Hawkins County Sheriff's Report

Hawkins County Sheriff’s Report Complainant advised that he thought His girlfriend the thief that he sought So he set up a trap Near the couch where he sat Believing this time she’d be caught One envelop had dollar bills One envelop had many pills When he went to bed She stayed up instead In the morning she felt kind of ill The money and pills were all gone Then she threw up the pills on the lawn When he asked for the cash She said somewhat abashed It was hidden up under her thong In his effort to get back his dough From the place where the sun doesn’t show With some old kitchen tong And a brush was too long He probed but it was a no go When the sheriff got there he found Blood flowing freely around So to the ER In the back of his car To free what was so tightly bound The lady thief was then sedated The evidence soon confiscated She was booked for the crime And is now doing time The complainant they said was elated The lesson I’d like to convey And believe me it’s always this way If you happen to push Your loot up your tush You’ll soon learn why crime doesn’t pay Uncle Mike