A merman had one stubborn daughter
who rebelled against what her dad taught her.
When she swam to dry land,
she could then understand
she was just like a fish - out of water!
For the Out of Water Poetry Contest of Sheri Fresonke Harper
You drove the ball high
It flew and touched the sky
I heard, “FORE!"
And ducked therefore
But the ball hit my thigh
Some of the things mom never knew happened;-)
Men measure life by the number of beers
Women measure life by the flow of tears
It is when the dad farts
His wife moans in her heart
Because her own children laugh and cheer
Edward J Ebbs - October 11, 2011
My swimmers on, to the beach I ran,
Across the hot, white, squirming sand,
The first wave faced knocked me rotten,
My dad had told me but I'd forgotten,
Jump the waves son if you can.
There was a young midwife called Milly.
She acted a bit like a filly.
When dad left elated
and mum was sedated,
Milly played with the doctor's willy.
My favorite shoes in the closet they sit.
I've never worn 'em not even a bit.
Cuz before I was born,
By my Dad they were worn,
I'll not wear them 'til I'm sure they'll fit.
Just for SKAT's contest
There once was a child with a rattle
Who liked to crawl around cattle.
Til its mom found out
And to her ex did shout,
You just lost your custody battle.
I was teaching my cat to swim,
His pussy face looked so grim,
Dad said, "Make the lessons shorter,
you see cats just don't like water,
even so, I rate your chances slim."
There was a man with a shovel
Whose house was a relative hovel
Digs a hole in the floor
Think his dad was a boar
Cos he cant stop sniffing for truffle
Penned 17 August 2013
I wake up and shower,
look at myself in the mirror,
And say "What the? Where did the time go?"
Day one without our lim'rick dad
It's cloudy and I feel quite sad
I sneak in his room
Try on his perfume
and call his harem to come to his pad
"I ran behind a bus", said Ben,
“Saved a good five dollars again”.
“Oh fool!” dad exclaimed,
“My son, I’m ashamed”.
Chasing cabs, you could’ve saved ten!
Limerick : Once a Lonely Grand-Dad in a Log-Jam
Once a Lonely Grand-Dad in a Log-Jam
Paid an urgent visit to a Grande-Dame*
She lifted the stuck log
During Pea-Souper smog
Damn ! Got carried down Grand-Dad Rapids – Wham !
* Dame : pronounced as in French
© TWignesan – Paris, 2013
There once was a pilot from Alpine
Who became a father in month nine
Took her to the hangar
Where inside he did bang ‘er
But like his plane, didn’t pull out in time
My oldest daughter, I named Colleen
She entered puberty at thirteen
The birds and bee's explained
Left me completely drained
Dad, I already know the sex scene
Contest Entry by Charles Sides
The highlight of the year for dear old Dad
Was Halloween when treats were to be had
His modus operandi
Son you collect the candy
Snickers for me - licorice for you lad
Robert LHinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
I'm writing this poem for my Dad,
I hope it will make him quite glad,
And if he get's sick,
Of this Limerick,
It'll prove that I'm Limerick mad!
Yeah! Dinner at my home is set at nine
Please don't come, mum would freak, and dad would whine
Chicken and chips
My lil bro weeps
And mum says 'dude get him a glass of wine'
I first learned to dance when I was four
But my kids won't let me do it no more
They say I look like a perv
The way I wiggle a swerve
They say I even embarrass the floor
When Mother Eagle returned with her wormy swag
Each of the eaglets grimaced and gagged
"Eat that slimy thing?
You've got to be kidding!
We'll wait and see what Dad bagged!"
Received 6th place in "Pure Thoughts on Nature" contest
"Do you know 'bout birds and the bees?"
One day my son asked suddenly,
"Just ask your teacher,
she would know better"
"No Dad she is yet to marry!"
A pretty colleen from Kilrea,
Went dancing on StPatrick's Day.
Not asking permission
Was grievous omission.
Dad broke the dance up straight away.
I paced as the coffee brewed
To one spot Sully stayed glued
"Dad where is my mom?"
She was held in Guam
Because her pug nose was skewed
Once there was a man called Hot, the thief
Crash and Smoke are his favorite disciples
Crash profess "Hell the modesty"
Smoke profess "Pray the modesty"
bloody what could be a common cause?
Joe Samson couldn't stand racket
he told his five boys to sack it.
They refused to comply
today they wonder why
their dad was driven to crack it.