Limerick Poems About April | April Limerick Poems
Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous,

JUICY FRUIT

A busty young lady from Peel Her boobies she couldn't conceal They were such a huge size That she won a first prize For the fruit men most wanted to feel 7th April 2015 I made a bit of a boob on the 2nd line - thanks Paul Callus for your advice


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, humorous, wind,

HE'S HAVING A FART ATTACK

A constipated vicar named Bart Was in church when he dropped a huge fart He said 'Lord I have sinned' For I’ve got pooey wind Blushing scarlet he did soon depart! 26th April 2016


Poem Details | by Nandita Das |
Categories: dedication, humorous,

I am NAN -no relation of JAN

I am Nan, no relation of Jan
Just an admirer and a fan
Her poems are well read
Mine are masterpieces (only in my head)
So you see I can't do what she can.

I am Nan, no relation of Jan
Just an admirer and a fan
Her sense of humor is godsent
Mine would be too if it wasn't absent
So you see I can't do what she can.

I am Nan, no relation of Jan
Just an admirer and a fan
Her sense of humour is very fine
I wrack my brains can't find mine
So you see I can't do what she can

I am Nan, no relation of Jan
Just an admirer and a fan
You say we are poles apart?
But we looked so similar at the start
Shortened my name to Nan so I can, like Jan.






26th APRIL 2015


Poem Details | by KP Nunez |
Categories: adventure, allusion, humorous,

THE ADVENTURES OF JIM THE TRIM - IN AN ISLET

Jim, now rich, bought a wee li’l islet;
there he lived, with ten men and a starlet.
Changed his partner each day,
heaved and huffed till they say,
the islet is now, the town named Scarlet.





---------------------------------------------




The story's not over, he's not decadent.
Send away the men, he just simply can’t;
they built the town housing,
the roads and some building
for starlet Scarlet, whom the islet was meant.




21 April 2015
Humorous Poetry Contest - 4th Place
Sponsor : Thomas Martin


Poem Details | by KP Nunez |
Categories: funny, humorous,

THE ADVENTURES OF JIM THE TRIM-AT THE BEACH

On this tropical beach, one hot summer day
Jim the Trim came, his bod to display
Been workin’ out day and night
Made the girls' eyes burn bright
Next, he's running from muscles that sashay





KIM PATRICE NUNEZ
10 April 2015


Poem Details | by Seren Roberts |
Categories: confusion,

Mindful or mindless

My desk is all of a shamble
My garden is full of bramble
Does this show me to be
High in ability
Or just a bad example 


So, if I tidy up the mess
Would my intelligence be less
Would I be a social turd
Misunderstanding each word
Just like a politician.yes?


Einsteins Quote :
If a cluttered desk, signs a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?

Penned 17 April 2015


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: dance, humorous, insect, romance,

DON'T BUG ME

Tom went to the ugly bug ball Strange insects invaded the hall Folks dressed up as fleas, Cockroaches and bees The smile on his face said it all Tom hoped for a little romance Asked a cute centipede to dance She whacked him on the nose When he trod on her toes He went home in an ambulance! 7th April 2017


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous,

LOOK WHAT I FOUND IN THE SINK

I'm thirsty - I needed a drink There lurking in my kitchen sink Lying flat on his back He’s no longer jet black A hedgehog…now he doesn't stink! 11th April 2015


Poem Details | by Sara Kendrick |
Categories: introspection,

No Respect

There once was a man whose intellect
He did not at anytime neglect
His imagination dull
New ideas he would cull
From his colleagues received no respect  

Written: April 21, 2015


Albert Einstein quoted as saying, "The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but
imagination".


Poem Details | by James Fraser |
Categories: fun, funny love, giggle,

Out Pops - a collab with Olive Eloisa Guillermo

Two poets who couldn't agree Raise their voices to their loud pleas One wasn't able to stop His zip open, out pops! Haha, it's a pea, not the size of a tree ©JAFraser and OEGuillermo 15.18pm, April 07, 2015


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: car, for her, humorous,

SPEEDY GONZALEZ - FOR ANDREA

Andrea was late - drove at the speed of light Traffic cops chased her - she got such a fright The cop got out his book Gave her a stern look She’s off to traffic school so she now gets it right Posted with full permission of Andrea (speedy) Dietrich 2nd April 2015


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous, thank you,

FLOOD WARNING

There may be a flood in the Isle of Man From the bladder of poetry Jan There is no denying Inco pads I’ll be buying I’ll judge the contest as fast as I can 27th April 2015


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous, poetry,

FROM BAD TO VERSE

Jan doesn't write iambic pentameter So please don't condescend and mock her We have different styles I bring laughter and smiles Please remember Jan is just an amateur! 30th April 2015


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, flying, humorous,

SHE'S NOT LEAVING ON A JET PLANE

An overweight lady named Annie Has got an absurdly large fanny Since she boarded a plane That is destined for Spain She's wedged in the seat in Miami! Thanks to Andrea for helping me with the meter for this one Jan Allison 12th April 2016


Poem Details | by KP Nunez |
Categories: funny, humorous,

THE ADVENTURES OF JIM THE TRIM- AT THE METRO

Jim the Trim’s been watching too much video
The kind that caused rise in his libido
Mind still on a femme fatale
Was brought to the hospital
His front was trapped by the doors of the Metro.






KIM PATRICE NUNEZ
10 April 2015


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: baby, body, humorous,

POOR WEE MAN

My unfortunate uncle named Rick Was endowed with a very small wick But he was still quite able To impregnate aunt Mable Who gave birth to a son they called Dick 2nd April 2017


Poem Details | by Keith Trestrail |
Categories: funny, humorous,

Smart and Sexy

She said I love men of racial renown,
and madly lust after dark, white, and brown.
  I told her though Caucasian
  from the eyes up I'm Asian
but baby, I'm black from the waist down!



                 April 2015


Poem Details | by KP Nunez |
Categories: funny, humor, humorous,

FIFTY HEADS OF GRAY

There once was a black hip named Kool
who kept fifty two bags of wool:
Black from the master,
blond from his sister
and gray from now fifty bald ghouls.




27 April 2015
Limerick Contest
Sponsor : Jan Allison


Poem Details | by Olive Eloisa Guillermo - Fraser |
Categories: joy, life, love, relationship,

OLD AND GREY


With a ring, I'm hoping to say
All my intent that came our way
I pray for God's grace
to rain on that place
where our wedding vows display

I want to send my guy a bouquet
to him my love I'll display
His cheeks powder flush
as touches play hush
These flow e'en we're old and grey
__________________________________________
O.EGuillermo 
6:42 pm, April 29, 2015




Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: brotherbrother, brother,

Big Brother's Promise

For a while our mommy got fat
and so grouchyI didn’t like that!
But early one day
Dad took mommy away.
They came back and her tummy was flat!

In her arms there was something so small
that I barely could see it at all.
I just wanted to hold
itYou’d think it was gold!
They said, “Don’t let your new brother fall.”

You bawled every day with such might
you gave our cat, Felix, a fright.
It was such a great day
When I heard Mommy say,
“The baby now sleeps through the night.”

Your first smile today was for me.
You’re going to be a good buddy.
There’s so much that we’ll do.
Here’s my promise to you:
The best brother ever I’ll be!

By Andrea Dietrich/ April 28, 2011
For Miranda Lambert's Contest:
"Brotherly Love"


Poem Details | by Gail DeBole |
Categories: death, funny,

Fried Pants

Written on May 17, 2012
Updated on April 17, 2017

MrPhiburn, a man who had tried
To live not by the truth, but all lies
No surprise where he went
For him, eternity was spent
Wearing pants that were
Very well fried.

Inspired by: “Liar, liar pants on fire”




Poem Details | by Gail DeBole |
Categories: animals, funny,

Portrait of a Lizard

Written: January 2, 2009
Updated: April 23, 2012

There once was a lizard named Rex(ie)
Whose head was always tilted and ready
Sitting next to the glass wall
Patiently waiting for Paul
To feed him tasty hornworm bread(ie).


Note: Part of the Portrait Poetry Collection


Poem Details | by Gail DeBole |
Categories: funny, people,

Coupon Carla

Written by Gail DeBole 
Updated on April 11, 2017

A coupon clipper named Carla
Has a pile of coupons in her parla'.
      She clips more each week,
      Treats each like an antique,
And guards them against any burgla'.


Note: Part of the Portrait Poetry Collection


Poem Details | by Gail DeBole |
Categories: friendship, people,

Portrait of Twisty Christy

Written: April 4, 2012
Gail's note:  Inspired by one of my BFF's, Christy

Twisty Christy can wordsmith a rhyme
Combining meters and thoughts so sublime.
She helps open mental doors.
You find yourself asking for more.
Each poem feels like exquisite wine.

Twisty Christy wears her heart on her sleeve.
Talk to her and it’s easy to see
That she’s one of a kind
Who sees the good in world-kind
And who is eager to help you believe.

With her wit, and a wink, she’ll have fun
And your mind will be on the run
Twisting and turning,
Expanding, sensing, and learning
Until the poem or discussion is done.



Note: Part of the Portrait Collection


Poem Details | by Robert L. Hinshaw |
Categories: humorous,

George Washington's False Teeth - For Contest

Washington wore fake teeth as voiced beneath,

   But with sagacious thoughts did us bequeath!

      And after profound weighing,

         It just goes without saying:

            Truer words were ne'er said through falser teeth!

Entry for Jan Allison's "Limerick Contest"  (26 April 2015)


Poem Details | by KP Nunez |
Categories: adventure, funny, hilarious, holiday,

THE ADVENTURES OF JIM THE TRIM - HOLIDAY CRUISE

On Jim the Trim's cruise, in a luxury liner
He was asked to be frisked, what a stinger!
You see, the alarm went off
He was taken and 'cuffed
Wee metal marbles, found in his boxer.











KIM PATRICE NUNEZ
18 April 2015


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: baby, humorous, marriage,

CALL THE MIDWIFE

The vicar surveyed her wide girth Was scared that in church she’d give birth He raised his eyebrows Then rushed through their vows As he wasn’t adept at childbirth! Inspired by the poem ‘Decision Needed’ by Maurice Rigoler Jan Allison 13TH April 2016


Poem Details | by Seren Roberts |
Categories: funny,

Mickey and Minnie

In a bunker having his way
When a golf ball took his breath away
Got struck on the head
Minnie groaned and said
Mick is this what they call fore play



Penned April 5 2013



Poem Details | by Vera Duggan |
Categories: angst, children, conflict, corruption,

Act of cruelty

Act of cruelty

I believe that an act of cruelty
Is to take away child’s security
So let it be said
When two people wed
Make sure it’s a certain surety.

18 April 2014 @ 0815hrs


Poem Details | by Verlena S. Walker |
Categories: political, soldier, violence,

UPROAR IN THE MIDDLE EAST

A Famous Einstein Quote:
Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding.
UPROAR IN THE MIDDLE EAST
In the Middle East they fight as control freaks. Islamic State walking with their machetes. In Iraq, al-Baghdadi is yellow teethed. He is like an East African [g]o[d] in hideous heat. The people survey said he takes leaks. _________________________________________________| Penned April 26, 2015!


Poem Details | by Paul Callus |
Categories: humor,

Dracula

Dracula was in a fix
Blood and sweets just do not mix
The dentist had no doubt
The fangs had to come out
Goodbye to vampire’s tricks.


-------------------------------------

Author: Paul Callus ~ 13th April 2014
Contest: Be Bram Stoker for a day
Sponsor: Darren Watson
Placing: Honorable Mention


Poem Details | by Loch David Crane |
Categories: funny, god, irony, religious,

Three Atheistic Limericks

Three Atheist limericks 
	for April Fools' Day 2006


Dear MrsSchiavo: Goodbye
	
Dear MrsSchiavo:  Goodbye.
Fifteen years was a long time to die.
   Your husband was brave
   To withstand the wave
Of inedible pie in the sky 

Why San Diegans remove Crosses from public Land

The SD City Council must hold strong:
Those mountaintop Christians are wrong.
   Crucifixion's the sign
   Of insensitive minds
Not the Native Americans' song.

Unrequited Faith

Dear Judeo-Christian God:
Your behavior's exceedingly odd.
   You let Hitler misbehave
   Then killed thousands with waves
And can't keep your priests' hands  off  kids'  bods!


Poem Details | by Carolyn Devonshire |
Categories: angst,

Take a Hike

Don’t forget the insect repellent

Mosquitoes can cause such discontent

     These bugs make me itch

     Watch me swat and twitch

The cost of “Off” is money well spent




Written April 3, 2014


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous,

FLOAT ON

A big ‘floater’ lurked in the loo He tried to remove this huge pooh Poked it with a stick It made him feel sick So he fished it out with his shoe! 11th April 2015
Inspired by the title of the song 'Float On' by the Floaters.maybe I should stop listening to the radio when I am writing lol


Poem Details | by Carolyn Devonshire |
Categories: humor,

Unwanted Gaze

At a water slide a man eyed me
He stared at a spot above my knee
   ‘Twas later I learned
   His gaze I had earned
My swimsuit revealed a strange goatee 



*This really happened!  Written April 25, 2015 for Jan’s contest  


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: clothes, humorous, work,

OH BEER ME

There once was a brewer named Darryl Who when working wore such odd apparel He’d remove all his clothes Saying ‘I don’t need those’ And prance naked all day in a barrel Jan Allison 10th April 2016


Poem Details | by Carolyn Devonshire |
Categories: humor,

Disadvantaged

Many complained Joe micromanaged

Some even called him “disadvantaged”

     The devil in the details

     Is the truth that tips the scales

Revealing who is less advantaged


Based on Albert Einstein’s quote –
“Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters.”


Written April 15, 2015, for John Freeman's Einstein Quotes Contest.
Welcome back, John :D


Poem Details | by kevin leake |
Categories: adventure, humor,

Tarzan



There was a young man named Tarzan
Who could only speak jungle jargon
Until he met Jane
Then his heart was a flame
But all she could say was pardon





 © Copyright KC.Leake
9th April 2015
All Rights Reserved


Poem Details | by Mel Merrill |
Categories: humor,

April Gave Herself to Me

Dear April gave herself to me;
May probably will as well--
Although neither know the other
And sweet June will never tell!

But Summer cannot know of them,
It would put me in a spot.
Besides, my heart does long for her--
For summer's really hot!

M :-)


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous, irony, poetry,

IT'S A STEAL - INSPIRED BY JOHN WULF

John I'd love to steal your work But I’d look a complete berk We know stealing is wrong Unless you come from Ding Dong some need to do their homework! Tongue firmly in cheek write Inspired by John Wulf's poem Steal this poem please 12th April 2016


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: baby, body,

IT'S A BIT OF A COCK UP

A promiscuous lady named Jill Thought it prudent to go on the pill She saw her G.P He said ‘oh dear me’ - You should have used a condom with Will! Jill politely asked him what he meant Contraception was her real intent The pill’s too late I fear For you’re pregnant my dear - It looks like it’s an unplanned event 21ST April 2016


Poem Details | by David De la Croes |
Categories: humorous,

Golf Limerick

The was a young golfer whose mother
Constantly around him would flutter.
All over each green,
Her antics were seen,
Until he thumped her with his putter!

2 April 2013.


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous, sexy,

SHE LOVES IT OUTDOORS

A flighty young lady from Torbay Got seen having sex in a doorway She blushed bright scarlet red Said I like it in bed But this is just part of our foreplay! 12th April 2016


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: age, humorous,

THE BELLS THE BELLS

An ancient tone-deaf vicar named Fred His parishioners he loved to wed When he starts to sing The bells they would ring… For his voice would awaken the dead! Jan Allison 7th April 2016


Poem Details | by Carolyn Devonshire |
Categories: chocolate, giggle, holiday,

Steaming in Sweets

Florida’s steaming sun comes into play
Even on the joyful Easter Sunday

An Easter basket prepared with great care
Wee Wendy eats before saying a prayer
     In ninety-degree heat
     Ah, the taste’s so sweet
Blonde it once was, but now brown is her hair

Li’l Adam tore through his basket too fast
Chocolate bunnies and eggs downed in a flash
His folks had hoped the Easter treats would last
But to the bathroom, Adam had to dash



*Couplet, Limerick and Quatrain
Written April 15, 2014


Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: animal,

Shaggy Rug Dog

Once my dog humped the rug (yes, a shag!)
A new species was bornI could gag!
It is half carpet but
It is one half a mutt.
Shaggy rug dog has tails that can wag!


Happy April Fools Day, Everyone!!!


April 1, 2016 For A New Species Poetry Contest of Anthony Slausen


Poem Details | by Robert A. Dufresne |
Categories: funnyeaster, easter,

Splitting Easter Hares

T'was Easter morn and she thought it strange and funny,
Her basket contained neither chocolate, eggs nor money,
But there laid in the Easter grass,
To the surprise of the happy lass,
Was a package of batteries signed " Energizer Bunny".



Description of my love's Easter basket this morn, she found in the hay barn.
 April 24, 2011


Poem Details | by Winged Warrior |
Categories: fun, humorous, silly,

Man with a Bucket

There once was a man with a bucket
Who had a chicken in it to pluck it
But he said with a grin
Maybe I’ll fill it with gin
So he threw the chicken away and said _______   ____!@#@%!



April.01.2016
Happy April Fools Day
From (:^WW^:)


Poem Details | by Carolyn Devonshire |
Categories: faith, natural disasters, political

Presidential Supporter Takes on God

BP knew on February Thirteenth

Of structural flaws in the well beneath

     Goldman Sachs sold its stock

     It should come as no shock

The Lord in heaven is grinding his teeth


*Goldman Sachs was the number two contributor to the Obama campaign and 
suspicion has surfaced as to why the White House has inadequately monitored 
offshore drilling and has been slow to act on stopping the oil spill 
GS sold nearly 60 percent of its BP stock before the April 20th explosion Coincidence?  Insider trading?  


Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: humorous,

I Really Should 'a Read the Fine Print

In the catalogue picture I saw

Such a gemstone that filled me with awe.

Oh, but I should have known

That ring’s smaller than shown -

At least SEVEN times tinierBAH!


Written April 17, 2016 for Contest that closed 4/28
Nww used for the Second Chance #3 Poetry Contest of Broken Wings

It's pretty much all I have to enter this time!