Limerick Poems About Christians | Christian Limerick Poems
Poem Details | by Owen Yeates |
Categories: funny, happy, mum,

Limericks 10

1.

There was a young man named Bruce
Who to the Middle East offered a truce?
He would build a brick wall 
Over a thousand feet tall
Then paint it a dark shade of puce

2.

There was a young lady named Ruth
She sometimes forgot to tell the truth
Her mum would get mad
And so would her dad
But only while she was a youth

3.

Poor Peter was awfully well bred
And a Christian life he had led
Nobody cried
When the poor fellow died
They just gave him to god instead

4.

A final stab in the dark
It’s late and sod this for a lark
I just want my bed
But words whirl round my head
So I’m writing whilst out in the park

5.

Catch all you thoughts in a jar
Like the one about your favourite car
Keep em locked in a draw
Look at them some more
Then release them and let them fly far

6.

In cricket I batted a two
Round the field the ball it just flew
The bowlers just could not cope
As the ball hit the boundary rope
Soon a hundred I did accrue

7.

I’d like to ride a real tall horse
In the company of John Wayne of course
With Clint Eastwood by our side
Going for a long hard ride
With our six guns the law we’d enforce

8.

I once owned a Honda Accord
The only car that I could afford
I kept it pristine
Polished to a high sheen
It never let me down when abroad

9.

An old man of ninety three
Said he could not wait to see
His telegram from Queen
So a hundred he’d seen
Now that’s what I call optimistically 

10.

At last I have reached number ten
As the ink has run out of my pen
I will get a refill
Take a headache pill
Then maybe start over again



If You managed to stay awake through this well so did I,  and if you read them all then you deserve a medal, thanks for your patience, all the best Owen


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, humorous,

HE'S GOT THE RUNS - BAWDY LIMERICK - NOW A COLLABORATION

An old Asian named Asheet Midrawz Pooped himself; then discovered the cause Eating too many plums Gave poor Asheet the runs His wife loves him despite all his flaws! *Asheet is a genuine Christian name whilst the rest of the poem is fiction BY JAN ALLISON Asheet Midrawz had a problem for sure When he couldn't open the toilet door He let out a wail His wife grabbed a pail Been used for bleach now his rump is so sore BY SEREN ROBERTS Asheet I've heard has got the runs Dripping down from his wretched buns And his wife Pu Phlung Of his troubles sung A little ditty and some cracking puns BY TIM SMITH Asheet married when he was young His beloved’s name is Pu Phlung When they had male child His grandparent’s went wild As they christened the baby Dung BY JAN ALLISON - INSPIRED BY TIM'S POEM! Little boy Dung was a bit of a chunk Made a kerplop when the vicar did dunk Water all about Poor Pu did shout Because the whole congregation now stunk! BY TIM SMITH 10-13-17


Poem Details | by James Horn |
Categories: allegory, analogy,

Blocks View of His Feet

Blocks View of His Feet

Trump not only is total loss but also complete;
Speaks same words several times and will repeat;
Ignorant sign off;
Retarded slightly above,
And big belly does block view of his both feet.

James Thesarious Hilarious Horn
Retired Veteran and Poet
Bolivia, NC 28422

4385 cdd Pick Pocket Preacher
Thursday August 3, 2017
Volume 18 Number 155

Today's Author: Pastor Bill

Christian Cross Ministries Participant TSfrom Republic, Missouri contributed financially in support of today's cddThank you - PTL! pb

Scripture: Leviticus 19:13
"You shall not cheat your neighbor, nor rob him" NKJV

A Note of interest from Pastor Bill
Our expansion of Cross planting throughout the world has been a wonderful blessingBut along with expansion comes challengesPastor Cosmas from Nairobi, Kenya traveled for us to the Congo planting 2 crosses and experienced major spiritual oppositionHis journey took 3 times longer than planned and spiritual opposition was stiffBut the Lord prevailedTwo Crosses were planted in the Congo "Declaring God's Glory." Upon his return Pastor Cosmas found that his pictures were corruptedJust another example of the opposition from our enemyThe pictures you will see for this Cross were sent during construction and are not the best qualityBut as always "To God Be all the Glory." Please continue to pray for the 90 Crosses --- we are just beginning --- our entire team needs your prayerpb Cross Giving Click Here

Hello, my name is Uwbikiye Jean Pierre with the Church of God, Goma, CongoI was born in a family of eight childrenWe were five boys and three girlsMy father died while I was still young, I am the sixth in our familySo, we were left with my mother, life was difficult and challengingI felt strangled by poverty so I ran away from home when I was fifteen and became a street boyOn the street, I was introduced to drugs, unclean living and stealingThis became my way of life for five years

When I was twenty a preacher came to my home town of Goma with a Christian CrusadeThe street gangs were excitedA large crowd was just what we needed to get drug money by picking pocketsWe all gathered at the crusade and dispersed among the peopleBut for me this day would be differentThis day I heard what the preacher was sayingHe talked of the love of God and he said that love verses hate is a choiceMy life was full of anger, bitterness and hateI had never experienced love in my life

For the first time, I was very attentive to every word the preacher saidIt was as though he was talking only to me amid all the peopleI knew I was there to pick pockets but I couldn't do itThe more I heard the more love filled me until I was overflowingThe preacher reached the end of his talk and asked, "Does anyone want to live this kind of love with Jesus Christ? If so come forward." I rushed forward and gave my life to Jesus.

Local pastors from all over the city were invited to the meetingWe were asked to find a pastor near where we livedI didn't know any of the pastors so I asked around and found one from my local Church of GodIt was close by and I became committed to it.

At first it was not easy for me because my friends tried to pull me back to the street with drugs and stealingBut I was determined not to let go of the love of Jesus

To make a long story short, my friends started calling me the church rat --- meaning the church was everything to me and became my homeI started carrying instruments to different parts of city for crusades, I was helping and participating in every church activity that came alongThe Pastor taught me the skill of carpentry --- he really took me under his wing while mentoring me.

Time came I had to go back to my mother's houseI had to share the love of Jesus with her and my family and ask for forgivenessI walked in a changed man and the entire family received me and joined in loving JesusI met my wife and we were marriedWe started this church two years ago and Jesus has been faithful each step along the way

Thank you, Pastor Bill and Pastor Cosmas, for this CrossIt is so necessary to show our people how much Jesus loved us that He died for us on the Cross.   

You can see a picture of Pastor Jean Pierre (on the right) and Pastor Cosmas with this Cross 


Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: fun,

My Christian Dior Pantsuit



I'm the king of the ball in my Christian Dior pantsuit With accessories by Donald and Goofy in cahoots Not a well known fact Their designs fill the racks Of poets and poetesses here on the Soup