Limerick Poems About Dogs | Dog Limerick Poems
Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: betrayal, body, humorous,

AT THE FOOTBRIDGE - LIMERICK COLLABORATION

At the footbridge Sue was meeting her beau (He was married to a woman called Flo) Sue soon found out his deception She dismembered his erection For his love life it was a massive blow To the hospital fled poor Rodger For an op to repair his todger Now fixed, it's SO big Rodger grunts like a pig in porn films as Rodger the lodger Inspired by but not for contest BY JAN ALLISON 7~18~16 He promised Flo he never would leave her And she would be his only receiver But she caught him with Sue And his chances were through Gnawing off wood when he neared her beaver WRITTEN BY TIM SMITH Sue castrated that cheating deceiver With one whack of her meat cleaver she pulled a Lorena Bobbit turned Rodger into a Hobbit Sue's now known as an "overachiever" WRITTEN BY MARTI SUTHERLAND Across the table sits sweet Amee Once A Roger, before he became a she The master of infidelity So many personalities Before and after he became an amputee.. WRITTEN BY SKAT A He was known as a terrible stoner With a huge un-deflatable boner It now sits in a jar At the end of the bar A reminder to all of its owner... WRITTEN BY JOHN LAWLESS It’s become a tourist attraction As a symbol of female subtraction Grannies sneak in for a peek Everyday of the week Dreaming of former of love action. WRITTEN BY MARK WOODS Oh how sad that pork missile should be unemployed but for all there to see if science, in a jiffy can rejuvenate stiffys then the first in the queue would be me! WRITTEN BY VIV WIGLEY Flo wanted to give Sue a high five For slicing Rodger with all his jive A two timing fool Who broke every rule Now lil Rodger don't work in overdrive WRITTEN BY ALEXIS Y Rodger's story has been immortalized For having his thingy circumcised It's on display in a bar Now hanging in a jar While it's slowing becoming crystalized WRITTEN BY MARTI SUTHERLAND As she ponders on what to eat Hopefully, it won’t be red meat For there on the log Is Rodger's hot dog So she gets excited and jumps off her feet WRITTEN BY WINGED WARRIOR There's a lesson I really must blurt To all those blokes out chasing some 'skirt' When you're on heat Don't share your meat 'Cause your todger might really get hurt! WRITTEN BY MARK WOODS Poor forgotten noteworthy Sue Looking so gloomy she blew At the pickled todger once belonging to Rodger kissing good times its last adieu WRITTEN BY EVE ROPER As "Rodger" snaked out of the door It went past a room on tenth floor. A woman therein Said "Come right on in." she kept screaming, "More, I want more! WRITTEN BY ANDREA DIETRICH After Sue chopped his tally-whacker Poor Rodger became quite the slacker He tried to bring his pecker forth Never again to be pointing north Now when he pees he sits on the crapper. He stopped at the house, the red-light was on Knocked on the door, the girls were all gone Stuck with his sawed-off boner Tonight He's going to be a loner Damn, why did the girls all have to be gone? BOTH POEMS WRITTEN BY JAMES ANDERSEN A group of limericks quite clever Began with one simple sever Of engorged penis which is, (between us), I think, a spicy endeavor WRITTEN BY H PENELOPE SWIFTLOCK There was perfection in his pecker, as a porn star he was a wrecker, but to his wife he was unfair, so she severed what was down there, now his only job is director. WRITTEN BY CASARAH NANCE Poor Rodger thought he was being slick when he carved out a handcrafted prick he rubbed his new attire his precious toy caught fire Now he is left with an ashen stick WRITTEN BY TEPPO GREN An ashen stick means man minus prick. Poor Rodger, now a eunuch, without a fix He decided to become a transgender Then off he went on a bender Woke up married to a man from Bertrix WRITTEN BY JEAN MURRAY Rodger's new love was a prudish fox but for brains she had a head of rocks he splinted up his willy popsicle sticks look silly he said it was new and still in the box! WRITTEN BY SONNY ROPER (EVE'S HUBBY) To be fair "At the Footbridge" Now to be completely fair And to stop every persons stare Rodger was not actually circumcised As he was a player, so don’t be surprised This was from wear and tear and his willingness to share WRITTEN BY MARK PAUL VAN DER MERWE Now Rodger mostly stays home for lack of a viable bone He reaches by habit down for his rabbit: he's got Phantom Willy Syndrome! WRITTEN BY DALE GREGORY COZART Rodger was a good friend of Eye Had a real hankering for cherry pie Tasted every chance he got And it would hit the spot Until his crazy wife made him cry WRITTEN ON 14TH JUNE BY EYE TRUTH TELLER Roger pretends that he's a sexy stud But when the ladies find out he's a dud they all laugh in his face anatomically a disgrace His manhood is referred to as "The Bud" WRITTEN ON 15TH JUNE BY LIN LANE Rodger thought his op was a success When he found he had more and not less But the surgeon's blind stunt Sewed it on back to front Well, he certainly lacks some finesse! WRITTEN ON 15TH JUNE BY RAY GRIDLEY As he crossed the footbridge, Georgie saw a duck Quite unique and raucous, it could quack AND cluck! (And did so incessantly) "Hey! Hey! It's all about me!" It loudly proclaimed, with much aplomb and pluck WRITTEN BY LIM'RIK FLATS
I also wrote another poem but this one did not turn into a collaboration - if you read it you will see that it is quite different to my usual style https://www.poetrysoup.com/poem/at_the_footbridge__2_822879


Poem Details | by deb radke |
Categories: funny

Show Impediment

There once was a lap dog named Chloe,
Well-groomed and adorned to be showy;
She pranced in the ring,
Applause she did bring,
With her tail and her ears long and flowy.

There once was a schnauzer named Pete,
Bearded and eye-browed so neat;
He wanted to win,
But failed to begin,
For Chloe had gone into heat.


Poem Details | by Carolyn Devonshire |
Categories: irony,

Ability Not Implied

An old Great Dane may be timid and shy

While a Chihuahua’s bite can make you cry

Friends come in all sizes

And there are surprises 

When size does not ability imply



*Inspired by Mark Twain's quote: “It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.”
Written May 3, 2015 for John Freeman’s “Dumb and Dumber” contest


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: dog, humorous,

DOGGONE

There was a dog owner named Mark Whose beagle would constantly bark The neighbours would moan They’d steal Benji’s bone And toss it away in the park 18th February 2016


Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: political,

What I'd Love Now to See

My small way of showing anger for this year's circus of an election process: I recall when George Bush had to duck a thrown shoe, or he may have got struck. What I'd love now to see is some dog take a pee on that dump of a TrumpWhat a schmuck! for the the Political Ordeal Poetry Contest of CT


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, break up, humorous,

HE EXPLODED LIKE A PRESSURE COOKER

THE IDIOM I MADE UP IS - HE EXPLODED LIKE A PRESSURE COOKER My son has returned to our home He’s mouthy and just loves to moan Now nothing is right We constantly fight He’s like a dog missing its bone! His wife was once such a good looker Her red lips she just loved to pucker After botox and filler She looked like a gorilla.. He exploded like a pressure cooker! The tension between us is rife I’m his mum and not his ex wife But his reaction is mean Shouting, letting off steam She left him because of this strife! Create an idiom contest Sponsored by Jesse Day TOTAL FICTION WRITE! 07~28~16


Poem Details | by Duke Beaufort |
Categories: happiness, life, peace,

Ode to occupy wall street

The middle class here can't be saved
When 0.001% act so depraved
Their wealth without end
These royals* still pretend
Did not come from us—their 
enslaved**


*The Royals: CEOs, Banksters, Revolving Door Regulators, The FED, Congressmen for sale, Lobbyists, Board Members of Big Corporations, Major Shareholders who vote for these Board 
Members, Corrupt Managers, Dishonest Used Car Salesmen, Presidential Candidates with more than two Residences, Elected Presidents (and their lackeys who pretend to regulate but look the other way)

**The Enslaved: Workers, Career Regulators who are trying to protect the public, Honest Hard Working Citizens, Students--some with oppressive loans, Immigrants, Soldiers, Police, Firemen and Firewomen, Parents, Children, Orphans, Disabled, The Sick, Small Business Owners (who don’t hire lobbyists), Volunteers, Health Care Workers, Welfare Recipients, Inventors, Investors, Entrepreneurs, Actors, Artists, Journalists who do in-depth investigation (not like those with FOX News, ABC Radio or many other of the outlets where they mouth the status quo), Non Profit Corporations, Charities, Teachers, Transportation Workers, Waiters and Waitresses, Dishwashers, Servants, Farmers, Managers, Ship Hands, Cooks, Unemployed   

Author' s Note:  Have been at Occupy Wall Street 8 days in the past two months--which is why I haven't been here--plus I have to work Miss you all, but it's for a good cause I am very briefly seen on Conan's feature: Triumph the Insult Comic Dog at Occupy Wall Street if you are looking for some humor with a little umph.


Poem Details | by John Smith |
Categories: war,

Gaddafi


Muammar Muhammad Gaddafi; 
'Brother Leader', dog of Tripoli   
People of Libya 
happily say, "See ya! 
Here's for Flight 103 - Lockerbie."  


*Dead 10/20/11


Poem Details | by William Robinson |
Categories: animals, funny, people, pets,

OLD MELON

There once was a hunter named Frawley
Who lived in a shack, outside Raleigh.
His dog, funny but true,
Would only hunt honeydew.
The dog was a true melon collie                                              


Poem Details | by Katherine Stella |
Categories: character, child, childhood, children,

There's No Place Like Home

Once was a gal who felt so alone
Tornato came up rooted farms home
Landed on wicked  witch
Munchkins came out of ditch
Gave dog lollypops instead of bone  


Poem Details | by Joseph May |
Categories: animal, cat,

Hello Kitty

There was a cat from the city
who thought she was purrfectly pretty
But a dog  chased her down
Almost running her out of town
And that did upset Miss Kitty

You best be believin'
That Miss Kitty got even
 She rounded up a cat posse
And they  scratched up the doggie
Now the poor mutt is grievin'




Poem Details | by jack horne |
Categories: animal,

Animal Magnetism

A pet more exotic I'd wanted.

A pet to be groomed and then flaunted.

not a dog or a cat

something cooler than that!

I began my search feeling undaunted





In a pet store I came on a ferret.

Such a pain he was! How did I bear it?

Under doors and through cracks

He'd escape from meAAAACH!!

So I traded him in for a parrot.




Well, the parrot just wanted to fly!

And that bird knew more bad words than I.

When he called me a whore,

I threw open the door:

“Now you’re getting your wish, BirdBYE BYE!





A boa constrictor I bought,

He’d like to be cuddled, I thought,

But he wrapped and he squeezed,

As I gasped and I wheezed,

And offered the rat that I’d caught.

 

A bowl of piranha I won -

I played Baccarat with a nun -

And they wiggled their bums,

So I tickled their tums,

But bones ’stead of fingers aint fun.





My elderly aunt sent a text,

Suggesting tarantulas next,

But my spider alas,

Took a bite of my ass:

My pet-owning hobby is hexed.





I went to the pet shop, I swear,

But nothing I wanted was there -

To my pets I am prey,

So I went on eBay,

And purchased a big teddy bear.


for Darkness' Grab A Partner collaboration contest, written with a good Soup friend


Poem Details | by JEAN MURRAY |
Categories: dog, girlfriend, humorous,

FARTING FARMER

There once was a farmer called Seamus,
who had an incompetant anus.
When out on a date with girlfriend Kate,
he blamed his dog when he farted,
to prevent her being startled.


Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: humorous,

Animal Magnetism

A pet more exotic I'd wanted.
A pet to be groomed and then flaunted.
Not a dog or a cat -
Something cooler than that!
I began my search feeling undaunted

In a pet store I came on a ferret.
Such a pain he was! How did I bear it?
Under doors and through cracks
He'd escape from meAAAACH!!
So I traded him in for a parrot.

Well, the parrot just wanted to fly!
And that bird knew more bad words than I.
When he called me a whore,
I threw open the door:
“Now you’re getting your wish, BirdBYE BYE!

A boa constrictor I bought,
He’d like to be cuddled, I thought,
But he wrapped and he squeezed,
As I gasped and I wheezed,
And offered the rat that I’d caught.
 
A bowl of piranha I won -
I played Baccarat with a nun -
And they wiggled their bums,
So I tickled their tums,
But bones ’stead of fingers aint fun.

My elderly aunt sent a text,
Suggesting tarantulas next,
But my spider alas,
Took a bite of my ass:
My pet-owning hobby is hexed.

I went to the pet shop, I swear,
But nothing I wanted was there -
To my pets I am prey,
So I went on eBay,
And purchased a big teddy bear.


For the "Grab a Partner" ContestTo see
who I collaborated with, read my comment
under the poem.


Poem Details | by Richard Breese |
Categories: anti bullying, bullying, giggle,

A Dog Named Harry

A hairy thing once roamed our streets
Chasing cats for sport and treats.
Till it roamed too far
And a dog catcher and car,
Grabbed Harry and chained his feets.


Poem Details | by Seren Roberts |
Categories: christmas, humor,

Holiday Goodies


Holiday goodies, hung round the tree
They are the best you must agree
So did the dog then guess what
Up they all came, steaming hot
Next time just baubles and lights you'll see


Poem Details | by T Wignesan |
Categories: humor, universe,

Limerick: Once a Queen stuck to Doddering Duke

Limerick : Once a Queen stuck to Doddering Duke

Once a Queen stuck to Doddering Duke
Sent him on a mission with Lucky Luke*
Off on Jolly Jumper*
With Rantanplan’s* sister
Ever since Queen is free of/from rebuke.

Resources :

•	Lucky Luke : a French cartoon héro, the caricature of the Far West sharp-shooter
•	Jolly Jumper : in the Lucky Luke comic books, considered  « the  best horse in the world ».
•	Rantanplan : in the Lucky Luke series, considered « the stupidest dog in the Universe »

© TWignesan – Paris,  2013


Poem Details | by Sharon Smith |
Categories: animal, cat, dog, food,

A Dog And A Cat And A Flea

A dog and a cat and a flea,
All sat down to some tea,
They all ate some ham,
With some bread and some jam,
And were all as content as can be.


Poem Details | by Brigitte Pace |
Categories: adventure, children, dog, for

A beach within my reach

I am a basset hound and I love to play
I can run and jump all day
I really love magic and tricks
I also love chocolate bics
Yummy! They are so good 
I would eat a packet a day if I could
My name is Lady and here is a story all about me
I'm a funny looking dog you see:


Lady was home alone
All she had was her green plastic bone
Her owners had gone out for the day
And Lady really wanted   to play
Miserable, she lay on the ground with her long floppy ears
With watery eyes, it seemed as though she was about to burst into tears
Suddenly she perked up when she heard a squeaking sound coming from the house
Lady became excited, she hoped it was a mouse
She barked out loud and ran towards the sound
Lady was such a clever basset hound
With her long nose, she sniffed out the little mouse in his hiding place
The whole morning turned into a playful ‘dog and mouse’ chase!
The mouse was too fast for her and escaped through a small crack in the wall
He was terrified of this funny looking dog who stood two feet tall
Exhausted, Lady flopped down in her basket to rest
She had tried her very, very best
She closed her eyes and had a long nap
And dreamt that she managed to squeeze through the scary dog flap
When Lady woke up, her throat felt dry
She needed a gallon of water to drink and she alone knew why!
The sun was shining and it was hot
She found her bowl and gulped down the lot
Lady looked at the new dog flap
She lifted up one of her paws and gave it a sharp tap
She took a chance and pushed herself through the gap
Relief flooded through her, she had made it out of the flap
Out in the sun
It was time for more fun
Lady headed to the beach
It wasn’t far, within her reach
Calm blue sea with the tiniest of waves
Grottos and amazing caves
Lady’s paw marks were all over the sand
She loved to play by the sea and on land
Cool air blew around her as she splashed around in the sea
What a great feeling it was to be free!
The aroma of food was all around
She was always hungry, this hilarious hound
An ice-cream van was parked nearby
Lady drooled and just stood by
A young couple spotted the little dog sitting down on her own
Her sad brown eyes caught their attention, they each bought her a cone
Lady wished that she could shout
She clenched both cones in her mouth
She licked off the chocolate ice-cream and wolfed down the rest


Poem Details | by Keith Trestrail |
Categories: fun, truth,

Wikileaks

Thank goodness I say for Wikileaks,
For whistleblowers and stickybeaks!
  If that dog didn't bark
  We'd be kept in the dark...
So keep takin' all those sneaky peeks!



              August 2014





Poem Details | by Robert L. Hinshaw |
Categories: funnyme,

A Taxing Situation

The hoopla of Christmas has come and gone
   
   The checkbook for that spree is overdrawn

      Lord, please have mercy on me

         I can already foresee

            To pay Uncle Sam my dog I must pawn


Outsourcing IRS I can't condone

   They linked me up to Sierra Leone

      I just could not comprehend

         The guy on the other end

            It was a nasty discourse on the phone


This year the IRS has bled me dry

   May have to mortgage the house to comply

      I've searched for more deductions

         But find no more reductions

            It hurts to laugh and I'm too old to cry

Robert LHinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

Placed No6 in Carolyn Devonshire's "Taxing Times" Contest - Feb 2011


Poem Details | by Robert A. Dufresne |
Categories: animals

Animal Friends

There once was a hog and a big old dog,
Who made friends with a frog on a log,
T'was a wonderful sight,
On a moonlit night,
A dog and a hog on a log with a frog!

Written for contest depicting children's Limericks.


Poem Details | by Paul Schneiter |
Categories: humor,

Crap Happens

There was a man named Hickenlooper.
Who invented a dog poop scooper.
Something went awry
Flinging contents into the sky
And stinking the town into a stupor.


Poem Details | by Katherine Stella |
Categories: adventure, animals, caregiving, dedication,

Bow Pow

<                                    cakes and sausages on hot griddle
                                      uncle Leroy's dam dog just piddled
                                      slipped ~ slide across floor
                                      grabbed shotgun by front door
                                      now dam ole dog just plays an fiddle 



                            bow bow bow bow bow bow bow        bow ~ wow 
                            ow ow ow ow ow ow ow                       bow ~ ow 
                            with   tail    between     own  ~              legs 
                            now    dog    sings  ~    and  ~               brags
                            about cousin's daisies's  bad                 bow ~ pows
                  
                                                                                        
                                                                                     


Entry For John Freeman's
Slapstick Limerick Contest
Gl All

Poor Ole Dog LOL


Poem Details | by RAJAT KANTI CHAKRABARTY |
Categories: fun, nonsense,

The crow took a crowbar

                 The crow took a crowbar, a dog a doggerel rhythm
         Both played their great innings, hoho,  they had that freedom
                                     Crow’s wife a cold fish
                                       Dog was so wolfish
             He made lunch a rough fish and all gained subtle treedom.


                                                "lxlxlxlxlxlxl"
                                                 '


Poem Details | by Dorian Petersen Potter |
Categories: funny,

A Dog


A dog went to the vet today He saw a horse eating hay got a fleabite and set alight and asked for an action replay! Dorian Petersen Potter aka ladydp2000 copyright@2014 10.16.2014


Poem Details | by T Wignesan |
Categories: humor, satire,

Limerick crochet: Once Swiss Miss wanted to make cake with cheese

Limerick: Once Miss Swiss wanted to make cake with cheese

Once Miss Swiss wanted to make cake with cheese
So she bought a cow, a dog and some geese.
The dog ate the gander
Geese laid no eggs for her,
So she locked the cow up in the deep freeze.

She called up her cousin in the French Alps
Through melodious yodeling yelps.
French cousine long in bed
Kept boiling her own blood,
So she blew the long mountain horn for help(s).

Her cousine germaine, a stout dairy maid
Answered her urgent melodic raid:
“Put the dog in manger,
Let cow sup in anger!”
Eh presto! Milk turned to holed-cheese sans aid! 

© TWignesan – Paris, 2013


Poem Details | by Sara Kendrick |
Categories: husband,

The Dishwasher

Once there was a dishwasher leak That went on and on for a week It flooded the clean floor Sorrow ran in the door The situation looked so bleak The pit bull bit the wife when she hand fed Naughty devil in disguise watched as she bled Now the old husband is retired He is caught in the line of fire Dish washer with apron he has been lead He called the repair man in secret He whispered as it was the bleakest Get the parts sent by air express Get here so fast speed in excess As he whispered this is so freakish
My dishwasher is leaking a river when it drains so we are having to hand wash dishes until the repair man can get parts to fix it..The dog bit my hand and I have an open wound which doesn't need to be in dish waterI asked the retired husband to helpHe told me he was going to call the repair man and tell him to have those parts delivered by air express..Then he said I kind of like doing this and I am good at it so I think I will apply for a job doing it for pay..LOL>>ROTFL


Poem Details | by Lindsay Laurie |
Categories: humor,

Denominated Dog

Old Danny who lived on the outskirts of town
in a shack made of iron and very run down,
was tarnished poor sod,
by one man of God,
who when speaking to Danny always put on a frown

The Parish Priest had what I’d say was a lust,
for he’d tell his congregation that it is a must,
to be generous with offer,
for the church coffer,
and one look at Danny, said he don’t own a crust.

Danny poor soul met the Priest and he cried
while he carried his dog, who once ran by his side,
and now dead as a dodo,
Danny wants to know,
if the Priest could say mass for his old mate who died 

“Good heavens my son!” the Priest looked upon Dan,
“This church only holds service, for woman and man,
but for beasts you may try,
when ever they die,
the new church up the road for an animal plan.”

Dan said, “Thank you father, you’ve been a good scout.
You helping my dog will help its soul no doubt…
for the service they make,
do you think they’ll take,
five thousand dollars, so to help their church out?”

The Priest cleared his throat and his eyes they extend,
then he said, “Wait a minute! Some rules I can bend,
bring your dog and I’ll pray,
for you neglected to say,
that your dog was a Catholic my friend!”


Poem Details | by john williams |
Categories: animal, for children, funny,

Dog Tales

My flipping,flopping, bounding dog,
Excitedly jumped over a fallen log,
He should have looked before he leapt
Landing in a creek with his misstep,
Now he's dog paddling past a frog.


Poem Details | by Paul Schneiter |
Categories: humor,

Unfinished

Daisy was a dog owner’s delight
She never fought and didn’t bite.
But she ate some bad food
Putting her in a mean mood.
The result is too tragic to write.


Poem Details | by POET. UNDERTAKER |
Categories: humor,

Super star


Once there was an actor called Solomon” the Super star”
Demonstration of falseness and pretense for Oscar
A show of diligence
No show of dog race
Bloody, ultimately no gold is super star better hopeless star!


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous, school,

BE QUIET - FOR CONTEST

Please be quiet! Our class teacher said Pupils giggled, my face flushed bright red I was so broken hearted I’d just let rip and farted That I ran out the classroom and fled The teacher followed me down the hall Said please don’t be embarrassed at all … At home that happens to me I blame my pet dog you see Great idea miss… I’ll give dad a call I rang him saying dad can we talk Told him my story – he soon did baulk Think of the costly vets fees It’ll be covered with fleas His solution …I’ll buy you a cork! Time to B Contest – Sponsor Casarah Nance ~07~24~15


Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: funny,

A Dog And Pony Show



Okay back to the funnies I promise to go A wee bit of frivolity, a few giggles or so We all need laughter And joy to the rafters To help us get through this dog and pony show © Jack Ellison 2015


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: anger, dog, humorous, irony,

THE DOG POO FAIRY

Here’s a fact SOME dog owners have missed - The dog poo fairy DOESN’T exist So get out your scoop And clear up that poop Or you’ll get a big slap on the wrist! Inspired by a large poster I saw on a van 07~16~15


Poem Details | by Katherine Stella |
Categories: adventure, childhood, dedication, education,

Fire In The Hole

<                                        once there was ten devious children
                                          oh how they did a poor little sin
                                          brother had passed some gas
                                          they lit match to his ass
                                          dam dog was even wearing a grin






Entry For
John Freeman's
Giggle Poetry Contest # 2
G.LAll


Poem Details | by Paul Schneiter |
Categories: humor,

Franked

Jill Johns was famous as a hot dog eater
Not a soul in the country could defeater.
But some didn’t go in her mouth
She diverted them to the south.
Now ex-fans dog her as a wiener cheater.


Poem Details | by Miss Wattle |
Categories: dog, humor,

A DOG NAMED MISTER STONES

A DOG NAMED MISTER STONES

There was an old lady with a dog named Mister Stones
For weeks the cupboard was bare, there was nothing but scones
At long last, she had no choice but to cook the old pooch
She wailed and lamented as she guzzled down her hooch
Then she cried, "Poor Stones, he'd have enjoyed all these fine bones!"


© ELR 2013


Poem Details | by harry horsman |
Categories: childhood,

Worthless Bear

A cuddly toy Mr Edward Bear
a boy's comfort joy and fresh air,
lost his ear one stormy night
the dog jumped in to bed in fright,
the button on his neck gone where?

@ Harry J Horsman 2013


Poem Details | by john williams |
Categories: funny,

Army Dog

A dog on an exercise program,
Only ate the leanest ham,
Jotting his routine in a dogalog,
Staying off his daily grog,
Now has a job with Uncle Sam.


Poem Details | by iolanda Scripca |
Categories: funny

Ten Foot Yellow Train

Julia Roberts - The Run Away Bride
Had a dog  Fido - loved water slides 
He lifted his leg
Yellow train - an egg
The bride disappeared hurt in her pride...

Fido's bright smile showed whites of Colgate
When Lady appeared sealing his Fate
Human wedding planned
On a doggies' land
Long Live bride's old Pop and his charge plate!
www.scripca.com


Inspired by Carolyn Devonshire's limerick "Runaway Train"
An outdoor wedding, no sign of rain
The bride’s gown had a 10-foot train
     Crossing the lawn to her bequeathed
     Fido snatched the train in his teeth
And Pop watched eight grand go down the drain


Poem Details | by RAJAT KANTI CHAKRABARTY |
Categories: fun,

Carrie had a moose


                             Carrie had  a moose fine if you ask me
                            Asked my dog Lee out for a date in Kree
                                 When she kissed the novice dog
                                   Out there was a smell of fog
                                    I invited Carrie over for tea


Poem Details | by Richard Pickett |
Categories: pets, sports,

Rah,Rah Jackson

There is a Pug dog named Jackson
and college football is his game,
with no time to spare
he's up in his chair,
to watch his favorite team Notre Dame 


Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: animal,

Shaggy Rug Dog

Once my dog humped the rug (yes, a shag!)
A new species was bornI could gag!
It is half carpet but
It is one half a mutt.
Shaggy rug dog has tails that can wag!


Happy April Fools Day, Everyone!!!


April 1, 2016 For A New Species Poetry Contest of Anthony Slausen


Poem Details | by James Andersen |
Categories: fun,

6 Limericks and Some Nonsense

Samuel Pew was a dancing fool
Until he got kicked by a mule
He was never too bright
Now his brain ain't right
But he can still dance the old soft shoe

Jimmy Dechert was a History teacher
His mother wanted him to be a preacher
But he liked to cuss
And he made a Fuss
Now a frown is his prominent feature

Tattle Teeter fell and hurt his peter
Tattling on his friends at the theater
He tripped on a pail
And straddled a rail
Now his voice is a little bit sweeter.

Old Rex never thought about sex 
except when he saw his ex
He was a poor soul
And she was a troll
Every month now he sends her a check

Billy Lando wanted to play piano
But about music he didn't know
His wife called him a puts
And kicked him in the nuts
Now all he can sing is soprano

Stanly Fenny was roasting a weenie
When he saw her in a bikini
He asked "what do you do"
She said "how about you"
And he ran away awfully speedy

A man and a dog were chasing a hog
Around a red barn, they did go.
I watched with hystare
As the dog chased a hare
And the hog ran away with a goat.

Amos Buck didn't have any luck
when he tried to get a meal
He wanted a dish of delicious fish
but had no money to make a deal
So he took a seat down by the creek
with some worms and a rod and reel
He baited his hook and put it in the brook
Then thought he would rather have veal.


Poem Details | by jack horne |
Categories: science fiction,

My Satanic Phone

I once had a satanic phone,
When anyone called, it would groan.
It made up a lie,
Told my girlfriend Di:
‘He’s out…giving the dog a bone.’ *

*Slang for sex


Poem Details | by Rhonda Johnson-Saunders |
Categories: funny, pets, dog, dog,

Just Do it

It was time to visit the vet With a specimen from my pet I scooped a lump of coal But the cheap bag had a hole Now, I'm driving in a cold sweat Nauseous, I cannot elude The smell of what Winnie pooed Rotten eggs are preferred Over smelling dog terds And her ripe farts are far less rude By Rhonda Johnson-Saunders for PDs Pooping Contest *Yes, my dog is named Winnie after Winnie the Pooh by my son. We call her Winnie Bear


Poem Details | by Seren Roberts |
Categories: animal, funny, me,

Limerick Tilly

Have an old boxer dog named Tilly
Whose loud snores are driving me silly
Tried those nasal strips
But they wouldn’t stick
The look she gave me was quite chilly


Poem Details | by RAJAT KANTI CHAKRABARTY |
Categories: fun, nonsense,

A DEAD CAT BOUNCE

             





                        Hogg went to market and bought trouble an ounce
                           A seedy dog barked so bad he had to pounce
                                       The dog puked a tabby cat  
                                       And the cat big Hardy hat                                                                                     
                        An ounce of common sense, brat, a dead cat bounce


Poem Details | by Jesse Rowe |
Categories: friend, friendship, seasons,

Two Leaves

Two girls lived upon Sycamore.
Close as any friends were before.
Despite rainy, spring day
They'd laugh and they'd play
In matching green dresses they wore

Said one to the other in May,
"My dear, you look pretty today
In your beautiful dress
What a grace you possess
Forever will we be this way!"

But as time went by and they grew
The winds of change came blowing through.
Though neither knew why
And they still lived nearby
The times that they shared became few

As dog days of summer lolled by
The ground like their friendship went dry
They both suffered alone
Thinking,  "Now that I've grown
She has long since cast me aside."

At last on one September night
Beneath a pale harvest moon light
When neither expected
They both reconnected
She said,  "My dear,  aren't you a sight!"

"Your dress, oh the color transcends
Though wrinkled and curled at the ends,
And see, mine is the same."
And once more they became
The closest and dearest of friends

But each colder day that went past
Twas shorter the rays the sun cast
Soon their generation
Succumbed from their station, 
But they and their friendship held fast

Together on winter's first freeze
They exhaled the autumn's last breeze.
With their stems intertwined
If you search you can find
Lightly buried in snow: Two Leaves.

9/15/2016