There was a dog owner named Mark
Whose beagle would constantly bark
The neighbours would moan
They’d steal Benji’s bone
And toss it away in the park
18th February 2016
While sitting on a hollow log
I was kissed by an ugly frog
It turned into an ugly queen
My oh my, what a hideous scene
I'd rather pull ticks from a dog!
There once was a hunter named Frawley
Who lived in a shack, outside Raleigh.
His dog, funny but true,
Would only hunt honeydew.
The dog was a true melon collie
Muammar Muhammad Gaddafi;
'Brother Leader', dog of Tripoli
People of Libya
happily say, "See ya!
Here's for Flight 103 - Lockerbie."
My sister likes to doodle
I thought she drew a noodle
She gave me a glare
And tugged at my hair
And told me t'was a poodle.
My son has a new dog called Brandy
By jingo that pup is so randy
He caused quite a to do
When he humped my left shoe
No wonder his legs are so bandy!
A dog by the side of the road
Whelped out her cute little load
A copper who saw
Reeled off the law
Cited for littering I’m told
There are people that imagine it never gets warm
Way up in Canada where cold weather's the norm
In July we unzip our fur-lined parkas
While carving away on a newly killed carcass
Then on to our dog sled through an another snowy storm
Cassidy was a curious dog;
One day he walked into a bog,
Coming out, he looked about,
He couldn't see and began to pout;
Because he’s a sludge caked dog!
Cousin Bell moved into a maisonette,
Was promptly told she could not have a pet
Not a cat or dog
Not a fish or frog
What about a gorilla she just met?
Once was a gal who felt so alone
Tornato came up rooted farms home
Landed on wicked witch
Munchkins came out of ditch
Gave dog lollypops instead of bone
A hairy thing once roamed our streets
Chasing cats for sport and treats.
Till it roamed too far
And a dog catcher and car,
Grabbed Harry and chained his feets.
In my house lives a talking dog, Fred,
who just loves playing games with my head.
As one day I cried,
thinking surely he’d died,
he said, “Geeez, girl,I’m just playing dead!”
For Deb's Limerick II contest
There once was a farmer called Seamus,
who had an incompetant anus.
When out on a date with girlfriend Kate,
he blamed his dog when he farted,
to prevent her being startled.
Last night I consumed too much grog
This morning awoke in a fog
and though I'm unsure
of the bartender's cure
I'm shaving the hair off my dog
Zooming, zooming, zooming fast,
I'm racing by in my billy cart,
Had to swerve to miss my dog,
Smashing into a fallen log,
Now I have to wear a plaster cast.
Holiday goodies, hung round the tree
They are the best you must agree
So did the dog then guess what
Up they all came, steaming hot
Next time just baubles and lights you'll see
A dog and a cat and a flea,
All sat down to some tea,
They all ate some ham,
With some bread and some jam,
And were all as content as can be.
My dog use to listen to Bach
While running around on the dock.
Til a gal pug he spied
With a collar tie-dyed,
So now he just listens to rock.
There once was a hog and a big old dog,
Who made friends with a frog on a log,
T'was a wonderful sight,
On a moonlit night,
A dog and a hog on a log with a frog!
Written for contest depicting children's Limericks.
Here’s a fact SOME dog owners have missed -
The dog poo fairy DOESN’T exist
So get out your scoop
And clear up that poop
Or you’ll get a big slap on the wrist!
Inspired by a large poster I saw on a van
There was a man named Hickenlooper.
Who invented a dog poop scooper.
Something went awry
Flinging contents into the sky
And stinking the town into a stupor.
I stepped out the door to feed Doggy
The day was so beautifully foggy
I tripped on his dishes
And swam like the fishes
And now all my dress clothes are soggy!
A dog went to the vet today
He saw a horse eating hay
got a fleabite
and set alight
and asked for an action replay!
Dorian Petersen Potter
A PUP NAMED SCOOBY-DOO
I have a new pup who I named Scooby-Doo
You think you'll now hear about Scooby's cute pooh
But you'd be wrong my dear friend
Because he barfs from one end
And there's *nothing* cute about Scooby-Doo's pooh!
© ELR 2013