That he planned his funeral is factual
And being a prankster quite actual
He prerecorded his voice
So when we kneeled on the joist
He said, "Hi there! Don't I look natural."
While a man was golfing in Fife
a funeral cortege was arife,
his head bowed in prayer
at this somber affair
to pay last respects to his wife!
There once was an old man from Thomaston
Who said old rats like cheese like young rats, son
~~My favorite shoes sport rat~~
~~Who eats chunk cheese where he sat~~
Constant reminder of old man with pun
(About a year before my father died at age 96,
we went to a funeral and a lady of about 38 to 43
years old escourted him from the family car to the
cemetery..The farther they walked the more he
leaned into her..My husband said something to him
about it..He said old rats like cheese just like young
rats..I found a pair of pj with shoes with the rat and
cheese..Always a reminder of my father..)
There once lived a woman called Lady-de Leisure, who turned not to men, but food for
She ate everything spicy and sticky and sweet, the poor lady could not even see her poor
feetFrom dusk until dawn, all she would do was eat, drink, break wind, burp belch and poo.
But one day whilst eating her thirty fifth pie, the lady burped loudly, keeled over and died.
The funeral had to be held outside, but people they came to say goodbye.
The coffin itself, you’ve never seen biggerThe bearers were three forklift trucks and a
The hole in the ground was fourteen feet wide, and even then the coffin scraped at the sides.
So if you are thinking about being a lady of leisure, look elsewhere than food solely for
I had a boss who thought he was it
He was an Egotistical Twit
When he passed away
On funeral day
Only two people showed and that’s it
Two friends near a bridge start to fish
Catching whoppers is so their wish
For a meal is to be sought
So no fish need to be bought
Like a hunter hunts for his dish
Just as they are about to cast
A funeral procession drives past
A fisher takes of his cap
This most respectful of chap
The thoughts of man in contrast
After the pause reverberates cheers
A beauty caught, bring out the beers
Hey Dave, what I've just seen
Shows fishers are never mean
Well we were married for nearly 20 years
* From a joke to a Limerick *
To weddings Ann went alone perplexed
Her love life her aunties favorite subject
So she turned a bit juvenile
At a great uncles funeral
And exclaimed to the Aunties “you’re next” !
On A Funeral Bier
Death my body did devour
As it occurred hour by hour,
End eventually would reach
When to God I now beseech
While lying on a funeral bier.
You should google funeral
James Serious Mysterious Horn
Retired Veteran and Poet
There was a sweet girl of pure glass.
Met a merry man with no class.
She’d shattered this bloke.
He drank til she broke.
Both attended funeral mass.