’t the end of me plight of painful petitions
Instead of wiring up me jaw
Something worse I implore
They mistook me for a patient that needed circumcision


 Through wired teeth, I said I‘d sue for loads a cash
As I ate through a straw blended veg and meat and mash
Suddenly I had the urge to sing
As the wires came free, I screamed
Caused by the nurse accidentally knocking on the laughing gas


They going to kill me I thought in agonising pain 
So I tried to escape by jumped through the window which is insane
They didn’t tell me I was two stories high
I must tell you humans don’t fly
Now I got a walk identical to John Wayne


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, humorous,

CLOWNING AROUND

An impotent circus clown called Billy Tied balloons to the end of his willy To his great surprise His todger did rise But his girlfriend just thought he looked silly! 03~01~17


Poem Details | by Mitch White |
Categories: girlfriend-boyfriend

"Does my butt look big ?"

I was with my girlfriend at dinner
With each bite she took, she got thinner
Until she was just skin and bone
I blinked twice and I was alone
I then woke up, lying next to her


Poem Details | by JEAN MURRAY |
Categories: dog, girlfriend, humorous,

FARTING FARMER

There once was a farmer called Seamus,
who had an incompetant anus.
When out on a date with girlfriend Kate,
he blamed his dog when he farted,
to prevent her being startled.


Poem Details | by john freeman |
Categories: funny

Apology Unaccepted

I’m sorry, “He cried!” But everyone knows,
how horribly comical ego goes.
    No less in a public place,
    driving car in girlfriend chase,
Seinfeld picked that nose in one of his shows!! 

For and in honor of Barbara Gorelick and contest
Apology Accepted


Poem Details | by James Fraser |
Categories: funnybeach, love,

On a Whim, we Swim

Sitting by the beach one summers day
I turned to my girlfriend to say
Shall we go for a swim
It's cold not too grim
Splish splashing in love do we play

Two bodies now exit the cold blue
Only one of us appears to be true
Now shapely and pert
Her body so alert
My desire is now to pursue

To the beach towel she says on the turn
My love you've turned into a worm
The cold water has spoken
At least it's a token
When warmed I'm sure it will squirm










http://www.thehighlanderspoems.com/humour-5.php


Poem Details | by cecil hickman |
Categories: introspection, life, lost love,

Subversive Valentines Day

Once I had a girlfriend and ex-wife.
Two ladies at the same time in life,
Mistake I made this day.
Not proud in anyway.
First mistake, second retake in strife,

Girlfriend I gave flowers for the day.
Ex-wife and I married, oui evay,
Messed up my life again,
Not knowing where I’d been.
Girlfriend forlorn, wrong card I did play.

Ex-wife left me, I got just deserts.
Got what I deserved for all my flirts.
Valentine’s Day, bad karma,
Cupid dealt me, my dharma,
Disengaging me of all subverts.


Written for

Sponsor Francine Roberts 
Contest Name Valentine's Day Limerick 


Poem Details | by Joseph May |
Categories: fun,

Deep Space

 Exploring deep space was a must
 For an astronomer named Gus
 But  his girlfriend saw red
 When to her he said
 I'd like to explore  Uranus
             ----
4/25/15

 


Poem Details | by Josette Key |
Categories: death, funny, girlfriend-boyfriend

'Ouch'

   


A man found himself in a pickle
When his girlfriend found he was fickle
He said "won't you stay"
She said "there's no way"
As she took his head off with a sickle.







Josette Key    2010


Poem Details | by Robert A. Dufresne |
Categories: funnyname, name,

Nefarious Romance

Her name was Liza Jane Macnelly,
She loved Anchovies and jelly,
“She’s a wonderful girl,
said her boyfriend Earl,
But her breath is a little bit smelly”.

His name was Billy Joe Trevy,
He had no A/C in his Chevy,
“It’s  such a nefarious pain” ,
said his girlfriend Jane, 
Because he perspires a bit too heavy”.

But they both loved each other so well,
That they accepted each other’s smell,
The moral of the story here?
There is none, I fear.
They just simply …smell like hell !


Poem Details | by Deb Wilson |
Categories: funny, girlfriend-boyfriend,

Loose Louise

There was a young man in a pickle
His girlfriend Louise was quite fickle
When the test came out blue
She told him it's not you
With others I played slap and tickle





* for Deborah Guzzi's  Limerick contest


Poem Details | by jack horne |
Categories: science fiction,

My Satanic Phone

I once had a satanic phone,
When anyone called, it would groan.
It made up a lie,
Told my girlfriend Di:
‘He’s out…giving the dog a bone.’ *

*Slang for sex


Poem Details | by Jimmy Anderson |
Categories: funny

Advice Take It or Leave It

I once had a girlfriend to say.
Advice I can give you today.
   Don't linger inside.
   Take me for a ride.
And I'll do the same, let's go play!


For "A Fly on the Wall Contest"


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous, valentines day,

THERE'S NOTHING WORSE THAN AN INAPPROPRIATE VERSE

Steve was hoping that on Valentine's Day That he’d be lucky and he’d get a lay He thought very hard And purchased a card... ‘In loving memory’ it did say! His girlfriend hit him over the head She ordered him - get out of the bed! When she read the sad verse Her anger got much worse Silly Steve now wished that he was dead! 13th February 2016


Poem Details | by Joyce Johnson |
Categories: funny,

The Golfer

The Tiger is once again winning
And hopefully no longer sinning.
His wife kicked him out
For sleeping about,
But now his girlfriend has him grinning.


Poem Details | by Quentin Ehlinger |
Categories: humorous,

Manhattan Dream

While gazing down from the Rockefeller Tower
My girlfriend and I soon began to glower
While surveying Central Park we then thought
How much could we get for it if we bought
Trying to figure that out took over an hour


Poem Details | by John Smith |
Categories: girlfriend-boyfriend,

Enjamb Me


My girlfriend climbs on one knee and en- 
jambs me; ecstasy Her elation 
is so, so delicious; 
so very capricious; 
poetic female domination 


*Enjambement is French: straddle, bestride It's also a poetry term.


Poem Details | by JACQUELYN STURGE |
Categories: funny, people, girl, me,

THESE CRAZY CHICKS!!!


PISSED GIRLFRIEND

The girl was puckered up to be kissed
Said he was tired, and she was dissed,
With her eyes full of fire
She let air out his tire,
So don't mess with girlfriend when she's pissed.



DEBBIE

Debbie is trying to get a man
Today she came up with a new plan,
Wore a sexy number
Tons of make-up on her,
Then to the corner she went to stand.



COUSIN JOAN

Cousin Joan is as flaky as biscuit
Always have cameras in her basket,
She just strolls around town
Taking pics all day long,
'Cause the signs says to "Click it or Ticket."



GIVE ME A SCREW

One little Call girl sat in the pew
Was so sad, didn't know what to do,
Along came her Pastor
And sat down beside her,
Held out her hand, "Please give me a screw!"


Her watch band was broken!!  What did you think..lol..


Poem Details | by mike dailey |
Categories: people, society,

Hawkins County Sheriff's Report

Hawkins County Sheriff’s Report

Complainant advised that he thought
His girlfriend the thief that he sought
So he set up a trap
Near the couch where he sat
Believing this time she’d be caught

One envelop had dollar bills
One envelop had many pills
When he went to bed
She stayed up instead
In the morning she felt kind of ill

The money and pills were all gone
Then she threw up the pills on the lawn
When he asked for the cash
She said somewhat abashed
It was hidden up under her thong

In his effort to get back his dough
From the place where the sun doesn’t show
With some old kitchen tong
And a brush was too long
He probed but it was a no go

When the sheriff got there he found
Blood flowing freely around
So to the ER
In the back of his car
To free what was so tightly bound

The lady thief was then sedated
The evidence soon confiscated
She was booked for the crime
And is now doing time
The complainant they said was elated

The lesson I’d like to convey
And believe me it’s always this way
If you happen to push
Your loot up your tush
You’ll soon learn why crime doesn’t pay

Uncle Mike															


Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: humorous,

Sickies All Around



Sickies all around me but I'm feeling fine All my life I walked this very fine line This dude's very lucky Don't often feel yucky Get to bed with my girlfriend usually by nine