Limerick Poems About Christmas | Christmas Limerick Poems
Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: christmas, humorous,

YOU'D BETTER NOT POUT

You got a duff gift from your ‘mate’ Too large, in a colour you hate It simply won’t fit You’ll never wear it No nookie mate now you can wait! 12~28~14 A Quintain Christmas - Andrea Dietrich ~awarded 3rd place~


Poem Details | by Paul Callus |
Categories: humor,

Dear Santa


          Poor Santa Claus encountered a delay
          There was thick fog that made him lose his way
          He went on yellow pages
          Then spent some of his wages
          A gps he ordered for his sleigh

          Santa dotes on his true love – his missus
          Even though she can be so suspicious
          But he knows that with a kiss
          He can fill her heart with bliss
          In return she bakes him pies – delicious! 

          On Christmas night his tour was much in doubt
          Because he ached all over due to gout
          He thought of his appointments
          Would not have disappointments
          On Christmas night he dished his presents out.


[Let us spare a thought for Santa, come Christmas night;
in spite of all his problems and setbacks he still delivers!]
----------------------------------------------------------------

Contest: What’s Up With Santa
Sponsor: Jerry TCurtis



Poem Details | by Janice Canerdy |
Categories: appreciation, humor,

Mischievous Minions--A Limerick Suite



			      

			The series "Despicable Me," 
			we've flocked to theaters to see.
			Wee minions--cute creatures--
			and bad guys each features.
			To all we respond with great glee.

			I never dreamed five years ago
			that I would soon dash to and fro
			in search of these minions--
			in children's opinions,
			all treasuresHow well I now know!

			Some kids possess minions galore:
			the one-eyed, the two-eyed, and more.
			They giggle and jabber;
			"BANANA," some blabber.
			Their odd appeal, who could ignore?

			My grandson's like other young boys.
			For Christmas he craved minion toys.
			His loved ones went shopping
			for hours, not stopping
			till we found gifts he now enjoys.
			
			The minion-themed presents I gave
			were puzzles, a cool talking Dave,
			a pillow with three guys
			with one or two huge eyes.
			For these he did hug me and rave.

	`		I'm glad to say just one thing more:
			Fart Blaster, I left at the store!
			The child would have driven 
			me nuts if I'd given
			him that thing; but Dave, I adore.


Date posted: February 23, 2016

The rhyming scheme of a limerick is aabba.
	
			


Poem Details | by john freeman |
Categories: funny, introspection

O Worldly Concept god

“O commercialized corporate franchise” 
Thou that holds illusions in selling lies
    Max out your credit cards
    Lenders be holder’s lords
Forfeiting all bank notes as owner cries

“O commercialized corporate franchise” 
My babies wonder about Christmas guys
    My babies’ futures be scared
    Must obey corporate lords
“O thou commercialized corporate lies”

Just commercialized greedy Xmas rush
Souls like zombies of  the corporate thrust 
    The X  of  the Christ
    O Love’s sacrifice
“In commercialized corporate we trust”

For Commercialized Humor contest
Sponsored by: Carolyn Devonshire


Poem Details | by john freeman |
Categories: funnychristmas, christmas,

Christmas Limerick

Upon this very merry Christmas night,
MrsClaus has reason to be uptight, 
   Not Rudolph’s nose that’s red,
   But MrClaus’s instead,
He rides slopes in sleigh with Miss Fanny Bright!

For Christmas Contest
Sponsored by Francine Roberts


Poem Details | by Sean Kelly |
Categories: funny, seasons, thank you,

A LIMERICK CHRISTMAS THREE (3) .

MrsSanta on last Christmas Eve
Was so naughty , at trying to deceive.
Not the slightest bit coy
When she met her toy~boy....
Now , believe what YOU want to believe


Rudolf the randy raindeer
Took his lady friend out for a beer.
Then he took off his clothes.
Showed~off his red nose..
Saying.who the hell said, I was queer...


What's the worst place at Christmas to be ?
Perhaps a turkey~dish laced with gravy....
It's more painful and airy
To be some poor fairy
With your +++  on the top of the tree
 

A COOL YULE , TO ALL YOU GOOD SOUPERS.....



Poem Details | by kash poet |
Categories: funny,

Santa With Running Nose

Santa's red cap is turning blue
his nose running with Christmas flu
and the Doctor's advice
was "it will be nice,
wrap the gifts with natural glue."


Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: christmas, humorous,

An Eavesdropping On Christmas Therapy

Four characters that we know well
have problems they all want to tell
in therapy group.
To get all the scoop,
let’s eavesdrop, for all is not well!

Believing no more in himself,
sits dear Santa Claus and an elf
who is hating his work.
Santa says, “What jerk.
I should put you back up on your shelf!”

The elf, in a huff, then fires back
(for confidence HE does not lack),
“I believed in you once,
when you weren’t such a dunce.
Old geezer, go stuff your own sack!”

The anger inside the room grows
when Rudolph, who hates his red nose,
screams, “Don’t say such stuff.
StNick’s work is tough,
and MY job, dear elf, frankly BLOWS.

You elves get to go to the mall
and smile at the children and all.
No one’s calling you names
as you play reindeer games.”
The elf yells, “At least you’re not SMALL.

You think you have woes? Look at ME.
I’m called silly names constantly.
There’s a song about YOU
and your red nose debut.
Geez, a hero you’ve now come to be!!

An elf is an elf all the same.
Kids don’t even know my real name.
Reindeer get names like Cupid.
Well, your name should be STUPID.
What I would not give for YOUR fame!”

A snowman sits stoically there.
He turns to the arguing pair.
“A carrot’s MY nose!
To death I have froze,
yet I’m melting right now in this chair!”

Dec25, 2016 for Laura Loo's Silly Christmas Cartoon Poetry Contest


Poem Details | by Tim Ryerson |
Categories: christmas,

Santa's Little Helper

One Christmas Santa’s elf helped StNick a LOT
Cooing ‘Hey big boy, wanna see what I got?
She returned in a Nightie
Santa gasped, “Lord a’mighty!”
“Now StNick’s gonna show you what SANTA’S got”...

Submitted for: Andrea’s contest and oh, by the way, presents were delivered a bit late that year due to ‘Nicky’s Quikie’


Poem Details | by Linda-Marie SweetHeart |
Categories: funny, christmas, christmas,

Pets on Parade

"Pets on Parade" on Christmas Eve two kitty cats were sleeping as Santa Claus climbed down the chimney creeping Excalibur started to purr Gabriel raised his black fur poor Santa was startled and began weeping. while Santa was chased by playful felines trotting toward them a band of hungry canines sweet Venus the white Wstie was growing quite testy for commotion interrupted her night sublime. Thor and Thunder twin midnight blue great danes frolicked in fun as Santa reached for red candy canes they took giant licks opened Santa's bag of tricks as Raider the Shepherd smeared frosty windowpanes. pretty pets on parade on Christmas Eve had a jolly good time you best believe sharing cookies and milk with the Moon smooth as silk and Santa was so happy to leave. *For SKAT'S Calling All Pet Poems.


Poem Details | by Sean Kelly |
Categories: funnyeve, new years day,

Adam's Apple Of His Eye .

 Say Lady , it's hard to believe
 With this serpent tugging my sleeve
 Saying " head for the chapel
 Here's a nice juicy apple
 Ring her bell , it's now New Years Eve "

 So , Sweet Rib , what is your name ?
 " I'm your Eve , with no in-laws to blame
 So , well done my boy
 Lets go forth..multiply.
 But , that fig leaf's too small for your shame ".

 It's a biblical thing , not a fable
 As our sons sat around our new table
 Each others bad nemesis
 Listening to Genesis
 Discovering Cain wasn't " able "

 Our Garden Of Eden was class
 As it shimmered with silver and brass
 But the Lord said " lets go
 Here's a rake and a hoe
 Clear the weeds , and that snake from the grass ".



Dedicated to my 2 favorite Eves : Christmas & New Years.


Poem Details | by Charles Henderson |
Categories: holiday,

Dear Mrs Clause

The reason for this post Christmas fax
Knowing Santa needs most to relax
After eating my fudge
He thought I had a grudge
To sneak him four ounces of ex lax

But was all a very sad mistake
Later to him regrets I will make
Rich food so delicious
Can be most pernicious
It was there for my relief to take.

©  25 Dec 2010  Charles Henderson


Poem Details | by cheryle sanders |
Categories: funny,

Atishoo

At Christmas I contracted the flu
From taking the kids to the zoo
The hippos were a wheezing 
Ten monkeys were sneezing 
Now my temperature’s a hundred and two!


Poem Details | by Carolyn Devonshire |
Categories: funny, holiday

Sleigh Passengers

Christmas finds reindeer landing on rooftops

Santa’s kindly added some extra stops

     His sleigh filled with travelers

     Scared of TSA handlers

Scoff as coal through government chimneys drops



*For Francine’s Christmas contest


Poem Details | by Barbara Gorelick |
Categories: christmas, humor,

You'd Better Not Pout



If no diamonds Ill try not to pout
For that’s not what Christmas is all about
Ill take  Zirconium
Though its a Phonyium
But in the bedroom there could be a drought


Just kidding of course...


Poem Details | by Robert L. Hinshaw |
Categories: funny, holiday,

Saddle Up Them Deer!

Santa Claus has been unemployed all year

On the dole watching TV drinking beer

MsClaus was going berserk

Its Christmas time you fat jerk

Get off your duff and saddle up them deer

Robert LHinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

Placed No1 in Francine Roberts "Christmas" Contest - December 2010


Poem Details | by lola barron |
Categories: january,

New Year diet

At Christmas as always I ate
So much that I put on some weight
New year I must try
To stay off the pie
And next year, well I just can't wait.


Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: holiday, baby, halloween, baby,

A White Pumpkin Family Review

Cotton Candy is a pumpkin who
Is known as White Pepo too.
Her nice rounded shell
She keeps very well,
And one day she met Baby Boo.

Baby Boo is quite small, and at night
He might glow, an albino pure white.
He is both good looking
And good at cooking!
He and white Pepo make a rare sight.

Cotton Candy (White Pepo) and he
Got together, and baby made three.
With skin color cream,
The baby’s a dream
And he’s part of the Ghost family.

Like his Mom, maybe better, is he.
Ghost can keep for a long time and be
Just like his Dad too.
Like that small Baby Boo,
In the oven he can bake sweetly.

Another White pumpkin, meanwhile,
In Carol’s patch sat on a pile.
Smooth, round and pure white,
An adorable sight,
Is this pumpkin with decorative style.

Other pumpkins can read this and weep
For Halloween has a new peep!
For MINE, cute and small,
Has the name of Snowball
And clear up to Christmas can keep!

For Carol Brown's 
"What No Orange Pumpkin" Poetry Contest


Poem Details | by Robert L. Hinshaw |
Categories: funnyme,

A Taxing Situation

The hoopla of Christmas has come and gone
   
   The checkbook for that spree is overdrawn

      Lord, please have mercy on me

         I can already foresee

            To pay Uncle Sam my dog I must pawn


Outsourcing IRS I can't condone

   They linked me up to Sierra Leone

      I just could not comprehend

         The guy on the other end

            It was a nasty discourse on the phone


This year the IRS has bled me dry

   May have to mortgage the house to comply

      I've searched for more deductions

         But find no more reductions

            It hurts to laugh and I'm too old to cry

Robert LHinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

Placed No6 in Carolyn Devonshire's "Taxing Times" Contest - Feb 2011


Poem Details | by john williams |
Categories: for children, funny,

Flying Reindeer

A flying reindeer drank much beer
Wanting to be full of Christmas cheer,
When the man in the red suit pulled his rein
He wobbled in the sky with such disdain
He filled poor Santa with fear.


Poem Details | by Sean Kelly |
Categories: funny,

Are All Sports A Load of Balls

This is not a Sports Limerick ; For Jan's Limerick Contest


My  Limerick  will not  mention  Sports

Either pitches , golf courses  or  courts

'Cept  cranky  old  farts

Who  like  playing  darts

With  no  fuss in a truss  of  supports

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Sorry guys , I just couldn't resist it !
Happy Christmas to all the talented writers here , and to those who passed comment on my "ramblings" May your pens be sharp/witty and bountiful for 2016 
Sean


Poem Details | by Sandra Haight |
Categories: christmas, funny,

What's Up With Santa

I arrived at the party that night
In my outfit of red, black and white
Turned to skinny not round
Pillow fell to the ground
Ho Ho Santa became Ha Ha sight!


Sandra MHaight

~2nd Place~
Contest: Silly Christmas Cartoon
Sponsor: Laura Loo
Christmas Group Therapy - Santa "I don't believe in myself"!
Judged: 01/17/2017

~Honorable Mention~
Contest: What’s Up With Santa?
Sponsor: Jerry TCurtis
Judged 12/08/2014


Poem Details | by Katherine Stella |
Categories: adventure, dedication, fantasy, funny,

Black Friday

<                     ladies ~ gentlemen ~ start those....engines
                         miss  ~ Ho ~ down - prices..would be a sin
                                        best buy - circuit city
                                   black ~ friday..how pitty
                        5 am ~ now ~ who ~ wears ~ smiling.grins 





                          k- mart ~ wal - mart ~ target ~ pennys
                              red tag sales of many and plenty
                                 but you must buy in bulks
                        and ~  get ~ guy ~ like ~ the.hulk
                to ~ push ~ cart ~ while ~ you ~ chat ~ with.jenny




                         let's ~ all ~  hop ~ on ~ over ~ to ~ I - hop
                         your one stop for christmas breakfast slop
                                sure pancakes sounds yummy
                                     but wait till hits tummy 
                                 be sitting on stool till it plops




Entry For
Carolyn Devonshire's
Commericialized Holiday Humor Contest
Gl All And Happy Holidays
Love Kathy & Jenny


Poem Details | by Viv Wigley |
Categories: desire,

Trembles and thrills- for contest

To ourselves alone both had the place
and we dropped to our knees face to face
so close our breath mingled
our nerves and skin tingled
no credit card would fit through the space

her eyes wide in anticipation
her chest heaved with such expectation
a look pleading, needy
my face just plain greedy
hand thrust down with no hesitation

layers torn off I fell back and stared
for this I had been quite unprepared
with reckless abandon
she just left my hand on
as the moment passed by that we shared

oh so gently her weight did she shift
leaning backwards to let my hand lift
as I fizzed from the thrill 
of the new hammer drill
she bought me Christmas day as a gift.

November 5th, 2015


Poem Details | by Gerard Keogh Jr. |
Categories: life

The Day After in a Mall

When that jolly red man with a sack
brings your wishes to you off the rack,
no late Christmas night
for first frosty light,
warm the car up and take it all back.


Poem Details | by john freeman |
Categories: funnyold, old,

Holiday Spread

In younger days we would watch our figure
Now hear behind the back people snicker 
    Now through many years
    Christmas treats and cheers
Behinds not in line, those bellies bigger!

I’ll make Chocolate pie resolution
Along with Pecan pie restitution
    When our congress acquits
    Stupid party line splits
That’s when this old sort admits, protrusion! 

Once old fat cell was triggered  
Being in behinds he snickered 
    In belly overlap
    In lassie and old chap
Got them just the way he figured!

For and in honor of Carolyn Devonshire
And Contest
  


Poem Details | by Joseph May |
Categories: christmas,

Christmas eve dreams

     Tommy had loved music all his life
  And he enjoyed playing Christmas carols with his fife
 But when he came downstairs on Christmas eve
  He just couldn't believe
The present Santa was giving to  his wife

  So he hollered out to St Nick
" Hey, that's not the present I picked"
 But Santa kept saying ho ho ho
  While Rudolph waited out in the snow
 Then Tommy awoke from his dream  real quick


Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: christmas,

The Kid Who Knew Squat About Christmas

“So tell me,” I asked the young boy,
“to whom does one owe Christmas joy?”
But the lad looked at me
and just said, “Can’t you see?
It means when you get the best toy!”

“Do you know why the wise men rode far
on their camels to follow a star?”
With surprise in his eyes,
he said, “How were they wise?
They should have just driven a car!”

“Do you know why we have Christmas day?”
But here’s all the poor kid could say:
“You spoke of some dude
that those ‘wise guy’ pursued.
Just WHO was this ‘star’ anyway?”


For PD's the 101 contests in a row --- 20 (Christmas Poems)Poetry Contest


Poem Details | by Broken Wings |
Categories: funny,

Rudolph and Comet Stayed Home- For Contest

 
This Christmas Eve will be over soon, Vixen and Cupid are over the moon; Santa, Dasher and Dancer, Ate baked beans with old Prancer, Poor, Donner and Blitzen are in a swoon. ____________________ December 22, 2015 Limerick For the contest, Limerick, Sponsor, Jan Allison First Place


Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: celebration,

A Green Christmas



Looks like we could have a green Christmas this year Which is great as long as it snows on that day, d'ya hear Just that special day Then melt all away Let's not go overboard, can't wait for spring to appear © Jack Ellison 2015


Poem Details | by Deirdre Omaidin |
Categories: funny

"Limerick" Turkeys

  
For Donna Golden's competition  "Ode to the  Turkey"



Dear turkeys, keep feeding like kings
And flapping your high protein wings
For unknown to you - dears
You'll soon sit on your  - rears
And be roasted and stuffed - you poor things.

You'll be sliced up and spiced up so soon
So have fun for your last afternoon
You ones with big wings
Are such sexy things
Too bad you will soon meet your doom.

You bring Christmas to life for us all
Oh! pardon my pun! and my gall
My hubby's a veggie
So I feel a bit edgy
But stuff it, today it's my call.





Poem Details | by Sara Kendrick |
Categories: funny, sad

Money Not Love

Went to Wal-Mart to buy a Christmas ham
All I could find was a giant traffic jam
Near the toys__decorations
By my calculations
Come day after Christmas, dumpsters see cram


Poem Details | by Funom Makama |
Categories: character, epic, life,

Panic from a Trouble Maker

Showing up suddenly on any target number
arguing, Christmas is celebrated in November
making his side always odd
conflicts, he stands as the lord
in the dwelling of humans, he becomes a black Mamba.


Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: depression,

After Christmas Let Down



The after Christmas “let down” is upon us All the hype is over, back to life's regular stuff Let's keep it alive Let happiness survive We can do it no matter how difficult or tough © Jack Ellison 2015


Poem Details | by DrJim Martin |
Categories: funny,

Christmas Joy

Christmas Joy
DrJames EMartin
©December, 2012

	
	Was asked if Christmas was good,
	Particularly in my neighborhood.
	Responded that it was fine,
	A pocket full of bills is now mine,
	Maybe soon I’ll be singing as I should.
	
	


Poem Details | by Akash Yadav |
Categories: funny, imagination,

Limerick I

There was once a funny old-man,
Who wore for a hat, a flimsy pan,
Every Christmas he'd turn blue--
Out of cold, cough and flu--
And eat his beans from a can!




*My first attempt at a Limerick*


Poem Details | by George Aul |
Categories: holiday,

Blockhead

My given name is Charlie Brown,
when I'm called blockhead, I just frown;
I searched for a Christmas tree,
I found one - needs T*L*C.....
now I am "The man around town!"


For "Block ~ Block ~ Limerick" contest sponsored by Destroyer ~ Poet.


Poem Details | by Robert L. Hinshaw |
Categories: funny,

January

Time to figure consarned taxes again

     And Christmas bills come due giving me pain

          Let's delete January

               And start with February

                    January has come to be my bane

Robert LHinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
©   All Rights Reserved


Poem Details | by mack toler |
Categories: fun, funny, hilarious, humor,

Cajun Santa's last stop

 Santa came last night spreading Christmas  cheer

He said I'm finished now , until next year 

He said no more dodging poo

Its over what do I do

That's easy Santa, I gave him a  beer


Poem Details | by Black Eyed Susan |
Categories: holiday,

ornament memories

I love decorating the Christmas tree
And lingering in ornament memories
A snowman I made
Back in 2nd grade
Reminds me of childhood glee and snow dreams  


11/14/11
Susan Burch


Poem Details | by Joyce Johnson |
Categories: funny,

I Hab a Cod

When Christmas party is foiled by flu
What then, does a harried hostess do?
She goes to the phone
Says, “We must poshtpone.
We’ll reschedule when the dyear is dew”.




(the year is new)


Poem Details | by Jimmy Anderson |
Categories: funnychristmas, christmas,

A Poo Christmas

What kind of Christmas would this be.
I fell asleep while decorating the tree.
   Santa woke me with a smile.
   He said, "It's been a long while"
Then dumped Rudolph's dung on me!


*For Francine Roberts Christmas contest.


Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: christmas,

Ho Ho Ho Merry Christmas



Once again it's that favourite time of the year When everyone wishes everyone good cheer Been said many times As the bells do chime Merry Christmas to all especially those you hold dear © Jack Ellison 2015


Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: weather,

Even The Trees Are Confused



The forecasters are predicting near 60 degrees On Christmas day here in the land of the freeze Things are all messed up What's going on, I know not what A mere blip, imagine how confused are the trees © Jack Ellison 2015


Poem Details | by Nayda Ivette Negron |
Categories: food,

Diet Dilemma For Contest

The pounds gained after the Christmas season
Give you a powerful smashing reason
To stick in a great diet
Causing to feel disquiet
That ends in losing weight with unreason










For Limerick Contest
Sponsored by Jan Allison
First Place
12-22-2015


Poem Details | by Miss Wattle |
Categories: christmas, humor,

THE LADY FROM TELLERUDE

THE LADY FROM TELLERUDE There was a young lady from Tellerude Who liked to bake Christmas cakes in the nude Then Santa came along He ho-ho'd loud and strong The lady bakes cakes no more in the nude © ELR 2013


Poem Details | by James Fraser |
Categories: life, sadthanks, thanks,

Christmas, Eighty Two

It was Christmas way back in eighty two
Head in hands not knowing what to do
All I see is a door
Never been here before
Do I take the next step and walk through

As I sit here and trawl through my life
From five years old, full of strife
The light I see clear
Could my end be so near
Past images begin to run rife

Suddenly, a hand on my shoulder
Words of wisdom being told as we solder
Tell me James of your past
Sharing burdens, be them cast
You have many reasons to grow older

Just think of the birds in the trees
And the leaves that dance in the breeze
All the songs you enjoy
Now your a man from a boy
And grasp your tomorrows and seize

From that moment I have never looked back
I now absorb my past and it's flack
My thanks is to Frank
Whom that night stood by my flank
When he died, my thanks never lacked


Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: christmas,

A Come Hither Cunningness



The greatest gift at Christmas is happiness Delivered by a sweetie dressed quite scantiness That's really all I ask Perhaps wearing a mask With an inviting come hither cunningness © Jack Ellison 2015


Poem Details | by JACQUELYN STURGE |
Categories: funny, holiday,

SANTA CLAUSE


That Santa Clause with his Big Belly
He only laughing at all ah we,
With all his HO HO HO
As if I don't know,
That all the stores want is we money.


He thinks it's a joke, I tell you so
Him and his Wife and Elves do know,
And the more He deceive
Is the more we believe,
And Business men raking in the dough.


So Santa you better take a break
I don't have a job, for goodness sake,
So no milk and cookies
They will give cavities,
This Christmas Eve we're staying awake.


Poem Details | by cheryl hoffman |
Categories: christmas, clothes, humor,

My Sweater

Once again felt cold due to the weather,
added more layers for good warm measure,
got it as a gift,
a camel would spit,
if it saw me in my ugly Christmas sweater.










12-17-16