Limerick Poems About December | December Limerick Poems
Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: city, humorous,

BORED IN MANHATTAN NOT FOR CONTEST

I was bored in Manhattan that day So decided to pay for a lay He was handsome and young And was VERY well hung I walked like John Wayne all of the day Thanks to James Fraser's Bored In Manhattan poem for the inspiration! Just make me laugh contest Sponsored by Christine Lehman 27th December 2015


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: christmas, humorous,

YOU MUST LOOK AFTER YOUR ELF

Santa’s little helper felt poorly sick Couldn’t deliver presents for Saint Nick His red nose was gleaming Blue eyes they were streaming I hope that Santa will give him some Vick 24th December 2014


Poem Details | by Janice Canerdy |
Categories: leadership, political, snow,

The Snowman with a Political Agenda

		

		I love bright outside Christmas sights,
                especially colorful lights
		on evergreen trees
		that sway in the breeze
		and snowmen on clear, wintry nights.

		I just witnessed something quite strange,		
		a snowman so wrongly arranged.
		He stood on his head.
		I guffawed and said, 
		“Your butt’s in the airQuite a change!”

		Then to my surprise, Snowman spoke:
		"You think my existence a joke?
		I’m planning to run
		for office—such fun!”
		I thought I was having a stroke.

		He boasted, “I’ve got a good chance
		of doing that victory dance.
		My stance draws a crowd;
		I’m bold, loud, and proud.
		I’m getting much more than a glance!

		My butt you see up in the air,
		in plain view and totally bare,
		is where my thoughts form,
		though that’s not the norm.
		My head’s not why folks stop and stare!”
		   
		This weird snowman should make the news,
		but I heard no journalists’ views
		on what I’d just seen,
		but what I did glean
		was proof that some folks have the blues.

		They’re saying some leaders don’t lead
		consistentlySo many plead
		for those who won’t show
		their butts, those who know
		each vow must be sealed with a deed.


Date Written: December 23, 2017

Contest Title: Upside Down World

Sponsor:  Eve Roper


Poem Details | by Geoffrey Brewer |
Categories: humor,

Upside Down

UPSIDE DOWN SNOWMAN

With a world upside down you discover
New perspectives, I feel a Wild rover 
Makes my senses run  free
Ah! But now need a pee
So would you mind turning me over

23 December 2017


Poem Details | by Keith Trestrail |
Categories: allegory, butterfly, sensual, word

Butterfly Effect

I love to go down where they hidden lie
And see them spread their wings up so high.
  But if you are down there
  Be sure to come up for air
Deep in the bush of the Venus Butterfly!


             December 2015


    For Men Only Butterfly Contest.


 Not to be confused with the Flytrap
                 but similar!


Poem Details | by Keith Trestrail |
Categories: boy, christmas, humorous,

Confessions of a Teenage Boy

This year I asked Santa for a Harley
and a flagon of wine made of barley.
  Then I asked God alone
  for an angel of my own...
no, not one of His, one of Charlie's!


           December 2015


      

As a teenage boy I loved Cheryl Ladd.


Poem Details | by Gail DeBole |
Categories: friendship, people,

Portrait of Dena

Written December 20, 2011


Miss Dena loves all purple things
No matter what her day might bring.
She loves purple clothes...
Has oodles of those -
And also wears quite fancy rings.


Gail's note: Inspired by my friend Dena.
Part of the Portrait Poetry Collection


Poem Details | by Robert L. Hinshaw |
Categories: funny, holiday,

Saddle Up Them Deer!

Santa Claus has been unemployed all year

On the dole watching TV drinking beer

MsClaus was going berserk

Its Christmas time you fat jerk

Get off your duff and saddle up them deer

Robert LHinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

Placed No1 in Francine Roberts "Christmas" Contest - December 2010


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: clothes, humorous,

BORED IN MANHATTAN NFC

A young broad was bored in Manhattan So got dressed in outrageous fashion She looked so out of place Wearing satin and lace When a cop shocked her with his baton The cop was amazed by her attire Many men were filled with desire She was such an arresting sight That much to her delight He took her home to warm up by the fire 6th December 2015


Poem Details | by Ralph Sergi |
Categories: humorous,

Such a pail

Such a pail 
I have a sweet beautiful daughter
Who is always fetching me water
Each day without fail
she has such a pail
When my daughter brings me the water

Limerick  Contest  December 24, 2015
Sponsored by Jan Allison


Poem Details | by Robert L. Hinshaw |
Categories: funny

Ozone Pollution

I suppose that I should apologize

   Cutting her off in traffic was unwise

      With finger she saluted

         Air with vile words polluted

            She clearly intended me to chastise


Robert LHinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

Placed No2 in BG Gorelick's "Apology Accepted" Contest - December 2010


Poem Details | by Lu Loo |
Categories: fish, humorous,

Jim And His Fish-For The Limerick Contest

Jim And His Fish
Limerick Contest Sponsor: Jan Alison Christmas was just around the corner, Mother had the video recorder, Jim fell in the toilet, As mother records it, Fish in his nose what a great explorer! Date Written: December 24, 2015


Poem Details | by Howard Tunick |
Categories: humor,

A Rising Tide For Contest

There once was a climate change doubter
He really was quite a shouter
Until late one night
The high tide just right
Found the beach house he loved under water

24 December 2015 


Poem Details | by Janice Canerdy |
Categories: husband, relationship, wife,

The Man Who Loved Pink

		                         
.
				His wife wants some black lingerie.
				He'll really surprise her today.
				Hot pink is his fav'rite.
				Oh, how he does sav'r it.
				He struts in his bright negligee!
	
				She's shocked when she sees him this way.
				She screams, "What a Valentine's Day!
				I wanted red roses,
				but here my man poses
				and prancesThis is NOT OKAY!"

				She sniffles and gives him a box.
				Inside are some black boots and socks.
				He says, "Black and pink
				look kinky, I think!
				Oh, thanks, DearThis gift really rocks."

				He does have some roses for her.
				Bynow everything is a blur.
				"Pink roses," she mumbles.
				Toward bed she now stumbles.
				He says, "WaitI bought you a fur!"

				"It's pink," she responds"I'm amazed!"
				Her husband is smiling, unfazed.
				"I dyed it for you.
				Don't you love this hue?"
				She stares at him, totally dazed.

				She tells him, "I have to lie down." 
				He says, "Say good-bye to that frown.
				I've fixed up our room			
				and banished the gloom.
				For us, no more drab beige and brown!"

				She enters the room feeling weak
				and turns on the light for a peek.
				She screams when she sees
				bright pink; then she flees.
				For days she's unable to speak.



Date:  December 9, 2018

Contest Title:  Make Me Actually LOL Poetry Contest

Sponsor:  Nina Parmenter




				







Poem Details | by Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen |
Categories: funny

An Unusual New Year's Resolve

There once was a woman that was very fat!
Her diet resolves, I fear,
Broken each and every year.
Until she put something new under her hat –
It was her food; now, what do you think of that?

© December 22, 2010
Dane Smith-Johnsen


Poem Details | by T Wignesan |
Categories: sexy, , cute,

Limerick: Once Cute Pute in Gay Paris called Miel

Limerick: Once Cute Pute in Gay Paris called Miel

Once Cute Pute* in Gay Paris called Miel*
Plied her trade around a Ferris Wheel
Rode them roller coaster
Spun them on wheel later
Got lush cut on fines for police squeal!*

•	Pute: stands for “prostitute” in French
•	Miel: for “honey” in French
•	A new French Bill, dated December 7, 2011,
proposes the fining of prostitutes’ clientsFrench law,
by and large, tolerates the profession, even if overt 
solicitation, procuring, and prostitution of minors 
IS NOTAccording to French law, sexual maturity
is recognised at 15, but for prostitutes 18 is the 
legitimate agePrison sentences range from 2 to 7
for related offences, and fines can run up to €100,000.

© TWignesan – Paris, 2013


Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: winter,

Absolute Torture



It's December 21st and the days are getting longer Won't be long before this damn winter is conquered Had one too many That's more than plenty At my ripe old age each one's absolute torture © Jack Ellison 2016


Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: winter,

In The Buff



It's December 19th and still no white stuff This ole earth has decided enough is enough We're messing things up Sitting here on our butts Soon Canadians will be walking around in the buff © Jack Ellison 2015


Poem Details | by Robert L. Hinshaw |
Categories: funny

Split in Twain By Divorce

LIMERICK

You can have the two kids but not the hound
And I'll need the Caddie to get around
Said she I'll take the house
You good for nothin' louse
By your cock and bull I will not be bound

HAIKU

love that drifts apart
like two diverging rivers
ne'er to flow as one

COUPLET

Their marriage made in heaven was as solid as the Rock of Gibraltar
'Til his boozing and roving eyes caused the whole affair to falter

Robert LHinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

Placed No5 in PDs "Divorce Club" Contest - December 2010


Poem Details | by Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen |
Categories: fantasy

Indian Giver

Caresses on his back made him quiver.
Enticingly, she said, “Love, come hither.”
Warm fingers rubbed his spine.
Her kisses felt so fine.
An Indian princess was his giver.

© December 10, 2010
Dane Smith-Johnsen


Poem Details | by RAJAT KANTI CHAKRABARTY |
Categories: food,

Food for thought



                                    Poems may be bad poems may be good
                                     Alex says all depends on writer's mood
                                                       Betty says no
                                                       The afterglow
                              Comes from food for thought- the breakfast food










(C) Rajat Kanti Chakrabarty
17 December 2014


Poem Details | by RAJAT KANTI CHAKRABARTY |
Categories: fun, nonsense,

Crabo stirred up a hornet's nest

                                       Crabo stirred up a hornet's nest
                                         Called up Vespa for music fest
                                                Vespa bit the bullet
                                               Crabo braised a pullet
                                   Faced the music they were so stressed 












© Rajat Kanti Chakrabarty
18 December 2014


Poem Details | by RAJAT KANTI CHAKRABARTY |
Categories: fun, funny,

Bo feasted on roasted silkworm seed

                                   Bo feasted on roasted silkworm seed
                                    And felt in his stomach a stampede
                                        Newton's third law of motion
                                              A dollop of e-motion
                                    A commotion, on Po's head he peed  










                                      © RAJAT KANTI CHAKRABARTY
                                               18 December 2014


Poem Details | by RAJAT KANTI CHAKRABARTY |
Categories: fun, nonsense,

Sara Halley hailed from Texas

Sara Halley hailed from Texas
And fell out over a nexus
But she fell through
Her tummy grew
Inferior solar plexus













Copyright© Rajat Kanti Chakrabarty
02 December 2014


Poem Details | by RAJAT KANTI CHAKRABARTY |
Categories: love,

Puppet my puppet

Puppet my puppet the snippet of my life
In the time of blues you glue my phenotype
My foamy love caboodle
Fun run and  kiss no boodle
You sit on tears-puddle in the hours of strife










Poet: RAJAT KANTI CHAKRABARTY
PUPPETS - Poetry Contest
Sponsor	John lawless
15 December 2014


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, for her, for

FOR PHILLIP and DIANE GARCIA - DITCH THE BEARD

Phil’s caveman look is very weird He really should shave off his beard His mother is right He looks a strange sight The Neanderthal look’s to be feared! Since December Phil’s been hirsute He needs to give his beard a boot He’ll cut it off in the sink But his mum won’t cause a stink Cos without it he looks real cute! Poem Posted with Kind permission of Phillip Garcia To understand the poem please read my comments on Phillip's poem https://www.poetrysoup.com/poem/3443_or_t_minus_44_880105 02~26~17


Poem Details | by RAJAT KANTI CHAKRABARTY |
Categories: fun,

The old tree Lee


                                   The old tree Lee had the seed of an idea
                                    He wanted blisters on skin for diarrhea
                                         Meeting was held in Casablanca
                                           All wrote limerick haiku tanka
                                     Compost bed urea soup and Cytherea
















© Rajat Kanti Chakrabarty
18 December 2014


Poem Details | by Lin Lane |
Categories: funny,

Life Is Such a Bummer-For Contest

     I knew I had to call a plumber  
   but he was busy 'til next summer
               Now I have no loo.
                What am I to do?
Well poop - my life is such a bummer!




*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 
              December 22nd 2015
For Limerick Contest-Sponsor: JAN ALLISON


Poem Details | by RAJAT KANTI CHAKRABARTY |
Categories: fun, funny,

Kukung Foo

                                   Kukung Foo was caught in a coup
                                         Ended up at the jail of Zoo
                                           Monkey bored him stiff
                                               Donkey was a piff
                                     He had many trials to go through











© RAJAT KANTI CHAKRABARTY
20 December 2014


Poem Details | by RAJAT KANTI CHAKRABARTY |
Categories: fun, nonsense,

MISTER BALEEN

MISTER BALEEN
limerick




                                    Mister Baleen got a whalebone
                                 He went to a charmer Doctor scone
                                          Doctor went to granny
                                           She was very funny
                                 Put bone on griddle to make a clone







© Rajat Kanti Chakrabarty December 2014


Poem Details | by Paul Callus |
Categories: funny,

Al at the Locale

There was a red bauble named Al
He feasted on mead and Halal
He got hooked on a tree
Got nice comments for free		
Which boosted his pride and morale.

Somebody the door opened wide
The wind gushed inside like the tide
Gosh! Poor Al hit the ground
And saw stars all around
He lost his decorum and pride.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -				
Contest: Silly Christmas Cartoon
Sponsor: Laura Loo
Placed 2nd
© 30th December 2016


Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: autumn,

In The Buff



It's December 3rd and still no white stuff This ole earth has decided we've had enough We're messing things up Sitting here on our butts Soon Canadians will be walking around in the buff


Poem Details | by Paul Callus |
Categories: humor, snow,

Upside Down

Bob snowman was famous all over the town
Was fun orientated, behaved like a clown
One day on the frost
His balance he lost
Then tumbled and landed legs up and head down!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -			
Upside Down World Contest
Hosted by Eve Roper
Placed 3rd
© 27th December 2017


Poem Details | by Viv Wigley |
Categories: snow,

Upside down world


Though not aesthetically pleasing,
and  makes me the victim of teasing,
don't know why all the fuss
there is one simple plus-
it stops my naughty bits from freezing!

For contest 'Upside down world', sponsor Eve Roper
24th December 2017


Poem Details | by Nina Parmenter |
Categories: christmas, fun, funny, humor,

Christmas Morning Chaos

The night had gone well, it was true,
And Santa sat down, with a “phew!”
Then he shouted “my deers!
Let’s crack open some beers,
He really did NOT think that through.

Cos Santa had not heard the news,
That reindeer CANNOT take their booze,
And soon, plucky Cupid,
Was no longer lucid,
And went for a cry in the loos.

Next, Donner and Blitzen went rogue,
Hot-twerking to Kylie Minogue,
And Dasher drank rum,
Which burnt his poor tum,
Then threw up on Santa’s new brogues.

Then Dancer and Prancer were b*tchin’,
And Comet passed out in the kitchen,
Naughty Rudolph, uh-oh,
Was sent out in the snow,
For making lewd gestures to Vixen.

As the party crashed on until six, 
And they conga’d like crazed lunatics,
Santa rued his mistake, 
Should have just brought a cake!
Because reindeer and booze do not mix! 


9 December 2018
For Funny Reindeer Contest
Sponsored by Tania Kitchin
Please note: howmanysyllables.com miscounts syllables in the last lines of stanzas one and threeBoth are counted as nine but in fact have eight!








Poem Details | by Curtis Moorman |
Categories: silly,

UPSIDE DOWN WORLD

UPSIDE DOWN WORLD

There once was a snowman from Maine
Standing on his head down the lane
He looked rather funny
So I told my honey
That really must be a big pain

(limerick 2)

He stood on his head looking silly
Reminded me of cousin Willy
So I said to him
Is this just a whim
He said, yeah man, ain't it a dilly

(limerick 3)
  
The strange silly snowman said
I'm not standing on my head
You may call me a clown
But the world's upside down
So I have nothing to dread

(limerick 4)

This silly snowman here from Maine
Standing on his head is insane
He thinks it's funny
I'll bet you money
He'll melt real quick if it should rain

25 December 2017
For contest sponsored by Eve Roper


Poem Details | by James Edward Lee Sr. |
Categories: appreciation, how i feel,

foolish rant

            foolish rant


Wash my feet before I go to sleep,
Rub my eye before I cry;
Tap my tummy before I spend money,
SCREAM Halleluiah instead of "at a boy".
Cry out  "JESUS"  when I stub my toe;
Now all of this you didn't want to  know;
:)    ha!  then wha ya readin this fo!
                LOL

          12/14/17

For Contest: A Late December Premiere Contest:
Sponsored by: Brian Strand


Poem Details | by Demetrios Trifiatis |
Categories: life, new year, time,

THE TIME









There is a dimension that is called Time

Which we always see at its very prime

It makes all of us believe

That forever we would live

But in reality doesn't give a dime!







© Demetrios Trifiatis
    31 December 2017


Happy New Year!


Poem Details | by Line Gauthier |
Categories: fantasy, fun, silly, word

WHILE THE FUN LASTS

Lulubelle and Annabelle hats in hand
Found a magic fantasy fairyland
Wearing their fancy knickers
And matching party slippers
Frolicked unaware of nearby quicksand


Submitted December 30, 2017


Poem Details | by Dear Heart |
Categories: christmas, funny,

Rudolph and Comet Stayed Home

This Christmas giving will be over soon, Vixen and Cupid are over the moon; Santa, Dasher and Dancer, Ate baked beans with old Prancer; and Donner and Blitzen are in a swoon. _____________________ All details added after judging, Written, December 22, 2015 Poetry/Limerick/Rudolph and Comet Stayed Home Copyright Protected, ID 15-1089-723-0 All Rights Reserved Written under Pseudonym. Submitted to the contest, Christmas Limericks (old or new) sponsor, Carolyn Devonshire Third Place


Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: snow,

Up To Our Ying Yangs



It's December 8th in Ontario, still no snow Maybe the gods will spare us, ya never know A blessing that would be Since sitting on Santa's knee Up to my ying yang was nothing nouveau


Poem Details | by Robert L. Hinshaw |
Categories: christmas, funny,

Newsflash - Rudolph Demoted

Claus chose Vixen to lead his sleigh this year.

   Rudolph was assigned to bring up the rear.

      Vixen was promoted;

         Rudy was demoted,

            Since he was sozzled and too drunk to steer!

Entry for Tania Kitchin's "Funny Reindeer Limerick" Contest
(8 December 2018)


Poem Details | by Terry Flood |
Categories: christmas, funny, humor,

Rein Drops

Rein Drops

The reindeer were pulling for Santa
They struggled to get past a canter
He said they were flying
Like ducks that were dying
But that was just lighthearted banter

But what Santa wasn’t to know
Was Rudolph was gasping to go
His guts started grumbling
Then, excrement tumbling
He pebble-dashed Ontario



1 December 2018
For Carolyn Devonshire’s
Christmas Limerick contest


Poem Details | by Paul Callus |
Categories: christmas, confusion, fate,

Dark Humour for Christmas

Father Christmas was flirting with fate
On accepting for once a blind date
In the park on a bench
He sat waiting to quench
His desires but she was very late.

Snow was falling and that made it worse
This encounter was surely a curse
She turned up past mid night
Found him rigid and white
In a panic she called for a hearse!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The Park Bench Christmas Contest
Hosted by Sara Kendrick ~ Pict3
© 4th December 2018


Poem Details | by Carolyn Devonshire |
Categories: animal, christmas, humor,

Blossom's Christmas Fear

On dogs phony antlers are tied
So unhappy Blossom will hide
     When she sees them coming
     She’d rather go slumming
At landfills she spends the Yuletide

And she’s not alone in her fear
Surrounded by many a peer
     Midst trash each dog cowers
     On ice in snow showers      
Refusing to dress like reindeer



*Written December 8, 2018
For Tania's "Funny Reindeer" contest


Poem Details | by Demetrios Trifiatis |
Categories: change, environment, humanity,

THE END OF CIVILIZATION








From Poland comes the message loud and clear:

Care for climate's change cause the end is near 

If humans take no action 

Mind nature's hard reaction 

Then humankind would live in constant fear !






© Demetrios Trifiatis
    04 December 2018


10-10-7-7-10


* CNN: Speakers at the opening ceremony of the COP24 UN climate conference, in Katowice,  Poland, stressed the fact that climate change is our greatest threat which could lead to the collapse of our civilization!


Poem Details | by Gregory R Barden |
Categories: animal, christmas, funny, humorous,

The Prong and Short of It


I once heard of a reindeer named Prancer

Loved a doe, and he tried to romance her

But because of her scorn

From the size of his horn

He would always be short.of her answer.




Written and submitted on December 15, 2018
For the "Funny Reindeer Limerick" Poetry Contest
Tania Kitchin, Judge & Sponsor.



Poem Details | by Terry Flood |
Categories: christmas, funny,

Squark - for reindeer limerick contest

The family left Santa some claret
But Rudolph would not eat the carrot
No vegan, not never
He spat out a feather
Because he’d just eaten their parrot


10 December 2018

Funny reindeer limerick contest

Sponsor Tania Kitchen


Poem Details | by Demetrios Trifiatis |
Categories: friend, poems,

HEARTFELT THANKS









One of my poems got a Soup honor

Fact that did make me sing like a tenor

Congratulations received

For the work that had conceived

This made me forget any dishonor!






© Demetrios Trifiatis
   10 December 2018


10-10-7-7-10



*My poem " IF ONLY I COULD " was honored as POTD on the 7th
of DecemberI would like to thank all my true friends for their support 
and those impartial officials that took the decision against the will of 
those who would rather be partial! 

MERRY CHRISTMAS


Poem Details | by Paul Callus |
Categories: drink,

Reindeer Folly

There was once a slaphappy reindeer
Who loved whisky, tequila and beer
She hitched up with a moose
When befuddled by booze 
Now she’s starting a mother’s career

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Funny Reindeer Limerick Contest
Hosted & Judged by Tania Kitchin
© 14th December 2018